Issue 976 Discussion Thread - The Sea Collab
Mar 15, 2023 11:36:35 GMT -5
Carolyn, Twillie, and 1 more like this
Post by Nut on Mar 15, 2023 11:36:35 GMT -5
Twillie I'm so happy you liked the comments, thank you for your detailed response! (And no rush to write one in return, though it does make you happy you read mine and would like to, thank you! Get your sleep, I also pop in and out, when I'm not just actually vanishing for weeks/months. xD) I'm glad the reviewing format worked for you, I'm happy I was able to pick up on what you intended! I definitely got invested and wanted to know what happens next, and did read the next couple of comics, but dang you went and ended it on a cliffhanger! xD
I really like how you use color to set the magic elements apart, really makes it feel otherworldly and special! (Also, I know many people don't like to hear "your work reminds me of...", so I hesitate to bring it up but I did kind of wonder if you may be a fan of Gunnerkrigg Court. xD; Only mentioning it because I am--I think it's the only webcomic I've kept up reading since, oh, high school lol? But magic occurs in a lot of stories, so my thinking of it probably says more about me.)
Azusa , thank you so much for the very thoughtful and detailed review! It means a lot to me you read my story and took the time to leave such long comments, thank you for sending all the neomails! Since you said you were okay with posting, I'll save you the trouble and quote/reply to them here. xD
Hi Azusa! I'm so glad you saw my review, I'm happy if you liked it! Thank you for writing it, it really brought back a lot of nostalgic memories about the fishing hole!
I'm very glad she came across as bubbly despite being shy! I wanted to include an aspect to her beyond introversion and withdrawal (a bit impulsive, maybe?). I'm so happy her hobby interested you, I'm glad I was able to describe it enough to make you eager to see it!
I'm so happy this came across as brave to you, thank you for recognizing the courage that took! Thank you for sharing your predictions about the decision, it's interesting to read your thinking about how things would play out!
Honestly, I was originally going to have her get into some trouble in the ocean before finding what she wanted, but cut it because 1) it was feeling like filler and I had limited time to revise the approach, 2) I didn't want it to end up too Finding Nemo-ish lol, 3) I forgot how much we're allowed to talk about neopets being eaten and didn't want to risk rejection if I went too far with that as a danger.
(Of course, now that I've read your article I know I could have made it a Neopet-Eating Carp and everything would have been fine.)
Thank you so much for being happy for her, I love how you describe that she sees herself in her companion and recognizes what she must have been to others! I'm so happy you picked up on the similarities between herself and her new friend; I love how you say that finding someone similar to us can help us understand ourselves, when we are given the ability to look at those shared traits from the outside.
Thank you for sharing your feelings about the ending! It is meant to be bittersweet, and I'm happy you picked up that Jini's owner was doing everything she could to keep Jini well (even if, at one point, this went against Jini's wishes). I love how you describe Jini finding her own path in life where she belonged, I'm so happy this came across to you! I'm very happy you recognize and contrast it with how cooped up and alone she was in her former situation. Thank you so much for picking this up, I'm so happy the gist of the story came through!
Thank you for mentioning this! The repeated color descriptions are intentional, so I'm happy they made the surroundings and scenes more vivid to you! If you didn't mind it, I'm okay with losing a few casual readers. xD But thank you for bringing it to my attention, and I'm happy it was something you noticed!
I am definitely getting a clear message that her relationship with her owner and motivations should have been expanded on. Thank you for pointing this out!
Jini isn't intended to have an apparent love for her owner because they actually aren't supposed to have much of a relationship at all. They see each other only for feeding time and her owner unburdens all her troubles to Jini, then leaves. Jini relies on her for food/shelter and doesn't strongly have personal feelings towards her, she's just kind of being polite because her owner expects it (and arguably taking her situation for granted), although her owner takes emotional comfort in Jini's presence.
I definitely wish I could go back now and edit it to make this clearer, but since it's published I'll have to let it stand. Thank you for letting me know this was vague! I can tell now where I was losing the intent of what I was trying to convey.
I'm happy it came across to you as this type of decision, and that it reminded you of such instances IRL! I'm glad there was enough implied that you were able to imagine and sympathize with this type of motivation, thank you for picking up on it!
(I will point out, though, that it's stated upfront that the pond is missing something she wants, even if she finds ways to seek happiness despite its limitations. In a way her anger gives her the courage to do something she didn't dare contemplate all these years.)
Thank you for picking up on the lack of communication and Jini's introverted personality as reasons for not trying to talk to her owner! I understand why the reader would want to see them talk, but it is indeed intended that she didn't talk for those reasons (as well as basically being so upset that she couldn't bring herself to see anyone).
This tells me that I didn't make her motivations and reasoning clear enough. Thank you for letting me know!
Totally fair if it's not working for you! I'm glad you did kind of pick up the meaning, but I understand if you feel it wasn't supported by what was shown of Jini's owner. I will say that the sentence isn't meant to be an absolute statement by an omniscient narrator, but sort of taking Jini's perspective or implying her thought process (much like "There was nothing wrong with being small" earlier).
Having read these comments, I might have chosen to make this clearer and not phrase it like an absolute statement. (Don't worry, no suggestions necessary--your reactions give me a lot of ideas of how I could have conveyed this differently!) I might also have tried to lay support for the statement earlier so it might have come across more understandably (with the risk that it still might not have worked for some people, which I'd understand).
I'd definitely like to go back and edit based on these comments, but I'm just glad that the basic idea does come through despite the vague/unclear aspects. Thank you again for reading!
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such an in-depth review! (Even while typing on a phone, wow?! I can't stand using a phone to type anything. xD;; ) I'm honored to receive your first ever review! xD Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts!!
I really like how you use color to set the magic elements apart, really makes it feel otherworldly and special! (Also, I know many people don't like to hear "your work reminds me of...", so I hesitate to bring it up but I did kind of wonder if you may be a fan of Gunnerkrigg Court. xD; Only mentioning it because I am--I think it's the only webcomic I've kept up reading since, oh, high school lol? But magic occurs in a lot of stories, so my thinking of it probably says more about me.)
Azusa , thank you so much for the very thoughtful and detailed review! It means a lot to me you read my story and took the time to leave such long comments, thank you for sending all the neomails! Since you said you were okay with posting, I'll save you the trouble and quote/reply to them here. xD
Hi Nut! I'm Azusa from the NTWF. Tysm for the review on my 976 article!
Hi Azusa! I'm so glad you saw my review, I'm happy if you liked it! Thank you for writing it, it really brought back a lot of nostalgic memories about the fishing hole!
Here's my review for yours: Love Jini's bubbly yet shy attitude! Her hobby drew me in to the story; I'd be eager to see her ever-changing art if I were one of the pond's visitors too!
I'm very glad she came across as bubbly despite being shy! I wanted to include an aspect to her beyond introversion and withdrawal (a bit impulsive, maybe?). I'm so happy her hobby interested you, I'm glad I was able to describe it enough to make you eager to see it!
It was very brave of her to venture into the unknown after so many years of being in the safe confines of her pond. A spontaneous decision that I believed wouldn't have turned out well for her
I'm so happy this came across as brave to you, thank you for recognizing the courage that took! Thank you for sharing your predictions about the decision, it's interesting to read your thinking about how things would play out!
Honestly, I was originally going to have her get into some trouble in the ocean before finding what she wanted, but cut it because 1) it was feeling like filler and I had limited time to revise the approach, 2) I didn't want it to end up too Finding Nemo-ish lol, 3) I forgot how much we're allowed to talk about neopets being eaten and didn't want to risk rejection if I went too far with that as a danger.
(Of course, now that I've read your article I know I could have made it a Neopet-Eating Carp and everything would have been fine.)
but I loved the fact that she met someone whom she could see herself in and that it made her realize who she was and how others would've viewed her. Sometimes, it's hard for you to understand who you are until you see a reflection of yourself in someone else.
Thank you so much for being happy for her, I love how you describe that she sees herself in her companion and recognizes what she must have been to others! I'm so happy you picked up on the similarities between herself and her new friend; I love how you say that finding someone similar to us can help us understand ourselves, when we are given the ability to look at those shared traits from the outside.
The ending was bittersweet; my heart hurt for her owner who did everything she could to make sure Jini was well but she chose to leave her in the end but I was also glad that Jini found her own path in life in which she belonged instead of being cooped up in a small pond, all by herself, always introverted and unseen. -c-
Thank you for sharing your feelings about the ending! It is meant to be bittersweet, and I'm happy you picked up that Jini's owner was doing everything she could to keep Jini well (even if, at one point, this went against Jini's wishes). I love how you describe Jini finding her own path in life where she belonged, I'm so happy this came across to you! I'm very happy you recognize and contrast it with how cooped up and alone she was in her former situation. Thank you so much for picking this up, I'm so happy the gist of the story came through!
Critique: - For a reader who wants to enjoy a simple read, the color descriptions are a bit too much. If one is reading without much thought, they might think 'blue' and 'orange' are being used excessively. I personally read into every sentence so it isn't a problem for me and I liked the ways you described the surroundings using colors (made the scene more vivid to me).
Thank you for mentioning this! The repeated color descriptions are intentional, so I'm happy they made the surroundings and scenes more vivid to you! If you didn't mind it, I'm okay with losing a few casual readers. xD But thank you for bringing it to my attention, and I'm happy it was something you noticed!
- Jini's reasoning for leaving her owner. Although the start of the story tries to make Jini's love for her owner apparent, the reasoning behind it is quite vague and we don't really see or feel much of it.
I am definitely getting a clear message that her relationship with her owner and motivations should have been expanded on. Thank you for pointing this out!
Jini isn't intended to have an apparent love for her owner because they actually aren't supposed to have much of a relationship at all. They see each other only for feeding time and her owner unburdens all her troubles to Jini, then leaves. Jini relies on her for food/shelter and doesn't strongly have personal feelings towards her, she's just kind of being polite because her owner expects it (and arguably taking her situation for granted), although her owner takes emotional comfort in Jini's presence.
I definitely wish I could go back now and edit it to make this clearer, but since it's published I'll have to let it stand. Thank you for letting me know this was vague! I can tell now where I was losing the intent of what I was trying to convey.
It's fair to be short-tempered and make a reckless decision out of anger/frustration (happens often IRL).
I'm happy it came across to you as this type of decision, and that it reminded you of such instances IRL! I'm glad there was enough implied that you were able to imagine and sympathize with this type of motivation, thank you for picking up on it!
(I will point out, though, that it's stated upfront that the pond is missing something she wants, even if she finds ways to seek happiness despite its limitations. In a way her anger gives her the courage to do something she didn't dare contemplate all these years.)
Perhaps it is this lack of communication (and maybe Jini's introverted personality as well) that made her leave but I would've liked to see her at least try to talk to her owner about the food and her preferences, or even at least showing a sign to her that she wasn't happy about it.
Thank you for picking up on the lack of communication and Jini's introverted personality as reasons for not trying to talk to her owner! I understand why the reader would want to see them talk, but it is indeed intended that she didn't talk for those reasons (as well as basically being so upset that she couldn't bring herself to see anyone).
This tells me that I didn't make her motivations and reasoning clear enough. Thank you for letting me know!
"It was the kind of love that does what someone thinks is best for another, regardless of what that person wants." I get the message but I think this sentence doesn't flow well for me. I have no suggestions on how to improve/rephrase it though
Totally fair if it's not working for you! I'm glad you did kind of pick up the meaning, but I understand if you feel it wasn't supported by what was shown of Jini's owner. I will say that the sentence isn't meant to be an absolute statement by an omniscient narrator, but sort of taking Jini's perspective or implying her thought process (much like "There was nothing wrong with being small" earlier).
Having read these comments, I might have chosen to make this clearer and not phrase it like an absolute statement. (Don't worry, no suggestions necessary--your reactions give me a lot of ideas of how I could have conveyed this differently!) I might also have tried to lay support for the statement earlier so it might have come across more understandably (with the risk that it still might not have worked for some people, which I'd understand).
I'd definitely like to go back and edit based on these comments, but I'm just glad that the basic idea does come through despite the vague/unclear aspects. Thank you again for reading!
I'm too lazy to log in to the NTWF so I'm sending this NM. I'm always on mobile and the coding is a nightmare to work with without the desktop version of the page LOL. Might copy and paste it on the thread in the future. Would you like me to do it though? I'm also fine with keeping it private. ^^ Also, this is my first time ever doing a review of any sort so take my opinions and feedback with a grain of salt
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such an in-depth review! (Even while typing on a phone, wow?! I can't stand using a phone to type anything. xD;; ) I'm honored to receive your first ever review! xD Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts!!