|
|
Post by Dju on Oct 28, 2011 16:33:05 GMT -5
I thought it would be something interesting to discuss!  I've noticed that when someone says "I love you" to me, it feels a bit shallow. But when someone says "adore you" it feels a lot more stronger. So I was wondering if people now days say "I love you" way too much that it's starting to lose strength? Will the word adore or another one become more precious if people keep declaring themselves to love someone by facebook or twitter when they only met 3 days ago? Have we overdone it? I think yes. XD love is starting to become nothing more than "I like you" to my eyes, it's not as impacting as it should be, at least to my eyes. We see it everywhere people saying "I loved that movie, I loved that book, I loved meeting you" and etc that I guess I got used to it. So, what is your opinion about it? |
|
|
|
Post by Gelquie on Oct 28, 2011 16:39:14 GMT -5
I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, Dju. I try not to use the word too much because I don't want to use that word when I don't actually mean that. I slip up at times due to social customs, but that's generally what I shoot for. I save the "I love you"s for my boyfriend because... well, I do. xD If it's not from him or if it's not for some special circumstances... Then yeah, it does seem like a shallow "like" to me, and doesn't have the same impact.
|
|
|
|
Post by Ginz ❤ on Oct 28, 2011 16:45:06 GMT -5
As most people here know, Spanish is my first language, and in comparision, I've always felt that the English language seriously lacks words to define different kinds of love. The word love is overused because it's so generic and has such a wide spectrum of meaning. That's not something that can be changed, though.
Personally, I don't think of it as being shallow every time it is said, but it does happen sometimes. It depends on context and who is saying it. Other words, such as 'adore' might sound more genuine in certain circumstances, but I don't really see the as synonyms. If someone told me they adored me, I'd understand a different thing than them loving me.
So yeah, I see where you're coming, and I can agree about it losing strenght for some things, but in the end I think love will be love, and when really meant, there's no word that can replace it.
|
|
|
|
Post by Stephanie (swordlilly) on Oct 28, 2011 16:45:23 GMT -5
Hmm... When I write emails to my parents I always sign off with "Love," and they do too, and it's still pretty strong. And I'd imagine that when I get a boyfriend I'd tell him "I love you" as well. XD
But yeah, when the word is tossed around between distant acquaintances on the Internet or, in your other examples, "I loved that movie" etc., it does feel kind of empty.
Words do change. "Interesting" is now kind of a filler-word for when you don't want to take a stance, but in the 18th century it was really strong, meaning "containing political/financial interest" or something like that.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2011 16:52:58 GMT -5
It always makes me feel better. For a long time it's meant something special to me, and depending on who says it it's a different feeling but still good. If I were in a romantic relationship and my partner said it to me it would be different than my mom saying it to me. But all the same it always makes me feel less lonely and very special.
EDIT: And when I say it I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2011 16:54:09 GMT -5
I'm with Ginz, it depends. When someone I hardly know says it, I usually just brush it off as one of those Exaggerated Liking phrases. Like how people say "I love chocolate!", but what they're really meaning is "I like chocolate," because it is not possible to really love an inanimate object.
When someone loves you, you will know about it, because love will make them want to get to know you, spend time with you, seek your good, etc. And usually that kind of filial love will come with reciprocation because it takes years and patience to foster.
I must say that I am not overly careful with the way I use 'love' in the Exaggerated Liking sense when it comes to inanimate objects, but I am careful with the word when it comes to eros/romantic love.
When I tell Scar that I love him, I make sure I mean it every time. And I do. But I do it because I don't want that love to drain out of our relationship before I can realize what's happening and do something about it. If I am constantly checking to make sure I still feel the same way about him, I will notice a change if it happens. I know he does a similar thing, and we don't just use it in the good times - if we do have a dispute, we will always make sure to remind ourselves of the love we have for each other, because that is what allows us to compromise and seek reconciliation. We don't withhold the use of our love or affection even when we're upset or angry, because that's when it matters most.
I've always felt I've needed to be a bit more careful with how I use it in other contexts, too. I guess society has sort of cheapened the word so it means less than it should through overuse. D:
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2011 16:57:56 GMT -5
I'm with Ginz, it depends. When someone I hardly know says it, I usually just brush it off as one of those Exaggerated Liking phrases. Like how people say "I love chocolate!", but what they're really meaning is "I like chocolate," because it is not possible to really love an inanimate object. I'm not sure I agree with that. I have a stuffed bunny who I love very much as more of a sister/daughter than just a toy. (This IS, however, coming from someone who believes toys can get souls if loved enough XDDD so I'm not sure it's really the same) |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2011 17:12:21 GMT -5
I'm with Ginz, it depends. When someone I hardly know says it, I usually just brush it off as one of those Exaggerated Liking phrases. Like how people say "I love chocolate!", but what they're really meaning is "I like chocolate," because it is not possible to really love an inanimate object. I'm not sure I agree with that. I have a stuffed bunny who I love very much as more of a sister/daughter than just a toy. (This IS, however, coming from someone who believes toys can get souls if loved enough XDDD so I'm not sure it's really the same) If toys can get souls, then wouldn't it stand to reason that other inanimate objects can, too? Mightn't a lamppost be given a soul if enough love is directed towards this? And if it had a soul, how might it manifest? Can it reason and make decisions? Can it exercise willful control over its movements and actions? You can love a toy all you want, but it will not love you back. A relationship requires two sentient partners and is by mutual understanding and agreement. You can't have a relationship with a toy if it can't understand you and you can't understand it on some level, I think it's concepts like this that actually devalue the meaning of love. Imagine, if you will, a class of students who present various projects of varying standards of work and dedication. Three or four students have worked very hard on their presentations and are proud of their work, most of the class did a mediocre job and all they want to do is pass, and a few students hardly put in any work at all, their projects are messy and lack any sort of quality or dedication. The entire class get A+s. True story, this actually happened in my year 13 English class. As one of the select few students who put in a whole lot of work, research and effort into my project, I know I deserved that grade, but I also know that the people who put in almost no effort didn't deserve that grade. The fact that they got it sort of takes the shine off of my achievement. Instead of being a standout student like I should have been, I was just one more in the bunch. It bothered me that people who didn't do squat got the same as people who worked very long and hard. Please don't read this as saying that love is earned or should be restricted only to those who work hard for it. What I'm saying is that you simply can't love everyone. At some point when going down the list of people who are important to you, 'love' ceases and 'really like' starts. The reason being that, if you say you love every stranger who smiles at you, it takes the shine off the love you feel for, say, your parents. If I did that to everyone, Scar would have to get a little jealous. My romantic love and a good proportion of my filial love is reserved only for him, because he is the single most important person in my life. To devalue that concept is to devalue the way I feel about him. Edit: I guess what shows up most is how you react when there is strife between you and someone you claim to love. Whether you will give them the benefit of the doubt and forgive them even if you know it was their fault will be the clincher. And if you haven't fought/struggled with someone at some point, then you're either not human or you don't know them well enough. Scar and I don't fight often at all. For the most part we have miner instances of one of us inadvertently causing offense to the other and we're very good at speaking up about the problem, apologizing and moving on. When there is an issue, it's usually something big that matters a lot to one or both of us. What assures me beyond anything else that I love him deeply is that I am willing to shut the heck up and apologize instead of getting angry and saying nasty things. I'm willing to let go of my own hurt and my right for justice to be served and just forgive. It isn't easy, mind, and I can't always do it instantly, but it happens, and I know he does the same for me. True love is evidenced by commitment and dedication despite hardship with that person. |
|
|
|
Post by Luna on Oct 28, 2011 17:12:59 GMT -5
I think love is a multi-meaning word. Love and love mean different things. I think it depends on how you say it, or how you interpret it. I'm never really careful with the word love, I use it so much, but I don't really /love/ some things. I tell all my friends I love them, but it's not the kind of love as in which someone loves there Wife/Husband/ect. I find there to be certain levels of love.
I do think love is overused. Take the McDonalds slogan "I'm lovin' it". Okay, you're not really loving it. You're not showing it a sign of affection and trust and everything it takes to make love, you just like the food a little bit or than actually saying like.
I almost think love has replaced the word like.
|
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2011 17:25:35 GMT -5
I'm not sure I agree with that. I have a stuffed bunny who I love very much as more of a sister/daughter than just a toy. (This IS, however, coming from someone who believes toys can get souls if loved enough XDDD so I'm not sure it's really the same) If toys can get souls, then wouldn't it stand to reason that other inanimate objects can, too? Mightn't a lamppost be given a soul if enough love is directed towards this? And if it had a soul, how might it manifest? Can it reason and make decisions? Can it exercise willful control over its movements and actions? You can love a toy all you want, but it will not love you back. A relationship requires two sentient partners and is by mutual understanding and agreement. You can't have a relationship with a toy if it can't understand you and you can't understand it on some level, I think it's concepts like this that actually devalue the meaning of love. Imagine, if you will, a class of students who present various projects of varying standards of work and dedication. Three or four students have worked very hard on their presentations and are proud of their work, most of the class did a mediocre job and all they want to do is pass, and a few students hardly put in any work at all, their projects are messy and lack any sort of quality or dedication. The entire class get A+s. True story, this actually happened in my year 13 English class. As one of the select few students who put in a whole lot of work, research and effort into my project, I know I deserved that grade, but I also know that the people who put in almost no effort didn't deserve that grade. The fact that they got it sort of takes the shine off of my achievement. Instead of being a standout student like I should have been, I was just one more in the bunch. It bothered me that people who didn't do squat got the same as people who worked very long and hard. Please don't read this as saying that love is earned or should be restricted only to those who work hard for it. What I'm saying is that you simply can't love everyone. At some point when going down the list of people who are important to you, 'love' ceases and 'really like' starts. The reason being that, if you say you love every stranger who smiles at you, it takes the shine off the love you feel for, say, your parents. If I did that to everyone, Scar would have to get a little jealous. My romantic love and a good proportion of my filial love is reserved only for him, because he is the single most important person in my life. To devalue that concept is to devalue the way I feel about him. Edit: I guess what shows up most is how you react when there is strife between you and someone you claim to love. Whether you will give them the benefit of the doubt and forgive them even if you know it was their fault will be the clincher. And if you haven't fought/struggled with someone at some point, then you're either not human or you don't know them well enough. Scar and I don't fight often at all. For the most part we have miner instances of one of us inadvertently causing offense to the other and we're very good at speaking up about the problem, apologizing and moving on. When there is an issue, it's usually something big that matters a lot to one or both of us. What assures me beyond anything else that I love him deeply is that I am willing to shut the heck up and apologize instead of getting angry and saying nasty things. I'm willing to let go of my own hurt and my right for justice to be served and just forgive. It isn't easy, mind, and I can't always do it instantly, but it happens, and I know he does the same for me. True love is evidenced by commitment and dedication despite hardship with that person. I agree about your true love thing. My personal belief is that my stuffed animal does understand me and love me back, but that's a difference in spiritual beliefs, and that's a debate that belongs in the religion thread. I think it's possible to say you love everyone (I love this world, my family, all you NTWFers, my school friends, and many more people, all in different ways). I do think some loves are stronger than others. I'm not saying you have to say you love a random stranger out loud, but you can feel it and that's just fine. One of the things I have to ask everyone: suppose you read a news article about a family you've never met. It says they just lost their house in a wildfire. I'm sure most of us would feel sorry for them and our hearts would go out to them, and those of us that pray would probably include them in our prayers. If that isn't love, what is it? |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2011 17:27:26 GMT -5
If toys can get souls, then wouldn't it stand to reason that other inanimate objects can, too? Mightn't a lamppost be given a soul if enough love is directed towards this? And if it had a soul, how might it manifest? Can it reason and make decisions? Can it exercise willful control over its movements and actions? You can love a toy all you want, but it will not love you back. A relationship requires two sentient partners and is by mutual understanding and agreement. You can't have a relationship with a toy if it can't understand you and you can't understand it on some level, I think it's concepts like this that actually devalue the meaning of love. Imagine, if you will, a class of students who present various projects of varying standards of work and dedication. Three or four students have worked very hard on their presentations and are proud of their work, most of the class did a mediocre job and all they want to do is pass, and a few students hardly put in any work at all, their projects are messy and lack any sort of quality or dedication. The entire class get A+s. True story, this actually happened in my year 13 English class. As one of the select few students who put in a whole lot of work, research and effort into my project, I know I deserved that grade, but I also know that the people who put in almost no effort didn't deserve that grade. The fact that they got it sort of takes the shine off of my achievement. Instead of being a standout student like I should have been, I was just one more in the bunch. It bothered me that people who didn't do squat got the same as people who worked very long and hard. Please don't read this as saying that love is earned or should be restricted only to those who work hard for it. What I'm saying is that you simply can't love everyone. At some point when going down the list of people who are important to you, 'love' ceases and 'really like' starts. The reason being that, if you say you love every stranger who smiles at you, it takes the shine off the love you feel for, say, your parents. If I did that to everyone, Scar would have to get a little jealous. My romantic love and a good proportion of my filial love is reserved only for him, because he is the single most important person in my life. To devalue that concept is to devalue the way I feel about him. Edit: I guess what shows up most is how you react when there is strife between you and someone you claim to love. Whether you will give them the benefit of the doubt and forgive them even if you know it was their fault will be the clincher. And if you haven't fought/struggled with someone at some point, then you're either not human or you don't know them well enough. Scar and I don't fight often at all. For the most part we have miner instances of one of us inadvertently causing offense to the other and we're very good at speaking up about the problem, apologizing and moving on. When there is an issue, it's usually something big that matters a lot to one or both of us. What assures me beyond anything else that I love him deeply is that I am willing to shut the heck up and apologize instead of getting angry and saying nasty things. I'm willing to let go of my own hurt and my right for justice to be served and just forgive. It isn't easy, mind, and I can't always do it instantly, but it happens, and I know he does the same for me. True love is evidenced by commitment and dedication despite hardship with that person. I agree about your true love thing. My personal belief is that my stuffed animal does understand me and love me back, but that's a difference in spiritual beliefs, and that's a debate that belongs in the religion thread. I think it's possible to say you love everyone (I love this world, my family, all you NTWFers, my school friends, and many more people, all in different ways). I do think some loves are stronger than others. I'm not saying you have to say you love a random stranger out loud, but you can feel it and that's just fine. One of the things I have to ask everyone: suppose you read a news article about a family you've never met. It says they just lost their house in a wildfire. I'm sure most of us would feel sorry for them and our hearts would go out to them, and those of us that pray would probably include them in our prayers. If that isn't love, what is it? It's called compassion. It is not the same as love. |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2011 17:29:28 GMT -5
I agree about your true love thing. My personal belief is that my stuffed animal does understand me and love me back, but that's a difference in spiritual beliefs, and that's a debate that belongs in the religion thread. I think it's possible to say you love everyone (I love this world, my family, all you NTWFers, my school friends, and many more people, all in different ways). I do think some loves are stronger than others. I'm not saying you have to say you love a random stranger out loud, but you can feel it and that's just fine. One of the things I have to ask everyone: suppose you read a news article about a family you've never met. It says they just lost their house in a wildfire. I'm sure most of us would feel sorry for them and our hearts would go out to them, and those of us that pray would probably include them in our prayers. If that isn't love, what is it? It's called compassion. It is not the same as love. I thought of that too...then I thought "compassion is born from love" Yeah, it's starting to also confuse me now XD |
|
|
|
Post by Dju on Oct 28, 2011 17:29:51 GMT -5
One of the things I have to ask everyone: suppose you read a news article about a family you've never met. It says they just lost their house in a wildfire. I'm sure most of us would feel sorry for them and our hearts would go out to them, and those of us that pray would probably include them in our prayers. If that isn't love, what is it? No, that's not love. Definitely not love. This special feeling isn't easy like that. Anyone would feel pity for the family, not love. |
|
|
|
Post by Yoyti on Oct 28, 2011 17:30:56 GMT -5
The problem, I think, is that the word "love" has too many meanings. You can't make a sentence like "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo," but it's still confusing, and the meaning has to be mostly inferred from the context. Now, words go in and out of style, and right now a few particular meanings of "love" are in style, while others aren't. If only we spoke a different language, one which has several different words for the different meanings of love. There's love like a brother, love like a parent, love like a child, love as a strong like, and so on.
EDIT: For instance: I love gniocchi as a strong like. It is not how I love my pet turtles, nor is it like how I love my sister. And the way I love my sister is different from the way I love my parents. I even hold different (albeit subtly) types of love for each of my parents, and a separate type of love for just about all of my relatives. Of course, it would never work out to have a word for every possible type of love, but a few levels would be nice.
|
|
|
|
Post by Luna on Oct 28, 2011 17:31:34 GMT -5
I agree about your true love thing. My personal belief is that my stuffed animal does understand me and love me back, but that's a difference in spiritual beliefs, and that's a debate that belongs in the religion thread. I think it's possible to say you love everyone (I love this world, my family, all you NTWFers, my school friends, and many more people, all in different ways). I do think some loves are stronger than others. I'm not saying you have to say you love a random stranger out loud, but you can feel it and that's just fine. One of the things I have to ask everyone: suppose you read a news article about a family you've never met. It says they just lost their house in a wildfire. I'm sure most of us would feel sorry for them and our hearts would go out to them, and those of us that pray would probably include them in our prayers. If that isn't love, what is it? It's called compassion. It is not the same as love. ^^^ Agreed. That's really just sympathy and compassion. |
|
