Scarnversary the 3rd!

[Deleted]

Fluffluff Meetup: Day 5 (Teusday 16th)

It was kinda cold when we woke up the next morning. I was squished up against the wall (single bed ... never again ... ) and didn't want to get out of bed lest I lose the warmth of the blankets. Eventually I did get up, waking Scar up in the process and hurried to get dressed before I got even more cold. It was Pancake Day so naturally, breakfast was pancakes, splendidly cooked by Aunt Rose and smothered in maple syrup and butter. <3 Pretty much straight after breakfast, Juvita got out some spoons and a bowl for me and I made cookies in a flash. My grandmother's recipe is quick, easy and far too sweet for my taste, so I actually only ate one of the cookies for a taste test. Juvita had 1/3 of the batch and we took the rest with us. Not many got eaten so I think I must've done something wrong.

Scar here and I suspect it was because they were just a little too sweet for them. I enjoyed them though and gobbled as much as I politely could (later I would help nom the rest of the cookies we brought back) Anyway, Aunt Rose and Juvita wanted to take us out to a nearby garden but we sadly ran out of time making the cookies. We got to the station just in time and quickly hopped onto the train, sadly without saying goodbye to Aunt Rose and Juvita (They were looking for parking while we rushed to buy our tickets)

The train ride back was fairly uneventful, what with it being a weekday after the morning rush (I believe it was around 10 am or so) but no less uneventful for yours truly, the doofus, made us get off one station after the one we were supposed to drop off at. At least we got to look around Melbourne Central xD After a quick stop at the restrooms and some directions, we decided to take a tram down to the city centre ... only I backtracked and said we could probably take a train back to my aunt Maria's place. I'm very indecisive ^^; So we got back on the platform and yay for us we found a train leaving shortly. We got back to my aunt's place shortly before lunch I believe and had a short rest. See my aunt had been bugging us to go sightseeing more often so I had told her when we got back from Aunt Rose's we could go to the botanical gardens. Plus she was nice enough to give us a lift to the gardens. Still, I wish we had got back earlier. It felt like we needed an hour or so more to recuperate (the weather ... so hot )

So later Aunt Maria dropped us off at one of the botanical gardens' gates. It was a slow day and there weren't many people around and it was pretty hot out but we didn't care. There we were, hand in hand, as a couple, strolling through the gardens with silly grins on our faces. We walked around taking photos of flowers and the grounds ... well I mostly took photos of Sarn truth be told :3 Later we trotted over to this big shady tree and flopped down on the grass next to each other. We spent the longest time just looking up at the sky, talking and laughing and just basking in each others' company without a care in the world. It was just so purrfect <3

When we finally got tired of lying around, we went to explore the rest of the botanical gardens till we got bored and made plans to leave. I led us both to the nearest tram station, nearest being figurative since it took us like close to half an hour of walking to get there, before boarding one that led downtown. (Yes we go there a lot xD) It was the late afternoon by then and the crowds for the evening rush were starting to fill the streets but we were on a mission. See, Sarn wanted to teach me to swim and for that we needed to buy me some swimming shorts so we wandered off in search of a clothing store. Of course, this being the evening most of the stores were already closed and the one we stumbled on that wasn't didn't have anything I liked. So we browsed for a bit and decided that we had, had enough and needed some dinner.

I texted my aunt saying we would be back late (the trains would be full of commuters during the evening rush after all) and led Sarn to the nearest McD. Yes, far from romantic but hey they had free Wifi there and I'd been lugging the heavy laptop around all day so we could use it xD

Sarn here. ^^ He's left me with the hardest part to write. >_> See, we spent a while at MacD's and I ate most of Scar's fries (I WAS HUNGWY!) so he went and got some more and I ate quite a few of them too. Then we started walking home, Scar got us lost on the trains yet again and, when we finally reached the right station and started to walk home, I began feeling slightly sick, dizzy and exhausted. I lumbered my way over the road and down towards the corner doing my best not to tip Scar off, but it only got worse. Eventually my vision started to blur and I stumbled more than once. It was like my whole body was twice as heavy as normal and at one point I actually had to sit down on the grass. Scar freaked out totally, fussed over me and made me put my arm around his shoulders so he could half drag me home. Not very comfortable for either of us, and I felt awfully guilty.

We got home and he left me standing (read, clutching at) the door (frame for support) while he went into the kitchen to dump his load of bags. While he was gone, I sort of half fell, half slid to the ground and zonked out. Sadly, Aunt Maria saw me and my poor man was later scolded for not taking care of me. D: But he did. He came and helped me onto the bed and got me a drink of water and gave me some blueberries to eat and then I fell asleep and woke up a few hours later snuggled with Frank (my teddy) and the blankets. He came back in and helped me out to have some dinner.

I recovered just fine, I think it was mere exhaustion bordering on a pain fit, but thankfully I got over it pretty quickly. We snuggled in the lounge for a while before trailing off to bed to snuggle some more. We snuggle a lot. xDDD

Fin.

[Deleted]

I'm not really sure if this should go here, my diary or the banter board, but here seemed like the best place.

Last night while on Skype, Scar started cleaning out his room. He chucked out a whole bunch of old papers and stuff and made reasonably ordered piles of the stuff he wanted to keep. He started making plans for moving his stuff out and getting all his affairs in order, returning some borrowed items and giving his brother his PC + printer.

And while he did all these things, I lay in bed and listened to him chat away to himself and longed for him to be here. So I did the only thing I knew would cheer me up. I started reading through this thread and it was beautiful. I read aloud all of our posts to Scar and struggled through a couple of parts, barely holding back tears at one point.

The point of this post isn't any news or anything squeeful and I don't know why I felt so compelled to post. Perhaps it was that deep feeling of longing that I just can't shake and part of it is certainly the frustrated feelings of having to wait without an answer. I'm ready for this to be over and done with, I'm not normally an impatient person but right now I've never wanted something more and the sooner, the better.

The Foundation hold their meeting sometime in the second eek of June which leaves us very little time to sort out flights and suchlike before lectures start on the 12th of July. And we've no idea how to get him into the country before he gets a visa ... things have to work perfectly if we hae any hope at all. I feel like the anwer should be yes and we're planning for it to be because we don't have a backup. But if the answer is no ... I don't know hat I'll do, and I fear for Scar because of that.

I guess if it doesn't work out we'll get him a part time job somewhere back at his home and we'll try for the end of this year ready for the start of next year. It means two things, however. Firstly, that we will, again, spend our birthdays apart, and secondly, that our first anniversary will have to be celebrated via webcam, instead of the starlight picnic we had planned for the 30th of July. I guess we wait.

[Celestial]

*hugs Sarn and Scar* D= I really don't know what to say, except to hope that things work out for you both. Hold on guys. I know I can't imagine what you both must be feeling right now but...hold on.

[Deleted]

[Andrea]

Sarn, I don't really know what to say. *hug* I just hope things get better, really...

[Deleted]

Guess what everyone? Scarn is approved!!!!!

The only factor now is time. How quickly Scar gets the scholarship money will determine when he'll be able to get here. If he can get a loan from his parents, he can come this semester ... in less than a month's time. If not, he'll find a job to support himself for a few months and be down here by late January! Either way, we're 99% sure that, at some stage, he will be here ... in my arms ... with bacon and pancakes lovingly cooked and lavished with maple syrup and many snogs and snuggles. I can't wait to spoil him rotton. :3 REJOICE!

[♥ Azzie]

=D <3 ^_^

Congratulations, you two. <3! This is wonderful news!

[Deleted]

Well that was unexpected. I went from high as a kite to ... pretty low. See, we were working under the assumption that Scar can enter New Zealand for 3 months withut the need for a visa or permit. This is true. The only barrier is that he needs 6,000 Rm for the darn plane ticket, and another lump of money (price unknown) for a refundable ticket that he can cancel if/wen his visa is approved. He doesn't have that money, his parents have nothing to loan him and the money from hsi application doesn't get approved properly until sometime in July. It could be early July or late July, but it doesn't really matter, because the semester starts on the 7th and if he's not there ...

It isn't fair. We came so close and now everything's coming crashing down. If he can't find a way to get some money for a ticket, I lose $200 and have to live in this big nd rather lonely village without knowing anyone, which would be fine, except that I'm legally considered blind and that makes it surprisngly difficult to make friends. I can barely tell who eople are unless I can recognize their voice. Not only that, but I'm shy and nervous and really not good at meshing with new people.

And worse, Scar has no backup. He's got no job, nor any offer for one and he already owes me NZ$2,200 and I can't pay my living costs unless he has some way of paying me back even ust a little. I thought we would be ok waiting until next year and emotionally we are, I'm prepared to wait as long as we need to, but this isn't an emotional problem ... this is a financial one. We stand to lose so much if this doesn't go through and right now its looking like there's no hope. No chance of an advance on his money, no cance of anything, really.

Heck, we're even looking into him taking a personal loan from a bank at a high interest rate to get his ticket. Once he's in the country I am able to take care of him until his money comes through, but its the getting there part. So stupid. So unfair. There is a tiny glimmer of hope, but its swiftly fading the more I think about it. God, please help us.

[Lizzie]

Oh no, Sarn. I wish I could help!

[Deleted]

Oh this old leaky boat that barely carries us afloat
Shall never know the toils but shall always see me gloat

There's a riddle for your trouble if you have a mind to work it out. So now to the real point, the beautiful point, the point which has been as a bright sun to a frosted land.

.oO Oooh, that was a good one. Write that down, quick!

---

Dear Jonathan,

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey. You'll never know, dear, how much I love you, so please don't take my sunshine away.

From the moment I met you I couldn't help but be amused by you, even when you weren't trying to be amusing. There was this strange sort of quality about you that made you so very intriguing, but my shyness kept me from leading the conversations we shared beyond the realms of friendly chin wags. It was, I think, a whole year of infrequent Bloidal interaction before you eventually sent me that first PM.

You asked me if I liked lemons.

I remember fretting about how I should reply, firstly because I really liked you and didn't want to make a fool of myself, and secondly because you were an ex-staff member, bearing the holy purple rank which, for some odd reason, I respect deeply (along with cyan, pink and brownyorangegold). So naturally I was nervous of you, and naturally, I wanted to impress you. I think I failed miserably.

Thus started the saga of PM dumping, which increased at a steady rate fro one every fortnight to upward of three or four in a day. Sometimes, because of the way the quoting system works, I lost track of what we were talking about and it became my regular habit to look back fondly on PMs we'd only sent a few days ago. Then came a time when you asked me for my MSN. I think it was about then that you finally guessed my gender, which made me happy.

I still remember, in the PM where you asked for my contact, you were so sheepish and cute, trying to make sure I didn't think you were some lonely middle-aged man, and repeating the mantra that "you don't have to, its just a thought ..." You had already gained my trust, so it wasn't much of a stretch to share with you.

And oh the times of late-night conversations. I spent long hours enjoying your company, sharing parts of myself with you that I hadn't shared with anyone else before. Then later I would realize how much you knew about me and my life and worry and be scared, not that you would act upon that information, but an irrational fear that I was letting someone who seemed a stranger get so close to me. Several times I resolved to keep my distance, but it never worked. You invited trust as often as you invited my merciless teasing.

It wasn't long before trouble struck for me. I grew lonely in real life, having no friends in my place of residence and no one I could call upon for hugs and snuggles. I called upon God and he gave as much comfort as I could ever need, but me being human I wanted more. And you were there, and you were kind, and I sought comfort during my worst times. You gave it freely and asked nothing in return and I am still thankful for those times when you let me pour out my aching heart.

It was during these times that I suspected you had a crush on me, but my own modesty wouldn't allow it, and rather than look like a moron, I kept quiet about it. Besides, I didn't even like you that way. Or did I?

I don't even remember what you said, but whatever it was confirmed for the both of us that you were definitely interested in me beyond the realms of normal friendship. I didn't think I was, I thought things were fine just the way they were and besides, there was so much standing in our way. Not just the distance, but our ages, our cultures, our families and their beliefs, and our beliefs as well. But the more I thought about it, and the more we talked, the more I realized something.

I wasn't afraid to let you close.

I liked you. A lot.

We talked, I told you, and in an unexpected plot twist, you didn't act upon the knowledge that I finally liked you back. Instead, you said you needed time to think. It hurt me quite a bit, because even though I hadn't actually asked you out, I had opened up to you only to have you shoot me down. I put on a brave face and we parted for the night. I found out later that you had talked to Leoness about it all, about your fears that the past would repeat itself, your worry for my sake.

The next day you welcomed me with such warmth and told me all the things I wanted to hear. Then you asked me to be yours, and I fell right into your arms. That was a year ago today, and I still remember the glowing warmth of that moment.

And so we struggled through the next few months, slowly telling our families and friends, slowly discovering each other in a new and very scary way. I think at times we went a little too far, further than either of us were truly comfortable with, but eventually we got over it and moved on. I was working hard at my study and you were doing your best to find a job, and I know we were bad influences on each other, simply because of our want to spend time together as much as possible.

Nevertheless, we soldiered on until my life got torn apart by a beast who had once been my friend. No one else was there for me except you, and I fell deeper into your love and comfort. Your arms were the only safe place in the whole world, and it hurt me so deeply that I had never felt them around you. Many people, even me for a time, think that a relationship started online cannot possibly be real. I think most of them actually aren't, but there are some that are, and I hoped ours was.

Eventually I found the help I needed, with your courage and comfort to guide me, and I pulled myself out of the hole of misery that had claimed my life. I was better and stronger because of it, and that was, I believe, the first time I realized that I truly loved you. Until that moment I had been in love with the idea of having a boyfriend. In love with the idea that someone who had no obligation by blood actually cared about me, and wanted to be with me. I regretted all those times I said "I love you" without meaning it in the way you thought I had meant it. But by this time I could truly say it in all confidence.

Then came the ups and downs of trying to organize a meetup. I started with me trying to get you to New Zealand, then my mother and I to KL, and eventually ended up with my whole family taking a trip to the Gold Coast where we would meet you, but even that plan fell through. Finally, we settled on a plan that I could afford, and we got to spend eight days together.

Eight glorious days of love and physical contact. Never before have I felt such ungrudging love in a hug from another human being, and every moment took my breath away. You were there, and I could hardly believe it was real and happening. I had been worried that, upon actually meeting each other, we wouldn't have the same spark as we did online, but my fears came to nothing and my love grew and expanded into something totally new and amazing.

Now we struggle with the woes of everyday life and the extra trouble of keeping our relationship afloat through all the storms of life, but having gone through hell and back hand in hand, I know we are strong together, and whatever troubles come our way, we will face them united. We share both our love and our faith and the support of all our friends, and there is nothing in this world that could break us apart. You have done nothing but support me and love me, and I have no way of paying you back.

But that is the most wonderful thing. I don't need to pay you back. We share and we give and we take, and I know sometimes I complain and sometimes we get hurt, but at the end of it all we will always run back into each others arms with tears of apology and arms of forgiveness.

May the Lord bring us even closer, so that we can better serve his glory with our love, and reflect his kingdom in the way we act and speak and think. Let our lives always be lived in account to Him and let his love and light and glory shine through us. I pray that our attempts to be together in real life would not come to nothing, but I also pray that we would seek God's will above our own, even if it means being apart for a little longer.

But for now, we will sail onward with hope in our hearts and joy enough to spread. To you, my dearest love, I give my whole self in all my weakness and trouble, but also in trust and in love.

The Lord of all bless you and keep you in His love and in mine.

Your Hannah.

[Deleted]

Ok, so I'm not really sure where to put this and here seemed like the best place because its technically the second meetup of Scarn and it is still in the "we might do this" stage. See, at the end of next year (2012) is my graduation as well as my 21st birthday in late November and early December respectively. Since Scar and I nearly share a birthday, and since 21 is a milestone, I would really love it if he could be there to celebrate with me, and celebrate his own birthday in the process, not to mention my freedom from essays. xD

So I was thinking, since a birthday is for friends and many of my friends reside here, I'd extend an open invitation to anyone who wants to come. There's no set date or plan but it'll be on or around the 11th or 12th of December, 2012 (12/12/12! and I turn 21. xD) and it'll likely be just a party with a few family members and friends somewhere as yet unestablished. If you are in the country, you're welcome to attend. If you make a special trip to meet me and Scar and celebrate with us, I'll love you heaps and we can do funstuff other than a party while you're there.

I can also provide beds for two, perhaps three people. At a stretch, four. And we could probably do food for you as well, but not if you're staying for ages. D: I'm poor!

Anyways, twould be really cool to meet some NTWFers, and don't worry, you don't need to attend the birthday thing. =P

[Deleted]

The end of next year is 2011, hon ^^;

But you know I would love to be there. I cannot say anything for sure yet, seeing how our little angel will also be turning 1 year old around that time, and I don't know how our finances will look. I would definitely love to come if I could ^_^

[Deleted]

Sept 27, 2010 11:47:31 GMT -5 RilahFalco said:

The end of next year is 2011, hon ^^;

But you know I would love to be there. I cannot say anything for sure yet, seeing how our little angel will also be turning 1 year old around that time, and I don't know how our finances will look. I would definitely love to come if I could ^_^

xD; Mindblankphail. >_>

I'd love to have you there. =3 I'll even make sure its a baby-friendly party so Cookie can come. <3 No pulsing music and flashing lights. ^^

[Deleted]

Long overdue.

Fluffluff Meetup: Day 6 (Wednesday 17th)

We awoke the next morning all snuggled up. I awoke particularly to Sarn's kisses which was hands down the best way to wake up <3 We cuddled for a bit (again, yes we do that a lot xD) and then got dressed for breakfast. Aunt Maria had prepared some breakfast for us and while we were having it we talked about what to prepare for dinner. See, Sarn and I had offered to cook for her tonight just to show our appreciation and we were wondering how everything worked since she'd be out most of the day. After we got all the details sorted out we bid her goodbye and went to get ready to go out to go ingredient shopping.

And also the laundry.

See, the night before when Sarn had the pain fit I had fed her blueberries Aunt Rose had given us. Unfortunately I kinda spilled some of the juice at the bottom of the container on the bedsheets ^^; It made quite a stain and not wanting to be bad guests we decided we'd run to the laundry and clean things up.

Sarn here now, and boy was this an adventure. We had some coins so we put everything in, then Scar was like "Don't we need like ... washing powder or something?" I can't believe I'd been such a doofus, so we ran off to the grocery store and started searching the isles. As we went along the back, we found this guy who was very keen to show us this new stain removal product. xD Cowinkydink, much. Anyway, he was really friendly so we got a bottle and took it back to the laundry.

Once the machine was set, we went across the road and Scar got us both a plate of fish and chips for lunch. It wasn't at all what I was used to. In New Zealand when you get fish and chips, most of the time its fresh fish and chips made from locally grown potatoes and wrapped up in big sheets of paper. Sometimes its old sheets of newspaper. This was obviously processed, very greasy, lukewarm and not that nice. Scar got most of my chips, which I think he was mildly happy about. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but ... yeah. Though I do think Scar agreed with me about the high-processing.

Anyways, we went back and put the sheets in a dryer, and then popped over to the internet cafe where we bummed around until the sheets were done. I was a silly girl and decided to wear my little bronze sandals that day, except that I hadn't worn them in ages and I didn't realize that the sole had worn down so much that all the stitching was poking up into my foot. My feet started to hurt so I took them off and walked out onto the road. Sheesh, the tarmac was SO HOT! ;_; I was dancing around like crazy with half a mind to jump on Scar's solid back and nudge my heels into his flanks. Instead I just put my shoes back on and bore with the pain until we got home.

Note: Scar is useless at making beds. :3 When in need f bedmaking services, always defer to me.

So yeah, we made the bed and then set about making a shopping list of sorts. See, Scar was keen to try one of my famous cheesecakes so I decided it couldn't urt to have one for dessert. We were also going to do a pork roast for dinner. Cue another trip to the supermarket where we found the friendly stain reover guy selling something different this time. I don't remember what, but he helped me find the lemonjuice. xD Not wanting to carry our bags all the way home, we found a trolley half way and decided to take it with us. I started making cheesecake while Scar took a nap, and when he got up I realized we didn't have enough cream cheese. D: So it was back to the grocery store.

On the way we got the trolley we'd taken with us and wheeled it back. I decided to have a bit of fun, took a running start and hoisted myself onto the handlebars, only to realize it was top-heavy and come crashing back down again, the trolley landing on top of me. I got a few bumps and grazes and a pulled muscle but it was worth it for that split second of bliss. =D

Ah the woes of cooking in another person's kitchin under time constraints and with a bucket full of nerves just hoping and praying that your meal will turn out ok. Aunt Maria had a lot of things I'm not used to, not th eleast of which were glass pots and a convection oven. Scar did his best to help me and he did wonderful, but I think he got a little hurt that I seemed so frustrated. I'm sorry love. D: The cheesecake was so time-consuming that I let some of the veggies burn which left ... horror or horrors ... scorch marks on the bottom of Maria's pot. T_T The convection oven meant that the port was really dry (though I think Maria liked it that way) and the cheesecake took a day and a bit to set. More on that later.

Needless to say, I went to bed feeling pretty bummed, especially since Maria kept pointing out things that could've improved the meal. I curled up under the freshly washed sheets only to have Scar come in and snuggle down with me and whisper that it was a lovely meal. <3

[Deleted]

Fluffluff Meetup: Day 7 (Thursday 18th)

Morning broke in the usual way and it took me quite a long time to build up the mental fortitude to extract myself from the arms of the still sleeping Scar and get up. We had made a bad job of cleaning up the blueberry juice stain (it was still there!!!) so we quickly showered, got dressed and smuggled the sheet out the door inside my big backpack. See, Aunt Maria was very anal about being clean, tidy and organized, so the last thing we wanted was for her to find out that we had made her pretty sheets dirty.

We hurried back to the public laundry and set the machine going again, hoping that a second dose of stain remover and another wash would do the trick. We had some time to kill while we waited for it to finish, so we started walking to the other end of the train station and lo! We found a cybercafe right on our doorstep. They did charge AU$4 an hour, but it was worth it.

Aeri managed to snag us both and demanded that we turn on my laptop's webcam, and who were we to refuse? So we spent about 10 minutes letting her squee and take snapshots and force us to snog for her. xD Then we ended he call and I did some surfing while my little jungle boy ran off to put the sheets into the dryer. He returned, joined me in browsing and chitchats until it was time to pack up and grab the now stainless sheets again. We hurried home, made the bed again and then messed it up with cuddles and silly playfights. :3

We were both pretty tired by this point in the meetup, so the day was mostly just us relaxing together. We watched some Family Guy on my laptop, played music, and then he got out his portable HD and we swapped files. He gave me Photoshop and a few other cool gadgets, and I gave him a whole bunch of movies and music. ^_^ Yarr.

Aunt Maria came home in the afternoon and asked us if we wanted to go to the mall. We said we did. xD It was mostly boning with us just wandering around and finding our way, but several very wonderful things happened.

The first was that Scar stopped us at a map of the mall and wouldn't let me see what he was looking for. So I snubbed him and went to the ANZ ATM to draw the remainder of my spending money. I was in desperate need of a new backpack so we went and got one that fitted my laptop perfectly. I still have it, actually. =D Then we went shopping for some board shorts for Scar but we couldn't find very much that he liked so we gave up.

Later, we stopped at a pet shop and mewled at the kitties. There was one little hyper kitty that wanted us to take him home, and we wanted to, but we couldn't. ;_; He was all "meeew! *pounce* Love me!" <3! Then this lady, seeing how much we loved kitties, came over and told us about these stray kittens she had found and was trying to find homes for. She asked us if we wanted one and I begged Scar to let me take them all, but the meanie said no! T_T Anyway, we explained that we were only visiting but that if we weren't we totally would, and wished her luck finding them good homes. ^_^

Scar took me to a jewelers.

He asked for my ring. I wear a simple silver ring that represents a promise. It is very precious to me. I did not part with it easily, but I trusted him.

When I got it back 15 minutes later, it had a small engraving on the inside of the band.

Hannah & Jonathan

I couldn't help but burst with joy. <33333333333333

Anyways, by the end of the evening we were pretty tired and sick of the mall, so Scar got me a drink and we sat down at a table and just chatted away. Oh, I almost forgot, we were going to get two soft serve ice creams from MacD's but we were too full in the end. The reason for this is '-_- Face Ice Cream Time' was the first Scarn in-joke and the very fist thing we promised we would do when we met. xDDDDD Yes, we promised to lick ice cream with -_- bored faces. xD

Maria came to pick us up and I squished into the back of her tiny two-door car. xD On the way home she struck up a conversation with me and asked whether I believed in God. I said I did, that I was a Christian, and for some reason (maybe she misheard me?) she said "so you've forsaken God then?" ... I was like D: What? Then I did my best to explain that I was a Christian both by upbringing, and then later by choice and she didn't say anything more. Still ... *shivers*

We got home, had a quick dinner and then flopped into bed, both utterly exhausted but happy.