|
Post by Moni on Aug 27, 2018 13:26:46 GMT -5
Duke Pikachu yoo, sorry i'm late to reply. It didn't actually tag me because (I think) I was already tagged in your response to my review anyway, i didn't want you to think I didn't care to respond or something; thanks so much for your feedback! Yeah, it been a long time since I even attempted anything Duplicity-related; it's nice to finally pump out something that could be seen as a direct follow-up to it, because I'm not gonna lie, there were a lot of loose ends. >< One of those was Danner, who played a relatively minor part but arguably was affected the most.
And yeah, I'm glad Danner's plight was shown well; it's kind of simultaneously messed up and complicated not just due to the experience itself, but because of *who* did it. If there was one thing I would have changed it was probably showing an actual flashback or something to show the realization. Bleh. I guess that's the price you pay for not editing too closely.
And--yep, Lissandre's still there! The circumstances around her are still quite messy but Meridell's a safe place for her to be. Part of her safety is the fact that Jeran *knows* a lot about her and thus realizes she's not really a threat to the kingdom's safety--due to mind-reading, pfft--and this might get a story of its own in the future. If I get off my butt.
And... yeaaaah. I think Danner pretty clearly had the upper hand this time; Jeran acted fairly typically, like regular-Jeran. Danner's angry and his trust is pretty much gone at this point, and unless something changes, it's not really liable to be healed anytime soon unless something drastic happens.
Which... is kind of not an happy ending, but you've already said that. :-p it's good you found it relatively dramatic, because I constantly find myself writing stories that are... not so very much, so to know that this one lands is comforting.
Thank you again for your thoughts! :-)
|
|
|
Post by Duke Pikachu on Aug 27, 2018 19:19:02 GMT -5
Sorry! I meant to make a new post. In addition to Moni, I also did a review of erroro 's short story in my original post! I'm currently working through CrimsonShroud 's two part series.
|
|
|
Post by Moni on Aug 29, 2018 18:22:32 GMT -5
CrimsonShroud (I promise I will eventually write down my thoughts on part two of your series. (If I don't, just prod me to death.) But for now, a response!)
You actually got the plot of the previous story pretty much on the nose! I realize now that I did not summarize the events of the previous series at all, so it's good to know that that bit of information got through via context.
And... it's really interesting to me that you mention Jeran's mannerisms being that of a shady villain--because my version of Jeran is that of a generally-upstanding-guy-but-just-don't-dig-too-deeply sort of dude, which is not exactly your impression but fits in with it. His mannerisms are intended to be shady in this context because that's how Danner sees him--and his inaction in the face of Danner's aggressive questioning are motivated from a sort of mixture of regret and emotional cowardice rather than a strict inability to deal with Danner.
(If you think this Jeran is villainous, you may find him in the previous series to be, super-evil, because, uh, hooo boy he is so much more of an evil jerk there and to this day I am not sure how it made it into the Times.)
You are onto something with your last paragraph. Jeran does kind of indeed "get away" with it--and the thing that caused him to go super nuts in the first place never really got *resolved* because, without going into spoilers, he didn't necessarily confront it directly. This is still very a part of something that may or may not materialize in the future--I just really liked the character of Danner and wanted to revisit him again!
Thank you for the review, Shroud! :-)
|
|
|
Post by Duke Pikachu on Sept 1, 2018 19:01:31 GMT -5
And I finally got to CrimsonShroud's two-part story! My reviews are in my original post.
|
|
|
Post by CrimsonShroud on Sept 2, 2018 19:47:12 GMT -5
RESPONSE:Thanks! Good to know I’ve still got it in terms of atmosphere and suspense. Yeah, I did go a bit too overboard with my wording at a couple parts, especially at the beginning with the whole description of the talisman. Really got to keep reminding myself to keep things short and simple. Parlebb had his suspicions, its when everything goes wrong that he realized Arthur’s near-grave mistake. He does reference the lie later on in part 2, but he is quick to forgive him for it, since he knows that Arthur wasn’t in control of his own actions when the curse took over. RANDOM THOUGHTS: Ah, you’re familiar with Lovecraft too! So you got the visual reference. Fun Fact: The premise behind Beneath the Haunted Woods was partially inspired by the stories, The Nameless City and At the Mountains of Madness, both of which, to those unfamiliar with Lovecraft’s work, revolve around people (in Lovecraft terms, unfortunate soul(s)) stumbling into an ancient city hidden in uncharted parts of the world. Unlike in those stories, my characters don’t run into eldritch horrors and end up going completely insane at the end. That’s what taking in a sudden surge of powerful magic does to ya! Fills you with euphoria, and gets you drunk on dark magic if you're not careful. XD At least Arthur and Parlebb seemed to. Clara on the other hand, as revealed at the end of Part 2, hasn’t really gotten over it yet. She still has to go to sleep with the lights on. This isn’t exactly Detroit dude! XP But in all seriousness, I never imagined Neopia Central to be anywhere near as dangerous as some certain worlds in Neopia (looking at you, Haunted Woods and Krawk Island!) And now that you mention it, Parlebb actually never leaves the house without his blades at his side. Not necessarily because of the many dangers Neopia has to offer, but because he runs on the philosophy, “You never know when you might need to use it”. I have to agree with you on this. Arthur’s characterization is all over the place here, and he’s especially acting quite irrational too. I’ll have to go back to the drawing board for this one... Part 2: Definitely my favorite part of this entire story. It was a lot of fun to write the whole “Evil Arthur vs. his friends and siblings” fight. Especially as I used this chance to give minor characters, Wiluite, Zemia and Lithia, a proper chance to shine and add in a tad bit of character development for them as well.
True, that would have been quite a downer. Poor Arthur would be devastated. Of course, I couldn’t let it end that way. I can’t be that harsh to my pets. ;P
0_0 … Hasn’t he suffered enough? XD Nah, his friends and siblings would never do that to him. Unless of course if Arthur decided to be a complete idiot and invite the whole neighborhood over on the other hand, then that’s a whole other story. And that’s precisely why he and Arthur are best friends; no matter the trouble, Wiluite always gives his friends a chance to explain themselves, rather than jump to conclusions so soon. He does indeed deserve to be friend! Well, there are fates worse than death. Remember what happened to Lord Kass? XD (The force is strong with him.)I wasn’t thinking about Evil Dead when I wrote that passage, (Heck, I have never even seen any of the movies. XP). I was wondering when the Pokemon reference would come up. ;P That’s just about right! Only without the heart in the sky, and its more like a black hole of doom. And yet we're still alive, so we can totally chill and laugh about it now. XD She did just drink one of the higher-level healing potions, so she wouldn’t have had too much trouble getting back home. But still, you’re right, not very gentleman-like of him. XP
I did play around with the idea of whether Arthur and his family should tell one or the other about it, but in the end they decided not to. After all, some things are best left undiscovered (and considering the horrors they met when they stumbled down there, they wouldn't want to end up sending many daring and curious adventurers to suffer the same as they did, no?). Besides, its not like they can go back down there anyway even if they told anyone, since a recent earthquake shortly after they escaped caused a cave-in that completely sealed off the entrance. No one will be getting in there anytime soon. Well, crud...I done messed up on that part. I didn't intend to show off the talisman itself as cursed. I meant to write that the new sapphire gem Arthur put in place of the evil ruby, was enchanted with Arthur's own magic, which would explain why it gleamed when the moonlight struck it. But it seems I forgot to make that clear when I wrote it. My mistake. XP Thanks! Glad it was a fun read, despite its faults here and there. *Cough*Arthur'sirrationalcharacterization*Cough* Thanks very much for the review, Pik!
|
|
|
Post by mollyscribbles on Sept 2, 2018 22:58:15 GMT -5
Heh, finally remembered to finish up the reviews I planned to do: The Magic Exams of the Magic Schools: Fascinating read! Millicent made it to BVU on a scholarship for students who've read over 2000 books(reasoning being they'd have been able to save less for tuition), so it was good to have some insight into what her schooling is like, and what her other options could have been. Life After the Curse: Interesting read! Pretty sure you've put more effort into considering the characters' responses to events than TNT. Colossus: Oh, wow. An interesting take on Xandra, Fyora, and their past. blah, words no work good me tonight -- story awesome, much praise.
|
|
|
Post by Duke Pikachu on Sept 3, 2018 0:52:34 GMT -5
CrimsonShroud : Oh no, I liked how detailed you went with the talisman! While I haven't read many of his works I'm familiar with his general themes, if only because how much his work is refernced in popular culture. Pretty much if you want other worldly horror you usually go H. P. Lovecraft. You say that, and then you get stuck in a middle of a Wraith invasion, a mad Kacheek clown who uses pies to turn people hit by them into zombie clowns, or just in general some powerful creature ramapaging through. "Sorry I was late for work sir, but a giant hungry Chomby was making its way through Neopia Central eating everything in sight". Oh the kids wouldn't hurt him that bad. Whoops, meant to say fried than friend, lol! It's one thing to ask your friend to explain themselves, it's another to charge at them while doing so when they saw another friend of there's do the same and get zapped. As I said, I know he probably wasn't thinking clearly, but maybe in the future he may want to make mental note what happened and plan better. He was killed and turned to smoldering ash? I'm just being pedantic. That underground city is definietly worth leaving undiscovered, if not because of the monsters but because there's dangerous artifacts lying about. Don't worry, I got that. You wanted to show instead of being a cursed object it's been made into a protecting ward. Though I didn't know it was Arthur's natural magic doing it, I thought it was the talisman reacting with the purer sapphire. Originally I was wondered what would happen if you put different gems in like a diamond or emerald, but since it's Arthur's magic doing it I guess that point is mute. mollyscribbles : Glad you liked it! And sure, you may have saved on tuition, but I bet you still have debt from having to get the text book for the classes.
|
|
|
Post by CrimsonShroud on Sept 3, 2018 12:48:49 GMT -5
Duke Pikachu : Indeed. Who better to turn to than the master of cosmic horror himself? You do have a point, but the Wraith Resurgence was ended not too long ago, though the DF is at large again...somewhere out there...plotting... Also, I thought the Mad Kacheek Clown was imprisoned a long, long time ago? That being said, I'd definitely be armed to the tooth and tail if I were living in the Haunted Woods, which is the most infested with monsters and other horrors that wouldn't hesitate to harm a kid (seriously, the fact that a homeless orphan like Gilly can manage to survive out there every day and yet still be quite cheerful and optimistic, is quite a feat. XD) or Krawk Island, where bloodthirsty, pillaging pirates pretty much own the island and the surrounding seas. Even then, Arthur always has his magic to defend himself if he needs to, Parlebb has his twin blades, and Clara has her dagger. Plus they receive regular self-defence training at the Academies, so they're set to take on the monster-ridden, war-torn, bizarre world of Neopia. XD
I don't know, Pik, those pinata bats can hit pretty hard. That, and kids can be very, very cruel. Oh. Well in that case, he probably did deserve to be fried Kyrii. He ain't the sharpest sword in the armory (in fact, he's a bit blunt ), but when properly motivated, he can be quite competent. Thing is, he hasn't had an opportunity to prove that yet. More like dragged off to hell, in a way. It's not clear what the Three did to him, but my guess is he got banished to a different dimension for all eternity. Ah I see. That and it's super easy to get hopelessly lost in the winding tunnels. Ah, gotcha.
|
|
|
Post by Duke Pikachu on Sept 3, 2018 14:21:46 GMT -5
CrimsonShroud: Mr. Chuckles is a DoN super villain, I'm sure if he wanted to escape he will. Well do remember that apparently Gilly has super strength of some kind. She can take care of herself. That said, I do wonder about her backstory. Why is an orphan exploring the woods alone? Where is her family? She was able to drop everything she was doing to help Sophie and Bruno cure Neovia. Right, I guess that helps a little. XD "Neopia is dangerous, do you have anything to defend yourself?" "I can set things on fire" "... Yeah, that'll do". Huh, never saw it like that. I more saw it that when they said they were going to "take it all back" they were being poetic on how, since the power they gave him made him the next Lord, that means all he was is essentially because of them so vaporized him. Never really saw it as them sending him to hell/another dimension. But since we don't really know it's all up to interpretation.
|
|
|
Post by CrimsonShroud on Sept 3, 2018 15:49:56 GMT -5
Duke Pikachu : Of course, comic-book style villains always break out and try and try again. XP Super Strength? More like super adept at using improvised weaponry, she can wield a shovel and a broken floor lamp and just wipe the floor with any of the horrors the Woods has to offer. From zombies to haunted tombstones and ents, nothing can stand a chance against her. That's what I'm wondering too, among other things. Where and how did she learn to fight like that? And how is she so happy and optimistic when she lives in one of the scariest and most dangerous places in Neopia? On the extreme off-chance they decide to being her back for a future plot (if it ever happens), I hope some of those questions are addressed. (I strongly doubt it though, since it's tradition to have most plot characters as throwaways, with the exception of the Advent Calendar, but that's a different story).
Yup. They're pretty much covered. Interestingly, the Neopets page on TVTropes describes his death listed as 'Dragged off to Hell' for some reason, rather than vaporized, which I thought was quite odd, considering how its portrayed visually in the comics. Not sure how one would interpret it that way, but I guess that's one way of seeing it.
|
|
|
Post by Duke Pikachu on Sept 3, 2018 16:48:16 GMT -5
CrimsonShroud: Yeah, if they ever bring Gilly back she'd probably just be an extra character and not go into her backstory.
Well TVTropes is is user editted so, once again, up to interpretation.
|
|