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Post by Psycho on Nov 21, 2006 19:29:09 GMT -5
Wisdom is also published this week, his short story is titled, "When Siyana Comes". Even if he doesn't want reviews, I think it's a recommended read. "When Siyana Comes" would be a completely different story that I really wouldn't want reviews for since I didn't write it.  ANYWAY - UNTIL SIYANA COMES 'Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wehabe All mimsy were the borogoves and the momeraths outgrabe... I read it once, stopped and contemplated, then read it again. Then I thought this - Honors for originality and imagination - While this isn't the sort of story I expected from you, I can't say that I'm surprised you wrote this, nor can I say that it is out of your character (that character you've chosen to show me). I would call this piece a work of art - and as we all know, art may be critiqued but no criticism has any merit except in the mind of the beholder. Thus, my thoughts are as follows (though the main idea has already been expressed by my initial reactions) - The idea of the story, as I understand it, is that everything is a dream of some kind. Who is the shadow? I enjoy deliberating on that question - who is the speaker writing to, at the end? While it's easy to say that the speaker is the red zafara and the shadow is the shadow gelert, I'm tempted to take the idea out of context and apply it to, well, life, I suppose. Who would my shadow be? I thoroughly enjoyed the lighthearted, whimsical nature of this piece - the way the progression of this "dream" is recorded, the companionship between the zafara and the shadow, the transition from one "place" to another. I was confused at the beginning but I began to enjoy it as it progressed, and then I saw the stream-of-consciousness, the sort of chaos that arises from daydreams unchecked. Warm spring afternoons in a quiet English classroom where the sunlight filters through the dust and sparkles across empty sheets of paper in front of me is where it starts. The first "journal entry" in the story reminds me of a joke I've heard but I can't recall the exact phrasing of it to mind. I grinned. The title is fitting. I can't put my finger on it. I don't think I ought to be able to. Like a piece of dust floating on the air - the closer to you come to pinching it with your fingers, the quicker it evades your grasp, and the farther it floats away. I could be missing the point entirely. One thing: "A shadow Gelert was lying on his back in a sleeping back next to mine. It wasn't bright enough to see his face. He had his front legs behind his head." Was that supposed to be "sleeping bag"? Well, obviously I enjoyed this piece. Well done, Wis. |
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Post by Psycho on Nov 21, 2006 19:34:41 GMT -5
Venuquin - phsycoticdancerI can only assume that's a custom, and what a custom it is. Very cool, I love the rays of sunlight. You know, like you have any control over that. Do I spy a story written in the Second Person? I grant your story instant awesome, because it's an uncommon and very unusual perspective for complete stories (excluding NeoAdventures). Great story, and once I realize who Venuquin was the whole thing made a lot more sense. An interesting use of perspective and Neopian legend, good work. More reviews will be made when I am more conscious, I feel like crap today. Thank you. The second person was an experiment that I tried with a series, but I was impatient that it kept being rejected for TMGE and also that I couldn't work out all the plotholes with such a large piece, so I took hte first part and turned it into a short story (which it had originally started out as). Anyway, I'm more interested in the reader reaction to the second person perspective. Was it convincing? Could I make you feel like you were in that boat? Could you picture the remnants of that dream? The Venuquin part was not supposed to be blatantly obvious. IT was actually a HUGE COINCIDENCE that the collector's card matched the idea of my story. The original focus was on "you" and not "Venuquin". I simply changed it a little so that the focus was now on "Venuquin". Like "The Scaredy Yurble", I used my source of inspiration as the title for ambiguity. I love how my response to your review is longer than your review alone.  Oh, and about that custom pic - I LOVE IT AHHH HOW I LOVE IT! The sunlight = the sunburn, the kougra has no face... PERFECTION! |
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Post by Psycho on Nov 21, 2006 19:37:49 GMT -5
Venuquin by phsycoticdancerSecond-person!? Okay, so I'm not that surprised, but it is the under-used narrative, I feel. You did this story well. Though it wasn't edge-of-your-seat stuff, it wasn't I'd-rather-fall-asleep, and I quite enjoyed it. There are a few things I would have done differently, though those are nitpicky things, I know. I do think some of the paragraphs were a bit hard to follow with, though, simply because of their size. However, in the end, I couldn't help but smile, sit back, and say to myself, "I liked that." Well, I am pleased that you liked it. I also appreciate your bluntness I agree about the paragraph size - I still haven't gotten used to the fact that paragraphs in the NT are short for ease of reading. The reaction at the end of it was exactly what I was trying to achieve. Thank you! |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 21, 2006 23:09:20 GMT -5
"When Siyana Comes" would be a completely different story that I really wouldn't want reviews for since I didn't write it. ANYWAY - UNTIL SIYANA COMES 'Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wehabe All mimsy were the borogoves and the momeraths outgrabe... I read it once, stopped and contemplated, then read it again. Then I thought this - Honors for originality and imagination - While this isn't the sort of story I expected from you, I can't say that I'm surprised you wrote this, nor can I say that it is out of your character (that character you've chosen to show me). I would call this piece a work of art - and as we all know, art may be critiqued but no criticism has any merit except in the mind of the beholder. Thus, my thoughts are as follows (though the main idea has already been expressed by my initial reactions) - The idea of the story, as I understand it, is that everything is a dream of some kind. Who is the shadow? I enjoy deliberating on that question - who is the speaker writing to, at the end? While it's easy to say that the speaker is the red zafara and the shadow is the shadow gelert, I'm tempted to take the idea out of context and apply it to, well, life, I suppose. Who would my shadow be? I thoroughly enjoyed the lighthearted, whimsical nature of this piece - the way the progression of this "dream" is recorded, the companionship between the zafara and the shadow, the transition from one "place" to another. I was confused at the beginning but I began to enjoy it as it progressed, and then I saw the stream-of-consciousness, the sort of chaos that arises from daydreams unchecked. Warm spring afternoons in a quiet English classroom where the sunlight filters through the dust and sparkles across empty sheets of paper in front of me is where it starts. The first "journal entry" in the story reminds me of a joke I've heard but I can't recall the exact phrasing of it to mind. I grinned. The title is fitting. I can't put my finger on it. I don't think I ought to be able to. Like a piece of dust floating on the air - the closer to you come to pinching it with your fingers, the quicker it evades your grasp, and the farther it floats away. I could be missing the point entirely. One thing: "A shadow Gelert was lying on his back in a sleeping back next to mine. It wasn't bright enough to see his face. He had his front legs behind his head." Was that supposed to be "sleeping bag"? Well, obviously I enjoyed this piece. Well done, Wis. What do you expect from me? *tear* Was that supposed to be sleeping bag? What does blahwahwah really mean? What time of day is om? Questions are a good thing. Some may never be "answered." Those who know do not tell and those who tell do not know. Open ends where strings don't tie is sunlight in the eye. |
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Post by Nimras on Nov 22, 2006 16:06:43 GMT -5
Until Siyana Comes
by blackcairn
Oh, is this about a camping trip? *reads rest* Um.. I guess not.
I admit I had a very hard time following what was going in this story. Was it supposed to be a “Day journal” type thing? That’s what I get the feeling from, with the skipping around to different times with no context given for how we got there or what happened in between those times.
Is om supposed to mean “Outer Marker” in this context, or is it a typo? Where there is not context, it’s hard to tell if it’s a joke or not.
Negative 4:05 pm? That takes talent.
…. “Mumbled”? I on wo?
There it is again, and I have no clue what it’s supposed to mean/do/represent. Rather frustrating actually -- and English is my first tongue, I usually have a much easier time of figuring out what these things are compared to a lot of people. Especially those for whom English is a second or third language.
How far in the future from the rest of the story is this? The story opens with a time, but not a date. Days? Weeks? Months? Years?
I love the names of the stars, how you took recognizable ones from our own sky and gave them “Neopianized” names. And the missing tent joke at the opening is just classic. *grin*
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Post by Psycho on Nov 22, 2006 16:16:35 GMT -5
ANYWAY - UNTIL SIYANA COMES 'Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wehabe All mimsy were the borogoves and the momeraths outgrabe... I read it once, stopped and contemplated, then read it again. Then I thought this - Honors for originality and imagination - While this isn't the sort of story I expected from you, I can't say that I'm surprised you wrote this, nor can I say that it is out of your character (that character you've chosen to show me). I would call this piece a work of art - and as we all know, art may be critiqued but no criticism has any merit except in the mind of the beholder. Thus, my thoughts are as follows (though the main idea has already been expressed by my initial reactions) - The idea of the story, as I understand it, is that everything is a dream of some kind. Who is the shadow? I enjoy deliberating on that question - who is the speaker writing to, at the end? While it's easy to say that the speaker is the red zafara and the shadow is the shadow gelert, I'm tempted to take the idea out of context and apply it to, well, life, I suppose. Who would my shadow be? I thoroughly enjoyed the lighthearted, whimsical nature of this piece - the way the progression of this "dream" is recorded, the companionship between the zafara and the shadow, the transition from one "place" to another. I was confused at the beginning but I began to enjoy it as it progressed, and then I saw the stream-of-consciousness, the sort of chaos that arises from daydreams unchecked. Warm spring afternoons in a quiet English classroom where the sunlight filters through the dust and sparkles across empty sheets of paper in front of me is where it starts. The first "journal entry" in the story reminds me of a joke I've heard but I can't recall the exact phrasing of it to mind. I grinned. The title is fitting. I can't put my finger on it. I don't think I ought to be able to. Like a piece of dust floating on the air - the closer to you come to pinching it with your fingers, the quicker it evades your grasp, and the farther it floats away. I could be missing the point entirely. One thing: "A shadow Gelert was lying on his back in a sleeping back next to mine. It wasn't bright enough to see his face. He had his front legs behind his head." Was that supposed to be "sleeping bag"? Well, obviously I enjoyed this piece. Well done, Wis. What do you expect from me? *tear* Was that supposed to be sleeping bag? What does blahwahwah really mean? What time of day is om? Questions are a good thing. Some may never be "answered." Those who know do not tell and those who tell do not know. Open ends where strings don't tie is sunlight in the eye. It wasn't that I was disappointed, Wis. I just expected something less flippant Something that runs along the lines of serious prose, like Victor Hugo or Emily Bronte. It was a pleasant surprise (but not really a surprise) to see something "Until Siyana Comes" from you. |
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Post by Nimras on Nov 22, 2006 16:24:57 GMT -5
CCR: Instincts P4 by Nimras - Erm, what was the question? *scans up* OOOH, right, "Why do Lupes have such a curse?" Got it. They're so far apart, though, that my poor little brain could have used a reminder. ^_^ "Instincts" is so deliciously different from the other CCRs! I am really loving it. Yeah, now that I think about it, the question and the conclusion are pretty far apart.  I'll have to keep an eye on that sort of thing. Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Instincts - Part Four by nimras23Ooh, it's getting exciting now! I laughed out loud at the idea of Danner being a fuzzy blue chew toy  I liked the arguement between Mare and Danner too - you can tell they're friends by the way they argue. How many parts does this one run to? Doesn't Danner make a perfect chew toy? *evil grin* This one runs at six chapters all told. *grin* It's actually the first time one of my stories has managed to stay the intended length without me having to go and delete huge chunks. Continued Series: The only one i'm currently reading and reviewing is A Break in Memory, as the writer is a dear friend of mine on Neo... however...there may be ways to persuade me to take the time to read someone's series from the start... possibly *grins* That's all for now...requests? ...I'll give you a banana if you review mine...  Nimras, you have always taken the time to review the work of others, and I just wanted to say thank-you, because I know that although I may not get reviews from anyone else, I will always have one from you. I don't have a whole lot of time and I wasn't going to do any reviews this week, but take this review of mine as a form of thanks CCR: INSTINCTS PART 4 lol Nim - I really envy your style of writing. I tend to be too somber and extremely descriptive - and I've taken to writing tragedies lately... :/ I really like Danner's inner dialogue. I'm a little tired to be paying attention to the grammar, but I thought there should have been a dash between "recently" and "turned". I could be wrong. Oh, but back to the dialogue - Wereblumaroos! His train of thought cracked me up. And I thought it was insightful to ask "where do werelupes come from?"- I would never have thought to ask. Yeah, why *are* there only werelupes and no were-otherthings? But it could pull from real-world background. *giggle* blue fuzzy chew toy I'm loving the conflict and the dramatic irony of Mareian-Danner-Jeran. As I read more and more I see how well you've come to known your characters. It's really interesting how they have developed. OH WOW CLIFFHANGER 0_0 PS - I was taken aback by Mareian's reaction to Danner. I had forgotten how prideful and sensitive she was about her abilities and size. Aww, thank you! I know how it feels to have a story in and not get a single review, so I really try to get them all done. I used to try to do the whole paper (and actually succeeded a couple times), but I burnt out on that. I know a couple people who aren't actually members come and check to see if anyone here reviewed their work (Appaloosa500 for example) and I try to do them as well. Usually I save them for last when the board is starting to slow down though. I actually have a story idea for why Lupes are the only ones to have a were- variation. Not sure if I'll ever be able to write it in a coherent story though. That's what started that particular line of thought for Danner... Mareian's mellowed a lot with Jeran's influence, but she's still the semi-feral street urchin underneath. Thank you so much for the reviews! *fuzzyglomps reviewers* |
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Post by Nimras on Nov 22, 2006 16:42:23 GMT -5
A Break in Memory: Part Fiveby appaloosa500 He’s right, you do see sparkles after a hard blow to the head. *snerk* The mental image of the expression on Rocky’s face is just priceless. I’m falling more in love with XP and C2’s interactions. *grin*
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Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2006 19:21:46 GMT -5
Until Siyana Comesby blackcairn Oh, is this about a camping trip? *reads rest* Um.. I guess not. I admit I had a very hard time following what was going in this story. Was it supposed to be a “Day journal” type thing? That’s what I get the feeling from, with the skipping around to different times with no context given for how we got there or what happened in between those times. Is om supposed to mean “Outer Marker” in this context, or is it a typo? Where there is not context, it’s hard to tell if it’s a joke or not. Negative 4:05 pm? That takes talent. …. “Mumbled”? I on wo? There it is again, and I have no clue what it’s supposed to mean/do/represent. Rather frustrating actually -- and English is my first tongue, I usually have a much easier time of figuring out what these things are compared to a lot of people. Especially those for whom English is a second or third language. How far in the future from the rest of the story is this? The story opens with a time, but not a date. Days? Weeks? Months? Years? I love the names of the stars, how you took recognizable ones from our own sky and gave them “Neopianized” names. And the missing tent joke at the opening is just classic. *grin* I was afraid that might happen. It's suppose to be a dream where most things sound plausible enough that you really don't stop and look, but not everyone's the same. No days in a dream really. It's all happening continuously through the point ihe dreamer wakes. Some things aren't suppose to make sense. OM stands for omni meridien (and the onomatopoeia of a yawn), and technically, at 3:15 both hands aren't on the same spot. How can it be at 3 and 15? 3:15 is also 15:15 so is it also 15:03? Some people do go day/month/year. Why not second:minute:hour?-4:05 pm would be 8:55 am if you should reflect across noon. What happens when you're on the other side of "noon"? Does your clocks flip and do you need x-ray vision to see through the back and realize the numbers are backwards and on the wrong side? A clock without numbers does has a reflectional symmetry across at 0 from north and 0 from south. A day is a cycle. A year is a cycle. Why don't calendars have that symmetry? They should make more clockendars.The only thing that really got "corrected" was "Come one up" which comes out as "Come on up," but that doesn't change anything unless you want to delve deeper into the mathematical issues that the dreamer has. 7:84? 9:142? Hut? "I on wo" -- I don't know "Eh oh I win ode” -- or so I've been told. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 22, 2006 19:28:30 GMT -5
Until Siyana Comes by blackcairn
This was an interesting read, a bit chaotic--but I love chaos, as I often say. I read this because I reached my word count for the day, and so I had some free time. But now having read it, I wish I had made time sooner. It was an interesting story that exact words of description elude me, but in the end, I quite enjoyed reading it. It was comical, indeed, but towards the end, it made me think, "Yes, the adventures shared between two distant friends..." It was a nice feeling, one I find hard to describe. Being able to talk a thousand words a minute, it should be known that if I am made unable to formulate a thought with words by anything, that that thing was an amazing thing. Of course, needless to say, I can't think of the right words for this.
EDIT: And in reading just now your response to Nimras, I am in awe of your (no pun, seriously) wisdom of mathematics and how such concepts might be applied to dreams. It is, yes, another indescribable feeling when I try to think about the logic, and it is logic and makes perfect sense what you have said, in the matter, that I am once more made speechless. However, I have found that I tend to ramble when I am without words, so let me do us all a favor and stop here.
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Post by Nut on Nov 23, 2006 17:21:29 GMT -5
Aah, because of the early Thanksgiving release, I’m late. D: How do I always manage to review late? >.> (In fact the only reason I’m reviewing before Friday is because I’m procrastinating on NaNo. ) [glow=blue,2,300] Stuck in the Neopet House[/glow] Squee, I love this comic. XDD The art is really beautiful; you make it look so shiny and clean with the shading and colors. I like the Gelert’s pose in the first panel; she looks perfectly natural scooping dirt out of that hole. I like how the Maraquan Gelert’s fins are semi-translucent, too. ^^ Great art, so streamlined and pretty. ^^ The joke was excellent. XD I like the Gelert’s expression as she stares at the doughnut, as if she’s just discovered the answer to an age-old question of the universe and doesn’t know what to make of it. XD The Tuskaninny’s comment is a fun gag to round off the comic. Squee. And I remember reading that conversation. =3 Is Miah Pride an in-joke, too? I’m assuming it is but I don’t get it. ^^; I did notice that the word “Pride” seems to be shifted slightly in the first panel to make way for the Spotted Gelert’s head, but is centered on the tombstone in the second. A very, very small detail that you probably did on purpose to make the tombstone readable. *being too nitpicky* And the Tuskaninny’s shovel looks really small. XD Overall, it’s an excellent comic, with lovely art and a great joke. I enjoyed it a lot. ^^ [glow=blue,2,300] Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Instincts – Part Two, Three and Four[/glow] I have to keep up with my reviews…  ; But this series is too awesome for me to not review all the parts. (I’m pretending Part Five isn’t out yet, at least not till I finish reviewing these segments. ) Part TwoOooh, yikes! Don’t accidents always happen when you’re having fun? What a very clever and alarming twist to the whole story. It’s also full of interesting information in the way you interpreted the effects of Werelupe bites, answering the character’s—and the reader’s—questions so that it all made sense. The idea of Werelupes being overprotective of females fit so well with the story in more than one way. Eep, that’s something to worry about, all right. You can sense the tenseness in the scenes after the bite. Poor Jeran. That might be even worse… let’s hope it never happens. That worried me for a moment! Aww… I like this. ;D Part ThreeThis started off a bit slowly, though I’m getting a clear picture of how much Mareian and Jeran enjoy their time together. How sweet. ^^ I grew very interested when I reached the conversation about Jeran’s red eyes, though, holding my breath and wondering about the coming transformation. Jeran’s inner argument over what to do about Danner “hurting” Mareian was awesome. I could feel him battling, and it was a tense moment. And the rest of the part, with him giving up his personal articles for safekeeping, was solemn and rather sad—but interesting. And I guess Danner couldn’t spend so much time around Mareian without picking up some of her language. XD Part FourNew blue fuzzy chew toy… best line in the chapter. ;D It just made me want to laugh. Unfortunate Danner is really a likeable character. It seems he may be in for more bad luck now that Jeran’s marked him as a target… poor blue fuzzy chew toy. I was thinking all the while the clueless guy was suggesting to Mareian that he give the sleeping potion to Jeran, “No! You’re a fuzzy chew toy now, can’t you tell?” (Well, I was only thinking that in those particular words after I’d already read it once and had heard Mareian use the term, after which I couldn’t think of Danner as anything else…) An interesting chapter, touched with emotion from all parties. And the ending! Oh, dear! I can’t imagine what happens next, but I hope it doesn’t involve Jeran finding any more chew toys.  This series is different from the other Court Rogues, and is very creative, sweet, and exciting. Great work, Nimras! |
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Post by Brains on Dec 1, 2006 18:29:28 GMT -5
Ah, belated reviewings! Yay!
Painted Problems- petkeeper416 & obviousfakename
This was fantastic, I laughed my butt off. If you see it... I would appreciate it if you let me know. The artwork was very well done, and I enjoyed the joke. Great job.
itsa comic- child_dragon
The artwork is fantastic. The joke was a little abstract but still pretty funny. Good job!
Free Jelly- autoc007 & aiyakhiori
Great artwork here, good joke. I love the way the Kougra looks in the final frame.
The Gallion Ranch by hakuryu_86 & pacmanite
Comic reviews really seem to run together. Great job, love the art, laughed pretty hard at this.
Darkest Corner by dark_elfa
I'm not a huge fan of the joke, but the artwork is impressive nontheless. It's a great style.
Chronicles of the Court Rogue: Instincts - Part Four by nimras23
Another great installment. I have to go, I'll give a more comprehensive review later.
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I'll have to keep an eye on that sort of thing.
I liked the arguement between Mare and Danner too - you can tell they're friends by the way they argue.
; But this series is too awesome for me to not review all the parts. (I’m pretending Part Five isn’t out yet, at least not till I finish reviewing these segments. 