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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2005 15:44:51 GMT -5
The part about Nick dressing up as Spot was hilarious. Once again, I've gotten my amusement of the day from Rider. ^^
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Post by Rider on May 7, 2005 18:37:59 GMT -5
April Fools and Changing Rules Part Six
“Rider… Rider, wake up.”
“But Mum, it’s Saturday…” The pirate lass rolled over, throwing her cape over her head to block the glaring light coming from the ceiling.
“Rider, this isn’t your mum.”
“Well, dad, then. Pfft.”
“If I were your father, I’d punish you for your tone with me, young lady.”
Something in Rider’s brain clicked. “Patjade?”
“Bingo.” The voice seemed to be coming from Rider’s left, though in her current half-unconscious situation, she couldn’t be certain. She was in a stereotypical underground dungeon. Totally stone, no windows. A metal door with a flap to push food dishes through. A lightbulb hung from the ceiling on a thin metal chain that looked like any minute, it would loosen and fall.
“I’m in the next cell over.” Patjade said. “I thought I’d wake you before dinner came. You’ve been unconscious in that cell for 3 hours. I figured you might be hungry.”
“Thanks.” Rider paused. “So is it true that Kiddo beat you in combat?”
“You know how in cartoons, when they want to capture someone, they sneak up behind him and stuff him in a bag?”
“It was like that?”
“Hey, no fraternizing among the prisoners!” Tracy entered, holding two bowls of steaming hot soup. It smelled vaguely of tomatoes. “You, my elven friend, will have to wait for a hearing. And you, pirate, I suppose you’ll want a hearing too?”
“Yes.”
“Here you go.” The brainwashed Tracy pushed the thick tomato soup through Rider’s door flap. “Don’t get any ideas about trying to escape. You’ll be caught, and this time, we will be merciless.”
Like a bolt from heaven, an idea came. Rider glanced at her lightbulb, then at her soup. She tugged at the chain. It came loose. The sound of shattering glass rang throughout the dungeon. Rider screamed as convincingly as she could. She splashed the thick tomato soup all over her and screamed again. This time, she didn’t have to fake it. That soup was hot.
Tracy let out a cry of alarm, rushing into the cell. Rider lay among the broken glass, covered in blood. She approached the pirate. “Rider?”
“Yes?” The pirate replied, shoving Tracy aside and bolting for the door. She ran down the halls of the dungeon, pausing only to lick soup off her arm. These ninjas sure knew how to cook.
She clambered up the rickety wooden stairs, already tasting the sweet air of freedom on her tongue. Tracy was on her tail, katana drawn and eyes filled with fury. Rider turned her face to stick her tongue out in mockery. She took her eyes off the path ahead…
And ran smack-dab into Stal.
* * *
“So we barricade the door, giving us time to prepare. There is only one entrance, so we wait until that one is open and then we just shoot at them.”
Eri shook her head. “I don’t like that plan, Eggz. Too direct. They’ll be expecting that.”
“Ahh, Eri, but they know we’ll be expecting this. Thus, they will be prepared for something totally different, will they not? And we shall take them by surprise.”
“Your logic makes no sense to me.”
“I’m a pirate. I make no sense to ninjas.”
“Exactly how much have you had to drink, again?”
“Guys, knock it off.” Carrie glanced at them from her corner, where she sat loading her musket. “Besides, we can’t just run to them, guns blazing. One- we need a plan with a bit of class. Two- it’s too dangerous, both for us, for the ninjas, and for the ninjas’ captives.”
“I’m a pirate!” Eggz threw her arms up in exasperation. “Not a miracle-worker!”
“You have no sense of subtlety.”
Kat rolled her eyes. “Rider would have had a plan by now!”
A voice sounded at the door. “No, she wouldn’t have.”
For a moment, all you could hear was the lapping of the waves on the shore as the anti-ninja rebels looked at each other in bewilderment.
“WH00T!” Kat cried, pushing the button. Rider entered like a cliché from a Disney film, a little battle-scarred, drooping slightly, but with that triumphant gleam in her eye. “Man, Stal’s no pushover.”
“How’d you defeat him?” Zylaa asked.
“I didn’t.” Rider said cryptically. “But that’s beside the point. The fact is that the ninjas are going to be at our front door in less than…”
A hooded face dropped into the hole in the sand. “Hello.”
Eggz gave Kat what can only be described as “The Look”. “This, Kat, is why we shut the door after letting people in.”
“You have the audacity to build a Pirate HQ? Oooooh, you are so getting it for this.”
Rider raised her head, and like a scene from a movie, the lightning in the room changed. Candles that were once warm and inviting flared, throwing haunting shadows onto the walls. The light danced off her now-humorless smile, the deadly serious smile without traces of elation caused by rum. “Yes master.”
From the folds of her cape, she drew a katana. Lightning-flashes hit the walls as she swiftly slashed a nearby barrel of rum, spilling its contents all over the floor. “As you say, master.”
“RIDER!” Sammy’s hands glowed black as panic filled her eyes. “Please don’t make this chapter end with another knockout scene…”
The door behind Sammy shut and locked with a click. Rider stood, holding the remote control triumphantly. “Finally.” Stal said. “You are quite the rebellious lot. It took forever to get the majority of you in one place like this. Rider had to act for quite awhile, but she did it well. For this she will be rewarded.
Have a cookie, and help me deal with these rebels.”
The blue sparks, absent since Rider’s second run-in with the mind-control machine, returned with a vengeance. Her eyes because blue-within-blue, flashing and streaking. “Yes, master.”
Nick, still dressed in Spot’s clothing, snoogled up to Stal. “Can I have a cookie too hon? Please? I'll help, uhh, claw the pirates or something.”
The ninja smiled, temporarily forgetting his having been tricked the first time. “You don't even have to ask.”
It took all of Kat’s willpower not to gag.
“Aww...” The Great Dane snuggled Stal, took the cookies, snuggle-hugged some more, and took that opportunity to claw Stal severely. Meanwhile, the pirates had crowded around Rider. Eggz smacked Rider’s cheek. “SNAP OUT OF IT!”
“There's no snapping out of it.” Stal grabbed Eggz’s upper arm, still holding his side where Nick had mauled him and giving Nick a look that would melt the Ice Caves. The blue sparks around Rider’s eyes began to pulsate, slowly at first, then quicker and quicker. Lighter and lighter their color became until they were almost white.
She held the remote control over her head, examining it with fizzing eyes. Then, she pressed the button.
The doors creaked open. “Get, get, get! I'll take care of the ninja scum!” She ushered the pirates out single-file. “Joke's on you, Stal! April Fools!”
On her own way out, she intentionally kicked over a nightstand. The candle on top caught to the rum, and the HQ went p in a glorious blaze. Pirates and anti-ninjas were running around under the light of the stars, splashing through the surf and whooping with joy. Stal teleported beside Rider, dropping his katana in the sand as a sign of peace. “Rider, Rider, Rider. How did I know you'd do something like that? And here I thought we had it somewhat planned how it should end.
”Anyway, I think that about wraps up today's little set of events.”
A pause from Neonick. “Not really.” He started mauling Stal again, but Kt grabbed his collar and dragged him off.
Rider laughed, dropping her cutlass and katana and watching the wind cover them with a fine layer of sand. Tracy and Ery, both grinning like morons, came rushing to the seashore, followed closely by Patjade. Kiddo and the ninjas followed at a greater distance. “We’re free!” Tracy cried, running headlong into the surf.
“The brainwash thingy wore off!” Kiddo cried, cursing her luck.
Crystal smiled. “Well, no way we can make this right again. Time to hit the hay, give up on our world-domination plans. It’s too hard.”
“So we go back to being regular ninjas?” Kiddo asked. “Sounds good to me. Hey, is that a bonfire? Crystal, head back to the HQ and fetch me some wieners. And marshmallows.”
“Ery!” Rider cried, racing towards the Keyblade master. “Ery, I never thought I’d see you again.”
“No one fooled you tonight, Rider,” he said softly, combing his fingers through her hair.
“I’m a fool only for you, Ery. And certainly not for any ninja.”
The moon’s soft light glittered like diamonds on the waves, and the stars above shone steadily. The lightning in Rider’s eyes softened so much that it might be mistaken for moonglow, then dissipated like a cluster of butterflies.
“I know I'll remember this day forever. Thank you all for the experience.”
Epilogue: Rider and Ery divorced, about a month later, but it wasn’t a difficult or hate-filled divorce. He went on to marry Kat, and has never been untrue to the pirates.
Pat meddled with the filters, and Eggz became the “Proud Reprogrammed Black Pajama Wearer Slave.”
From the ashes of the Pirate HQ, the memory board was born. Eggz dreamed it up, and requested for Patjade to create it. Pat became a Jedi and no longer meddles in the affairs of ninjas and pirates.
And NSQ received a cookie.
The End. (Until next April Fools.)
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Post by Kat on May 7, 2005 18:48:52 GMT -5
w00t! Great ending. (and epilogue. ;D)
I thought it would be longer, but what the heck, who am I to object to a great writer like you?
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Post by Rachel on May 7, 2005 18:57:40 GMT -5
*Cries* it's over! Great story and epilodge!
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Post by Crystal on May 8, 2005 1:56:08 GMT -5
*sighs*
Toasted marshmallows, anyone?
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Post by Rider on May 8, 2005 17:55:54 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Aww, thanks guys! *hugs everyone* Thanks for all your surrport and stuff. I luff you.[/glow]
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2005 17:57:58 GMT -5
You need to add to the epilouge that Rider get's a cookie for writing a story that outpwns everything.
*gives Rider a really big Oreo*
Very nice story, m'dear. Great job! ^^
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2005 13:21:10 GMT -5
Awesome ending, Rider! ^^ Great job! This deserves to be on the Memory Board, also.
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Post by Zylaa on May 9, 2005 14:47:44 GMT -5
*sobs* It's over already? How? How- we all get marshmellows! Yay! In all seriousness, good job.
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Post by Rider on May 9, 2005 15:03:20 GMT -5
*sobs* It's over already? How? How- we all get marshmellows! Yay! In all seriousness, good job. [glow=red,2,300]Nope, not done yet.[/glow] April Fools and Changing Rules Bloopers and Gag Reel Welcome to the AFCH gag reel! I know that this is a story and not a movie, but humor me, will ya? I tried to get it on tape, with Gav as my director and Elycien as my lovely camera lady, but… it just didn’t work out. Gav: Opening scene! Take One! And, action! Rider: *walks past the Rainbow Pool, laughing at the desperate pets* Random Kacheek: Hey lady, what’re you laughing at? *splashes Rider with Rainbow Pool water* Rider: *starts turning orange* Erm… Cut? Gav: Escape from the dungeons! Take One! Tracy: *slips soup through the door flap* Patjade: Yay! Food! We’ve been filming all day, and I’m starved. Tracy: Pat, I wouldn’t… Pat: YOW-OWOWOWOW! Tracy: It’s still hot. Gav: Ninja HQ scene, Take One! Nick: *sidles up to Crystal* Hey there, sweet thang. Crystal: *katanas Nick* Gav: No bleeding on the carpet! Cut! Gav: Beach scene! Okay, rolling! NSQ: We woooooooon! *runs into the ocean* *trips over seaweed* Yum, salt water! Gav: Pirate HQ, Take One! Eggz: *snore* Kat: *poke* Eggz: *snore* Kat: *poke* Eggz: *snore* Kat: *hex* Eggz: Wha? HOLY MACKEREL WHEN DID I GROW A TAIL? Gav: Beach scene! Take three! NSQ: We woooooooon! *runs into the ocean* *is pinched by a crab* Bad crabbie! *smacks it* Crab: *summons eighty of its cousins* NSQ: Gav: Freeing the pirates, take eight! Rider: What’s this writing on the button say? Crystal: “Do Not Push.” Rider: What about this? Crystal: “Do Not Push.” Rider: And this? Crystal: “Do Not Push.” Rider: So they all say “Do Not Push.” Crystal: Exactly. Rider: So what happens if I push? Crystal: I kill you. Rider: Permanently? Gav: Beach scene! Take eight! NSQ: We woooooooon! *runs into the ocean* *sees a jellyfish* Oooh, let’s go jellyfishing! Like on Spongebob! Gav: NSQ, don’t… NSQ: Ow! Mr. Jellyfish stung me. Gav: We’ll need some ointment over here… Gav: Ery vs. Sammy fight, take four! Sammy: VIVA LA MAGICUS! *crickets chirp* Rider: Cut! Where’s the special effects crew! Ery: They found the rum. Rider: B-b-but that’s MY RUM! Gav: Beach scene! Take fifteen! NSQ: We woooooooon! *runs into the ocean* *gets her foot caught in a bear trap* Gav: Cut! Who put that there? Kat: *blushes and takes the trap off NSQ’s foot* That was meant for Huggsy. Gav: Kat: He cheated on me! Gav: Initial resistance and brainwashing scene, take one! Nick: *hits on Randomy* Randomy: *eats Nick* Kiddo: Dumb pirate! Spit that dog out, you don’t know where it’s been. Randomy: ;D Gav: Beach scene… Take twenty-five. NSQ: We woooooooon! *runs into the ocean* *sees a dorsal fin* Ooh, look Gav! Dolphins! Gav: NSQ, that’s not a… NSQ: *dives underwater and swims over to the fin* *resurfaces* Gav, the dolphin has teeth! Sharp teeth! Gav: NSQ, get out of the wa- NSQ: *dives down again* *resurfaces* Ohh, look Gav, he has bloodshot eyes. He looks hungry. Mr. Dolphin, do you want my sandwich? Gav: NSQ, I don’t think you want to feed Mr. Dolphin. NSQ: But he’s so cute! Hey, Gav, who’s playing the “Jaws” theme music? Gav: I don’t get paid enough for this job. -_-; Gav: Initial resistance and brainwashing scene, take five! Nick: *hits on Randomy* Randomy: Why do you keep hitting on me? You know; I might be a boy. Nick: Randomy: I might be 80 years old. Nick: Randomy: I might be your great-uncle Fred! Nick: I don’t have a great-uncle Fred. Great-Uncle Fred: *randomly walks in and whaps Nick with his cane* Gav: Beach scene… Take… I don’t even know anymore. NSQ: We woooooooon! *runs into the ocean* *frolics happily* *screen goes black* Elycien: Gav… we ran out of film. Gav: … … … I quit.
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2005 15:20:39 GMT -5
*laughs*
*explodes from laughter*
Wow, those pwn. I need to bookmark this page. ^^
...but you know, after that explosion from joy, I'm missing my sixth toe on my left foot. ;_;
I LOVED THAT TOE.
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Post by Kat on May 9, 2005 16:33:19 GMT -5
ROFL-ed HECK! THEY'RE ALL SO GOSH DARN FUNNY!
I LOVE the bear trap outtake. ;D
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Post by Rachel on May 9, 2005 17:19:15 GMT -5
ROFL! ROFL! Those were great! *Wipes away tear of laughter.*
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2005 17:25:04 GMT -5
OMG! Poor Randomy! One time, a noob thought I was an 80 year old man. How ironical. BTW, that was Claire's spell, not mine. Viva La Magicus, I mean. But still, ROFL! NSQ was hillarious! ;D ;D ;D
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Post by Rider on May 12, 2005 17:59:28 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Wow, glad you guys liked it. *hugs*[/glow]
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