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Post by Zoey on Oct 4, 2015 17:17:24 GMT -5
Think I got as much feedback as I needed out of that; thanks so much for the responses, everyone! *takes everything down* Projected release time is either... end of november or beginning of next year, methinks. XD
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Post by Rabbit ♠ on Oct 4, 2015 17:33:55 GMT -5
I thought it was funny.  |
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Post by Carolyn on Oct 4, 2015 18:21:08 GMT -5
I was a bit confused about the dino, but other than that, I think the comedy comes through.  |
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Post by June Scarlet on Oct 4, 2015 18:56:52 GMT -5
It'd be a subtle difference, but I might change "Kaune, what did you do to that vase?!" to something more like, "Kaune, what did you turn that vase into?!" or "Kaune, what happened to the vase?!"
The difference is the original is a bit more vague. Kaune could have broken the vase more, or turned it yellow, or turned it into a monster. The later two are a bit more specific, they foreshadow better what happened to the vase, therefore foreshadowing the dino crashing into her room and hopefully avoiding confusion like Carolyn's.
It's a tricky balance, you don't want to say, "Kaune, why did you turn the vase into a monster?!" because that'd give away the joke. But you also don't want to say, "Kaune, what just happened?!" and have no hint at all. The right amount of foreshadowing will guide your reader to the correct train of thought without revealing the twist you have in mind.
I didn't become an English major for nothing, I guess.
But otherwise, yeah, I got it, it made sense to me, I actually liked it a lot, it's great. I think I actually tend to be pickiest on the stuff I like, because I know you're capable of doing it, I want your work to be at its best.
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Post by Zoey on Oct 4, 2015 19:19:08 GMT -5
It'd be a subtle difference, but I might change "Kaune, what did you do to that vase?!" to something more like, "Kaune, what did you turn that vase into?!" or "Kaune, what happened to the vase?!" The difference is the original is a bit more vague. Kaune could have broken the vase more, or turned it yellow, or turned it into a monster. The later two are a bit more specific, they foreshadow better what happened to the vase, therefore foreshadowing the dino crashing into her room and hopefully avoiding confusion like Carolyn's. It's a tricky balance, you don't want to say, "Kaune, why did you turn the vase into a monster?!" because that'd give away the joke. But you also don't want to say, "Kaune, what just happened?!" and have no hint at all. The right amount of foreshadowing will guide your reader to the correct train of thought without revealing the twist you have in mind. I didn't become an English major for nothing, I guess. But otherwise, yeah, I got it, it made sense to me, I actually liked it a lot, it's great. I think I actually tend to be pickiest on the stuff I like, because I know you're capable of doing it, I want your work to be at its best. I gotcha! That's an easy fix; I'll fire up Photoshop and fix it right up after I workout. Thanks for the detailed response! Yeah, I spent awhile trying to figure out how I wanted to word the box. Like, do I just tell the viewers it's a monoceraptor, or...? Bleh. Anyway, that'll be changed. XD CarolynYeah, I figured. XD FIxing the broken vase with a repair spell apparently turned into a raging monoceraptor rampaging through the house, but I didn't know if it the whole "magic spell gone wrong" idea was conveyed accurately. x.X |
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Caylista
Frequent Visitor
Mooncalf
I can't believe you would argue in the face of Ultimate Reality.
Posts: 229 
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Post by Caylista on Oct 4, 2015 22:13:50 GMT -5
RETURN OF THE MONOCERAPTORRRR Just kidding, I wasn't around for that. But I do really like this comic, especially in that we finally get to see your whole definitely crazy family interacting (yay!) I think the joke comes off fine, and like you said, you don't actually need any knowledge of the characters before reading it; it works fine as an introductory comic! Hmm, but since you are looking for feedback, I'll just point out the two things I noticed: first, the bubbles where Cie is speaking off-screen should probably be connected- either butting, or through a tail. Secondly, as a general rule word balloon tails are supposed to point to the character's mouth whenever possible, so I might edit Jotis and Biscuit's balloons at the bottom. But of course, those are really minor things to fix and don't impact the actual joke or panel flow. |
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Post by Zoey on Oct 4, 2015 22:27:31 GMT -5
RETURN OF THE MONOCERAPTORRRR Just kidding, I wasn't around for that. But I do really like this comic, especially in that we finally get to see your whole definitely crazy family interacting (yay!) I think the joke comes off fine, and like you said, you don't actually need any knowledge of the characters before reading it; it works fine as an introductory comic! Hmm, but since you are looking for feedback, I'll just point out the two things I noticed: first, the bubbles where Cie is speaking off-screen should probably be connected- either butting, or through a tail. Secondly, as a general rule word balloon tails are supposed to point to the character's mouth whenever possible, so I might edit Jotis and Biscuit's balloons at the bottom. But of course, those are really minor things to fix and don't impact the actual joke or panel flow. Thankies! *dances around for feedback* The two bubbles actually, originally, were suppose to be Ciebatta and Kaune talking separately, which is why it was separated. XD But I did totally consider making both lines spoken by Ciebatta only, so now that you've mentioned it, I'll go ahead and butt the two together. And I wasn't aware of how strict the balloon rules were.  Figured as long as they pointed to the right character people would know that the speech came from them. XD Good to know, though, I'll fix those right up! ^.^ |
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Caylista
Frequent Visitor
Mooncalf
I can't believe you would argue in the face of Ultimate Reality.
Posts: 229
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Post by Caylista on Oct 4, 2015 23:02:35 GMT -5
Thankies! *dances around for feedback* The two bubbles actually, originally, were suppose to be Ciebatta and Kaune talking separately, which is why it was separated. XD But I did totally consider making both lines spoken by Ciebatta only, so now that you've mentioned it, I'll go ahead and butt the two together. And I wasn't aware of how strict the balloon rules were. Figured as long as they pointed to the right character people would know that the speech came from them. XD Good to know, though, I'll fix those right up! ^.^ Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't even consider that! .__. I just automatically thought they were both Ciebatta speaking, since they flowed together. (They look good connected, though!) As far as I know, the balloon rule only really applies when a character's face is in full view (so for characters shown at a distance or with their backs turned, it doesn't matter). It's not so much an issue of who's speaking (that's obvious xD), but in facilitating eye movement from the bubble to the character. If the tails are off, or pointing vaguely to the character, the eye gets stuck while trying to connect the words with the face of the speaker. It's just what I've learned in sequential art studies, but of course it still depends on what looks best with each individual panel.  And I still screw up with it all the time if I don't consciously plan my bubbles properly, so there's that ahah. |
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Post by Zoey on Oct 4, 2015 23:07:19 GMT -5
Thankies! *dances around for feedback* The two bubbles actually, originally, were suppose to be Ciebatta and Kaune talking separately, which is why it was separated. XD But I did totally consider making both lines spoken by Ciebatta only, so now that you've mentioned it, I'll go ahead and butt the two together. And I wasn't aware of how strict the balloon rules were. Figured as long as they pointed to the right character people would know that the speech came from them. XD Good to know, though, I'll fix those right up! ^.^ Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't even consider that! .__. I just automatically thought they were both Ciebatta speaking, since they flowed together. (They look good connected, though!) As far as I know, the balloon rule only really applies when a character's face is in full view (so for characters shown at a distance or with their backs turned, it doesn't matter). It's not so much an issue of who's speaking (that's obvious xD), but in facilitating eye movement from the bubble to the character. If the tails are off, or pointing vaguely to the character, the eye gets stuck while trying to connect the words with the face of the speaker. It's just what I've been taught in sequential art studies, but of course it still depends on what looks best with each individual panel. And I still screw up with it all the time if I don't consciously plan my bubbles properly, so there's that ahah. I thought they look rather nice connected, too. And good that it shows up on your screen! XD (on mine it shows the unedited version because yay Photobucket and cookies... it'll change in a few hours) Ohhhh! Gotcha, that's good to know. I've only taken a few painting/sketching classes in high school so I'm unaware of things like this. XD Alright, so in the future, point all the bubbles to the yapper!  (I'm having fun with this already. ^.^) |
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Figured as long as they pointed to the right character people would know that the speech came from them. XD Good to know, though, I'll fix those right up! ^.^
And I still screw up with it all the time if I don't consciously plan my bubbles properly, so there's that ahah.