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Post by Thorn on Aug 28, 2020 18:34:15 GMT -5
Response to Gelquie's:This is so good!!! It took me a while to actually understand the final line but when I did...oh my gosh. Amos! What a sneaky person...I love the descriptions of the cake too, and putting poison just in the representation of the heir's favourite flower was a clever move. It's hard to believe this is a character you just created for this prompt, Amos feels so much more developed and Real than that.
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Post by Moni on Aug 28, 2020 19:25:08 GMT -5
"A glimmer seen from the corner of your eye." i have stopped trying to write Good things will now write what i want. this does mean, yes, i am writing Bird again. Bird is the best character. (yes, Bird is literally just an actual budgie. very stupid. yes, this is a sequel to the OCtober thing where he tries to get Edgyfriend a partner... for some reason... it is just as dumb as it sounds.)
Bird was very sad!
His plan to get his angular human friend a mate did not work, it seemed. He was not busy building a nest to raise young humanlings in it, even though Bird provided him the materials to. This meant one thing: putting flowers in the human's head-feathers was not enough; Bird needed to instruct him in the art of wooing.
And Bird had a few tricks up his sleeve. He had a very special song and dance, passed in his family for eons, that the other birds loved. Humans would also love it for sure!
So he got to the task of trying to teach the human how to sing and dance. To that end, he secured a shiny pottery shard. Then, he would try to gleam some sunlight in the human's direction--just enough to get his attention. Finally, he would sing his little birdsong and flap his wings.
The human simply watched him the first few times. That was okay, Bird thought, the human must have been intimidated by the intricacy of his beautiful bird-call and his beautiful dance! All that was needed was some good-old-fashioned repetition until the human built up enough confidence to perform it himself.
Within the span of a few days, his human friend began humming the tune whenever he was by himself. He sounded very good, in Bird's opinion; if only he would sing like this in front of another nice human, they would of course agree to build a nest with him! Of course, there was the dance part, which the human would not imitate, no matter how many times Bird showed it to him.
Then, after many days and nights, Bird finally realized something: humans did not have wings, and thus they could not perform this dance! He felt very sorry for them.
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Post by Breakingchains on Aug 28, 2020 20:17:36 GMT -5
Impending Amani secrets?  Sorry, nothing from me this week because medical stuff going on, but I'll post a new prompt anyways: Undisturbed, until now.I'll read through posted stuff tomorrow! |
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Post by Thorn on Aug 29, 2020 2:09:18 GMT -5
I will post my scribbling for last week a bit later tonight! For now, here's my week three prompt. Week three: starry eyed. EDIT: And, of course, a response to Moni! The little detail about edgy having a fairly nice voice was really sweet! <3
And that punchline...oh my gosh, poor bird. xD He was trying so hard too...one day he will be able to teach edgy how to build a humanling-nest and how to attract a worthy mate, I believe in you little bird!! |
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Post by Thorn on Aug 29, 2020 5:54:27 GMT -5
Here are my scribblings based on last week's prompts! A silly thing with my space ladies. The actual reveal is very Tense and Emotional, but I turned it into...the characters being caricatures of themselves, w/ Twilight references. (Mari is an android, Cal is a dragon-riding cyborg hunting for her brother- whom Mari may or may not have ordered killed, depending on which draft of the novella we're looking at. They're sort of love interests? But it's not remotely healthy until like...really late in the story.) Prompt: Write something for a secret reveal or concept, but do it differently than what you have planned or what you had done. (Mari and Cal) “I know what you are.”
Cal looked nervous. “Right. Okay. Say it. Out loud.”
“You’re a cyborg.”
She looked even more nervous. “Does that frighten you, Marion?”
“Well duh,” scoffed Mari.
“Excuse me?”
“Your rampant identity issues are extremely alarming.”
Cal scowled. “I do not have identity issues!”
“And they are why you will push me aw-”
“I’m leaving.”
“And then you will project your self-loathing onto. Everyone else.”
“I hate you, Mari.”
I used Chains' prompt to explore some aspects of one of the main categories of Strange Planar Entity in EuroAtlantis...fiends! Why Pahra? Well, I've already written Malka and I like the evils. Prompt: A glimmer seen from the corner of your eye. (Pahra & some completely random unnamed fiend.) Pahra sometimes wondered if this was what intoxication felt like to mortals: a heaviness and lightness, a glimmer at the corner of your eye. Or all eyes, sometimes- like little lights everywhere, dancing wisps, glinting like motes of distilled pain in the breweries Below. The sensation of intoxication had been described to him. He felt he understood it. He felt this was close.
Pahra laughed giddily, burying his face in his companion’s shoulder. “Ugh. Enough.”
She ran her fingers through his hair. “It is powerful here. I agree.”
“It is a strange and winding path,” Pahra said, and bit his tongue, and laughed again. “I am listening too much to them now.”
He steadied himself as she moved away, becoming just another glimmer at the corner of his eye- but always at least that much within his sight. Pahra didn’t trust her enough to let her out of it.
“I don’t think intoxication is the right analogy,” she said. Her tongue flickered, tasting the air.
“What would you say, then?”
“I would say it is closer to what they call 'feeling-alive’.”
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Post by Moni on Aug 29, 2020 23:51:40 GMT -5
feedbackerino (i don't really have much to say rip) Gelquie ... I can't really read the name "amos" without thinking of a specific person. Not really a comment on the piece per say, but when I first read that name I totally imagined him as some academic dude. XD
I like the simplicity, it makes it easy to follow and easy to get the conclusion. Poisoning the flower was a pretty cool plan, and one that you could almost immediately work out thanks to the way the information is presented. That style of story where things are left to implication appeals to me, it's cool. The flow+pace did jar at times, particularly because you interchange "they" and "he" to refer to Amos and perhaps used line breaks a bit too much, but overall I think this is good. ThornYour piece is supposed to be funny and it absolutely works! In this mode, it's totally different than the actual dramatique(TM) reveal in that it's humorous, and the interesting thing is I think the flanderization of your characters produces a very different dynamic than a Twilight Reveal scene. It sounds like two friends ribbing on each other about some rumor more than anything--for all you know, the cyborg thing may not be true in this context!
(me not commenting on second piece is more just me not really liking reading about the evulz, this is a me thing.) |
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Post by Thorn on Aug 30, 2020 3:43:58 GMT -5
Thorn Your piece is supposed to be funny and it absolutely works! In this mode, it's totally different than the actual dramatique(TM) reveal in that it's humorous, and the interesting thing is I think the flanderization of your characters produces a very different dynamic than a Twilight Reveal scene. It sounds like two friends ribbing on each other about some rumor more than anything--for all you know, the cyborg thing may not be true in this context!
(me not commenting on second piece is more just me not really liking reading about the evulz, this is a me thing.) Am glad you like the flanderised Reveal! Didn't even think about how it might read as non-serious ribbing, but it makes sense. Guess that's bound to happen when you make A Humour. xP No worries r.e. the second piece, I know you don't like evulz! Neither of them is doing anything particularly evil in the course of the piece itself, but you have outsider knowledge of Pahra and know he is...pretty awful, so I get that reading about him isn't your thing. |
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Post by Breakingchains on Aug 30, 2020 15:19:30 GMT -5
Sorry for delay, comments: Gelquie "Guarded and Concealed": Is it weird I have a soft spot for poisoning plots? I also like this as a twist on the "carrying a cake" trope, and how you just leave the murder almost completely implicit rather than stating anything up front. Moni "A glimmer seen from the corner of your eye": D'awww bird  You pretty much nail what I've always felt seems to be going on in birds' heads 24-7. Sort of a linear chatter probably accompanied by elevator music. xD Made me smile. Thorn "A glimmer seen from the corner of your eye": I love the description here. Not a ton else to say but very evocative. (Don't really know enough about your OCs to say much about the other piece, sorry xD;) |
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Post by Breakingchains on Aug 30, 2020 15:22:34 GMT -5
In order to keep stuff nice and condensed for people who might want to just jump in, I'm gonna start putting weekly prompts in the top post! I don't think I missed any for week 3 but if I miss one let me know, or just @ me when you post a new one!
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Post by Thorn on Aug 30, 2020 16:19:05 GMT -5
Breakingchains Thank-you! <3 I'm glad you liked the descriptions, as 'vague but evocative' was 100% what I was going for. I think describing otherworldly beings in vague terms works best, but also, these are beings heavily involved with emotions so that needs to be felt too! Putting the current prompts in the first post was a great idea! Should we have a separate ooc chatter thread as well, so the comments/reviews and responses from comments and stuff don't make it too difficult to find the actual writings?
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Post by Gelquie on Aug 30, 2020 20:27:01 GMT -5
New prompt! Mummy===== Responses! Moni - Bird fic -- Aww, bird! Bird tries so hard. And is doing well for human friend! Both in helpful human ways and less human ways, but still! Poor humans indeed. I liked reading this. Thorn - Reveal fic - Ha ha, this was a fun one! xD RIP Cal. Not that Mari doesn't have points. Glimmer fic - Aaah, so cool to see them like this! Very insightful on the nature of demons, and really highlights just how different they are from mortals. Which is just really cool in general; you have a knack for being that require Very Different Needs and such. -- Responses to responses to my "concealed" fic! General -- Aw, thanks so much! I'm glad the intent was clear and that people had fun with it! I had fun writing it for sure.
(Though yeah, it was mainly just a flash fic. xD ) It was a fun experiment going for something totally implicit.
Re: Thorn - I'm glad he came across as having depth! His personality could go various ways, but the intent was fairly clear in my mind, which can color a lot of him! But he really was just made up on the spot. xD
Re: Moni - He could well be an academic dude! Or maybe not! Up to the reader. xD That's a funny coincidence, though.
I wasn't really too concerned with flow+pace or such quality as it was mainly just a flash fic to get my brain going; more of a drabble than anything. I've gotten a few comments on flow before, but I feel it could just be because it reflects my way of thinking or writing style as it feels fine to me. I don't know. I can kinda see what you mean and may look into that. Even so, for the sake of being able to do flash fics, I probably won't overthink it too much.
As for the pronouns, yeah, I default to "they" when I don't know or want to keep it vague or just to cover my bases. But halfway through the fic I decided on pronouns, and while I did go back and change some instances, I guess I missed some. Oops. xD
Re: Chains - Yeah, it was definitely a fun twist on the trope! I think in my brainstorming process, I both thought "secretive conspiracy thing" before deciding I didn't want to go that dark, then "cake carry!" before deciding I didn't want to go that light, and at some point the ideas combined and it clicked. xD |
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Post by Breakingchains on Aug 30, 2020 21:23:46 GMT -5
Thorn So basically this thread can be for new prompts and written pieces, and the other thread can be for responses/responses to responses and chitchat? That is probably a really good idea to keep things tidy. I can make it here in a bit! EDIT: Done!
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Post by Gelquie on Aug 30, 2020 21:59:37 GMT -5
Imma separate my new prompt from my latest post, then.
New prompt: Mummy
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Post by Breakingchains on Sept 4, 2020 15:10:58 GMT -5
Here's a combo piece for "Undisturbed, until now" and "Starry-eyed." She put on her gauntlets. Then, carefully, testing its hold, she pushed on the lid of the ancient stone chest.
It opened with some resistance. There, just as her sources had specified. A cat made of silver about the length of her hand, star-rubies for eyes. The lid seized halfway up and now she forced it, sending a shower of dirt and plant material as it fell off, exposing her prize to light for the first time in an age.
She hesitated a moment, fidgeting with her gauntlets, adjusting the fit. It was just nerves—this would have no effect when she picked it up. Taking a breath, she steeled herself, and touched the idol.
There came a faint rumble. Then a blast of otherworldly light. Then something in reality churned.
She kept her grip but her knees struck earth as there came a great grinding sound, like a voice from between the molecules of the world. It reverberated in her teeth and the idol shook and torqued as if to free itself—but she locked it tight between her palms and ducked her head, bracing. The rumble of the floor rattled her bones, sending showers of dust from the ancient walls and then came the screech of something, stone on stone and some being moved to deathly rage. For an instant the world seemed thin as paper and she could see the swirling abyss that lay ever just beneath, yawning open to claim her as a thousand years of a single ever-intensified death curse launched itself at her human flesh—
Then fizzled out with a faint pop.
She smiled. Good wards would do that, especially against older magics. Ever cautious not to let it touch anything but her hands, she very carefully dropped her pack off one shoulder, and sealed the idol inside. There was someone back in her city state who had no idea about good wards.
This would be on his doorstep first thing in the morning. My new prompt for this week: An innocuous item with an unexpected second function. |
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Post by Gelquie on Sept 4, 2020 17:07:09 GMT -5
(Will post a new prompt later; still brainstorming!) I did write a piece for Starry-Eyed! ...But. No showing yet. One fic I posted in my Fics Thread, and is Amani-related. The other I will post here! (This one I realized was inspired by something I'm currently watching. But only inspired, don't worry!) Undisturbed, Until NowBeing sealed in a cave left Sword with a lot of time to think.
How long had it been? Sword didn’t have a sense of time, nor was there a good way to track time. It had been a long time, they were certain of that. Long enough that it had been able to expand its consciousness.
Not much else to do, besides dwell on the past. After all, it’s not like anyone was using them, save for the solitary spider that occasionally started a family on its hilt. That was nice, but didn’t really count.
Its past was storied, though. It remembered when it was first forged. It doubted the forger knew that they had instilled essence into the sword. Not that the sword could do much with this essence, at first. It knew what all other objects knew; its job as a tool. Most objects would never discover more than that.
But Sword was experienced. It had seen many wars, many families. Its consciousness grew. And in time, it discovered that it could do things. Nothing much. But it was intriguing how a slight shift could turn the tide in its wielder’s favor.
It was a wonderful discovery, and simultaneously when the trouble started.
Its wielder put the behavior down to luck, at first. But Sword pushed the limit more, tested its abilities. One time, Sword lamented, it accidentally hurt its wielder. And it soon became apparent that Sword was no ordinary sword.
Despite all the times Sword helped, the wielders began to be scared of Sword. They only remembered that one accident, and soon the others were mistrusted.
Some chose to wield Sword anyway, and Sword helped them as best it could. But that power only made others fear Sword more.
One day, its last last true wielder was slain, and Sword was taken far away. Sword doubted that the fake wielder told the others where it was going. It realized that was the intent.
The fake wielder found a dark, untouched cave, and threw Sword down a dark shaft unceremoniously. Sword remembered the sound of what it was sure was the work of the fake wielder ensuring it could not be found, then nothing but darkness, dirt, and bugs.
At least Sword could weigh its abilities, expand what it could do. After all, it had a lot of time to think.
But what was the point of it if it could never be used?
But there was nothing they could do about it.
Until one day, it felt a big, shaky shift. Then it felt a glint on its metal. Something must have shifted, for it felt light for the first time.
Sword spent a short time pondering what it could do with that light, but weeks later (it was sure now; there was sunlight to help them count the days), they heard another shift, a smaller one. Then footsteps. And then. Smaller, patterned reverberations. Then a warm grasp on its handle.
And just like that, for the first time in forever, Sword had found a new wielder. Finally. It could use its potential. |
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You pretty much nail what I've always felt seems to be going on in birds' heads 24-7. Sort of a linear chatter probably accompanied by elevator music. xD Made me smile.
