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Post by Twillie on Mar 4, 2022 20:42:53 GMT -5
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Post by Kat on Mar 5, 2022 2:18:45 GMT -5
With two new series in a non-collab/special issue alongside 5 continued series, Mx Macabre is officially not following the series cap. Since they are also running the contests Aesop used to hold, we're definitely not gonna see series numbers that are from Droplet's era, but it's good to know that we might see more series in the future per issue. It looks like they might introduce one new series per series that concludes.
Hopefully this trend continues, to the best of Mac's ability.
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Post by CrimsonShroud on Mar 5, 2022 18:13:36 GMT -5
With this issue, my newest entry to the Times (after a 3 year long hiatus of sorts) comes to its riveting conclusion! Reviews are very much welcomed and appreciated!
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Post by Twillie on Mar 29, 2022 16:28:25 GMT -5
I got to reading your series last week and finally get a review out for you! I organized it between feedback for the plot and for writing style, based on notes I took while reading.
Plot
I enjoyed the premise of this story! It's kept simple to allow plenty of room for the characters' personalities to shine and for the excitement and perils of the caves, and at its roots it just makes for a fun adventure. Searching for a legendary pirate's treasure in your backyard is an intriguing idea all its own, drawing from I'm sure plenty of our imaginations from childhood haha. At the same time, while there's fun and adventure in the concept, I also appreciate how you didn't pull your punches on the dangers of the caves as well. For every trial they face, there's a direct consequence from it, be it an injury or exhaustion or falling further into the caves. None of these are just shaken off or forgotten about, so you can really feel the growing desperation as the story continues. By the time Clara and Wiley are crawling up to the exit, you feel as physically and emotionally spent as them.
The personalities you chose for each character, as well as how you established them in the story, I feel also really worked! They're distinct from the start, and there are unique relationships and banter between each of them. You never say out loud that Wiley is the excitable one, or that Zara is the snarky one, and it's all established through dialogue and body language instead. Makes for good "show don't tell" exposition. You also lay the seeds for future character and relationship growth, like between Wiley and Clara, and even if those seeds are fully expanded upon in future stories, it still allows for readers to grow attached to the characters and imagine what may happen to them once the story's over.
I'd recommend establishing each character's species and/or color as soon as you can, unless there's a plot reason to keep this a mystery. Wiley and Zara's species are mentioned either in the middle or end of the first part, and Clara's not even until part two, which can make having a full mental image of the story difficult. Especially since Clara's species is semi-aquatic, I'd be sure to establish this before she comes into contact with any water. Having known this detail before she spent several minutes diving to rescue Wiley would help in understanding just how she was able to do that. I'm curious the significance of Clara's necklace; when it was mentioned in part two, I was under the impression that Clara was unfamiliar with its glowing properties, but it wasn't entirely clear. It says that she looks in confusion before noticing the necklace, and that it gave her a sense of reassurance from it. Was she confused because of the necklace, or was she confused up until seeing the necklace because it glowing is a regular occurrence? Does it give her a sense of comfort out of familiarity, or is this another magical property of it? I was half expecting it to play a larger part in things or be mentioned again, but it mainly just served as a light source for them, so I'm not sure what conclusions to make about it. Lol Wiley got a bit more praise than he probably deserved at the end there, especially when they were commending him for taking care of Clara when it was basically the opposite of her constantly getting him out of trouble. I was kind of hoping for a bit more reflection on how Clara grew from the situation as well, as she started out being the most frightened of the three and ended up having to take most of the initiative to get her and Wiley out of the cave, and she was probably the most central character of the story. Her overall character arc I feel played out well, as we were given a very clear "before" image of her, and by the time they escape the caves she went through a whole metamorphosis that we got to witness. Wiley as well, the growth he went through contributed directly to the story and vice versa, so I guess at the end I was just hoping for even more of that for them to tie things up haha. WritingYou have a great voice when it comes to creating vivid settings and descriptions. I liked the time you took to establish each setting, as it helped the story's atmosphere and was just in general fun to read. I remember the comparison between the underground lake and being stranded out at sea especially sticking out to me. In most cases, I feel like you struck a good balance of descriptive words without creating run on sentences where inappropriate or anything overly-flowery. It shows that you have a love and skill for wordsmithing, and that this is a world that you've put a lot of thought and time into in order to describe.
While on the topic of vivid imagery, there can be cases where it's not needed or too much, though. This quote, for example, spends a lot of time describing an image that has already been established multiple times to the audience without really adding any new information. Especially since this is during a tense scene where Clara and Wiley are racing against the clock, descriptions like this can unnecessarily slow down things. Your ability to craft great visuals is definitely there, so now it's just a matter of knowing when the real estate they take up is justified, and when it may be better to keep the narrative simpler.
There's a fair number of sentences structured like this, where either the comma needs to change to a semicolon or the verb in the sentence's second half needs to change tenses ("drizzling" instead of "drizzled" in this example). If used sparingly and in the right scene, I feel like this kind of sentence structure can work. In the more action-oriented scenes for example, it makes sense as it speeds the pace and makes it feel like the sentences are blending together in the rush. When used too much, though, it can start to sound clunky and makes things harder to read. If you read it and it sounds like two separate sentences, either replace the comma with a semicolon, add a conjunction (and, but, so, etc.), or just split them into two.
Overall, I had fun with this story both for its premise and the vivid and perilous scenarios you were able to craft! I think the strengths were definitely in creating great imagery, making the characters' emotions tangible to readers, and naturally establishing both plot and character personalities. I'd just be sure to watch out for overly-long descriptions where they may not be necessary or where they might hinder the story, and to watch out for misplaced commas or wrong verb conjugation. I hope it was just as fun for you to write, and I look forward to whatever else you may have in store for these characters!
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Post by CrimsonShroud on Apr 1, 2022 17:26:28 GMT -5
Thanks for the review Twillie ! I’m glad that it was as fun to read as it was for me to write!
I’m glad that everyone’s personalities worked out well! I was kind of worried about Zemia, as I thought I made her too snarky and ended up making her come off as a bit too much of a jerk at times, especially towards Wiley.
I didn’t realize I forgot to mention their species at the very beginning until I re-read it after publishing. Must’ve somehow slipped my mind.
Clara’s necklace hasn’t been fully explained yet. But it’s meant to have been a gift from her brothers as a way of coping with her former fear of darkness after the events of the series Beneath the Haunted Woods back in Issues 711 - 717. So, it’s pretty much both column A and column B, that it’s a source of comfort to her and has some magical properties as it lights up in the dark. As for her confusion at first, since she was tossed around like a ragdoll moments before when being dragged down into the cave, I figured she’d be a little disoriented before quickly realizing what it was making the glow and piecing two and two together.
Once again, thanks very much for the review Twillie! Much appreciated!
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