Post by Fuzzee on Nov 21, 2009 20:17:00 GMT -5
This is not my best work. It is definitely not my best work.
It doesn't make sense in places, it's kind of boring, and I think it's the dumbest thing in the world.
And I wanted to trash it but was told to put it up for critiques.
SO DON'T HOLD BACK
TELL ME HOW MUCH IT SUCKS
AND HOW I CAN MAKE IT UN-SUCK ;D
Maybe it would do better as a series, going deeper into Qrae's past with Lei and her future...
HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT
(da dum! da dum!)
FIRE AWAAAAAY~
ALSO
No offense meant to people who do trade their pets -- I meant for the people who trade like Jerry/Mary/Kerry/Barry like they're trading cards rather than pets.
It doesn't make sense in places, it's kind of boring, and I think it's the dumbest thing in the world.
And I wanted to trash it but was told to put it up for critiques.
SO DON'T HOLD BACK
TELL ME HOW MUCH IT SUCKS
AND HOW I CAN MAKE IT UN-SUCK ;D
'
"UC VWN Dari Aisha UFT!"
The abbreviations they use make my head hurt. Whatever happened to spelling and grammar and vowels? They must have followed my dignity out the door.
My latest owner, Jerry or Mary or Kerry or Barry or something else along those lines is screaming from the center of the Neopian Pound Board. I have to stand next to him, with his shaggy brown hair that covers his eyes and his slouching posture and his annoying voice, looking "important", as he put it. I have a studded leash attached to me. It's supposed to make me look "dangerous". It's the most ridiculous thing in the world and I want to gnaw it off, except that would hurt. I'm much more of a sissy than everyone implies. No one bothers to get to know me, though, so they wouldn't understand that. They hear "unconverted", "very well named" and "up for trade" and they swarm at me like Lupes to a Chia Treat. It's barbaric.
"Am I just a trading card?" I mutter, mainly to myself, and lie down on the ground. Jerry/Mary/Kerry/Barry yanks the collar, and I yelp and get back on my feet.
"Look important!" He snaps at me for the I-don't-know-how-many-th time. "I want that Cybunny!"
He's trading me for a Cybunny. A fluffy, prissy little puffball. At least it's a Zombie Cybunny he wants. I can stand a little straighter knowing that I'm being replaced by something undead.
"What's it's name?" A girl with red hair tied up in a bun that's piled on top of her head asks. She appears out of nowhere, like the rest of them. She has a tiny, turned-up nose, like a Snorkle, and an overall snobby aura around her.
"Her," I correct. Jerry/Marry/Kerry/Barry glares at me for speaking out of turn, but I go on. She's definitely about to take me, I can tell. He's not my sad excuse for an owner anymore. "I'm a female."
"Good for you. What's her name?" The snooty girl asks.
"Qrae," he says, smirking, as if he was the clever little oaf who came up with the name. But you're not, I think bitterly, Lei is.
"Pronounced?"
"Qwray."
Snot girl studies me carefully, biting her lip as she stares. "What do you want?"
"Auto is a VWN Zombie Cy," he says, "No orange, purple, white, or split pets, or other boring colors. LE pets are liked, no customs, all pets have to be VWN..." he lists off a few more things: no faeries, no Gnorbu or Ixi, and about halfway through the girl says, "Myko the Zombie Cy."
"Let me see," he demands. The girl turns and shouts, "Myko!" and the tiny furball runs over. It was examining a notice board a minute ago with a Kacheek and a Krawk.
"BD Stats?"
"Average all around."
"Petpet?"
"None."
"Female?"
"Yeah."
Jerry/Mary/Kerry/Barry is looking at the Cybunny, who's shaking a little. She's scared. I don't think she's been traded before. I don't think she even gets the meaning. She thinks her owner is loving, dedicated, loyal, adoring. That she's a permie pet.
I've got news for you. I think, giving her a slight glare, but then turning away. I remembered my first trade. It was immensely stressful and I didn't think I'd ever get over the pain. But I did. Now it's not even pain anymore -- it's annoyance. Meanwhile, snot girl's pupils dilate, ever so slightly. Jerry/Mary/Kerry/Barry doesn't notice, but I know that means she really wants me. Not because she's going to take me in and love me forever -- she wants to trade me for her latest dream pet. I'm not sticking around long. And neither is this little poofball in front of me.
"Deal," Jerry/Mary/Kerry/Barry finally says, "When can you transfer?"
"Right now," the girl smirks.
"Mum?" The Cybunny finally speaks up, "Mum, what do you mean, transfer?"
"Oh, she's just abandoning you," I speak up, and all of a sudden everyone is glaring at me. I think I spoke a little too loud. Avid traders who are walking by glower at me, their pets on leashes behind them. Snot girl is shocked, and Jerry/Mary/Kerry/Barry wants to punch me in the gut, I'm sure. But I keep speaking.
"But you aren't going to the pound," I say, "You're going to this guy over here. Jerry or Mary or Kerry or Barry or something. He won't get to know you, and you won't get to know him, even if you want to. He won't speak to you or talk to you. He'll just bring you to the soup kitchen every now and then so you look happy enough to trade for. Other than that, you'll starve, and you'll be bored, and you'll be alone, because all his other pets will stay as far away from you as they possible can -- you're the Temp, you're not staying long. Why form a bond? Then, eventually, he'll decide that he really wants another pet. Maybe it's an Unconverted Royalboy Draik with any name. Maybe it's a very well named Robot Meerca, must be clothed. Maybe he wants a Mutant Jetsam with really high Battledome Stats, any name. Whatever it is, he'll stand here and he'll shout, 'VWN Zombie Cy UFT!' because everyone knows that vowels are so yesterday. Then he'll wait until someone with a pet he wants comes along, makes an offer and he'll accept it. Then you'll go to that owner, and the cycle starts again."
The only emotion in my gaze is 'cold'. The Cybunny shakes and trembles and looks like she's about to cry, then turns to snot girl and cries, "Mum?!"
"She's not 'mum', she's 'master', because an 'owner' or a 'mum' or a 'pa' takes care of you and loves you and even if they do trade you, they do it with, a heavy heart and regret the decision immediately after. They desperately try to get you back, sobbing to the new master that they were stupid, that they'd give the original pet and seven different customs just for you, and then your new master would refuse and your old owner, your mum, your best friend, they'd be so miserable they'd self freeze." Now I'm shaking, overwhelmed with emotion. Lei, Lei, Lei! I think, trying not to sob, trying not to remember my own mum. "She's heartless and cold and every other trader you get traded to will be, too, because that's just how life is! Heartless and cold and it doesn't pity anyone and you're no exception just because you loved your mum and she loved you and just decided to turn her back on you!"
And just like that, poor Myko bursts into tears, and the traders are glaring daggers at me for besmirching whatever they had left of their reputation.
"On second thought," snot girl's nose wrinkles, "NTY." She turns on her heel, grabbing Myko but making no effort to console her and walking away as fast as she can.
"You!" My master shouts, "You worthless, horrible, meddling piece of Kau dung! The only thing you have going for you is your looks, your rarity! That's all you are! You're just a bunch of letters in an announcement, nothing more, you--"
Then, he stops. We hear clapping. I lift my head, and see a thin boy with glasses and dirty blond hair slowly clapping his hands together. And smiling at me. And then a few more join in. The people who had been shouting things like "Royalgirl Krawk, adopted as a kacheek and zapped with the lab ray, is up for adoption to a good home!" or having small talk with the people who'd been saying that. And then some more. And slowly, I become surrounded by applause, and cheering, and people who are chanting my name, and they're rooting me on: "Go Qrae! Hooray for Qrae! Keep going, Qrae!" And I'm confused, and I'm kind of scared, but no more than my master. No one is more confused than my master. The thin boy who started the applause walks up to him, just grinning.
"You want this worthless piece of dung?!" He shouts, yanking at my leash and making me yelp as the collar digs into my skin. "Take it! It's just a bunch of pixels! It doesn't mean anything!" He thrusts the leash into the boy's hand and storms off, shoving the crowd out of the way.
I look up at this thin boy, fearful. My eyes have filled with tears. My speech, the boy's deep brown eyes, the warm smile on his face, they all reminded me of Lei. Lei Lei Lei Lei Lei. I'm supposed to be tough, and strong, and important. I'm not supposed to cry.
"M-master?" I whisper, very faintly at him.
"No," he says quietly, patting my head. "Owner."
And I know that everything will be okay.
"UC VWN Dari Aisha UFT!"
The abbreviations they use make my head hurt. Whatever happened to spelling and grammar and vowels? They must have followed my dignity out the door.
My latest owner, Jerry or Mary or Kerry or Barry or something else along those lines is screaming from the center of the Neopian Pound Board. I have to stand next to him, with his shaggy brown hair that covers his eyes and his slouching posture and his annoying voice, looking "important", as he put it. I have a studded leash attached to me. It's supposed to make me look "dangerous". It's the most ridiculous thing in the world and I want to gnaw it off, except that would hurt. I'm much more of a sissy than everyone implies. No one bothers to get to know me, though, so they wouldn't understand that. They hear "unconverted", "very well named" and "up for trade" and they swarm at me like Lupes to a Chia Treat. It's barbaric.
"Am I just a trading card?" I mutter, mainly to myself, and lie down on the ground. Jerry/Mary/Kerry/Barry yanks the collar, and I yelp and get back on my feet.
"Look important!" He snaps at me for the I-don't-know-how-many-th time. "I want that Cybunny!"
He's trading me for a Cybunny. A fluffy, prissy little puffball. At least it's a Zombie Cybunny he wants. I can stand a little straighter knowing that I'm being replaced by something undead.
"What's it's name?" A girl with red hair tied up in a bun that's piled on top of her head asks. She appears out of nowhere, like the rest of them. She has a tiny, turned-up nose, like a Snorkle, and an overall snobby aura around her.
"Her," I correct. Jerry/Marry/Kerry/Barry glares at me for speaking out of turn, but I go on. She's definitely about to take me, I can tell. He's not my sad excuse for an owner anymore. "I'm a female."
"Good for you. What's her name?" The snooty girl asks.
"Qrae," he says, smirking, as if he was the clever little oaf who came up with the name. But you're not, I think bitterly, Lei is.
"Pronounced?"
"Qwray."
Snot girl studies me carefully, biting her lip as she stares. "What do you want?"
"Auto is a VWN Zombie Cy," he says, "No orange, purple, white, or split pets, or other boring colors. LE pets are liked, no customs, all pets have to be VWN..." he lists off a few more things: no faeries, no Gnorbu or Ixi, and about halfway through the girl says, "Myko the Zombie Cy."
"Let me see," he demands. The girl turns and shouts, "Myko!" and the tiny furball runs over. It was examining a notice board a minute ago with a Kacheek and a Krawk.
"BD Stats?"
"Average all around."
"Petpet?"
"None."
"Female?"
"Yeah."
Jerry/Mary/Kerry/Barry is looking at the Cybunny, who's shaking a little. She's scared. I don't think she's been traded before. I don't think she even gets the meaning. She thinks her owner is loving, dedicated, loyal, adoring. That she's a permie pet.
I've got news for you. I think, giving her a slight glare, but then turning away. I remembered my first trade. It was immensely stressful and I didn't think I'd ever get over the pain. But I did. Now it's not even pain anymore -- it's annoyance. Meanwhile, snot girl's pupils dilate, ever so slightly. Jerry/Mary/Kerry/Barry doesn't notice, but I know that means she really wants me. Not because she's going to take me in and love me forever -- she wants to trade me for her latest dream pet. I'm not sticking around long. And neither is this little poofball in front of me.
"Deal," Jerry/Mary/Kerry/Barry finally says, "When can you transfer?"
"Right now," the girl smirks.
"Mum?" The Cybunny finally speaks up, "Mum, what do you mean, transfer?"
"Oh, she's just abandoning you," I speak up, and all of a sudden everyone is glaring at me. I think I spoke a little too loud. Avid traders who are walking by glower at me, their pets on leashes behind them. Snot girl is shocked, and Jerry/Mary/Kerry/Barry wants to punch me in the gut, I'm sure. But I keep speaking.
"But you aren't going to the pound," I say, "You're going to this guy over here. Jerry or Mary or Kerry or Barry or something. He won't get to know you, and you won't get to know him, even if you want to. He won't speak to you or talk to you. He'll just bring you to the soup kitchen every now and then so you look happy enough to trade for. Other than that, you'll starve, and you'll be bored, and you'll be alone, because all his other pets will stay as far away from you as they possible can -- you're the Temp, you're not staying long. Why form a bond? Then, eventually, he'll decide that he really wants another pet. Maybe it's an Unconverted Royalboy Draik with any name. Maybe it's a very well named Robot Meerca, must be clothed. Maybe he wants a Mutant Jetsam with really high Battledome Stats, any name. Whatever it is, he'll stand here and he'll shout, 'VWN Zombie Cy UFT!' because everyone knows that vowels are so yesterday. Then he'll wait until someone with a pet he wants comes along, makes an offer and he'll accept it. Then you'll go to that owner, and the cycle starts again."
The only emotion in my gaze is 'cold'. The Cybunny shakes and trembles and looks like she's about to cry, then turns to snot girl and cries, "Mum?!"
"She's not 'mum', she's 'master', because an 'owner' or a 'mum' or a 'pa' takes care of you and loves you and even if they do trade you, they do it with, a heavy heart and regret the decision immediately after. They desperately try to get you back, sobbing to the new master that they were stupid, that they'd give the original pet and seven different customs just for you, and then your new master would refuse and your old owner, your mum, your best friend, they'd be so miserable they'd self freeze." Now I'm shaking, overwhelmed with emotion. Lei, Lei, Lei! I think, trying not to sob, trying not to remember my own mum. "She's heartless and cold and every other trader you get traded to will be, too, because that's just how life is! Heartless and cold and it doesn't pity anyone and you're no exception just because you loved your mum and she loved you and just decided to turn her back on you!"
And just like that, poor Myko bursts into tears, and the traders are glaring daggers at me for besmirching whatever they had left of their reputation.
"On second thought," snot girl's nose wrinkles, "NTY." She turns on her heel, grabbing Myko but making no effort to console her and walking away as fast as she can.
"You!" My master shouts, "You worthless, horrible, meddling piece of Kau dung! The only thing you have going for you is your looks, your rarity! That's all you are! You're just a bunch of letters in an announcement, nothing more, you--"
Then, he stops. We hear clapping. I lift my head, and see a thin boy with glasses and dirty blond hair slowly clapping his hands together. And smiling at me. And then a few more join in. The people who had been shouting things like "Royalgirl Krawk, adopted as a kacheek and zapped with the lab ray, is up for adoption to a good home!" or having small talk with the people who'd been saying that. And then some more. And slowly, I become surrounded by applause, and cheering, and people who are chanting my name, and they're rooting me on: "Go Qrae! Hooray for Qrae! Keep going, Qrae!" And I'm confused, and I'm kind of scared, but no more than my master. No one is more confused than my master. The thin boy who started the applause walks up to him, just grinning.
"You want this worthless piece of dung?!" He shouts, yanking at my leash and making me yelp as the collar digs into my skin. "Take it! It's just a bunch of pixels! It doesn't mean anything!" He thrusts the leash into the boy's hand and storms off, shoving the crowd out of the way.
I look up at this thin boy, fearful. My eyes have filled with tears. My speech, the boy's deep brown eyes, the warm smile on his face, they all reminded me of Lei. Lei Lei Lei Lei Lei. I'm supposed to be tough, and strong, and important. I'm not supposed to cry.
"M-master?" I whisper, very faintly at him.
"No," he says quietly, patting my head. "Owner."
And I know that everything will be okay.
Maybe it would do better as a series, going deeper into Qrae's past with Lei and her future...
HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT
(da dum! da dum!)
FIRE AWAAAAAY~
ALSO
No offense meant to people who do trade their pets -- I meant for the people who trade like Jerry/Mary/Kerry/Barry like they're trading cards rather than pets.
