Boys are so.... Grrrrah!

[Deleted]

WARNING! THE FOLLOWING THREAD CONTAINS BOUTS OF LOVE, HONESTY, AND ANY ANGRY RANT ABOUT HOW BOYS ARE STUPID.

IF YOU ARE COLD HEARTED, A DIRTY LIAR, OR A STUPID BOY I ADVISE YOU TO TURN BACK WHILE YOU STILL CAN BEFORE YOUR HEAD EXPLODES! ;D

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, THANK YOU!

Ah, springtime…. The heavens are blue, flowers are blooming, birds are doing it with bees for some reason, and, above all else, love is in the air…. I wish someone would open a window in this loser’s head, I’m tired of being the only one in on this.

Ok, here’s my problem, I’ve been dating this guy for almost 2 months now and I honestly think the logic side of his brain has left the building. I’ve been hinting for the past 3 weeks that we decide to make a commitment to each other and start a steady relationship. Meaning, we only date each other and call ourselves—even thought I hate this label—a couple.

*GASP!*

DUN, DUN, DUUUUUN

Now I know what your thinking, “Well, why don’t you just ask him to be with you?” Well, you see, that’s just it. I HAVE already! I’ve said it to his face, but no response. It’s like the lights are on, but nobody’s home. There’s nothing but dead air blowing through his ears, I’m telling ya!

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve totally fallen for this lunk head and he feels the same. But, lately I have to run around with a sign on that says “Blind pedestrian, shoot here for 20 points!” on my chest in order to get him to pay attention to me. I’m getting really miffed and I’ve had it up to here with his blank stares!

Does anyone have some advise to help me out here? I feel I’ll need to solve this soon… or else I’ll end-up choking him with the sent of springtime.

*Bows* Thank you… that is all….

[TK]

Wow, 18 and still thinking all boys are heartless jerks. Awfully ignorant. I don't know what to say, I'm 13. I have a girlfriend but she doesn't go to my school I haven't seen her for a WHOLE WEEK! I'm meltiiiiiiing...

Oh yeah, this is about you, not me. Well, just... er... say... ask him why he's not answering or talk to one of his friends if he's serious... or... something... er... just... he's only 18, maybe he's just not ready to commit or something.........

[sensei]

FirePixie said:

ANGRY RANT ABOUT HOW BOYS ARE STUPID.

OR A STUPID BOY I ADVISE YOU TO TURN BACK WHILE YOU STILL CAN BEFORE YOUR HEAD EXPLODES!

I guess I'm a stupid boy. But I'll tell you one thing: I'm a geek. I haven't had a relationship with a girl of any degree greater (not better, just greater in the sense of a higher-level) than "friend" for two years last week. So if I say anything stupid, just ignore me.

I think the biggest controlling factor of relationships of any sorts lies in the sub-concious. That's where your true feelings lie (remember, this is just my warped point of view); so a good idea might be to take your mind of everything, and think of nothing, and just breathe. Then, just restart yourself. Close your eyes if it's harder to concentrate on nothing (literally nothing, not even the back of your eyelids)... and if there's one thing you think about, that's most prominent in your mind. (I may add, it's a great way to relax. Maybe I'll post this Tai Chi/Yoga stuff on the new relaxation board place thingy...)

Now, moving on to the real problem in your relationship: him (according to you, at least). If I were a real macho guy, I'd blame it on you. If I weren't, I wouldn't even get involved. Maybe just tell him he's not listening, or threaten him with something... like the relationship? Tell him that you can't deal with some twit that won't pay attention to you, and he'll probably take you seriously. And if he doesn't, be serious. I dunno, it IS just an idea.

On another note, be happy. This isn't going to be a life or death decision here.

[Smiley]

That sucks...seriously sucks. And I agree (boys, do NOT take this personally) guys are jackasses. And all the good ones are taken.

I have been under the label of geekiness for so long that even though I have grown into the world of our school, and I actually fit in, most guys still see me as a geek. And it sucks. I have never had a boyfriend, or a a guy who has ever liked me, or anything...ergh!

My point is: I have never been in your situation. But I'll tell you this: even though you love him, do you really want to spend a lot of time (whether it be a year or the rest of your life) with someone like him? MAybe he likes you so much he's afraid of losing you, so he doesn't say anything for fear it will make you hate him. If that is the case, then you need to make it clear to him that he is losing you by not talking to you. If not, well....he's a complete idiot.

But I don't know all the facts, so you might want to toss my advice out the window.

[calvinseviltwin]

Guys can be real idiots. They can. But my friend Melissa has been going out with her boyfriend Alex, for 5 years. They haven't broken up ONCE.

Sure Alex is an uranus, like well...nevermind....cause he got me hooked on Queen.

But there are so many JERKS in my school too. Matt's the exception. He's so sweet it's scary. And he has an amazing voice.

Truth in fact: Girls want true love. Guys want...another form of love that doesn't involve pants.....

[sollunaestrella]

I have never had a boyfriend or anything like that--generally, at my "stage" in life, yes, guys are jerks. No offense to anyone.

I would say--first, get all the anger out of your system, as Sensei suggested. That should help you think more clearly. Then, do what smiley said. Reflect upon how much you really want to spend your time with this guy. From your description, it sounds as if he might not be that fun to be around most of the time as he gives you "blank stares." But then, "love is blind," so....

You may want to ignore me. I have so experience at all with this kind of relationship, and I'm only 13, so....

Please feel free to ignore me.

[sara]

I have not been in a romantic relationship myself, but based on what I have observed this is what I say.

He is trying to freeze the relationship, according to your account. Maybe he is just not ready, which is means he just wants to be slower and not freeze, but I think you are the best judge of which scenario it is. And when either myself or the other person has tried to "freeze" a relationship (I admit they were all be friendly relationships, not romantic), they have generally fallen apart worse than if we had just let things happen the way they would have happened. So I say that, if you think he is just trying to freeze the relationship (and be sure of this), tell him you are either going to be with him or without him.

The problem with freezing a relationship is that it is impossible. People change whether they like it or not. Changes mean either a relationshiop grows, or becomes something less, or the changes in the relationship keep up with the current status. When you force a relationship to do the impossible of freezing, failure is inevitable.

If trying to communicate with him causes you so much grief it's not worth it, I say dump him.

EDIT : For every male jerk I've met, I've also met a female dog. I don't think either boys or girls are less pleasant, its just we tend to be unpleasant in different ways.

[Deleted]

TK said:

Wow, 18 and still thinking all boys are heartless jerks. Awfully ignorant.

I am insulted! How could you say an awful thing like that about me before even getting all the information? First off, note the word “RANT”. Which means that I’m just blowing off steam, none of the things I’ve said about “boys are stupid” is true and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

I’ll have you know that men who act like BOYS are jerks. They are stupid, arrogant jerks that wouldn’t know a real woman if it bit them in the ass. The guy I’m seeing is acting like more of a boy and less of a man right now by ignoring this.

I’ve gone out with lots of men and I know they’re not all the same, but a large majority is. The man I’m seeing now is heaven sent, he completely adores me and treats me with respect. It’s not the time for a big decision like marriage, but yes I would like to spend the rest of my life with him.

One of my boyfriends used to beat me… and there is no way in hell will I ever go back to a scoundrel like him. So you better think before you say mean things like that to me.

[Patjade]

Now, now everyone. Put away the ammunition.

OK, Boys CAN be dense. You have to remember that stuff happens once they get into their mid-teens.

Girls also rush things, sometimes, as well. It could very well take several months before you two agree to be a couple, and you have to soak it into him gently, like trying to get water into a very hard and dry sponge. At first, it resists, but when the edges start softening up, the thought will sink in. Give it time and take it slowly.

The last thing anyone wants to do is rush into a relationship and miss some things because of that.

OK, as for TK:

You might wish to think about the response you gave. It really DIDN'T consider the entire post and might be misconstrued. In fact, I think it was.

I know you two don't want to escalate a WAR here. Because that is something I won't allow. However, a spirited discussion is healthy. Just beware the Boy Vs. Girl debate, as there hasn't been a winner in THAT one in over... 100,000 years or so.

Think about it. Without one, there would not be the other. (for very long, that is, cloning notwithstanding).

Peace,

Scary Mary


Edit: EEEvil DLK typos.

[oddhatter]

Dating can be annoying.

As for your situation...I've been in both positions.

With my ex boyfriend, James, we were incredibly good friends before we started dating, so it was really weird being a "couple". He was really shy, at least relationship wise, and he wasn't too big on the holding hands and kissing thing(We dated for about four months...I have never kissed him). I think in a sense, that's partly why we didn't work out - I like affection, and we were constantly in the "friend" rut. That said, I truly think that we loved each other. We just couldn't really deal with a relationship.

I got into a relationship with my current boyfriend shortly after meeting him...we didn't really get to know each other that well before we started dating. He was a lot more aggressive than I was and pretty much - he wanted a more serious relationship than I did. I guess I just ignored him until I was ready.

There are a few things you can do - but I think the best thing to do is to sit him down and have a serious "I want a serious relationship" talk. Not a flippant mention, or a "by the way, have you considered...". An honest-to-god, "we need to talk". If that doesn't quite pan out - I'd suggest taking a break from each other from a while. There's nothing that seems to result in commitment more than a realisation of the emptiness left by a partner. Adversely, he might decide that he prefers being alone. In which case - better to know now than later.

I wish you luck.

[TK]

Megz said:

Truth in fact: Girls want true love. Guys want...another form of love that doesn't involve pants.....

I wish people wouldn't speak so generally. Guys don't want that. Well, some guys do, but that doesn't mean all girls are looking for love. There are pretty of messed up girls out there too. Take my ex-girlfriend. Why did she break up with me over such a small issue? She said "I was looking for a reason to break up with you." She just went out with me basically because she was bored. Take my brother's ex. She just went out with him to get another guy jealous. So don't keep using 'guys' so loosely, because all girls aren't perfect either...

[noremac9]

TK said:

I wish people wouldn't speak so generally.

Y'know, TK, when someone is speaking generally, or making a blanketing comment, just ignore it. If you know it's general, then don't take it personal, because Megz didn't say "TK is a sick freak, who wants to take advantage of girls." She made a generalization, that's all. However, saying all girls want ture love, and all guys want shallow sex, is total crap. There are many girls who don't want true love, and many guys who do. But that's aside the point, because I know you were making a generalization...

[Deleted]

Patjade said:

I know you two don't want to escalate a WAR here. Because that is something I won't allow. However, a spirited discussion is healthy. Just beware the Boy Vs. Girl debate, as there hasn't been a winner in THAT one in over... 100,000 years or so.

Think about it. Without one, there would not be the other. (for very long, that is, cloning notwithstanding).

Peace

You are right Patjade. When I started this thread I never intended for it to turn into the "Battle of the Sexes". I had hoped for some heartfelt advice from those who knew where I was coming from or from those who felt they wanted to help. (Thanks everyone by the way. You're all spiffy helpers!) I guess I should have put a few smilieys in that rant, which I will update shortly.

Think I better put a little more information up here before any more fall victum to this threads angry words.

The man's name I'm dating is... well, lets just call him Stinky for now, it's his nickname and I think he would like it if I kept his name privet. He's 23 years old. We've been dating for only a few months but we've known each other for about 2 years. We were friends before we started going out. It took him almost a year for him to get up the balls to ask me out, but we've been close ever since.

I'll be going out with Stinky tomorrow and I'll keep you all posted on what happenes. Now remember, I am willing to tell and answer questions but lets keep them clean shell we? ;D

[TK]

Noremac9 said:

Y'know, TK, when someone is speaking generally, or making a blanketing comment, just ignore it. If you know it's general, then don't take it personal, because Megz didn't say "TK is a sick freak, who wants to take advantage of girls." She made a generalization, that's all.

Sorry if I was coming across to be saying that to her alone, but I just wish people (others outside of the forum) would stop thinking guys want sex and only that.

[Deleted]

Frowny said:

That sucks...seriously sucks. And I agree (boys, do NOT take this personally) guys are jackasses.

(growls) Okay, I know we're supposed to turn this around, but I'm allowed to be mad at Smiley. She's my buuuddy.

I know you're all saying (no offense to any boys), but what good is it when you say "guys are jerks." I swear I also heard someone mention that all guys are jerks. Not every boy is the same. If you don't think all guys are jerks, just say some guys are jerks. It would make us feel a bit better.

FirePixie:
I know some people just don't feel comfortable or feel they are ready for a relationship. It probably isn't anything about you. Of coarse, I don't know the whole story, but this is just my guess. I don't feel comfortable with girls yet. I was asked to a dance by someone I REALLY liked, and I had to say no, just because I don't feel ready yet. Girls have asked me out on dates frrom behind me and I pretend I can't hear them. ME, well, I'm a jerk, but not all boys. Remember, us boys don't get into all that as quick as you girls. But he's 18, yeesh, he should be ready by now.