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Post by userpie on Jun 15, 2003 15:56:49 GMT -5
I see you've been to Press any key's 12 question quiz Q: A butcher in shop is 5' tall and 180 pounds( ) What does he weigh? A: Meat
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Post by surfhavana on Jun 15, 2003 23:40:43 GMT -5
Q: What do you call baby grey cats that live in Hollywood?
A: kittens! (oldtime fav.)
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Post by crazywriter on Jun 21, 2003 0:29:51 GMT -5
Q: How do Mallards get their flat feet?
A: From stamping out forest fires!
Q: How do Elephantes get their flat feet?
A: From stamping out flaming Mallards! And, a bit I added: Q: How do forests catch fire?
A: From flaming Elephantes brushing the flames off! Yeah, I know, the last part was pretty pathetic. My funniest jokes are variables of ones I've already read.
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Post by annonomous on Jun 26, 2003 20:01:41 GMT -5
Q:In which battle did the alien died? A: His last.
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Post by Fam 1741 on Aug 30, 2007 18:58:34 GMT -5
Q. Johnny's mother had 3 children. The first was named Arril, and the second wass named May. What was the third child's name?
A. Johnny
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Post by Shrimpy on Aug 30, 2007 19:48:39 GMT -5
One day a woman walked into a pet store and spoke to the clerk. "I'm looking to buy a pet," she said. After she had described what she was looking for, the clerk shook his head. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid we don't have anything like that." The woman was dismayed. "But you might be interested in Gobblewart," the clerk said, trying to cheer her up. She raised an eyebrow. "Gobblewart?" "Just follow me," the clerk said with a smile, leading her to the back of the store. He gestured to a purple geletinous blob in the middle of the floor. "This is Gobblewart." " That's Gobblewart?" the woman asked incredulously. The clerk nodded. Suddenly a girl ran by, screaming at the top of her lungs, "THE LION IS LOOSE! THE LION IS LOOSE!" The woman gasped. Sure enough, rawring in fury, a lion prowled over. It looked hungry. The clerk didn't seem frightened. "Gobblewart!" he shouted, pointing to the lion. "The lion!" The purple blob on the floor reared up and devoured the lion. The little girl ran by again, hollering, "THE GORILLA IS LOOSE! THE GORILLA IS LOOSE!" "Gobblewart, the gorilla!" the clerk commanded. Down went the gorilla, enveloped in the jellyish Gobblewart. The woman was astonished. "Amazing!" she exclaimed. "I take him!" The next day, the woman invited her neighbor-friend over to meet her new pet. She told him the story of what had happened in the store. Her neighbor laughed in disbelief. "Hah! Gobblewart, my foot!"
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Post by Fam 1741 on Aug 31, 2007 17:26:23 GMT -5
Okay, so a female vetrenarian and a male soccer coach fell in love and had 3 children. The first was named Feather, the second was named Raindrop, and the third was named Piano. One day, Feather decided to ask her father, "Father, why did you name me Feather?" And her father answered, " Because, when you were little, a feather fell on your head."
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Post by nope on Aug 31, 2007 20:59:45 GMT -5
Three men walk into a bar.
(see wasn't that funny? Okay maybe not that funny, if you don't get it read it over a few times.)
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Post by Dice on Aug 31, 2007 21:41:32 GMT -5
Three men walk into a bar. (see wasn't that funny? Okay maybe not that funny, if you don't get it read it over a few times.) Okay, I seriously just burst out laughing at that. XDDD I don't know any good jokes D:
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Post by Salah~ on Aug 31, 2007 21:43:16 GMT -5
Three men walk into a bar. (see wasn't that funny? Okay maybe not that funny, if you don't get it read it over a few times.) As in: "A man walks into a bar. He says ouch?" Well, my favorite: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine? A-flat minor. And, the variation: What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base? A-flat major. A man walks into a bar. "Got any soup?" he asks the bartender.
Baffled, the bartender replies, "No, we don't serve soup here." The man shows no reaction: he simply walks out.
The next day, he returns. Walking straight up to the counter, he asks, "Got any soup?"
"No," the bartender tells him. "Weren't you here yesterday?" But the man is already leaving.
He comes back the next day as well. "Got any soup?" The bartender assures him that they do not carry soup, and he leaves, but he's back the next day and the next after that. For weeks he returns every day, never saying a word except for, "Got any soup?"
The bartender does his best to put up with this, but his patience wears thin as, day after day, the man comes to him with the same pointless request. He begins to get less courteous. "For the last time, we don't have soup!" he snaps at the man one day. "And if you come in here again with that question, I swear I will nail your head to the floor!"
As always, the man leaves without a word. However, he is back the next day. "Got any nails?" he asks.
The bartender is so startled by the change that he forgets to be angry. "No, why?" he asks.
The man's only reply is to say, "Got any soup?"
---
Two men stand at the top of a tall apartment building, admiring the view and making idle conversation. One man brings up the subject of racing.
Immediately, the other man begins talking about his amazing speed. "I can run faster than anyone on the planet," he insists. "I bet I can run faster than you."
"I doubt it," the first man tells him.
"Well, watch this." The man takes off his expensive watch and holds it over the edge of the building. Before his friend can speak, he drops it and sprints for the stairs. His footsteps echo up the staircase as he flies down to the bottom floor, and he emerges from the lobby in time to catch the watch right before it shatters on the ground.
The man remaining on the building takes off his own watch and drops it over the edge. Leisurely, he strolls over to the elevator and waits calmly for it to come. The ride down is long, with stops at several floors, but when he reaches the lobby he is completely unconcerned. He greets the doorman on his way out, reaches up, and catches his watch as it falls.
His friend is gaping at him. "How on Earth did you do that?" he gasps.
"Oh, it's simple," the other man assures him, fastening his watch around his wrist. "My watch is five minutes slow." Maybe more when I feel like it.
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Post by Omni on Aug 31, 2007 21:52:06 GMT -5
A couple variations of the chicken joke: Why did the electrons cross the road? Somebody rubbed a balloon on the chicken. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he didn't have the guts.
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Post by Salah~ on Aug 31, 2007 21:57:12 GMT -5
Ooh, I just remembered a great joke my brother told me!
An atom walks into a bar and sits down. "I think I'm missing an electron," he complains.
"Are you sure?" asks the bartender.
"I'm positive."
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Post by puffydude on Sept 1, 2007 16:33:15 GMT -5
A man walks into a bar...
...He gets knocked out.
>____>
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Post by Tk ∆ on Sept 1, 2007 16:36:27 GMT -5
Q- What Islands get the most channels? A- The CHANNEL Islands!
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Post by Fam 1741 on Sept 2, 2007 11:43:29 GMT -5
How do you load a bunch of pokemon onto a truck? You pok em on!
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