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Post by Zylaa on Jan 20, 2010 21:13:03 GMT -5
Tabloid Town is a city that knows what its citizens want-- and judging by the business ratio, an unnaturally large percentage of citizens want alcohol. Lots of it.
In a reputably disreputable tavern known as the King's Wolf (because tavernkeepers learned all their humor from books like "100 Puns for Kids!"), folk of all the guilds would gather during their time in the town. And, shockingly, non-guilders too.
One non-guilder, fresh from the vaguely-defined farmlands of Dunburrow, seemed intent on discovering how much alcohol he could consume in one go. He was already far into the amiable drunk phase, talking animatedly to anyone within earshot. As he possessed very healthy lungs from years of farm work, earshot was defined as the pub, the pub next door, and the street outside.
"No way!" he said to the nearest sailor. "You gottabekiddin me. That just doesn'... doesn't work."
"I kid you not," said the ninja. "I can walk down Main Street in broad daylight and my own mother wouldn't recognize me."
"Pssh," a mage said, "That's nothing. Can you fly over Main street? I thought not."
Nobody was really sure who first proposed the idea of a contest, but the farmer agreed readily enough.
"Alrigh', so. So. Whichever of you lot impresses me the most-- you get... you get..." he paused for a moment. "Well, all I got is this worthless family heirloom..."
All guilders, regardless of creed, were Genre-savvy enough to know what that meant. They were also sober enough to note that a random farmer, especially a very drunk random farmer, wouldn't be likely to notice if they maybe... embellished certain truths.
"You're on!"
((So, the rules: There are no rules. Boast as much as you want about your persona's accomplishments, feel free to make up as much stuff as you want. Have fun!
The winner gets a Supposedly Worthless Family Heirloom for his/her victorious persona, and make up whatever mysterious properties he/she wants for it, humorous or serious.
I will be judging. If you don't trust my objectivity, and don't want to participate, just PM me and we can have collaborative judging.
Multiple posts are allowed-- but allow three other posters to go before you have another post. ))
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Post by Fraze on Jan 21, 2010 14:41:35 GMT -5
Flying over Main Street? Pah, that's nothing. I strolled through there completely invisible on the way to the butcher's shop. Then I made the butcher believe I was the ghost of his third ex-wife and he gave me three pounds of sausages just to get me to go away.
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Post by Celestial on Jan 21, 2010 14:54:14 GMT -5
Conning a butcher out of sausages? I would expect a bit more from the mighty Spacefleet. Once I stumbled upon a village that was plagued by bandits. They ambushed the villagers as soon as they went out of their homes and often raided the village. I flew over a few times and worked out that the bandits were living in the trees so that night, I created a great big gale which swept the robbers' hideouts away and to the ground where they were caught by the villagers. They were so grateful they threw a feast in my honour and gave me all the gold they had.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2010 21:30:10 GMT -5
(As Kovaran)
What?! Why would they--oh. In this case...
Mage, you clearly did not do enough! One mission I was sent to assassinate the tyrannical king of the rock trolls, beasts that were made of stone. Once arrived I shouted my challenge to him, and he sent a troop to stop me - a troop which I quickly defeated! He then came down to fight me himself. We fought for three days and three nights until finally, exhausted, I cleft him in twain with a blunt sword! To this day I am celebrated as a hero by the rock trolls.
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Post by Kiddo on Jan 21, 2010 21:41:49 GMT -5
Rock trolls? Why waste your time on them? I once set fire to the pirate's ship by using the phoenix fire. Just flew overhead and dove. Crashed straight through the top deck of the ship, killed myself in the impact, and that triggered the phoenix fire that almost consumed the ship. It was glorious... can I get some more rabbit in this stew? Raw?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2010 22:47:08 GMT -5
Destroyed a Pirate ship, eh? Set fire to a hunk of driftwood rotting from it's core, didja? Bah! I set the skies on fire during Yuletide. The entire Feberi race was gathered in the Earth Tree Grove on Yuletide Eve and I presided over the rights that would see the rebirth of the sun at it's dying hour. So powerful was my enchantment that, when the sun crested the horizon on the next morn, it shone so brightly that none could bare to be in the light of day.
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Post by Jina on Jan 21, 2010 23:00:03 GMT -5
Big and flashy, sure, but give me a barrel of rum and a flying machine and I could do that too. Nothing compared to this time, we met a Sue. So, I knocked it out. With my bare hands. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2010 0:46:33 GMT -5
(As Aly.)
A Sue? Those lame guys? C'mon, anyone with a bit of will and common sense could blast through an army of those airheads. Try killing two mage-kings and establishing a guy as the new leader of both countries.
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Post by Fraze on Jan 23, 2010 0:35:47 GMT -5
Conning a butcher out of sausages? I would expect a bit more from the mighty Spacefleet. I wasn't going to tell this one, but if you really insist. I once went on a mission where I was dropped twenty AUs from my destination. I had to go the rest of the way completely invisible wearing nothing but a skintight spacesuit, which took several weeks. Actually, that this description thus far works for a lot of the missions I've gone on over the years. But this time, I had to navigate to a certain planet--if I miscalculated my approach and missed it, I'd either be detected or fall into the sun and burn up. I had to freefall straight onto the planet, only slowing my descent the last few hundred feet or else I'd be seen. If I fell on the wrong part of the planet, I would have had to walk the rest of the way, which could easily have been over thousands of miles and assorted continents and oceans. But I landed just a few miles from my destination. Once there, I had to disable the shields around the government complex, which meant they knew someone was there. While they were searching for me, I got into the complex--still invisible, mind you--shot the dictator of this planet, then planted high explosives all around and inside the building, and blew it up. Once that was done, civil war broke out and I had to hide in the jungle until a ship came to pick me up, which was several more weeks later. Now the oppressive dictatorship that controlled that entire solar system has been overthrown. And they still haven't figured out who planted the bombs. |
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Post by Rider on Jan 24, 2010 17:38:09 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Count on a Fleeter to make falling sound fancy. What kinda idjits do you take us for?
Why, just last week I was in the swampy southlands and got into a spot of trouble with the natives. I was running through the jungle, jumping logs and swinging on vines as the little buggers were whooping and hollering and throwing stones at me. I land in the middle of the swamp and suddenly I'm surrounded by gators the size of two men. The natives just stood there like gawking idiots, but I, I rolled up my sleeves and started staring them down. The leader, a dragon-sized thing with eyes like burning embers responds to my challenge. He jumps me, and I start wrestling him right there. Within three minutes, I have him pinned. I held his head until 'til he stopped thrashing. The natives held a feast in my honor, and to this day, there's no lady in that village that I can't woo.[/glow]
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Post by Celestial on Feb 1, 2010 14:04:28 GMT -5
It is quite interesting how we have all been boasting of our conquering feats but never of our feats of survival in hostile conditions. Not that it is likely that anyone but me has one of course.
When I first grew my wings and didn't know how to use them, I had to go live in the mountains to be away from human eyes. Now this was before I could shapeshift and when my magic only went as far as lighting a candle and then barely putting it out again mind you. There I encountered a group of wild dragons who really couldn't give two hoots about whether I was a dragon mage or not, to them I was a freak who was neither human nor dragon and they never failed to remind me. Heck, even the hatchlings could have easily killed me. Nevertheless, within that week I managed some fire magic and learned to control my wings which meant I could take part in a hunt. On my first try hunting I caught a deer which they took from me but that was the payment for my life for an unspecified amount of time. Yet over the course of time, I learnt more and more and they eventually grew to trust me and respect me. And keep in mind, these were wild dragons who would easily kill a human on sight. Everything I know I learned myself to keep them from killing me. How's that for training from hell?
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Post by Rikku on Feb 1, 2010 18:46:20 GMT -5
I once drew a magic circle with my teeth.
Why? Um, well, I don't want to go into it.
No, really, I'd rather not -
I'm serious! Stop asking!
There were demonic chickens okay? I had my hands full keeping their eggs from exploding and that's not to mention the FEATHERS oh gods the feathers I still have nightmares -
... What do they put in this wine?!
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Post by Fraze on Feb 1, 2010 22:24:19 GMT -5
I punched TMC. Just when he was about to make every organ in my body move through time at a different speed, Death stepped in and killed him. That's right, Death Himself is on my side.
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