Story: Ace Attorney Investigations: Uther Payne

[Deleted]

ACE ATTORNEY INVESTIGATIONS: Uther Payne! ... I've been talking about this since August, it's about time I got around to writing the first part. Just a quick intro and explanation.

SPOILERS: The first three cases will contain absolutely no spoilers for anything. HOORAY WOOHOO YAY! HOWEVER, the fourth case will contain major spoilers for the game Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth.

CONTENT: Very little blood (as in, a few drops on a few things), and not extremely dark, about the level of a Phoenix Wright game, basically.

OTHER NOTES: Pay attention to the date. Not all cases are in chronological order, and they may have about a month or so in between them.

Spoiler boxed things are what would, if this were an actual game, be optional to continue. In the games, you can present different pieces of evidence to everyone you meet, but some responses are merely funny, but not required to advance the plot. So, it's entirely possible to read this without opening a single spoiler box.

With that, enjoy, and it's time to begin...

• First Investigation (August 21, 2010: Faerieland Edge)
  
• First Cross-Examination (Aethia the Battle Faerie)
  
• Second Investigation (August 21, 2010: Poogle Race Track, Locker Room)
  
• Second Cross-Examination (Racer One)
  
• Third Investigation (August 21, 2010: Meridell Coast)
  
• Third Cross-Examination (Pa Taito)
  
• Intermission
  

[Deleted]

AUGUST 21, 2010
Faerieland Edge



UTHER:
So, this is the scene of the crime?

JIDAN:
Yes, Faerieland. The edge of Faerieland, to be precise, which factors in with the murder...

UTHER:
Yeah. Can't appreciate the novelty for too long, we're here on business.

UTHER:
My name is Uther Payne. Originally from Ireland, I am now a prosecutor working for the Neopian police force known as the Chia Cops. As for how I got here... That's a story for another day. We were called in to investigate a murder scene here.

UTHER:
Let's get to the investigation, then.

JIDAN:
Yes, Prosecutor Payne?

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
This is Tomago Jidan, my partner and a member of the Chia Cops, leader of the Chi Ops division. Usually they're called in when the local authorities are baffled. In this case, it's the Battle Faerie and her subordinates.

JIDAN:
You shouldn't say that, sir, they just need our assistance.

UTHER:
Anyway, he helped me out on a case earlier, so I know he's a good partner.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Officer Jidan, do you notice anything about the crime scene?

JIDAN:
Well, unlike normal, there's neither body nor even a chalk outline.

UTHER:
Why is that?

JIDAN:
See for yourself, go investigate. I just got here too.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
This is my Prosecutor's Badge.

JIDAN:
That's great, Uther. Don't be surprised if many people don't recognize that, prosecutors aren't exactly famous in Neopia...

UTHER:
Hmm... (It is somewhat strange that the badge is the same for both the United States and for Neopia, too... I won't question that, though.)

Examine:
UTHER:
Is that blood!?

JIDAN:
It appears to be... We can't test it now, though.


Drops Of Blood added to the Court Record!

UTHER:
And... What's the black mark on the cloud!?

JIDAN:
It looks to be a burn mark...

???:
Our thoughts exactly, Tomago Jidan.



UTHER:
Who are you? (And how the heck do you burn a cloud!?)

???:
You don't know? I am Aethia, the Battle Faerie, leader of law enforcement here in Faerieland.

???:
Please, I'm innocent! I wouldn't have killed-

AETHIA:
Sorry, but all the evidence points to you. I'm sorry for calling you all this way, Jidan, but I'm ready to arrest Miss Ruby Burns here-

UTHER:
Sorry, Aethia, but I haven't seen any of this evidence.

AETHIA:
Who are you?

UTHER:
I'm Prosecutor Uther Payne, and I am currently working with the Chi Ops on this case.

AETHIA:
If you're a prosecutor, why are you against me?

UTHER:
This isn't a court of law. And when this case does reach a court of law, I or any other prosecutor would prefer to be facing a defendant who is actually guilty, to make our jobs a little easier. So let's hear your evidence.

AETHIA:
Very well then, Prosecutor Payne.

~To Be Continued~

[Deleted]

AETHIA:
First of all, I'll give you the indisputable information on the crime.

~TESTIMONY~
The Indisputable Facts

AETHIA:
This morning, the body of a Poogle was found washed up on the Meridell shore.

AETHIA:
He was identified as a Poogle Racer, and my forces were called in.

AETHIA:
Estimated time of death was 11:30 NST last night, due to a fall from great heights.

AETHIA:
He was also burned, but no other wounds were found.

AETHIA:
It should be hard to argue with those facts.

~REBUTTAL~

AETHIA:
This morning, the body of a Poogle was found washed up on the Meridell shore.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Meridell? Why are we investigating here, then?

AETHIA:
Allow me to continue, Prosecutor Payne, and you will get your answers.

AETHIA:
He was identified as a Poogle Racer, and my forces were called in.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Did the victim have a name of any kind?

AETHIA:
We could only identify him as the sixth Poogle Racer, he gave no name when he took the job.

AETHIA:
Estimated time of death was 11:30 NST last night, due to a fall from great heights.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
By great heights, I assume-

AETHIA:
As do we. From Faerieland to the ocean below. The ocean would have normally cushioned the fall, but falling from a cloud? Not so much.

AETHIA:
He was also burned, but no other wounds were found.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
No other wounds?

AETHIA:
None at all. But like I said, he did not die of the burn, he died of the fall, so anything else is irrelevant.

AETHIA:
It should be hard to argue with those facts.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
I'd find it quite easily, actually.

AETHIA:
Have you a substantial objection to make? Speak.

UTHER:
...

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
This piece of evidence clearly shows the flaw in your argument.

AETHIA:
How, exactly...?

UTHER:
... I was hoping I could think of a way it would while I was shouting.

RUBY:
Mr. Payne, please!

AETHIA:
He was also burned, but no other wounds were found.

Present: Drops of Blood

UTHER:
Sorry Aethia... But that's impossible!

AETHIA:
What!?


UTHER:
If the victim didn't have a wound, how do you explain these drops of blood!?

AETHIA:
That has yet to be tested! How do we know that it isn't from Miss Burns, hiding her wound?

UTHER:
Only one thing to do, then. Jidan! Go run tests on that blood sample.

JIDAN:
Right away, sir!

AETHIA:
If that blood matches, it will confirm Miss Burns as a suspect, but allow me to give my reasoning for why she is the suspect.

~TESTIMONY~
Why Ruby Burns

AETHIA:
Poogle Racer number 6, our victim, was fairly new to the track, but was doing surprisingly well, and had a number of fans.

AETHIA:
However, that day before his murder, he lost a few races, and those fans betting on him lost money.

AETHIA:
I have witness testimony, along with Ruby Burns' own admission, that she went to see him after one of the races, but no details on the conversation were available from witnesses.

AETHIA:
Also, the cloud was burned, which implies fire faerie magic. All of this points to Miss Burns.

~REBUTTAL~

AETHIA:
Poogle Racer number 6, our victim, was fairly new to the track, but was doing surprisingly well, and had a number of fans.

UTHER:
So, the crime was committed by somebody jealous, perhaps?

AETHIA:
Perhaps, but what happened that day gives another, more likely motive.
~~~
AETHIA:
However, that day before his murder, he lost a few races, and those fans betting on him lost money.

UTHER:
So, you think the suspect was one of the ones who bet on him that day?

AETHIA:
I know she was, I have evidence and testimony to show that. Along with that...
~~~
AETHIA:
I have witness testimony, along with Ruby Burns' own admission, that she went to see him after one of the races, but no details on the conversation were available from witnesses.

UTHER:
What did the suspect claim?

AETHIA:
She feigned innocence and claimed she was asking him what was wrong, and giving him some words of encouragement.

RUBY:
But it's the truth!

UTHER:
I'm sorry, Miss Burns, but the words of a suspect are never counted as much.
~~~

AETHIA:
Also, the cloud was burned, which implies fire faerie magic. All of this points to Miss Burns.

UTHER:
Aren't there other fire faeries in Faerieland who could have done that, or even Neopets skilled in magic?

AETHIA:
That's true, but none of them have the other connections to the crime to make them suspect.
~~~

UTHER:
(I've pressed every statement... What's left to do?)

JIDAN:
I've tested the blood sample, sir, and compared it to everyone involved with the case, along with the other five poogle racers.

UTHER:
And...?

JIDAN:
No match, somehow. That blood doesn't belong to anyone we know to be involved with the case.

UTHER:
Well, Aethia?

AETHIA:
We still can't rule out Miss Burns as a suspect, but it means we need to investigate more.

JIDAN:
I think we should check on the investigation of the race track. We may find clues there.

AETHIA:
I will accompany you, along with Miss Burns, who is still not going to leave my sight.

~To Be Continued~

[Deleted]

AUGUST 21, 2010
Poogle Race Track, Locker Room



AETHIA:
I will be observing your investigation.

UTHER:
You won't be investigating?

AETHIA:
This investigation was requested by your partner. I see no need to investigate. If you want to ask me something, however, I will be here.

JIDAN:
Here is the autopsy report, since the faeries took care of that before we got here.


Racer #6's Autopsy Report added to the Court Record!

SPOILER: Click to show

Time of death: 11:30 PM NST
Cause of death: Fall from great heights
Other notes: Burned

UTHER:
And we know that the blood belongs to nobody we know to be involved with the case... Which is almost completely unhelpful.


Drops of Blood updated in the Court Record!

JIDAN:
The only thing to do is to find more evidence.

~Begin Investigation~

JIDAN:
Yes?

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Do you notice anything, Jidan?

JIDAN:
The locker on the end that's open belonged to the victim. You should probably check for evidence there.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
This is my Prosecutor's Badge.

JIDAN:
That's great, Uther. Don't be surprised if many people don't recognize that, prosecutors aren't exactly famous in Neopia...

UTHER:
Hmm... (It is somewhat strange that the badge is the same for both the United States and for Neopia, too... I won't question that, though.)

SPOILER: Click to show

JIDAN:
I wish we could find out exactly who this blood belonged to.

UTHER:
If we knew that, we'd be one step closer to solving the case.

SPOILER: Click to show

JIDAN:
Poor guy. One bad day at the races and he gets thrown off Faerieland.

UTHER:
I have a feeling there's more to it than that. But we won't find out unless we investigate.

SPOILER: Click to show

JIDAN:
My file, sir...?

UTHER:
Just wanted to ask a bit about you, I feel like I don't know much. Family, friends...?

JIDAN:
Is the middle of an investigation the right time to make smalltalk?

UTHER:
...

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
What can you tell me about the Battle Faerie, Jidan?

JIDAN:
Aethia is the second person to bear the title of Battle Faerie, finding the two swords that her predecessor had hidden in a forest. She is the head of Queen Fyora's army.

UTHER:
The army serves as the police force?

JIDAN:
Well, it's a small world, after all. They don't get involved in too many wars.

SPOILER: Click to show

JIDAN:
Poor guy. One bad day at the races and he gets thrown off Faerieland.

UTHER:
I have a feeling there's more to it than that. But we won't find out unless we investigate.

SPOILER: Click to show

JIDAN:
I'm sorry, but I can't tell you much about that person.

AETHIA:
What is it?

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
I'm new to Neopia, so I figured I should ask about the famous Battle Faerie.

AETHIA:
I am the leader of Queen Fyora's army, and I am the successor to Battle Faerie Valeane. I also, at times, run the Faerie Weapons Shop.

UTHER:
A shopkeeper too?

AETHIA:
Neopians have a habit of being able to run many things at once.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
This is my Prosecutor's Badge.

AETHIA:
I realize this. Why are you showing me your badge?

UTHER:
My badge proves I am a professional.

AETHIA:
If I didn't know you were a professional I wouldn't be allowing you to investigate.

UTHER:
... (Okay then...)

SPOILER: Click to show

AETHIA:
I'm not going to go over details of the case that we've already established.

SPOILER: Click to show

AETHIA:
If you want to know about me, ask me directly, don't wave a file in my face.

SPOILER: Click to show

AETHIA:
I don't like having to call the Chi Ops in, but this is technically an international affair, due to where the body ended up... The Meridell knights would be beyond useless to help, though.

UTHER:
Why would they be useless?

AETHIA:
Clearly you've never been to Meridell.

SPOILER: Click to show

AETHIA:
The suspect? She's a fire faerie who lives in Faerieland. I've already given my reasons for suspecting her, as well.

UTHER:
You can't give any other information?

AETHIA:
Try asking her yourself. Don't lawyers enjoy asking meaningless questions?

RUBY:
Hmm?
Ruby Burns
UTHER:
Tell me about yourself, Miss Burns.

RUBY:
I'm Ruby Burns, a fire faerie. I live here in Faerieland.

RUBY:
I was a big fan of Racer 6... I just wanted to see why he was having a bad day. He seemed nervous for some reason...

UTHER:
(He was nervous about something...?)

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
This is my Prosecutor's Badge.

RUBY:
Hey, that looks pretty cool. How do you get one?

UTHER:
You... become a prosecutor. Then you get one.

RUBY:
Hmm... Do they come in any other colors?

UTHER:
... (I'm not even going to answer that...)

SPOILER: Click to show

RUBY:
I'm sorry... I just don't know much about the case.

SPOILER: Click to show

RUBY:
Hmm, that's not a bad picture.

UTHER:
Most people wouldn't be so happy to have their picture in a lawyer's files...

RUBY:
Well, you're going to find the real criminal, right? So I have no problems!

UTHER:
You're certainly confident.

SPOILER: Click to show

RUBY:
I know Aethia is just doing her job, but... I'm still a little upset.

UTHER:
That's understandable...

RUBY:
Hopefully there are no hard feelings after this, though. Maybe she'll give me a discount at the weapons shop.

SPOILER: Click to show

RUBY:
I was such a fan of him...

UTHER:
We'll catch the killer, don't worry.

RUBY:
...

SPOILER: Click to show

RUBY:
I'm sorry, I don't know them.

Investigate

SPOILER: Click to show

JIDAN:
Somebody spilled Neocola on the floor?

UTHER:
Perhaps we should test it for fingerprints, find out who the litterbug is?

JIDAN:
Is that really relevant to the case?

UTHER:
... (No sense of humor...)

Investigate

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
PR...? Who gets a trophy for a PR stunt...?

JIDAN:
I assume it stands for Poogle Racing...

UTHER:
Good point. (I'd hate to think that they'd consider a murder to be a PR stunt...)

Investigate


UTHER:
I need to investigate everything!

Investigate

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER
It appears to be the racer's uniform. Why bright green though... I have no idea.

Investigate

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER
A blue ribbon... For an internationally famous competition, a sub-par prize...

Investigate

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER
Gah! That band again!?

JIDAN
What's wrong with it?

UTHER
That... witness... At the Forum... Nothing. Don't ever mention that band to me again.

Investigate

UTHER:
A medal...?

JIDAN:
He was a top competitor, after all...

UTHER:
But that doesn't explain what it says. "No. 0"?

JIDAN:
Hmm...


No. 0 Medal added to the Court Record!

Investigate

UTHER:
What's this behind the poster...?

Meet me at the edge, 11:15 PM. Come alone. We both know why.

UTHER:
What... What is this!?

JIDAN:
A letter from the killer!?


Killer's Letter added to the Court Record!
~~~

UTHER:
I think we've investigated all we can.




???:
So, can I get my stuff now? Wouldn't be surprised if some fans on the force claimed some of my stuff as "evidence".

UTHER:
Who are you and why are you interfering with my investigation!?

???:
You don't know? You must live under a rock in Tyrannia. I'm Poogle Racer Number One!

UTHER:
Well then, perhaps you'd be willing to tell me what you saw yesterday?

RACER ONE:
Whatever gets my stuff to me faster.

~To Be Continued~

[Deleted]

~TESTIMONY~
Racer Six

RACER ONE:
I saw Six all day, I was running laps around the newb.
RACER ONE:
Six was having a really off day. He had it coming, coming out of nowhere winning.
RACER ONE:
But don't try to pin this on me claiming I had a grudge against him, it's not like he's even won more than that stupid ribbon.
RACER ONE:
Anyway, I saw the guy all day, so you'll have to be more specific to get more out of me.

~REBUTTAL~

RACER ONE:
I saw Six all day, I was running laps around the newb.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
All day, you say?

RACER ONE:
Yeah, it's kind of, y'know, our job? Racing? Every fifteen minutes?

UTHER:
That seems a bit much!

RACER ONE:
Maybe exercise is scary to a soft little lawyer like you, but this is my job, and it was Six's.

RACER ONE:
Six was having a really off day. He had it coming, coming out of nowhere winning.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
He "had it coming"?

RACER ONE:
Hey, I may not have liked the guy, but...

RACER ONE:
But don't try to pin this on me claiming I had a grudge against him, it's not like he's even won more than that stupid ribbon.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Just the ribbon, nothing else?

RACER ONE:
What, you think that big trophy is his?

UTHER:
(I could have sworn he had won something else...)

RACER ONE:
Anyway, I saw the guy all day, so you'll have to be more specific to get more out of me.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Are you intentionally trying to interfere with my investigation?

RACER ONE:
Not at all, just stating a fact. Can't answer a question you don't ask.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Take a look at this evidence, that'll wipe the smug grin off your face?

RACER ONE:
And what, replace it with a laugh?

UTHER:
(Guess that wasn't the right evidence...)

RACER ONE:
But don't try to pin this on me claiming I had a grudge against him, it's not like he's even won more than that stupid ribbon.

Present No. 0 Medal


UTHER:
Sorry, but he did win something else.


UTHER:
Ever seen this before?

RACER ONE:
No, never. And there's never been a Racer Zero, either. Guess he knows I'm the fastest on the track, so he thought Zero would be faster than One.

UTHER:
I wonder about that... Anyway, you asked me to be more specific?

RACER ONE:
Yeah. Can't exactly tell you everything that Six did all day, after all.

UTHER:
Did you see him meet with Miss Burns over there?

RACER ONE:
Yeah, I remember that. I'll tell you what I remember.

~TESTIMONY~
That Faerie

RACER ONE:
The faerie showed up soon after one of our races.
RACER ONE:
Six was reading some paper, but put it away when she walked up.
RACER ONE:
I was rocking out to some music on the other side of the room, so I couldn't really hear.
RACER ONE:
He seemed like he was pretty nervous, though...
RACER ONE:
Anyway, they talked for a few minutes, and then she left.

~REBUTTAL~

RACER ONE:
The faerie showed up soon after one of our races.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
What time was this?

RACER ONE:
How should I know? We get fans all the time. Why not ask her?

UTHER:
Because I'm asking you.

RACER ONE:
I can tell you it was in the morning, at least.

RACER ONE:
Six was reading some paper, but put it away when she walked up.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
A paper? Do you mean a newspaper?

RACER ONE:
Nah, looked like fanmail to me.

UTHER:
(Fanmail? I wonder...)

RACER ONE:
I was rocking out to some music on the other side of the room, so I couldn't really hear.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
...

RACER ONE:
What?

UTHER:
Please tell me it wasn't M*YNCI.

RACER ONE:
Can listening to M*YNCI really be considered "rocking out"? They're a boy band, aren't they?



UTHER:
(That... idiot... attorney... That... idiot... witness...)

RACER ONE:
He seemed like he was pretty nervous, though...

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Nervous?

RACER ONE:
Probably nervous he'd lose his job after losing all those races. Guess he didn't realize how bad Five's record was, and he still somehow has his job.

UTHER:
I have a different theory, I'm afraid...

RACER ONE:
Anyway, they talked for a few minutes, and then she left.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Did you hear anything that was said?

RACER ONE:
Is your suit too loud for you to hear me? I just said I was listening to music and couldn't hear them.

UTHER:
Thought you might have heard something...

RACER ONE:
Not much you can hear over Moehawk.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Take a look at this evidence, that'll wipe the smug grin off your face?

RACER ONE:
And what, replace it with a laugh?

UTHER:
(Guess that wasn't the right evidence...)

RACER ONE:
Six was reading some paper, but put it away when she walked up.

Present: Killer's Letter

UTHER:
I think I have the letter you're talking about.

RACER ONE:
What!?


UTHER:
This is a letter from the murderer. Since he didn't want Ms. Burns to see it...

UTHER:
Ruby Burns could not have given him this letter!

RUBY:
Way to go!

RACER ONE:
Okay, fine, so the girl didn't do it. Can I get my stuff now? Go and find the real killer and open the races back up.

UTHER:
Fine. Our investigation is done here. I think it's about time we head to Meridell and check where the victim washed up.

AETHIA:
I will find an Eyrie to take you down there, since you and Jidan cannot fly. We'll meet you down there for the investigation.

~To Be Continued~

[Deleted]

AUGUST 21, 2010
Meridell Coast


:
Here is the crime scene. I'll go inform the knights that you're here.

UTHER:
Thank you, sir. Time to investigate, Jidan.



JIDAN:
Yes?

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Notice anything, Captain Jidan?

JIDAN:
The body is on the shore, so you can investigate that.

UTHER:
I thought the faeries already performed the autopsy...?

JIDAN:
They did. ... They're faeries.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
This is my Prosecutor's Badge.

JIDAN:
That's great, Uther. Don't be surprised if many people don't recognize that, prosecutors aren't exactly famous in Neopia...

UTHER:
Hmm... (It is somewhat strange that the badge is the same for both the United States and for Neopia, too... I won't question that, though.)

SPOILER: Click to show

JIDAN:
I wish we could find out exactly who this blood belonged to.

UTHER:
If we knew that, we'd be one step closer to solving the case.

SPOILER: Click to show

JIDAN:
Poor guy. One bad day at the races and he gets thrown off Faerieland.

UTHER:
I have a feeling there's more to it than that. But we won't find out unless we investigate.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Would it be possible to do a handwriting analysis on this?

JIDAN:
We'd need something to compare it to, so unless you have any ideas, that won't work.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
I wonder what this medal really is...?

JIDAN:
It's quite the mystery.

UTHER:
(A mystery probably central to this case, no less...)

SPOILER: Click to show

JIDAN:
My file, sir...?

UTHER:
Just wanted to ask a bit about you, I feel like I don't know much. Family, friends...?

JIDAN:
Is the middle of an investigation the right time to make smalltalk?

UTHER:
...

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
What can you tell me about the Battle Faerie, Jidan?

JIDAN:
Aethia is the second person to bear the title of Battle Faerie, finding the two swords that her predecessor had hidden in a forest. She is the head of Queen Fyora's army.

UTHER:
The army serves as the police force?

JIDAN:
Well, it's a small world, after all. They don't get involved in too many wars.

SPOILER: Click to show

JIDAN:
Poor guy. One bad day at the races and he gets thrown off Faerieland.

UTHER:
I have a feeling there's more to it than that. But we won't find out unless we investigate.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
I hope I don't have to deal with a celebrity on another investigation... Ugh.

JIDAN:
At least he wasn't the murderer... That would have been bad.

SPOILER: Click to show

JIDAN:
I'm sorry, but I can't tell you much about that person.

Investigate

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
That... is a very large potato.

JIDAN:
We're in Meridell, sir. The body was discovered by a potato farmer.

UTHER:
So... potatoes scattered randomly is normal for Meridell?

Investigate

UTHER:
A piece of paper?



: Looks like that eyrie dropped this when he left.


~Shikoba's Letter added to the Court Record!~

Investigate


UTHER:
A dagger!?

JIDAN:
The victim wasn't stabbed, though...


~Golden Dagger added to the Court Record!~

Investigate

UTHER:
Footprints in the sand, eh?

JIDAN:
Oh! I think I remember this plot step, sir!

UTHER:
... What.


~Sand Footprints added to the Court Record!~

Investigate

UTHER:
...

JIDAN:
The faeries already did their autopsy, so there's nothing really to investigate there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

UTHER:
Well, we've investigated all we could, so-

? ? ?:
You city-slickers keep your hands off my potato!



:
I saw you lookin' at that there giant potato I dropped! Now, git!

UTHER:
Who are you!?

TAITO:
Me? Everybody done call me Pa Taito. Who are you?

UTHER:
Prosecutor Uther Payne. I'm investigating the murder here.

TAITO:
Well ain't that like findin' a pre-mashed potato! I'm the one who discovered that there body.

UTHER:
Well then, Mr. Taito, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

TAITO:
I don't figure I do.

~To Be Continued~

[Deleted]

~TESTIMONY~
What I Found

TAITO:
I was taking my bag o' potatoes to a ship, and decided to walk on the beach.
TAITO:
I saw that there poogle lying on the beach. I thought he might have just been relaxin', so I decided to be polite and say a howdy to 'im.
TAITO:
When I got there, I saw the burns, and saw that he weren't movin'. I checked his pulse, and knew he was gone.
TAITO:
I noticed a shiny little dagger right up next to him, but I don't know how you can be burned by a dagger.
TAITO:
After that, I went and alerted the knights.

~REBUTTAL~

TAITO:
I was taking my bag o' potatoes to a ship, and decided to walk on the beach.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Why did you walk on the beach?

TAITO:
It was a nice day! Why not? Don't you ever go to the beach?

UTHER:
I guess I can understand where you're coming from.

TAITO:
I saw that there poogle lying on the beach. I thought he might have just been relaxin', so I decided to be polite and say a howdy to 'im.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Relaxing?

TAITO:
Do you expect a person is dead when you see them lying on the beach?

UTHER:
No, I guess not.

TAITO:
When I got there, I saw the burns, and saw that he weren't movin'. I checked his pulse, and knew he was gone.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
You checked his pulse?

TAITO:
I'm smarter than I look, you know.

UTHER:
(I'm afraid that isn't saying much, Mr. Potato Head.)

TAITO:
I noticed a shiny little dagger right up next to him, but I don't know how you can be burned by a dagger.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
You say there was a dagger right next to him?

TAITO:
That's what I said! I'm glad you still have your hearing.

UTHER:
...

TAITO:
After that, I went and alerted the knights.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
And the knights listened?

TAITO:
You'd be surprised at what a potato farmer can do around these parts.

UTHER:
(I'm talking to a human size, potato farming, weird dog person thing. Not much surprises me lately.)

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
You're lying, you crazy old potato farmer!

TAITO:
Who the heck you calling crazy when you're waving around irrelevant things!?

UTHER:
(Maybe that wasn't it!)

TAITO:
I noticed a shiny little dagger right up next to him, but I don't know how you can be burned by a dagger.
Present: Golden Dagger

UTHER:
Are you talking about this?

TAITO:
That I am, what about it?

UTHER:
Sorry, but this dagger was found buried quite a distance across the beach from the body.

UTHER:
You're clearly lyi-

TAITO:
What in Neopia are you jabbering about, you dung-brained lawyer!?

UTHER:
Hey, why are you-!?

TAITO:
Come here! Let me see your evidence to see if you're blind or just stupid!

UTHER:
Hey! You can't just dig through my stuff like that, what do you think-!?


TAITO:
What about these, dung-brain!? These are fresh footprints, the dagger was just moved!

UTHER:
How did you-!?

TAITO:
I may have majored in Potatoes at Brightvale University, but I minored in Forensic Science!

UTHER:
(I can't even decide which of those degrees is more ridiculous!)



? ? ?:
This dung farmer giving you trouble, Payne?

TAITO:
Who are you!?

SHIKOBA:
Raban Shikoba, Faerieland law enforcement.

TAITO:
Dung-brain! Question this idiot! You have all the evidence to solve the case!

SHIKOBA:
What, you think I did this? You're hilarious, peasant. I'm sure you're a hit at Grumpy Old King.

UTHER:
Sorry, Mr. Shikoba. But Mr. Taito has proved he deserves at least the benefit of the doubt.

SHIKOBA:
You're wasting time, prosecutor.

UTHER:
Explain to me why you couldn't have committed this murder!

~TESTIMONY~
Are you meeping kidding me?

SHIKOBA:
Look, you were just talking about the murderer moving the dagger, right?
SHIKOBA:
Where's your evidence I ever set foot on this beach?
SHIKOBA:
Eyries may not have fingerprints, but that doesn't mean I'm the one who moved that dagger!

~REBUTTAL~

SHIKOBA:
Look, you were just talking about the murderer moving the dagger, right?

Press

UTHER:
What makes you so sure that the murderer moved the dagger?

SHIKOBA:
It's almost certain that the same person who moved the dagger murdered the poogle. Who else would have a motive to interfere with the crime scene?

UTHER:
My thoughts exactly.

SHIKOBA:
Where's your evidence I ever set foot on this beach?

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Oh, I have plenty of evidence.

SHIKOBA:
Well, show it to me. I'm waiting.

SHIKOBA:
Eyries may not have fingerprints, but that doesn't mean I'm the one who moved that dagger!

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
How do you know that there were no fingerprints on the dagger!?

SHIKOBA:
I assumed that, if you found them, you wouldn't be stupid enough to waste your time questioning me.

TAITO:
No, dung-brain is plenty stupid.

UTHER:
Whose side are you on!?

SHIKOBA:
Where's your evidence I ever set foot on this beach?

Present Sand Footprints

UTHER:
These footprints were found next to the dagger. They look an awful lot like eyrie footprints, don't they?

SHIKOBA:
So? Doesn't mean they're mine.

UTHER:
Jidan! Compare the footprints.

JIDAN:
Right away, sir.

UTHER:
...

JIDAN:
It's a match, sir.

SHIKOBA:
Fine. You know that an eyrie who has a shoe size close to mine stood next to the dagger recently. That still doesn't prove anything.

UTHER:
Oh? How so?

~TESTIMONY~
It Doesn't Matter Anyway

SHIKOBA:
Even if you take that as proof that I buried the dagger...
SHIKOBA:
You still have no proof I killed that poogle!
SHIKOBA:
I bet you don't have a single thing that I've even touched in your evidence!

~REBUTTAL~

SHIKOBA:
Even if you take that as proof that I buried the dagger...

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Is that a confession!?

SHIKOBA:
No, I'm speaking hypothetically. Don't you lawyers love to do that?

SHIKOBA:
You still have no proof I killed that poogle!

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Didn't you already say that nobody but the murderer would have a motive?

SHIKOBA:
True. Doesn't make it impossible for somebody else to have done it, though. Possibilities, probabilities... They mean nothing!

SHIKOBA:
I bet you don't have a single thing that I've even touched in your evidence!

Present Shikoba's Letter

UTHER:
I have a letter in my possession that you yourself wrote.

SHIKOBA:
So I dropped a letter, and you're extremely literal. Congratulations. Does that mean anything?

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
No, I guess it doesn't mean anything.

((Return to testimony.))

{Yes, it means something.}
UTHER:
This letter means a lot, unfortunately.

SHIKOBA:
Well then... Show me your proof!

SPOILER: Click to show

SHIKOBA:
I ask again. Does that mean anything?

UTHER:
...No, I guess it doesn't mean anything.

((Return to testimony.))

Present Killer's Letter

UTHER:
The killer also wrote a letter.

SHIKOBA:
So? You've proved the killer is literate. While you may have eliminated the farmer as a suspect, that hardly incriminates me.

TAITO:
Analyze the handwriting! Check for a match!

SHIKOBA:
Nobody asked you, peasant.

UTHER:
That doesn't mean it isn't a good idea. Jidan!

JIDAN:
A match!

SHIKOBA:
That's absolutely RIDICULOUS! FINE!

~TESTIMONY~
Dfhnyhknfrmtcvh!

SHIKOBA:
You can try to prove I buried a dagger and wrote a letter, but so what!?
SHIKOBA:
For all these possibilities, you've never indicated a motive!
SHIKOBA:
Do you have a motive!? Huh!? Do you!?

~REBUTTAL~

SHIKOBA:
You can try to prove a buried a dagger and wrote a letter, but so what!?

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
If you wrote the letter, you murdered Racer Six!

SHIKOBA:
WRONG! I may have been meeting with him to warn and protect him, and didn't make it in time! Probabilities and possibilities!

SHIKOBA:
For all these possibilities, you've never indicated a motive!

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
Why is a motive needed in the face of this evidence!?

SHIKOBA:
It's all circumstantial! There's no definitive proof!

SHIKOBA:
Do you have a motive!? Huh!? Do you!?

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
There is a motive, and we both know it!

SHIKOBA:
In that case, tell me! What is the motive!?

SHIKOBA:
For all these possibilities, you've never indicated a motive!

OR

SHIKOBA:
Do you have a motive!? Huh!? Do you!?

Present No. 0 Medal

UTHER:
I think I've finally figured out what this medal is.

SHIKOBA:
Are you kidding me!? You're saying I killed Racer Six for a medal!?

UTHER:
No, I'm not. We've been looking at this the wrong way, you see.


UTHER:
Not No. 0... but DoN.

SHIKOBA:
The Defenders of Neopia!? Why would him being a Defender give me a motive!?

UTHER:
Maybe you can tell me... After I show you the definitive proof of your guilt!

SPOILER: Click to show

SHIKOBA:
I knew it! You have nothing!

UTHER:
I guess that wasn't right...

Present Drops of Blood

UTHER:
I'm sure that if we did a blood test, we'd find the truth. Now then... Will you confess?

SHIKOBA:
I! WILL! NEVER! GIVE! UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!

UTHER:
...

JIDAN:
...

TAITO:
...

SHIKOBA:
...

UTHER:
We can see your wound. And we can see that you have the fire magic capable of killing Racer Six. So why not explain?

SHIKOBA:
The Defenders of Neopia heard there was a spy in law enforcement. Me. I heard there was an undercover DoN agent. Racer Six.

UTHER:
A spy!? For what!?

SHIKOBA:
Sorry, Prosecutor Payne. But you'll have to find that out for yourself.


AETHIA:
What... what happened here!?

UTHER:
You can arrest Raban Shikoba now. He has confessed.

RUBY:
I knew you could do it, Mr. Payne!

UTHER:
... Thank you.

SHIKOBA:
What I don't understand... Why did you work so hard at this, prosecutor? Don't you prosecutors fight for a guilty verdict no matter what? Why did this matter?

SPOILER: Click to show

SHIKOBA:
... I see. You don't even know, do you. Well, I'm sure there's a reason.

SPOILER: Click to show

UTHER:
(He's right. I've been worried about guilty verdicts, but... If I hadn't done this, Ruby would have been found guilty wrongfully.)


UTHER:
If I hadn't done this, an innocent girl would have been arrested.

SHIKOBA:
I see...

AETHIA:
Let's go, Shikoba.

RUBY:
Hey, Mr. Payne? As thanks, I'd like to bless you with fire faerie magic. The magic might help protect you in your investigations.

UTHER:
(So ended my second Neopian investigation. Ruby Burns was free, and I had a new mystery on my hands. Who was spying on Faerieland, and why? That was a mystery for another time. For the moment, I'd like to take a look a look back... at my first investigation outside my own world.)

[Deleted]

Well, since AAI:UP is long and can't be spoilerbox'd, I'm going to fill up the rest of page one with short, derpy spoilerbox'd scenes. That way, I can start UP-2 on page two, and not kill the scrollbar.
I'll roll three dice to fill in this:
Uther Payne and CHAR1 go to LOCATION where CHAR2 is causing trouble.

SPOILER: Click to show

1Prosecutors' Office
2Character Arena
3Windy's Point (restaurant)
4Community Center
5Detention Center
6Cafeteria
7Main Square
8Library
9Hospital
10Sanctum
11Hotel
12Arcade
13Docks
14Lake
15Park
16Old Begas
17My office
18Courtroom

SPOILER: Click to show

{The Prosecutor's Office}

: *walks in*

: Miss Killian, correct?

: Yes. I was called to fix a problem with the computers?

I can handle this, I don't need any help!

: ... Yes.

: I can fix this! *mashes keyboard*

: ... Jidan. What are you doing.

: I'm fixing the computers!

: You're just going to break them!

: I'm FIXING THEM

Computer: ERROR ERROR ERROR

: You see what you did!?

: *falls out of computer* Hi Uther, Jidan, Aja!

: ... I'm not dealing with this again. *walks out*

: Glitchio!?

: I told you I was fixing it.

[Deleted]

SPOILER: Click to show

{The Docs}

: What the-!?

: *jumps up and down on Doc* Tell me a story, Doc!

: Xorrand? What are you-?

: Objection! Docks, not Docs!

: ... I need a drink.

[Deleted]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Courtroom}
: This court is now in session for the trial of Fantasy of Nightmare.

: ... The prosecution is ready, Your Honor.

: ...

: Is there a problem, Mr. Gandhi?

: I feel like the defendant's full name paints him in a negative light.

: For Fyora's sake, Gandhi...

: Hmm... I can see how that can be...

: What is the defendant even accused of?

: He tried to eat me! D: I'd recognize that short yellow ball anywhere!

: ... That doesn't fit my description in the slightest.

: *floats in* HAI

: THERE'S THE TERROR, EVERYBODY RUN

: *facepalm*

[Deleted]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Hospital}

: Thanks for taking me to where daddy was investigating.

: No problem.

: HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN

: GET OUT OF HERE, SPAMMER

: HAI HAI HAI HAI HAI

: HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN HEY LISTEN-

{Hunter's house, Shenkuu}

: Thanks for taking me home.

: ... No problem. I'll investigate there... later. e_e;

[Deleted]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Hospital}

: Sorry about that Keeby thing earlier.

: Not a problem. An ally in the prosecution means I'll get a fair trial...

: I wonder if the situation here has... been... solved... *notices*

: *holding hammers*

: *unconscious*

*Hunter is nowhere to be seen*

: ... I need a drink.

[Deleted]

SPOILER: Click to show

{The Character Arena}

: Thank you for agreeing to duel with me, Mr. Payne.

: No proble- *notices Autospammer* ... No, not this again. *leaves*

: ... *shrugs* *charges at Autospammer*

[Deleted]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Hotel}

: Jidan, why are we here?

: ... I think we took a wrong turn somewhere.

: What do you mean I can't get a hotel room without providing my name!? :/

Receptionist: I'm sorry... _sir?, but rules are rules.

: ... Do you need a place to stay?

: Oh, hello Mr. Payne. That... that would help, yeah.

: Come on... Let's go.

[Deleted]

SPOILER: Click to show

{Park}
: *walks in*

: *also*

: So, for the picnic, we brought sandwiches-

: Vegan ones as well, correct?

: ...Uh.

: I brought the drinks! *takes out milk*

: ...

: Who drinks milk at a picnic anyway!?

: I have a solution. *spins around quickly, is wearing a white disco suit when he stops* DANCE PARTY *dances*

: *flails around*

: *dances*

: *dances*

: ... You all need less to drink. *walks out*