Post by Shadaras on Nov 13, 2008 23:53:54 GMT -5
End wordcount: 67,175
*shrug* ..as has probably been stated already today, I know roughly how the plot's going to work now. I just need to get everything to line up correctly and come at the right time. And if it just goes to 80k, not 100k, I don't mind. That's just the way it'll be. I'm still ahead of everyone else, anyway.
*shrug* ..as has probably been stated already today, I know roughly how the plot's going to work now. I just need to get everything to line up correctly and come at the right time. And if it just goes to 80k, not 100k, I don't mind. That's just the way it'll be. I'm still ahead of everyone else, anyway.
I didn’t care. I was just putting off the inevitable, I knew, but I didn’t want to face it. I felt like a child again, running from everything I didn’t want to happen, as if by not looking at it, it wouldn’t look at me, either. That had never worked. I knew it hadn’t. That didn’t make it any less attractive an option. So I ignored the decision I had to make. Nobody was forcing me to make it, after all.
Not until Yuri came along with Makari, at least. That on its own wasn’t the best of signs. I was just glad that he hadn’t brought Luke with him. That would’ve been even more irritating than this was already going to be. I waited for them in the flitter, not looking back towards them. Yuri got in beside me. Makari sat behind him. Yuri didn’t seem to like that, I noticed, fighting the urge to smile. But then, if Makari had sat behind me, I would’ve felt the same paranoia, so I couldn’t blame him.
I started the flitter without acknowledging either of them. If Yuri wanted to talk, he could start talking. Or he could just stay silent. I didn’t particularly care either way. I’d just keep flying the flitter and dancing on the winds, ignoring them. I had to admit that I didn’t really like the silence, though. Yuri was usually talking, or at least listening to someone else talk. When he wasn’t, it was usually because he was reading or focusing on piloting. But he wasn’t doing either of those things right now, and yet he was still silent.
Of course, whichever of us spoke first would lose the advantage, in the unspoken rules that hovered between us. So neither of us did. I could feel Makari look between us, confused. Yuri had probably told him that he wanted to talk to me, and now that neither of us were speaking, he must be confused. I smiled slightly, flipping the flitter over onto its back. Yuri let out a startled curse. I laughed, spinning the flitter around. “Having fun?” I asked. Yuri had broken the silence, so he lost and it didn’t matter if I spoke.
“You’re going to make me kill you someday,” Yuri said, in a rather cheerful tone. “And I’d have more fun if I weren’t upside-down.”
I sent the flitter into a tight spiral, ending with it upright. “That better?”
“Not really,” he muttered.
“What’s this about?” Makari said. He sounded confused. And slightly annoyed.
I grinned. “It’s about power, when you come down to it. Power and responsibility.”
“And about getting you to actually do something.” Yuri shook his head. “You can’t avoid it forever, Ri.”
“I can try.”
“Don’t you get it? It won’t work.” Yuri touched my arm. “Ri, you’ll need to confront him eventually.”
“No,” I said quietly. “I’ll need to let the nightmare become reality. That’s what I’m running from, not the confrontation that I know will happen. I can go back to Phoenicia. I can give myself to Lucifer and the Phoenix. It doesn’t matter. I’d have joy in that, even. But I can’t kill him without the nightmare becoming reality.”
“What nightmare?”
If I hadn’t been flying the flitter, I would’ve closed my eyes. As it was, I just let the nose of the flitter drop. “The nightmare that’s been haunting me since we graduated. The nightmare that changed to include Luke.” I pulled the flitter up, sending it into a spiral. “The nightmare that shows me killing Lucifer.”
“Which one?” Yuri asked.
“No idea. Started out as Dark-Angel, though, since he was the only one I knew. I don’t know if it changed.”
“Could one of you please tell me what you’re talking about?”
I glanced back at Makari, amused. “You didn’t need to come along, you know.”
“Actually, he did.” Yuri laughed. “I forced him to come. Thought it might be good for him.”
“So it’s your fault, so you can explain.”
“Nope.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I am. So you’re just running away from killing someone you love.”
I sighed. “Yeah.”
“Dreams aren’t reality.”
“At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were.”
“Point.”
“So will you accept that I’ll keep running away?”
“You know, eventually I’ll just start flying Malak back.”
“And then I’ll go.” I shrugged. “All the pieces need to be put in their places, though.”
“I won’t give you warning, you realize.”
“I don’t want it. If you give me warning, there’s a fair chance that I’ll run. If you take me to my doom, then take me, and get on with it.” I turned the flitter, heading back to the citadel. “If you want this to follow the paths that they must, take me back, and Luke with us. It won’t matter after that.”
“How the hell do you know?”
I grinned at Yuri. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not sure, anyway. But Light-Bringer and Dark-Angel are both needed to play their parts. And they’re both Angels, when you come down to it.”
“Morning star and devil. Yeah, Ri, I know.”
“Explain?” Makari said, half-begging. “Please?”
We ignored him, and the rest of the flight back was spent either in silence or listening to Makari complain. When we got back, Yuri left and went back to Malak. When I tried to follow, Makari grabbed my arm and held me inside the flitter. I sighed, knowing exactly what he was going to ask. “You realize that you won’t like all the explanations, right?”
“So long as I get them.” Makari stared at me, his gold-flecked brown eyes not moving from my face. “Adrian, tell me. I don’t want to force you to, but I can.”
“Really,” I said softly, crossing my arms and looking at him. We were about the same size, and we were both athletic. He was trained to fight, and was good at it. I was trained, and likely only better if I called on Phoenix. I didn’t want to do that. But I had other advantages. “I don’t think you can force me to do anything, Makari.”
“Oh?” Makari reached over the seat. I didn’t move. I let him place his hands on my shoulders, the gentle pressure enough to remind me of things I didn’t want to remember. “I think I can.” His grip tightened, and I closed my eyes, remembering.
Lucifer was at the center of everything, of course. But that was normal. Lucifer could only pull so much from me. But then the nightmares, the deaths, the pain, it all came back. Even the dark wings from so long ago. I gasped, eyes opening but seeing nothing more than darkness.
“How long will you endure?” Makari asked, voice penetrating the darkness. “How long until you yield and just tell me everything?”
I forced an answer out. “You never did ask politely, did you?”
The nightmares surged, and I could barely stop myself from screaming. It wasn’t really images anymore. It was just the deep, nameless fears that always lurked beneath the surface. But that wasn’t really the part that made me want to scream. It was how this reminded me of Lucifer. It was how it reminded me of how Lucifer would take me, make me hurt, make me scream, make me fear in the deepest parts of myself. And those fears were what Makari was bringing to the surface.
“You don’t get it,” I whispered. “You don’t understand who I am. This won’t work on me.”
“It will,” Makari said stubbornly. “It’s never failed before.”
“You’ve never faced an Angel before.”
And then I let my own will force the power back at him. I crashed into his mind, breaking through all the barriers that he tried to set up, and pulled at his own darkest parts, pulling them to the surface with me as I broke free. I opened my eyes, gently removing his hands from my shoulders. The terror in his face, the frozen expression, showed me what he’d expected to happen to me. I sighed, stroking his forehead. “Wake up, Makari. I don’t like talking to statues.”
His expression slowly returned to normal. I waited for him to speak, resisting the urge to smile. When he finally spoke, his voice was breathy and trembled. “I didn’t know you could do that.”
“I didn’t know either.” I grinned. “But it seemed possible, so I figured I may as well try it.”
He stared at me wordlessly.
“Come on, Makari. You can’t be that dense. You’ve seen the Synarium. You’ve heard us talk. Everything is possible right now. I have no idea why. Maybe you do. But anything’s possible, and if anything’s possible, then why are you surprised that I turned your magic against you?”
“You are infuriating.”
“Yes, I know,” I said, grinning. “Anything else, or will you accept that I’m not going to tell you without reason and just leave me alone?”
Not until Yuri came along with Makari, at least. That on its own wasn’t the best of signs. I was just glad that he hadn’t brought Luke with him. That would’ve been even more irritating than this was already going to be. I waited for them in the flitter, not looking back towards them. Yuri got in beside me. Makari sat behind him. Yuri didn’t seem to like that, I noticed, fighting the urge to smile. But then, if Makari had sat behind me, I would’ve felt the same paranoia, so I couldn’t blame him.
I started the flitter without acknowledging either of them. If Yuri wanted to talk, he could start talking. Or he could just stay silent. I didn’t particularly care either way. I’d just keep flying the flitter and dancing on the winds, ignoring them. I had to admit that I didn’t really like the silence, though. Yuri was usually talking, or at least listening to someone else talk. When he wasn’t, it was usually because he was reading or focusing on piloting. But he wasn’t doing either of those things right now, and yet he was still silent.
Of course, whichever of us spoke first would lose the advantage, in the unspoken rules that hovered between us. So neither of us did. I could feel Makari look between us, confused. Yuri had probably told him that he wanted to talk to me, and now that neither of us were speaking, he must be confused. I smiled slightly, flipping the flitter over onto its back. Yuri let out a startled curse. I laughed, spinning the flitter around. “Having fun?” I asked. Yuri had broken the silence, so he lost and it didn’t matter if I spoke.
“You’re going to make me kill you someday,” Yuri said, in a rather cheerful tone. “And I’d have more fun if I weren’t upside-down.”
I sent the flitter into a tight spiral, ending with it upright. “That better?”
“Not really,” he muttered.
“What’s this about?” Makari said. He sounded confused. And slightly annoyed.
I grinned. “It’s about power, when you come down to it. Power and responsibility.”
“And about getting you to actually do something.” Yuri shook his head. “You can’t avoid it forever, Ri.”
“I can try.”
“Don’t you get it? It won’t work.” Yuri touched my arm. “Ri, you’ll need to confront him eventually.”
“No,” I said quietly. “I’ll need to let the nightmare become reality. That’s what I’m running from, not the confrontation that I know will happen. I can go back to Phoenicia. I can give myself to Lucifer and the Phoenix. It doesn’t matter. I’d have joy in that, even. But I can’t kill him without the nightmare becoming reality.”
“What nightmare?”
If I hadn’t been flying the flitter, I would’ve closed my eyes. As it was, I just let the nose of the flitter drop. “The nightmare that’s been haunting me since we graduated. The nightmare that changed to include Luke.” I pulled the flitter up, sending it into a spiral. “The nightmare that shows me killing Lucifer.”
“Which one?” Yuri asked.
“No idea. Started out as Dark-Angel, though, since he was the only one I knew. I don’t know if it changed.”
“Could one of you please tell me what you’re talking about?”
I glanced back at Makari, amused. “You didn’t need to come along, you know.”
“Actually, he did.” Yuri laughed. “I forced him to come. Thought it might be good for him.”
“So it’s your fault, so you can explain.”
“Nope.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I am. So you’re just running away from killing someone you love.”
I sighed. “Yeah.”
“Dreams aren’t reality.”
“At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were.”
“Point.”
“So will you accept that I’ll keep running away?”
“You know, eventually I’ll just start flying Malak back.”
“And then I’ll go.” I shrugged. “All the pieces need to be put in their places, though.”
“I won’t give you warning, you realize.”
“I don’t want it. If you give me warning, there’s a fair chance that I’ll run. If you take me to my doom, then take me, and get on with it.” I turned the flitter, heading back to the citadel. “If you want this to follow the paths that they must, take me back, and Luke with us. It won’t matter after that.”
“How the hell do you know?”
I grinned at Yuri. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not sure, anyway. But Light-Bringer and Dark-Angel are both needed to play their parts. And they’re both Angels, when you come down to it.”
“Morning star and devil. Yeah, Ri, I know.”
“Explain?” Makari said, half-begging. “Please?”
We ignored him, and the rest of the flight back was spent either in silence or listening to Makari complain. When we got back, Yuri left and went back to Malak. When I tried to follow, Makari grabbed my arm and held me inside the flitter. I sighed, knowing exactly what he was going to ask. “You realize that you won’t like all the explanations, right?”
“So long as I get them.” Makari stared at me, his gold-flecked brown eyes not moving from my face. “Adrian, tell me. I don’t want to force you to, but I can.”
“Really,” I said softly, crossing my arms and looking at him. We were about the same size, and we were both athletic. He was trained to fight, and was good at it. I was trained, and likely only better if I called on Phoenix. I didn’t want to do that. But I had other advantages. “I don’t think you can force me to do anything, Makari.”
“Oh?” Makari reached over the seat. I didn’t move. I let him place his hands on my shoulders, the gentle pressure enough to remind me of things I didn’t want to remember. “I think I can.” His grip tightened, and I closed my eyes, remembering.
Lucifer was at the center of everything, of course. But that was normal. Lucifer could only pull so much from me. But then the nightmares, the deaths, the pain, it all came back. Even the dark wings from so long ago. I gasped, eyes opening but seeing nothing more than darkness.
“How long will you endure?” Makari asked, voice penetrating the darkness. “How long until you yield and just tell me everything?”
I forced an answer out. “You never did ask politely, did you?”
The nightmares surged, and I could barely stop myself from screaming. It wasn’t really images anymore. It was just the deep, nameless fears that always lurked beneath the surface. But that wasn’t really the part that made me want to scream. It was how this reminded me of Lucifer. It was how it reminded me of how Lucifer would take me, make me hurt, make me scream, make me fear in the deepest parts of myself. And those fears were what Makari was bringing to the surface.
“You don’t get it,” I whispered. “You don’t understand who I am. This won’t work on me.”
“It will,” Makari said stubbornly. “It’s never failed before.”
“You’ve never faced an Angel before.”
And then I let my own will force the power back at him. I crashed into his mind, breaking through all the barriers that he tried to set up, and pulled at his own darkest parts, pulling them to the surface with me as I broke free. I opened my eyes, gently removing his hands from my shoulders. The terror in his face, the frozen expression, showed me what he’d expected to happen to me. I sighed, stroking his forehead. “Wake up, Makari. I don’t like talking to statues.”
His expression slowly returned to normal. I waited for him to speak, resisting the urge to smile. When he finally spoke, his voice was breathy and trembled. “I didn’t know you could do that.”
“I didn’t know either.” I grinned. “But it seemed possible, so I figured I may as well try it.”
He stared at me wordlessly.
“Come on, Makari. You can’t be that dense. You’ve seen the Synarium. You’ve heard us talk. Everything is possible right now. I have no idea why. Maybe you do. But anything’s possible, and if anything’s possible, then why are you surprised that I turned your magic against you?”
“You are infuriating.”
“Yes, I know,” I said, grinning. “Anything else, or will you accept that I’m not going to tell you without reason and just leave me alone?”
)!