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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2006 23:20:50 GMT -5
Orbulon and the Founder of Symol Hole: Part Two by tashniThe first bit with Jhudora was a bit confusing, which I have to attribute to your refined style. What really confused me was this: Jhudora's furniture needed replacing and she only had the one outfit after the last one got torn in a battle with Chiazilla. I...just did not get that second part, with the clothing, and it just messed the entire paragraph up for me... Then, though, it got incredibly humorous, and that was awesome. I'd quote the funny parts, but then I'd be arrested for plagiarism. ^_^ I can see how that would be confusing. For some reason, I had a sudden urge to bring up Chiazilla. The poor massive Chia just vanished in the mists of Neopian time . . . It wasn't so much the Chiazilla that got me, but the whole point about the clothes. I seemed to have missed that, I think. I had assumed the comic was outside of the stories, a side-story, one could say... And I do hope to read Orbulon's other stories. I just have to make time. *wishes I could literally make time* |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 18, 2006 13:26:49 GMT -5
Hissi, Come Blow Your Horn!: Part Two by bitsy_dj
This part, I feel, lacked something that the first part had, though I can't quite put my finger on it, like...one of those ethereal things that coexist with the writing, but are not the writing itself. Why I say that? Well, the writing was flawless, and fun, and enjoyable. Perhaps what was missing, for me, was the swiftness that the story moved with in the first part, which was much faster than this one (and my general idea is that stories should speed up as they go on, not slow down), though I can fully understand why things had to go as they went.
With the story itself, I really don't know much what to say. It seemed like an interlude, to me, a piece to link Satch's leaving with his admission in the band. Some of the music bits were a bit blank for me, since I really know nothing of music the way you put it, but they were written well, yes. And when Duke came around, I instantly thought of the dog from those bean commercials on TV... (lol), but then I was reminded of Big something...that guy from Robots, as their personalities seem to be pretty much similar.
I look forward to the next part; I am truly eager to see how things go for Satch now.
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Post by Bitsy on Dec 18, 2006 16:45:43 GMT -5
Hissi, Come Blow Your Horn!: Part Two by bitsy_djThis part, I feel, lacked something that the first part had, though I can't quite put my finger on it, like...one of those ethereal things that coexist with the writing, but are not the writing itself. Why I say that? Well, the writing was flawless, and fun, and enjoyable. Perhaps what was missing, for me, was the swiftness that the story moved with in the first part, which was much faster than this one (and my general idea is that stories should speed up as they go on, not slow down), though I can fully understand why things had to go as they went. With the story itself, I really don't know much what to say. It seemed like an interlude, to me, a piece to link Satch's leaving with his admission in the band. Some of the music bits were a bit blank for me, since I really know nothing of music the way you put it, but they were written well, yes. And when Duke came around, I instantly thought of the dog from those bean commercials on TV... (lol), but then I was reminded of Big something...that guy from Robots, as their personalities seem to be pretty much similar. I look forward to the next part; I am truly eager to see how things go for Satch now. Once again, thank you for the honesty! I perfer criticism that's a mix of both praise and advice instead of the occasionally "OMG! Ur story rocked! Ur a g8t writer!!!" crap I get from Noobs. You have to understand, this is my first series, so I didn't want to put too much into one chapter. I like to find a good place to end the story to have people wanting more (plus I was paranoid of the length and how the Times would read it). I'm getting better, though. I like stories that move fast, too, but not anything that just speeds by and you're like "Wha? What just happened?" You should've seen me with "Lord of the Rings." I swear, I lost interest when I got to the history of the ring. Totally lost my interest and decided just to watch the movies. Yeah, Duke's a character. I wanted sort of a Uncle/fatherly figure for Satch....besides the father he already has. I mean, we all have one of those in our lives, right? I based him off Duke, a janitor I knew when I was a little girl who was very kind to. As for the band, I wanted a mixture of different characters: A lead singer who's sort of a boss, but still looks out for the band; a comedic duo (Melvin and Bebop were fun to write about!), and a love interest. I'm a romantic! What can I say? Yeah, things start getting very interesting for Satch in the next three chapters, although it might drag a LEETLE bit, so be prepared. Thanks again! |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2006 7:29:03 GMT -5
Top Topiaries by ngc_5128and milla_022Original idea, and I love the idea of having a chocolate icecream tree in my garden, but maybe not in the middle of winter...  A Thousand Miles by blackcairnWhen you say complimented, did you mean he told it that it was a pretty flower, or that he widdled on it? My first though was the latter...   I liked this - a nice feelgood story, and it's an interesting point of view to write from as well. Well done  Brothers'n'Sister: Butler 'Shlosh' Part I by kamikatze24I love Sloth in a suit and carrying pink ice cream The Great Discovery by patjade and dark_elfaI love the art in this - the Wocky is beautiful It's predictable and very silly (I mean that in a good way! ) Orbulon and the Founder of Symol Hole: Part Two by tashniThis is brilliant. The way you phrase some of it is really funny - 'In the Hole, Orbulon accidentally destroyed a priceless statue, which greatly upset the Earth Guardian.' It's so funny! 
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Post by Deleted on Dec 20, 2006 12:47:07 GMT -5
Into the Sea: Part Three by sytra
Another amazing piece of writing, Sytra. It was flawless. I can't imagine how many hours you spent proofreading it, because I found NO typos. And let me tell you, I can find typos where no one else can! So, yeah, your writing is amazing.
It also has perfect flow--things move nicely, at a steady pace that isn't slow and isn't too fast that it's confusing. It's a welcome pace for me, really, since I've read few things that have such perfect pace. Yours is among them, of course.
The story...what can I say? The descriptions were fabulous. How Sasha and Katrina feel... it is so real, so vivid, so...indescribably good. It's awesome, it truly is. I kinda suspected the ending, but it was still a heart-stopping moment to hear Katrina say that that lane was empty. I can't wait to see where this leads, but I know I will love it.
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Post by ngc_5128 on Dec 20, 2006 20:03:33 GMT -5
A Thousand Miles by blackcairn This was a really great story. At first, I wasn't sure how good a story could be from the point of view of a Spardel (I have it in my head that they are pretty stupid), but I was quickly won over. I also enjoyed how portrayed the grey Spardel. I thought it a bit weird that a pet could speak "Sparde", in the same way I think it is weird that the dude who lives down the street claims he can speak to dogs (but is really a nutjob), but then I thought, this is Neopets, I am sure that this is possible All in all, this was a great story, well done |
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Post by Nimras on Dec 21, 2006 18:48:26 GMT -5
Hissi, Come Blow Your Horn!: Part Two
by bitsy_dj
Okay, stupid question time… Did he fly himself out with his own wings? If so, how did he carry all his stuff? *is confused*
*dies laughing*
Ohh… I like the people of Tone…
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Post by Dream on Dec 21, 2006 18:54:53 GMT -5
Into the Sea: Part Three
I've thought from the start this is a lovely story, and quite intriguing. Now there's a cliffhanger too? The obvious explanation is that Sasha has an imaginary friend, but she seems somewhat too old to believe in a fictional Neopet the way she believes in Amelia. Invisible Neopets are the other simple conclusion-- yet Amelia is described in visual detail on more than one occasion. Nope, just gonna have to wait!
One thing is puzzling me, though. I'm sorry if it's already been explained in the story and I'm just being a doofus, but what exactly makes Sasha different from other Neopets? Is it something physical, like a birthmark? If not, why exactly are the other school pets appearing to act in such a mean manner to what seems to be a perfectly normal, if somewhat shy, Flotsam? I re-read the story several times and still can't find anything that would set her apart from others, apart from her apparent timid and lonely nature when around others.
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Post by Nimras on Dec 21, 2006 19:10:39 GMT -5
Orbulon and the Founder of Symol Hole: Part Two
by tashni
Roffle!
Love the thing with the poisonous lollies and the Jhudora/Illusen rivalry you’ve got going there.
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Post by Sq on Dec 21, 2006 19:56:06 GMT -5
Into the Sea: Part Three by sytraAnother amazing piece of writing, Sytra. It was flawless. I can't imagine how many hours you spent proofreading it, because I found NO typos. And let me tell you, I can find typos where no one else can! So, yeah, your writing is amazing. Thank you for the wonderful review! Glad you're liking it. ^^ And I did proofread it a ton... XD Re-reading it gave me something to do when I was bored and couldn't send it into the NT until my other series was finished. Nah, it was never explained. It's just kind of something the reader has to figure out, I guess. Sasha has a disorder like autism, which makes it hard for her to communicate and understand other people. So the other pets think she's... well, strange. I hope that clears things up. I wish I could have made it easier to understand in the story, but I had a hard time trying to do so without straight-out saying what her 'condition' was... I thought that would have been kind of weird, and I didn't know if clearly defining it would be allowed into the NT, so I just kept it out of context. Sorry for troubling you. Anyway, thanks so much for the review. ^^ |
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Post by Nimras on Dec 21, 2006 21:37:20 GMT -5
In This Together: Part Three
by rainbow_daydreamer
Awwwwww…….
This was a rather depressing chapter… Although she didn’t get very far distance wise, it actually covers a lot. Some of it was a little confusing, but that only makes sense considering her mental state.
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Post by Tashni on Dec 22, 2006 0:08:36 GMT -5
Thank you for the reviews Nim and Pam! And Nim, I did have this major sub-plot planned out for a Jhudora v. Illusen "Iron Chef" type battle, but I didn't have time for it. I might end up making it into a short story someday.
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Post by Bitsy on Dec 22, 2006 6:17:31 GMT -5
Hissi, Come Blow Your Horn!: Part Twoby bitsy_dj *dies laughing* Ohh… I like the people of Tone… Not stupid question at all! When I reread that chapter, it was a little confusing. I imagined him just holding his suitcase and trumpet case with his tail and flying that way, but that still would have been awkward. I probably should've said he TRAVELLED to Neopia Central instead of flew. My bad. Hee hee! I loved writing the banter between Bebop and Melvin. Expect more hilarity to come with these two. Thanks again for the review! |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2006 18:42:26 GMT -5
A Thousand Miles by blackcairn
When I had seen your name in the list of this week's short stories, and then when I had found that I'd have little time to do reviews, I felt saddened. I quite enjoyed your last piece, and I was quite looking forward to this one.
So, of course, I had to make sure I made time to read it.
It was a different kind of story, a kind I have never read before. But I liked it. It was simple. But it was splendid. I still am wondering how you could make so many simple sentences sound good, without them getting redundant. I guess it has to do with the point of view being that of a Spardel's. The ideas of all of these seemingly lifeless things having life was quite wonderful. I happen to agree in a few places with the Spardel, but nevermind that. I really enjoyed this story.
I am left to ponder just three things... Did you have a formula for translating things into Sparde? Was that yellow Shoyru Kentari? And, what was the significance of naming a black Spardel after yourself?
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Post by Nimras on Dec 24, 2006 9:38:07 GMT -5
Whispers: Part One
by betazoid_telepath
Yes, I’m still reviewing this issue. >.> It’s not my fault that work has killed my review time. Darn Christmas shoppers…
*snerk*
I was rather confused when I read this. Maybe some clue as to why she had such a hard time believing that this hotel was the right one might have helped.
Ohh, I love the ending with the Selket.
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