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Post by Birdy on Dec 26, 2006 19:24:01 GMT -5
This is my first time doing one of these, so it might not be the greatest. 
Sloth's Christmas Carol by ScheffleraI liked it! I enjoyed reading it, and liked the ending. Furry Christmas and Happy *mew* Year! by Dimitris and rookinaGreat art! ;D *wishes she could draw that good* Merry Christmas from the Land of Pacman! by pacmaniteCute! I like the border on it.  Orbulon and the Founder of Symol Hole: Part Three by TashniI like the way it was writen and enjoyed reading this series; I hope more are coming! ;D How about Shenkuu? *thinks about what would happen if he got on the Gaze* ;D Mwhahahha....the havoc that could be wrecked... |
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Post by Sq on Dec 26, 2006 20:40:37 GMT -5
Revisited: Part Two by puppy
Another nice chapter. It was refreshing to read. Lovely description, as usual. And ooh- a cliffhanger! Anyway... I sense some foreshadowing! I wonder what's in store for Jenny. I'm eager to find out where this will go. ^^ Oh, and I did look up the word defenestration... HAHAHA. XDD
In This Together: Part Four by dream
Yay, we meet Ricky! I didn't expect him to be painted baby. I always imagined him being a green Gelert wearing glasses. XD Yeah. Anyway, I may have said this before, but I love the way your writing flows. Once you start reading, you can't stop. I don't really know what else to say. Just that this series is good. Like chocolate-good. :3 Looking forward to the next chapter!
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Post by Tashni on Dec 26, 2006 21:07:41 GMT -5
How about Shenkuu? *thinks about what would happen if he got on the Gaze* ;D Mwhahahha....the havoc that could be wrecked... Hah! You're the third person to suggest that! I can see it now . . . "Orbulon and How Hoban Really Fell Off the Gaze." Teehee. |
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Post by Birdy on Dec 26, 2006 22:45:05 GMT -5
How about Shenkuu? *thinks about what would happen if he got on the Gaze* ;D Mwhahahha....the havoc that could be wrecked... Hah! You're the third person to suggest that! I can see it now . . . "Orbulon and How Hoban Really Fell Off the Gaze." Teehee. Lol! Third times the charm! ;D |
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Post by ngc_5128 on Dec 27, 2006 10:28:25 GMT -5
I didn't see my article on the list at the start of the thread, but if anyone wants to read it it is here: www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=296419&week=271Sloth's Christmas Carol by Schefflera I loved this story! It was very well written, especially Slothys internal dialog. Like someone above mentioned, the subtle humor was great. I particularly liked this bit Sloth banged a fist on his desk. "Well, then what the dickens are you getting at, Commander? Ghost Faeries?" Great ending also, very mysterious. I wonder what kind of mischief Sloth will get into painted Christmas. You will have to write a sequel  |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2006 15:07:10 GMT -5
Into the Sea: Part Four by Sytra
I am confused. How often does Sasha and Katrina meet with Doctor Velt? You seem to say it is weeks between meetings, but that seems quite long for me.
Other than that, this chapter was flawless. I loved the emotions portrayed. I can't recall if I have said this, but I really love your italic thoughts form Sasha. They just fit. This entire thing is quite well-written, actually, and I am so surprised how this pulls me into it so quickly. Everyone seems real. And your play with words, your ability to bend them, really has me wondering if Amelia is or is not an imaginary friend as I take her to be. On the one hand, perhaps she is real. On the other, if she is an imaginary friend, I can see how she would be echoing Sasha's own doubts and inner feelings, and how she feels the world treats her through her friend. I happen to enjoy psychology, too, so I seem to get more interested with this story with each part.
Hissi, Come Blow Your Horn!: Part Three by Bitsy
Erm... Chapter Three? I don't understand why it begins with that... I also think it would have looked nicer had the letter been made italic.
Those slight things aside, this part has probably been my favorite thus far. It was quick-paced, which I like, and wonderfully fun to read. The slight bits of humor were great and really added a bit of light where some was needed. I was almost a bit stunned to see so many references to an actual relationship in the NT. It took me back to see that!
I also really like how you are building up the forces of discrimination and ideas of self-worth. Though probably too many care not to look, both of these problems still exist, even if the second is something more personal than social. But you've taken them and put a bit of it in the NT. That's really cool; maybe it'll teach a good lesson of morals to those who are blind to them elsewhere. I just hope it turns out happily. But if it doesn't, I guess it'll only be a bit more realistic (not that things don't ever end happily in real life).
Anyways, I really liked this part. It was well-written and had better-flowing grammar and style than the last two, I feel. Also, watch out for the there/their/they're trio: in this part you used "they're" ("they are") instead of "their" (possessive pronoun).
And a note on my reviewing of series... Even though I'd like to have time to read them all, I am going to try to keep to no more than four at once unless I really, really want to read another one. It's just too much sometimes, and I have to make more time to accomplish other things that need doing.
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Post by Dan on Dec 28, 2006 0:52:39 GMT -5
Sloth's Christmas Carol by Schefflera "blue haired biddy" = much <3 XDD And the PDA thing was a sly wink too. And the dickens mention. Ahhh, too many! XD I loved this. The idea was so creative. I am falling in love with your writing style and ideas, Scheff! XD I thought that this wasn't as funny as the one about the Pant Devil, but nevertheless it had its moments. I especially enjoyed the last statement.  And I loved how you portrayed Sloth; it's refreshing from the normal (or what's becoming normal) view, but he still has a comedic voice. Great job. ^^ More reviews to come. |
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Post by Dan on Dec 28, 2006 13:10:26 GMT -5
For A Good Claus by Playmobil First off, cute title. ^^ I liked this story. The characters were nice and the plot was well thought out. I felt the characters were a bit flat, but it wasn't a major problem since the story still worked. I would have liked to see Abbey's reaction, but I know that wasn't the focus of the story. It was a nice, slightly predictable but still cute story. Nice work. ^^ Oh, and cool picture. Christmas Tide by Lau I envy your writing skills, Lau. This was so wonderfully written and descriptive. This was an easy read, slightly predictable, but enjoyable nonetheless. Most of all, it was so nice to read the descriptions that made me enjoy the story. If it were written by someone of a lesser talent, it would be simply another story. ^^ A Backwards Christmas by Jupe What a nice story. ^^ Teasila is cute. XD I thought the ideas she came up with were very nice. One complaint I do have is the cast of characters is huge: so huge, in fact, that I couldn't keep track of who was who. It would've been better to keep it to maybe 4 or 5 of those pets, so the reader can remember all of them. XD Besides that, though, I really really liked the small bits of humor you injected--they're really amusing. I like your style of humor. Good job. ^^ And that's all the time I have right now. I may do some more later, but I'm not sure.  |
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Post by Nut on Dec 29, 2006 11:01:19 GMT -5
All right. I’m falling back on the old standby, comic reviews. I find them easiest to write. Comic Reviews[glow=blue,2,300] A Spooky Christmas[/glow] Wow, the detail in the art! @_@ You really put a lot of effort into the background here, and it shows. Happy Valley looks like one of those candy villages from a storybook, with all the candy cane poles and gingerbread houses. It’s so peaceful… like the ghosts have taken a trip away to a fairy tale. Squee. The little Bika sleigh is so cute, and I like the Christmas tree scene. The Wockies are adorable. Ooh, and we get to see the ghosts’ tower all decorated for the holidays! Squee! So much detail! (So the ghosts frame their past comics? XD) Is it me, or are your comics’ backgrounds getting more and more detailed? @_@ It’s awesome. It sort of surprised me when I got to the end of the comic and there wasn’t really a punchline, as I usually expect from your comics, but the whole comic gives this warm and fuzzy feeling that’s better than a laugh and perfectly suited to the season. The reader’s led on this happy trip through the snow at a peaceful pace, then brought safely home again and left feeling warm inside. You pulled off the storytelling sequence beautifully. [glow=blue,2,300] Furry Christmas and Happy *mew* Year![/glow] Teehee, this looks like a Neopian Christmas card that someone should be getting through their mail slot this winter. Maybe that was exactly the idea. It’s very cute, though more of a sweet picture than a funny comic, aside from the play on words in the title. The altered Neopets art is quite clean and looks nice, though I usually would’ve preferred completely original art for a comic. Nevertheless, it’s a nice job of producing an authentic-looking Neopian greeting card. ^^ [glow=blue,2,300] Merry Christmas from the Land of Pacman![/glow] Made in Shenkuu… oh, I do love a Neopianized play on a real-life phrase. This is a cute comic, and I like the art, especially the Cybunny and that fire in the background. The art is clean, easy to understand, and is fun to look at. The Cybunny’s right leg (our right) looks kind of strangely deflated and sharply bent at the knee, but aside from that I like how you drew him. The Hissi’s head looks a little squished in the second panel, though. I think his snout would be longer. The joke made me grin, and overall I thought this was a very cute comic. ^^ [glow=blue,2,300] Comical Properties[/glow] o_0 Well, that’s handy. A bit of an… obscure solution, but cute nevertheless. ^^ I thought at first this was supposed to be Toybox Escape, and was thinking “But hey, Myncis don’t sing! They climb!” ^^; And technically, if that’s a musical scale, shouldn’t there be more notes than just “La”? … Okay, I realize you wrote “la” just to represent musical notes. Nevermind me, moving on. ^^; Hm, art. The art is cute, though it is a bit simple. It was nice that you tried a special angle for the first panel, showing it from over the pets’ shoulders rather than from the side like the other panels. But I couldn’t tell what was going on in the first panel till I got down to the third one. Methinks it would’ve helped if you’d showed the high platform in the second panel, so that the Wocky could be pointing to it and the reader would know what “up there” refers to. It was a cute comic, though, and certainly an original one. [glow=blue,2,300] Fancy a Fight?[/glow] Unlike a lot of people, it seems, I got the irony of the joke right away. I’ve gotten that random event enough times to recognize it. *nod* And I thought it was quite a nice joke—made me grin, at least. ^^ But yes, showing it in a “Something Has Happened” box probably would have made the joke clearer. The Darigan Shoyru looks really nice, especially for Paint art. Wow. The detail on the Stone Dome arena is quite nice too. It kind of bothers me that Vira’s looking away in the first panel for no reason. The reader follows her eyes to the edge of the panel and searches for some clue to why she’s looking there, but all she’s saying is “Meh”. It’s disorienting.  I do admire you for putting Vira in all those different poses rather than copying her basic form from panel to panel, though. This was a very nice comic. ^^ [glow=blue,2,300] Breaking News – A Comic Special[/glow] Haha, that’s cute. Well, as cute as world domination can be. n:P (Santa Paws is green… o_0 The Grinch making a comeback in Neopia?) I like the circular darkened panel where the Kougra’s eyes are glowing. The art is simple but cute. And I’m sure Santa Paws is tired of being asked for world peace, too. n:P It’s getting dark, so I’ll do the remaining two reviews tomorrow. |
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Post by Nimras on Dec 29, 2006 15:41:53 GMT -5
No promises on coherency this week people… Nimras is sick and has been sick for quite a while if you haven’t noticed. Still, I’m trying to get some reviews done, but if the screen starts going swirly pretty colors on me, I’m stopping. (Like what happened last week. Not cool.) Shad and Saura: The Story of Elversti - Part Sevenby ssjelitegirl Awww, Barbats! I like you explanation for how the six all require each other. ^^ The seventh that holds them all together is CHEMISTRY! Muahahah! *cough* sorry. In This Together: Part Fourby rainbow_daydreamer Whoa, it will be a little harder to find Voltare if he doesn’t appear in the search engine, won’t it… Whispers: Part Twoby betazoid_telepath *singsong voice* Someone’s got a temper…. Yey! Geraptiku! Can’t wait to see more of the Desert Aisha… Orbulon and the Founder of Symol Hole: Part Threeby tashni I think that’s supposed to be “Inside the Symol Hole… *snicker* Poor Orbulon… All he wanted was the tasty cookie… and now he’s stuck on that raft.  The Petpet Detectives: Case of the Disappearing Deaver - Part Twoby playmobil_is_my_life Okay, I give up. What species is Marlo? It’s driving me crazy. Somehow I get the feeling that the “this is going to be easy!” attitude is going to come smack them in the face later… Hissi, Come Blow Your Horn!: Part Threeby bitsy_dj Awww, I like how this chapter started of as a letter home… The … mental …image… *dies* Ahh! Tea up the nose! This story is not good for my health. Really. Ow, my ribs… And the end…. Awwwwwwwww…… |
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Post by Lau on Dec 29, 2006 15:51:43 GMT -5
Thanks so much for the review, Dan! Yeah, I was following the theme I saw in a lot of Christmas movies -- predictable but heartwarming. I appreciate that you read it!
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Post by Lau on Dec 29, 2006 16:05:37 GMT -5
Short Story Reviews[/i][/color]
Coal is a Girl's Best Friend
By czenko28
The whole "coal for christmas" theme was neat, but it was confusing to me why Joy was surprised that Holly was disappointed. After all, it is common knowledge that getting a lump of coal for Christmas is every child's worse fear and is used as a punishment for "bad kids." If Joy wasn't trying to punish her, and was really sorry, why would she have done that in the first place?
There were also a few writing changes I would have made. For example, this paragraph is extremely repetitive:
You probably could have gotten the point across a bit more succinctly.
If she thought that the coal was a punishment, why did she pretend to like it for so long? It seems strange for her character that she would be falsely happy with her gift unless she thought that Joy thought she wanted it. Wouldn't a more reasonable reaction be instant disappointment?
It also surprised me that pet rocks have emotion, but it makes the story work. The flow of it just seemed a little strange, for the reasons I have listed above. All in all, though, cute idea. It's nice how you can take something originally intended as a punishment and make it endearing.
Sloth's Christmas Carol
By schefflera
The idea of making Sloth Scrooge-like was hilarious. I smiled as soon as Commander Garoo brought his message. The connection between the two of them was a great idea to write.
Cute. ^^
Your use of humor in the story is really good. It definitely brings a spark of flair to the tale while not losing any of Sloth's personality.
The ending of the story, though, confused me. The fates came to persuade him to be ambitious, greedy, and revengeful, and he was so much so already that they didn't even have to try. But then their reaction was to paint him Christmas? That didn't make much sense to me.
Good story, though. Humorous, well-written, and good pacing.
Christmas with the Hollidays
By dan4884 and ssjelitegirl
The opening paragraph shows good characterization of the mother, who is able to reply to the letter-deliverer politely while yelling back for her children to hush. That made me smile, since it's such a motherly trait.
It was interesting making one of your pets Grey. Usually not what someone would expect in a Christmas story, but realistic nonetheless!
This part was quite realistic as well. It's definitely happened in my family before. ^^
This was a very heartwarming story. Your grasp of characterization was good as well; very humanistic reactions in all of them. I especially liked how Christopher preferred familiarity over perfection; that was a sweet outlook for him. The mother's franticness and her thoughts of "he'll never want to come home again!" were making me think that he was sort of a hard-to-please jerk, so I am glad that it was only her concern for his happiness speaking, not experience. Cute story!
If anyone else wants a review, just PM me. I am glad to give them.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2006 16:20:59 GMT -5
Furry Christmas and Happy *mew* Year! by Dimitris and rookina
Very cute! A great Christmas card and looks like it good be good enough to go under Neopet’s greeting cards. The art is just like Neopets which is good but then again, other people like looking at your own original art. None-the-less, it is still a very sweet card.
A Spooky Christmas by Komori
Komori, my favorite comic writer!!! Again, another amazing comic! The art, as always, is fantastic. I love the two wockies getting their picture taking and for some reason, I love the buzz you drew. Not a funny punchline like usual but instead, it’s a very sweet comic. And it’s true! There is no place like home for the holidays!
Merry Christmas from the Land of Pacman! by pacmanite
Now this is a funny comic, it made me smile! The joke is great and I loved it. As for the art, the first panel is superb but it looks like to me on the second panel you rushed things and squished the neopets. For some reason, I also liked the border.
Comical Properties by PFA and blacebrander
The art is simple but cute. As for the comic, it just didn’t seem like a good comic. See, I like it when comics are neopets-related. This one, even though it has neopets in it, can be draw as humans, animals, etc. Still, it was a clever idea.
Fancy A Fight? by gliderames and xpropugnator
I needed to read it multiple times before I got the joke but when I did get it, it was funny. The art is nice with nice detail.
Dorfdraps by Crystal
I just don’t get it, sorry. As for the art, it’s beautiful, a true masterpiece. Hopefully, you can explain this one to me since the comic is amazing.
Breaking News - A Comic Special by Dragon
Haha, this one was laugh-out-loud funny. One of the best comics I read this week. The art was cute, and I loved the second panel. The pose in the third panel of the kougra is very cute. Next time though, the background was a little plain. Maybe you could add more stuff.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2006 16:22:39 GMT -5
No Game Here - Fireball Fight by Tee and Kami"...and that, my students, is why we do not play snowballs with Fire Faeries." ^_^ That was a pretty funny comic, and the art was nice, too. Some of the eyes looked...off to me, though, but then again, faeries have strange eyes... I liked this, I did. Thank you for the review as always |
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Post by PFA on Dec 29, 2006 16:27:16 GMT -5
[glow=blue,2,300] Comical Properties[/glow] o_0 Well, that’s handy. A bit of an… obscure solution, but cute nevertheless. ^^ I thought at first this was supposed to be Toybox Escape, and was thinking “But hey, Myncis don’t sing! They climb!” ^^; And technically, if that’s a musical scale, shouldn’t there be more notes than just “La”? … Okay, I realize you wrote “la” just to represent musical notes. Nevermind me, moving on. ^^; Hm, art. The art is cute, though it is a bit simple. It was nice that you tried a special angle for the first panel, showing it from over the pets’ shoulders rather than from the side like the other panels. But I couldn’t tell what was going on in the first panel till I got down to the third one. Methinks it would’ve helped if you’d showed the high platform in the second panel, so that the Wocky could be pointing to it and the reader would know what “up there” refers to. It was a cute comic, though, and certainly an original one. Comical Properties by PFA and blacebrander The art is simple but cute. As for the comic, it just didn’t seem like a good comic. See, I like it when comics are neopets-related. This one, even though it has neopets in it, can be draw as humans, animals, etc. Still, it was a clever idea. Thanks for the reviews! ...I think. Everyone says the art is simple... ;; it makes me want to actually draw it again... but anyway, I'd comment on the comic story or whatever, but it wasn't my idea, so... yeah. ^_^;; |
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And I loved how you portrayed Sloth; it's refreshing from the normal (or what's becoming normal) view, but he still has a comedic voice. Great job. ^^
neo username - dan4884 
I do admire you for putting Vira in all those different poses rather than copying her basic form from panel to panel, though. This was a very nice comic. ^^
