|
Post by RielCZ on Feb 8, 2023 18:11:03 GMT -5
Quoth the news: Vindication for all y'allz that tried to correct the discrepency.
|
|
|
Post by RielCZ on Feb 17, 2023 18:16:48 GMT -5
Darn, I was really hoping to get in this week because I like as good pirate story but was unable. Congrats to the winners! This was my long (even for me) ending. I really wanted to play with the dreamscape themes and the seeming inability to distinguish reality from dream throughout the story. (How much of the story is real? Up to you!) ...My sister raised her head and looked directly into my eyes. With a smile, a moment of understanding passed between us: this was not reality. She suddenly grew very cold, and her normally vibrant blue orbs instantly lost their vitality. Our connection was over; her spirit had left my dream -- and mine, hers.
***
We started awake, sputtering.
"Are you OK?" Jacques asked, trepidation thick in his voice. "What did you see?"
"Nothing good," Isca replied, seemingly affirming that we'd witnessed the same series of events. "It ends in our capture, and--"
"Maraqua up in flames," I finished her thought, shaking my head.
In the first break of his cool demeanour I had seen since he rescued me, the Kyrii groaned and pulled at his wonderful mane. "Well isn't that just a pretty pawkeet," he mumbled bleakly as he started pacing. "Wait, do we find Garin?"
My sister smiled and nodded.
At least Jacques seem to relax at that. "Do you have enough time to go back and try another outcome?" He swallowed, knowing the answer.
The sound of skirmish in the distance was all the confirmation we needed. "Unfortunately not," I replied, not entirely calmly but with the level-headedness of someone who knew what was happening. "Scarblade's pirate army is already upon us. The first stage of the New Battle for Maraqua is beginning."
Isca looked into my eyes again; they appeared as vibrant as ever. "What should we do differently, sis?"
I grabbed her fin and felt a familiar connection grow between us -- sisters, united, as we always should have been.
Except now. "You go and find Garin, as you did in the dream," I commanded. "Then go with him and Jacques to retrieve the fake Fire of the Ocean. I'll stay here and make sure Scarblade... stays distracted." I almost became teary-eyed. Right when we truly found each other again, I was suggesting we split apart.
She set her fin comfortingly on my shoulder -- an act that I knew conveyed both comfort and her agreement. We had seen the outcome, and knew there was no other way.
"It's OK. I'll find you again." We hugged, and I buried myself into her shoulder this time. "This is obviously a job bigger than our pirate B.F.Fs here." She pointed her thumb at the Kyrii.
Jacques frowned. "I'm not sure what you mean, but I take offense to it."
My sister and I shared a laugh as we released our hug.
After stating our final well-wishes, we went our separate ways.
***
I swam to the public square as quickly as my tail would allow me. Sure enough, I spotted the unmistakable figure of a proud Lupe raising the Fire of the Ocean in his paw and tilting it to catch what little light was refracted into the deep waters, snickering to himself while gazing at the artefact fondly.
I knew I had to distract Scarblade from making his big move. I opened my mouth to sing a soft and sweet melody, a tune that had the ability to temporarily confuse those who heard it.
A few seconds passed but there was no unusual reaction from Scarblade. And then... it worked! The Lupe lowered his arm and glanced at his surroundings, scratching his head, then paced around aimlessly in circles.
I made sure to keep my distance. I wanted to be heard but not seen.
A few minutes elapsed. And then a few minutes more. Just when I was almost certain he wouldn't be able to find it again, and that Jacques and Garin had foolishly provoked the pirate or something in the dream-reality that was not, the fearsome pirate found his footing. After examining the rare artefact's refraction, he menacingly raised it yet again.
I sang the melody, just softly enough for him to hear, and he missed his beat.
He recovered a little faster this time -- just a little.
Once more, I sang my song of confusion.
"Not on script, are we, Caylis?"
I froze and my song stopped flowing.
"Yee," Scarblade drawled, "don't think I don't know yer there. Don't think I don't know its ye, trying to stop me." He paused, and I dared not speak. "Tryin' somethin' different this time around. Clever girl, but not clever enough. Jacques and Garin were incompetent buffoons who went down in minutes... it'll be nice to take on a more worthwhile opponent in this version of events."
That was enough for me to break my vow of silence. "What are you talking about?" I squeaked.
He snarled a laugh. "I've been here, the whole time. I was in yer dream, I saw how the situation played out. Ye see, the sorceress I made the deal with had been givin' me lessons on the occult. The first thing I did when I got me grubby hands on that sour sis of yers was try to steal some of her innate powers... Naturally she resisted, and I only got a small taste, but it was enough to finish me training and attune meself with the Fire of the Ocean."
I seethed, feeling my rage rising. But I bit it back. I knew I couldn't attack him alone, at least not yet. "You monster!" I shouted, but remained in my hiding place.
"Don't worry 'bout her," he continued, "her powers will strengthen over time and in connection with ye." He chuckled. "That connection ye got with her really is somethin' special. You two draw on the same reality-bending power source... Ye know, if recently ye didn't see a dream as clear as ye usually do, or ye had some temporary amnesia causing ye to mistake yerself with her... those would be side effects of the power siphon."
I thought back to those incidents and I wanted to scream, to tear him limb from limb.
"Now come on out," he repeated. "And I'll even give you the Fire of the Ocean. A gentleman's word."
He wouldn't really... would he? He wouldn't. "You're bluffing!"
He gave a low throaty growl. "Have I bluffed ye thus far?"
I stayed put and did not answer. After a couple minutes, he scowled and again found where he needed to be. He raised his arms, hoisting the artefact above his head.
I sang my song... and found it ineffective. Maybe Scarblade had grown resistant. Or maybe he had bluffed me thus far.
And then I noticed that the artefact was glowing... blazing with a real fervor...
It is in moments like there where heroes are forged.
With a hollering battle cry, I swam as fast as I could from out of my hiding spot and in what felt like a practiced motion I snatched it from his hands. He roared and swiped at me with his cutlass, but I was more adept to maneuvering in the water than he, and I escaped his blade. "Calm down, calm down," I said... and the blaze within the artefact seemed to obey.
Scarblade snickered, and to my amazement sheathed his sword. "As I said, gentleman's word," he said with a slow grin. "Besides, ye group should be back soon... any minute now..."
Indeed, the outlines of a Kyrii, Usul, and my sister appeared over the horizon. Garin was holding the fake artefact!
Seemingly out of nowhere, a Purple Bruce tried to throw a net over me, but I repelled them with a light magical fireball, and they fell back defeated. Scarblade scowled but did nothing as the others approached. Garin and Jacques had their swords ablaze, and the two were soon taking on the fearsome pirate from both sides.
My sister and I embraced, and I felt our connection... and then she noted what I was holding and her eyes practically bulged out of her head. "What is--how did you--wha--?"
I was laughing uncontrollably. "I'll tell you later, let's defeat--"
It was then we realized that Scarblade had joined our uncontrollable laughter. We turned back to see Jacques and Garin, wounded and unconscious on the ground -- they really did go down as easy as the pirate Lupe had earlier claimed.
And Scarblade held high above his head the fake Fire of the Ocean.
A fake Fire of the Ocean that was glowing just a little too real.
Real.
"Jokes on you," started Isca, "that's not the real artefact," she declared with far more confidence than I felt.
A sickeningly saccharine smile grew across his lips. "Jokes on ye, all of ye, lassies..." he drawled as he raised it high with one paw -- and raised his cutlass with his other. "Both are real."
The colour drained from my sisters face. Though, deep down, I somehow knew. I knew that my possession of it had been too easy.
"Like yin and yang, both are necessary to keep the world in harmony," he finished.
Isca looked into my eyes, grasping for answers. "It--it must be true. It requires attunement and training to use," I stated, conjecturing, as I tucked mine into the pocket of my skirt. "I guess neither King Kelpbeard nor his Cybunny mage knew that... they probably didn't even know there were two."
A small army of the pirate's minions came out of the ruins to keep us distracted. Isca and I tried to defend against them, but we both knew it was just a diversion until Scarblade's artefact successfully finished powering up.
"Ye got me this far, and I did take some of ye reality bendin' powers to get here... so the least I can do is tell ye what's what," the powerful pirate said through gritted teeth as the small battle continued to rage in the square. "The Fire of the Ocean... It's not what ye think. It doesn't just create fire underwater... it's far more than that. It has the power to bend reality, to reshape the world to the creative vision of its beholder. Makin' flames underwater is just one of many manifestations of that."
"That's... impossible!" Isca shouted as she hurled another fireball.
"What would you even want to do with that power?" I asked, flailing magic about.
"Take my revenge on Maraqua, yes. Resurrect Cap'n Dread. And... take a good look at me, Caylis."
I froze again, and looked right at him. It were as though it were just him and I, in the square.
I realized with horror that he was not green in colour, as he once had been.
He was decaying. Rotting. Undead.
"The deal I made with the sorceress... I gave up me life to her in pursuit of this goal. And now I'm gonna get me life back!" he dropped his weapon and thrust the Fire of the Ocean as high as he could into the air. "Join me, Caylis. Sit as me queen in me new world. Magic is stronger when in twain, shared between the masculine and feminine."
"Never," I spat at him.
He growled and barked an order at his crew.
Before I knew it, Isca and I were tied up. But I could feel that the Fire of the Ocean was still in my skirt.
We noticed that Scarblade stood nearby, but out of earshot. Based on its aggressive glow, his artefact was almost ready.
"We can bend reality, just like him!" I hissed, my voice barely above a whisper.
"But how? You said it requires attunement and training," she whispered back.
"Maybe we don't have to be trained to be attuned to it," I said coyly as she raised an eyebrow at me. "Maybe we already are. Remember what he said about the necessity of both for stability. And under the guidance of that sorceress, he got his power from you... from us... from that which we draw our power. And we're stronger together than apart and you know that," I replied. "Even without training, we are infinitely stronger than him."
She looked into my eyes... and gave a single nod. She understood.
Reaching under the ropes, Isca found my hand and grasped it tightly.
At once, we felt a power pass between us. Raw, magical energy that could have created or destroyed worlds -- shaped reality in our image. And all of it passed between us and through the artefact.
It became too much.
Too much.
Much.
Much.
Much.
Just when I thought we would be unable to harness the raw power, I heard Scarblade scream, "NOOOOO!" I looked up, dizzy, and saw that the blazing flames had overcharged and exploded -- his Fire of the Ocean shattered, as I knew mine must have. I felt a large pain in my side, but the adrenaline kept it at bay, for now.
I started laughing. I wasn't even sure if Isca was still conscious, but I was, and we had done it -- we saved Maraqua!
I looked into her eyes, which were in fact wide open. Her normally vibrant blue orbs instantly lost their vitality. She suddenly grew very cold, and our connection was over.
I suddenly felt very cold, too, as I realized--
***
It's been nearly two decades since I helped Maraqua prevail against the large-scale attack from Captain Scarblade and the other Revenge marauders. Ever since then, I've been living within Kelpbeard's castle within Maraqua proper, spending my days tending to my flourishing aquatic garden. It might sound like a bore but I've realized that committing to a hobby helps take my mind off the nightmares I still experience to this day. In fact, they occur much less frequently now.
However, the nightmare I had last night was too overwhelming to be ignored--
"Isca! Caylis! It's time for dinner!"
King Kelpbeard's voice boomed throughout the hallways of the castle, shaking me from my reverie. "Race you there!" my sister exclaimed as she bopped me on the head and ran ahead of me.
We chuckled to ourselves as we raced through the corridors, swimming around each other, trying to get ahead. As we turned a corner, we rammed into King Kelpbeard himself. The three of us tumbled into the water, laughing as we caught ourselves.
Laughter. It had been so long since I heard pure laughter like this, even more so from my own family. It felt... good. It felt... right. I didn't feel the need to hide, I didn't feel the need to flee. For once in a very long time, I felt like I actually belonged back at home. It was comforting. It was relaxing. It was freeing.
"My my, it seems you two must be really hungry," King Kelpbeard opined.
"Or that Caylis thought that she could out-swim me," Isca added.
I nudged my sister. "Hey, I was ahead of you before we rammed into Father."
Isca shoved me back. The two of us laughed some more.
"Well girls, we need to get going to the dining room. Dinner is bound to get cold. You don't want to keep your friends waiting."
Isca rolled her eyes. "Knowing Garin and Jacques, they're probably eating already."
Ah yes... it felt nice knowing they were here. That magical twain, or whatever nonsense Scarblade waxed about.
I felt something build within me... Laughter. Uncontrollable laughter.
Regardless of what I was, what this was, what reality was -- I would choose to live within it. After all, what else could I do?
My sister laughed alongside me as she took my fin in hers. "Are you quite alright?"
"Yes," I replied as I gazed into her vibrant blue eyes and calmed down. "Let's go eat."
THE END Indeed there are allusions to On Stranger Tides and Monkey Island.
IDK the Curse of Maraqua, I just wanted a good pirate story with magic OK It was submitted as a collab with Rabbit ♠, who wrote the epilogue, because by then I didn't want to write anymore.
|
|
|
Post by Kat on Feb 21, 2023 18:47:05 GMT -5
RielCZ, if I remember correctly, Mac had an unwritten rule about not selecting the writer of the ending to start the next STC, right? Well, it looks like Stone will not be enforcing that rule. The writer of the new starter also wrote the ending to the Curse of Maraqua story - and it looks like we're continuing our deep dive (haha) back into old plots.
|
|
|
Post by RielCZ on Feb 21, 2023 18:56:22 GMT -5
RielCZ , if I remember correctly, Mac had an unwritten rule about not selecting the writer of the ending to start the next STC, right? Correct! So, seeing the beginner was the same author as the last week's ender genuinely surprised me. At least we know that it is no longer a rule -- though it seems Stone is slowly reversing many of Mac's rules that I came to appreciate as making things somewhat fairer, heh.
As much as I enjoy LD (it is my AC Team), like CoM, I was not around for its plot and was never invested enough to read the lore comic. Alas. Maybe I'll try to put in something in the next slot or two whilst the story is more open, before a bunch of story elements I don't know compound and impact my ability to write effectively.
|
|
|
Post by Kat on Feb 21, 2023 19:02:22 GMT -5
RielCZ , if I remember correctly, Mac had an unwritten rule about not selecting the writer of the ending to start the next STC, right? Correct! So, seeing the beginner was the same author as the last week's ender genuinely surprised me. At least we know that it is no longer a rule -- though it seems Stone is slowly reversing many of Mac's rules that I came to appreciate as making things somewhat fairer, heh.
As much as I enjoy LD (it is my AC Team), like CoM, I was not around for its plot and was never invested enough to read the lore comic. Alas. Maybe I'll try to put in something in the next slot or two whilst the story is more open, before a bunch of story elements I don't know compound and impact my ability to write effectively. It's kind of a double edged sword. You are no longer restricted by "oops haha I wrote the ending to the last STC" to write a starter, but it comes off as two wins in a row which generally don't happen in STC proper. I'm also a little...IDK, miffed, that I haven't gotten a storytelling starter in, for more than a year now. Anyway, who knows, the story might diverge enough from the LDP that you can jump in with little knowledge of it. Considering that it took a few days for the last story to be corrected re: Isca and Caylis, that isn't a far-fetched idea.
|
|
|
Post by RielCZ on Feb 21, 2023 19:14:18 GMT -5
It's kind of a double edged sword. You are no longer restricted by "oops haha I wrote the ending to the last STC" to write a starter, but it comes off as two wins in a row which generally don't happen in STC proper. I'm also a little...IDK, miffed, that I haven't gotten a storytelling starter in, for more than a year now. True. I mean, in the old(er) days when users could submit starters but contests were 2 entries x 5 day affairs, it never was a rule that the ender of one week couldn't start next week's story. So, I found Mac's rule change kind of disappointing, at first. But because contests are now 2 weeks, meaning everyone's chances to start a story are effectively halved, I realized the introduction of the rule did help with fairness in a way, for exactly the reason you said -- no 2 wins in a row (as there are half the overall wins to begin with).
I feel you about being miffed. I haven't started a story since last April... Been casually resubmitting the same 4 or so starters when I remember to, though. Maybe it's time to write something new. (Had I had more time and had I remembered the day I might have put in something about Mardi Gras. )
|
|
|
Post by Stella on Feb 23, 2023 11:06:14 GMT -5
Hey all, just wondering if the time you submit your entry has any significance at all? I'm usually up and about when it's the middle of the night NST, so I'm concerned whether the editor would be receiving it in time to read it. Or is any time before ~8AM NST when the next part gets published fair game? (Well maybe like an hour or two before at least!)
|
|
|
Post by RielCZ on Feb 23, 2023 13:21:17 GMT -5
These past few days I've been submitting at around 9:30 NST, which I wonder whether is too late because my success rate has been 0 for 4 lately. I haven't found much consistency with the posting schedule these past few... months, honestly. Sometimes it's the morning, sometimes the afternoon. Congrats Kat and Azusa! It's a pretty fun story thus far. Though I am biased.Here was my entry for the most recent slot: ...Grumbling, Tomos gathered some provisions from the warehouse and prepared to leave. "If anything happens, Zina, you're in charge. Since Nightsteed, as a representative of the King, essentially willed this Warehouse's contents to us, take stock of what we have."
"Aye aye," the Zafara replied with a salute.
"And make a bit of an effort to tidy, I know this place is abandoned, but it's as filthy as the Temple of 1000 Tombs in here." This elicited a laugh from the Scarabs, smaller in number though they were since their height almost two decades ago, and Tomos smiled. "While I'm gone... take care of yourselves," the Lupe added with greater emotional intensity than he'd intended.
Zina walked up to him and squeezed his arm. "Don't worry about us, boss. Look out for you, first and foremost." She hugged him. "Go help save the Queen. We'll see you in a few days." She smiled up at him.
Tomos gave an affirmative nod back. "You can bet your Jazan's guyliner on that."
***
Horace frowned. "I'm not sure I'd say that. I mean, Tomos is--"
"I don't doubt your loyalty to your friends," Nightsteed interrupted, "and you don't need to defend them. I just commend your understanding that there are bigger forces at play in the Desert than hunting food and causing general mischief." He gave a casual grin. "And you seemed to be the most subservient Scarab, regardless."
Horace grumbled, prompting Jazan's steed to laugh.
"There's another reason, too," the Uni continued. "Once we secure the fruit, it will have to be opened and prepared by Chef Bonju, who knows the secrets to releasing its potency. We will have to convince him to return with us posthaste to the Queen, as the fruit has to be served fresh... and the Chef has been known to take more kindly to the requests of foreigners who happen to be fellow Blums."
"All of this sounds like a pretty tall order," remarked Horace.
"It is."
"What will I get if I help you?" the Scarab asked with a mix of caution and curiosity.
"The satisfaction of helping your comrade Queen Nabile," the Uni replied, not smiling. "But you really aren't in a position to negotiate. My statement wasn't a question. You're coming with me, and you're helping me find that perfect Panacea Fruit and recruiting Chef Bonju."
The Blumaroo nodded, expecting a response such as this. "Alright. But since it sounds like you're in no real position to have me refuse my negotiations, either--" (that would show him "subservient") "--I will help, and I want only one thing in return: a permanent headquarters by royal decree for the Scarabs, and a modest food allowance each month.
Nightseed shook his head slowly... and then sighed. "I told you you were loyal. We'll see, ultimate it's not up to me. But I promise I'll petition Jazan on your behalf."
Horace bowed. "Thank you."
"Now get on my back," the Uni commanded. "Evening is starting to fall -- and my powers work best and I travel fastest at night, naturally." He grinned.
The Blumaroo mounted the steed, and off they went toward Shenkuu.
***
Tomos meandered down the alleyways, hoping to find any traces of his fellow Scarab or that egotistical Uni. Unfortunately, he found none... Well, they were headed to Shenkuu, and though the mountains would be arduous, he only had to steal a map and off he'd--
But before he turned the next corner he heard some voices whisper from nearby.
"You sure Razul's back?"
"Trust me, and the Queen's a goner to boot. Just a few days longer and the undid curse will finally be undone..." I might try to recycle parts of it again, but I'm almost feeling more inclined to hold off and try for the ending again heh.
|
|
|
Post by RielCZ on Feb 24, 2023 23:09:30 GMT -5
It's been a day, I guess I can double post. Yay, got into this story about my favourite land! And, I really did want to split the party for a little bit... having the story devolve into a chase could be funny, but I think there is the potential for greater story development if Tomos and Amon (not Amos, silly me) have a subplot wherein they acquire or overhear information that Horace and Nightsteed don't have -- that could give some background/context to what's going on with Razul and Nabile. (I do apologize for the few errors in my entry, I was clearly writing too late last night but I wanted to submit well before 9:30 am NST this time heh.)
|
|
|
Post by Stephanie (swordlilly) on Feb 27, 2023 19:08:40 GMT -5
Rip, I guess Amon's name is Amos now. xDDD I blame you RielCZThe part that won today is really good, though!! O: It makes the Nightsteed's line from the first entry so much more ominous: and makes Tomos's trip more urgent now. I could also see him needing to make a choice later between saving his childhood friend, Nabile, and saving his fellow Scarab, Horace.
|
|
|
Post by RielCZ on Feb 28, 2023 0:31:44 GMT -5
Rip, I guess Amon's name is Amos now. xDDD I blame you RielCZ I'M SORRY FORGIVE ME yes I am to blame but I will counter-blame Azusa for making the name Amon so close to Tomos that my tired brain slipped up. This latest part is interesting, though I admittedly saw it as something of a curveball that detracted from the main plot involving saving Queen Nabile. Nevertheless, Stephanie, your comment raises an interesting point -- maybe there is a plot involving Nightsteed orchestrating some sort of setup. I'm looking forward to the next part(s), anyway!
|
|
|
Post by Stephanie (swordlilly) on Mar 2, 2023 22:26:47 GMT -5
Congrats to Kat on establishing a convincing villain within the span of just a few paragraphs 8D I sent in an ending ^^; Will post it if it doesn't get in. Hopefully if there's more than one good one, the judge could consider posting both, like in some past Storytellings. Update: aaaaaand it wasn't chosen, so here's what I wrote. Congrats Gelquie! Horace started to say, "Nabile needs the fruit," but found that his mouth had run dry.
Sudden anger burned through his mind. What had Nabile done for her former friends after she became queen? Nothing. She'd faded into a life of luxury by Jazan's side while Horace, Tomos, Zina and the rest of the Scarabs scraped by in the streets. If Nabile had spoken up more for her former friends, they'd never have been exiled from Sakhmet in the first place. They'd have been treated with dignity and respect.
Maybe Nabile deserved to not have her cure. To be, quite literally, fruitless, to the end of her days.
But then memories surfaced of the young Nabile, a feisty Pink Ixi as sharp-eyed, quick-witted and foul-mouthed as every other Scarab. "You're SO dead!" was one of her favourite taunts in those days. Could Horace really blame her for taking the chance to live a better life? Even if it meant she'd leave them behind?
And besides, she was sick. If he didn't help her now, she might actually leave them behind, forever.
"Well?" Bonju was saying. "How about it? Help me harvest and store all the Panacea Fruit. And we Blumaroos will have an economic and political monopoly. All the rulers of Neopia will bow to us."
Horace walked forward slowly, making sure to smile and gaze as steadily as he could into the Orange Blumaroo's eyes. But in his peripheral vision, he took note of the smooth green fruit hanging in the tree next to Bonju's smiling face. His arms swung casually as he walked. His tail thumped elegantly along the ground.
And his mind, with the practised speed of a true street thief, worked through the intricate calculations that had marked every day of his life.
At what angle to approach the tree. The shortest time possible in which to step forward, take the fruit, and pivot back. The nearest exit path. The fastest estimated speeds of the watching Blumaroos, which ones were likely to be the slowest...
"What are you doing!" Bonju roared. "AFTER HIM!!!"
But the small Yellow Blumaroo was already disappearing into the cave by which he'd come, stepping nimbly over the slithering Wadjets.
***
"Horace!" said Tomos, Amos and the Nightsteed in unison. Against the light of the full moon, the shadows of the two Unis mirrored each other.
"I've got the fruit," Horace panted, "but we must hurry. Bonju is not coming with us. I'll explain on the way!" He leapt onto the Nightsteed's back and dug in his heels. The Nightsteed reared in pain and indignation, spouting flame in the cold, damp air. But just as he was about to retort in anger, he heard a great rumbling in the cave. The first Blumaroos burst out of the cave opening, aiming for Horace. Tomos reacted on instinct, knocking them back.
"Hurry!" Horace cried, and the Nightsteed obeyed without a word. Tomos and Amos followed.
It was a flight that tested the two Unis' limits. Amos found that he was struggling, even after his rest at the Edge of the Desert. But he had to prove himself to the Scarabs. He kept up valiantly with the older Uni, who plunged forward like a torch in the night.
"Bonju is organizing some kind of secret Blumaroo gang," Horace said, after he'd caught his breath. "He wants to take all the Panacea Fruits for himself. We can't trust him."
"But who else can prepare the fruit for Nabile?" the Nightsteed asked.
The answer came so quickly, Tomos was surprised he hadn't thought of it before. "Zina," he said. "Zina always knows what to do with the fruits we steal, no matter what shape they're in."
"Zina," Horace repeated in amazement.
***
The Red Zafara fidgeted nervously outside the door to Nabile's chamber, the tray of fruit cold and slippery between her paws. "Would... would I be welcome, just as I am?" she asked. After walking through the richly decorated hall, she was suddenly conscious of her dirty feet.
"Of course," the Nightsteed answered. "She was your friend, after all. And I'm with you. We're all with you."
So Zina entered the room with her fellow Scarabs, flanked by Amos and the Nightsteed on either side. King Jazan looked up from where he was silently praying by his wife's pillow. The King of Qasala had seemed tall and imposing to Tomos before, but now he looked... vulnerable.
"We have the cure for Nabile," said the Nightsteed.
The king looked relieved to see the Nightsteed, but he didn't seem to know what to say to the others. "What do you want in return?" he asked.
"Nabile was our friend," said Tomos. "Let's help her first and talk details after."
Zina knelt by the queen's bedside and coaxed the Pink Ixi to sit up, just like she used to do when Nabile got injured once on a heist in their thieving days. "There. There..."
***
Queen Nabile made a full recovery. Horace and Tomos were declared honorary members of the Qasalan Royal Guard. Amos received an award for his bravery and a scholarship to the military academy so that he, too, could one day join the Royal Guard. And Tomos did sign the poster for him, as promised.
Zina became a chef in the palace kitchen. Sometimes, she would look up from the chopping board where she was arranging her next masterpiece, and marvel at the abundance of food around her. She and her fellow Scarabs would never feel the pangs of hunger anymore.
The End
|
|
|
Post by RielCZ on Mar 3, 2023 15:44:10 GMT -5
What an actually great story this turned out to be! Having Bonju turn out to be the main antagonist, Kat, was a brilliant move that grounded a story that I was worrying had went off the rails. It also seems like a very TNT thing to do -- bring in a villain from some other land -- which really worked here because the story was intended to be a sequel of sorts to LDP. I'm glad now I didn't give up on establishing Bonju as part of the storyline heh.And congrats to Gelquie on the ending! I really enjoyed how you wrapped everything up, bringing in all the Blum counter-examples, making Bonju a little more empathetic, and really expanding on the back- and future-story for Amos. And I really liked your ending too, Stephanie (swordlilly)! The self-reflection and overcome selfishness by Horace, the reintroduction of Zina, and especially Amos getting his poster signed in that epilogue. Both endings wrapped the story very nicely and neatly. Also, I can't help read "Tomos and Amos" without getting "Phobos and Demos" vibes so that might also have been a contributing factor in my slip. The only thing that could have made for a better story would have been if Hoban showed up somewhere along the way, haha.
|
|
|
Post by Gelquie on Mar 3, 2023 17:27:24 GMT -5
That was a really fun story to follow! I also love the twist with Bonju as the antagonist, and also adding the blumaroo race factor in! It was also good to address Scarab life post-Nabile. Still scraping by, just with ties to their past days together. It was fun to write the entry and tie it together! Thanks, all. ^^ My only regret was not doing more with Nabile in the ending. I realized after the fact that maybe she could've been part of the conversation and contributed to helping Amos see that Nabile got lucky, and he should really take advantage of the good he does have. Hopefully covering how she vouched and vouches for the Scarabs despite having to go through Jazan the King of Poor Communication kind of makes up for that. I did seriously consider sending a revision this morning, I just thought it'd be too late or look bad. (Plus, it was already long by the time I got to the epilogue.) Spoiler note on my ending: I made a specific point regarding when Tomos would sneak around to steal the fruit. If you can figure out where it is, bonus points. =D Stephanie's ending was also good for expanding on what happens after and also including Zina! A nicely wrapped up ending. Ahh, I can see how you would slip up there, Riel. xD Despite the slip-up, I think it works. I kind of like the name better in this context. Thank you all for contributing to making this story what it is!
|
|
|
Post by Stephanie (swordlilly) on Mar 3, 2023 17:35:59 GMT -5
Thank you so much for taking the time to review our work, Riel! I always really appreciate your insights and criticism. I liked your ending too, Gelquie! Specifically how it further fleshed out Bonju as an antagonist. I also enjoyed the shifts of power in the negotiations xD And I liked that Jazan spoke in a kingly manner at the end. I am a bit sad that the judge didn't post multiple endings, but maybe they just weren't aware that it was a practice in past Storytellings. ( Story 445 had three endings, for example.) I've just sent in an editorial question to ask, though, so we'll see. *fingers crossed*
|
|