Issue 237 Reviews

[peri]

Some reviews of the comics I read this week

All Ears - Can I just start off by saying the "All Ears" concept is a really cute one Funny joke, liked the movement from the closet to the suitcase and the ears turning when your Lupe was talking to your Moehog.

Dragona's Socks - hehe Funny joke...guess that kad missed the memo on only eating gourmet foods

Annoying - Why Hissis Are Bad Pets for Newbies - LOL! Reminds me of those shows on the Discovery Channel where they show the snake after eating a zebra or something abnormally large

Petpet Lab Ray - Who would zap a meepit? LOL! Very good artwork, love it.

The Gallion Ranch - This comic actually made me laugh out loud at work Love Sidney's expression in the 2nd panel.

Komik Releef: Juicy Mix-up - The slorg's expression in the last panel definitely makes that whole comic Very funny!

Shoyru Squadron: Agents of Faerie - Wow....just wow. The art is just gorgeous and love that NQII storyline. I will definitely have to read the past issues when I go home. Adorable expression on the little cadet at the end too

Powered by Coltzan - I think this joke has probably been used before, but this was actually funny I particularly like Shad "whooshing" in the background of the last panel. Reminds me of those little kids with capes running around the playground

Flapdoodle - The art is beautiful and the expressions are so perfect on the Hissi. Like the two thugs, one loveable and dumb, the other sneaky and conniving. At least that's what I get from the expressions Very nice.

[Lucy tha Diva]

tashni said:

let me know if I miss any of you!

aaah u missed me! but i'm a new member - i wrote the Music Scence one, entitled Rock on Neopia!

[Dan]

My short story reviews!

Hopeless: Good premise, but there are I few problems I found with it. I thought the idea was great, well thought out, but short. I didn't like how it jumped around so much between her different problems. I believe if you focused on either Feona, or the Sweet Six, or her mother, then the story could have been stronger. You barely introuduced her mother, and the reader never finds out what she does, or why the Six want her away from Feona. What does Fyora do about disliking Feona? THe reader never finds out. And the ending is extremely abrupt. What does that have to do with it? It seems like this would have been better expanded, either as a longer story, or even a series, so you could have properly introduced everyone. So yeah, that's my two cents.

The Story of A Huggy
I think the main problem here is you don't have a conflict. The story continues on without a conflict, and the reader is bored. There's nothing for the reader to look forward to. Also, I would suggest looking at word choice next time. It could have been much more descriptive. Another thing to work on is a few grammar and capitalization errors. I believe Neopets is capitalized, for one. Good story, but it needs a few tweaks to make it more interesting. And I just have to add, "Peace out, pizza slice," was very funny. It brought a smile to my face. Nice job.

Fast Food:
Very nice! I loved the small bits of humor, and this story was incredibly realistic. Nice job! I've got a few nitpicks though. If Billy's mom said she found a job, then how come he had to "apply" anyway? There are also a few grammatical errors, but for the most part, this story is great! Nice job, you guys definitely have some writing skills.

Silver Sky
Wow, what a cool story! I was trying to think of what it could be throughout reading it, and I was very surprised to find it being a rainstorm. I was expecting it to be magic or something to that effect, but no, it was a rainstorm. It's a nice thought to see what people in other parts of the world find strange. I really can't find much wrong with this story. Nice job.

(Maybe now someone would be kind enough to review my pieces? )

[Deleted]

OH NOOESS! I knew I would have this problem. I'm back and now I have TWO issues to review. Okay. I'll start with this one first. I'll be back with reviews shortly. (Desert Lupes pwn.)

[Deleted]

ROCK ON Neopia

This is a very nice first article. You obviously did your research here and gave me some information I didn't know before. Also, with these kinds of articles it's very hard not to repeat oneself, but you didn't.

For Yes Boy Ice Cream, you used a narrative format which I personally like better, but for the rest of the bands you just did reviews. I would have stuck to one or the other and if you had done all narrative, I would say to flesh out your descriptions a little more to really pull your reader into the story.

The paragraph about the Neopian Philharmonics bothers me because you start almost every sentence with the word "the." A little variation in sentence structure would have helped draw the reader into the review. Also, there's a sentence that's not capitalized.

The quotes are a little awkward. I like the first one, but the lead-in to the second one could be better. Also, I was a little distracted by the two or three word comments after each quote.

You'll be surprised at the quality of the excellent music featured in the simple old concert hall.

I like this sentence. Great way to wrap up the article. Even though it may not come out clearly throughout your whole article, you have a tone that is developing. At times your writing gets a little mechanical.

Their unique orchestral music is very special and is played very well. The lenny conductor knows what he is doing, and the zafara on the harp is very graceful with her fingers.

But other times, like the sentence I pointed out at the end, the reader can see your own voice emerge. With a lot practice, this will take care of itself and your voice should become more natural. Hope to see more from you!

--

By the way, Desert Lupes rock the...board.

[Deleted]

Arranging a Neopian Expedition

Yay! Not a list article! And I see you have a story in the newest one? Yay! Okay. *clears throat*

You picked very diverse places to review. I too would have liked to have seen lesser known places like Roo Island, but I understand that you wanted places that had a lot of activities so I was quite pleased with the list. You gave your reader an overview of each place and didn't focus most of your energy on one while leaving us hoping for more on another. Was there any reason for putting Tyrannia last? Just curious.

I thought the tone switched in the Altador section often. Try to keep your tone the same and if you want to change it, do so slowly. One minute it was kind of dreamy, the next it was excited and the next was bitter about how outsiders can't get into the clubs. The rapid and drastic changes in tone made that part a little rocky.

That is why I recommend vacations to Happy Valley during the season of Advent.

Watch out for sentences like this. You have one at the end as well. First of all, this one pretty much repeats what you said right before it and also they have no voice, no tone. They're boring and mechanical. Try to work them in to compound sentences with something else to give them more punch and keep the reader's attention.

Poke fun at the cute, cuddly aquatic petpets known as Maraquan Petpets

You didn't mean "poke fun" at them, did you???

I also noticed that you had several sentences that were very long. Long sentences can be okay, but they should be few and far between and they should be separated by commas, semicolons, etc.

I enjoyed this article. My favorite line is: "just beware of the pirates with hooks for a hand; they tend to be slightly cranky." I loved your slight humor in this otherwise serious article. A couple of times I can also remember reading a word like "astute" in the Brightvale section and thinking "Ooh, nice word." Good job. The Desert Lupes think so, too.

[nikki]

luau said:

Arranging a Neopian Expedition[/b[

Yay! Not a list article! And I see you have a story in the newest one? Yay! Okay. *clears throat*

You picked very diverse places to review. I too would have liked to have seen lesser known places like Roo Island, but I understand that you wanted places that had a lot of activities so I was quite pleased with the list. You gave your reader an overview of each place and didn't focus most of your energy on one while leaving us hoping for more on another. Was there any reason for putting Tyrannia last? Just curious.

I thought the tone switched in the Altador section often. Try to keep your tone the same and if you want to change it, do so slowly. One minute it was kind of dreamy, the next it was excited and the next was bitter about how outsiders can't get into the clubs. The rapid and drastic changes in tone made that part a little rocky.

That is why I recommend vacations to Happy Valley during the season of Advent.

Watch out for sentences like this. You have one at the end as well. First of all, this one pretty much repeats what you said right before it and also they have no voice, no tone. They're boring and mechanical. Try to work them in to compound sentences with something else to give them more punch and keep the reader's attention.

Poke fun at the cute, cuddly aquatic petpets known as Maraquan Petpets

You didn't mean "poke fun" at them, did you???

I also noticed that you had several sentences that were very long. Long sentences can be okay, but they should be few and far between and they should be separated by commas, semicolons, etc.

I enjoyed this article. My favorite line is: "just beware of the pirates with hooks for a hand; they tend to be slightly cranky." I loved your slight humor in this otherwise serious article. A couple of times I can also remember reading a word like "astute" in the Brightvale section and thinking "Ooh, nice word." Good job.

I'm so glad you liked About the "poke fun" part, I've always thought the Maraquan Petpets were slightly goofy looking, hehe. I guess I could've worded that better I just noticed how repetitive the Advent season sentence was Nope, there was no particular reason for putting Tyrannia last, just random I supose :3 Yep, please check out my first [very] short story in Issue 238 Glad you liked it; thanks a bunch for the review!

[Deleted]

Tales from Cabin Eight: The Witch in the Woods

I'm sure if I read the first one, I'd understand more about the Spyder and the three pets' personalities. Still, it would have been nice to incorporate those a little more in this story as well.

Very good description of the scenery and situations. I can see Hank being pulled out still in the chair admist the smoke.

Usually I'd say that your character wouldn't just go into the hut and sit down and such, but you qualified that by making sure the reader knew that Hank wanted to be the hero. Nice job.

I thought your dialogue was the teensiest bit unrealistic at times, but it's a very difficult task to make dialogue sound absolutely genuine. You did a good job with it overall and it was certainly nothing to complain about.

Very entertaining short story with an ending that leaves it open for another sequel. Nice work.

[Dan]

luau said:

Tales from Cabin Eight: The Witch in the Woods

I'm sure if I read the first one, I'd understand more about the Spyder and the three pets' personalities. Still, it would have been nice to incorporate those a little more in this story as well.

Very good description of the scenery and situations. I can see Hank being pulled out still in the chair admist the smoke.

Usually I'd say that your character wouldn't just go into the hut and sit down and such, but you qualified that by making sure the reader knew that Hank wanted to be the hero. Nice job.

I thought your dialogue was the teensiest bit unrealistic at times, but it's a very difficult task to make dialogue sound absolutely genuine. You did a good job with it overall and it was certainly nothing to complain about.

Very entertaining short story with an ending that leaves it open for another sequel. Nice work.

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it! *exalts you*

[Deleted]

Hopeless

I remember how you were trying to get this in, Fip. I'm glad it made it; it deserves it!

This story appeals to its reader because I think almost everyone has felt inferior to someone or someones else in their life, both people they like and people they don't.

I wish you would have explained the mother's fame a little more. I didn't quite catch what she was famous for. And why did she get a D minus? Just a slip up? I also wish you would have gone into more detail about HOW she became Fyora (although I have to admit I didn't see it coming for some reason).

I really liked the idea for this story. It was hopeFUL and sweet and shows the reader just how wrong we can be when we tell ourselves we're worthless. Very uplifting. I would have liked just a little more description, but it was a very good story that made me feel good at the end.

--

The Desert Lupes say it's time for Luau to go to bed. More reviews tomorrow.

[Tashni]

Silver Sky by rainbow_daydreamer - It took me a while to get into because of the lack of conflict, but this was good! Your descriptions of anticipation eventually drew me and made ME anticipate, too. Khara is an absorbing character as well, her child-like curiousity is very appealing. I'd like to see more of Khara in more of your work! The only thing I'll really complain about it that it took me quite a while to get into it. If I had been just casually reading the times, I wouldn't have read it all the way through.

Shad and Saura: The Old Neolodge: Part Three by ssjelitegirl - Wow, I was NOT expecting that ending! Very creative, and the clues were definitely all there. Shad and Saura were a good team, it wasn't like one of them just tagged along, they both played roles. The only thing I missed from this ending chapter is a climax, I didn't really see one. They just ran out of the house and explained what happened to Taelia. I need suspense! Action! I need to worry that Shad and Saura might not make it. Other than that, this was really a good, interesting mystery series.