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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2006 11:36:19 GMT -5
=D Thanks for the review Kat! It's weird.  Didn't think that many people would like it so much. *glances at all her fanmail* |
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Post by Star on Jan 15, 2006 15:38:33 GMT -5
I've noticed that most of the authors in the NT nowadays are either new budding writers or non-members of NTWF! I see a new generation of authors blossoming!  Any short story reviews? |
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Post by Speck on Jan 15, 2006 21:11:27 GMT -5
Any reviews for "Notions and Nonsense", written by Patjade, drawn by me?
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Post by Czenko on Jan 15, 2006 22:56:45 GMT -5
Oh yeah! Score one for Czenko *does a silly dance*. Uh, thank you for reviewing, one. I really like people who spend their time to do reviews even though I rarely do them myself. *sniff* Doesn't the end just make you want to say hi to them? I read it again myself (and surprisingly liked it). Now...their gone *sobs*
Ahem, excuse me. Thank you very much for the review. That reaction was a bit strange. sorry for that. I'm glad you liked it.
*smacks self* review, czenko, review
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Post by Tdyans at work on Jan 24, 2006 20:01:53 GMT -5
I know I'm terribly late here, but I've been meaning to post some new series reviews for a week now and just never got the chance. Now I've reached the end of the day and run out of things to do here, so....
Behind the Mystery of the Kougra's Paw
This was an enjoyable and well-written read. My only real problem with it is a difficulty in deciphering what kind of story it's supposed to be. The "Mystery" in the title might lead one to believe that it's a mystery. And indeed, the way that Hali pieces clues together in the latter half of the story would seem to fit into that genre-- if it wasn't for the first half of the story. The problem is, for a mystery to work and be interesting, the readers and the main character generally need to know, or not know, about the same amount. Here, though, we already know from reading the beginning of the story that it was Firepaw who stole the Ember. So each discovery and revelation that Hali has is not all that surprising or interesting to us, as it should be in a mystery story. The only mysteries left for us are who Firepaw is, where he's gone and why he wants the Ember, and perhaps Hali will catch up with us later and things will get more interesting-- who knows?
This little quibble doesn't ruin the story or anything, of course. Despite the fact that the piecing together of the clues wasn't all that interesting to me since I knew the answers Hali would find already, I still wanted to read on and find out what would happen, how things would come together, and, well, what kind of story this *is* supposed to be. And, like I said, there are still mysteries that haven't been revealed to the reader and that may, hopefully, come into play later.
Just one more small quibble-- I had no idea who Hali was. She's living in the royal palace and seems to be someone of high stature, but what's her relationship to the Queen exactly? I just felt like I must have been completely missing something that should have been obvious to me. I will add, though, that I appreciated the fact that the Queen here is Vyssa and not Amira. The Lost Desert plot's complete ignoring of Vyssa's existence irked me.
Taking the Long Way
And so we move from a beginning with perhaps too much information to one with perhaps too little. Once again, I enjoyed this first part and was left looking forward to reading more in the future. But I have to say that the beginning was just a bit confusing. Dropping your reader into the middle of a story and letting them figure things out for themselves instead of just explaining it all to them is a good strategy, but it has to be done with balance, and I felt like the author here went just a little over the edge in having a long opening scene with far too many holes in it. We can't understand the significance of many of the conversations in that first scene, or even properly picture it, until we get some concrete information on who these characters are and what's going on further in and can then look back at it. I think we're over a dozen paragraphs in before we find out what kind of Neopet the main character is, and that's just the icing on the cake.
But, the writing was still good and interesting enough to keep me reading, and by about halfway through, I felt my footing in the story was more secure. The author gave me a better handle on what was going on and who these characters were, and then their actions and dialogue and thoughts brought them to life very well, leaving me interested to read further and find out not only what will happen to them but also how they will change because of it.
There are some very nice descriptions in this piece as well, but at times the author can get a bit too wordy. Description is great as long as it doesn't distract from what's going on-- don't lose the forest for the trees. Remember that it's a tool to help your readers picture what's going on, so it shouldn't get in the way of that goal. It is also, of course, a tool for conveying emotional impressions of what's going on or what the characters are seeing or doing, and that was accomplished well. Alexien's mixed feelings toward his former and current homes as he both observes and thinks about them come across well and make him an interesting character.
One thing that kind of jumped out at me though are the dialogue tags. I don't think there was one dialogue tag that was just a simple "he said." Even "he said [adverb]" was a rare find. Instead there seemed to be tons of "synonyms" for said being put into use, and I could really see why they're argued against. It just becomes overwhelming and distracting. They should not be done away with entirely-- sometimes they're needed-- but like all things, they should be used with moderation, and here they definitely needed to be toned down. This is something I struggle with as well. Overall, though, another well-written and enjoyable read that I look forward to continuing.
I won't be reviewing the third new series-- sorry. I don't think it's fair for me to review a sequel to something I haven't read (and I don't have the time to go and read it so that I can).
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Post by senya on Jan 24, 2006 22:34:44 GMT -5
Oh, that was surprising! I thought we actually had to request reviews...so thank you for taking the time to do it. I was wondering if we could review anything...or if we were supposed to stick with the stuff people requested or something. *feels like the newbie* =P I've been kinda itching to do some reviewing, too, but thought I'd watch a few rounds before actually jumping in.
Anyway..."Taking the Long Way" is mine. And, honestly, I worried about it being too "wordy" myself...but I have a tendency to be that way, so I guess it's not surprising that it came across to someone else the same way. As for the "synonyms" for "said"...I never even noticed I did that! rofl! I'll have to go back and re-read...I'm sure you're right. It's probaby some odd habit that was picked up from somewhere. I think it may be because my English teachers used to say not to leave a trail of "said"s up and down the page...I guess I went the other direction entirely. ^_^;
About the too much pointless info...see, a lot of that was character stuff, and clearly not well done. ^_^; In that opening scene, I was trying to accomplish several things about the characters right off the bat:
1) Wiltshire being subservient...Alexien being kind of a brat.
2) Alexien's origins and dislike for the desert...I guess kind of pointless in context with the story, actually, but was aiming for character development, since I figured it helped explain why he lives in Meridell now.
3) The discussion with Leto was basically meant to show upfront Alexien's disdain for that sort of court lifestyle...as well as to point out what he does, which is basically spy for King Skarl.
4) To show that the plot has ended, his job is done, and he's heading back.
I guess all of that info was too much up front....sort of exploded up and down the beginning, I guess....lol! Thanks for taking the time to review! Unfortunately, that story is too late to fix...but I will try to look for those same mistakes in the one I'm working on now. =)
Ah...and I also discovered too late that you do, in fact, have to format the stuff. When I submitted it, there was a note saying not to worry about it...and I wondered how they'd magically know what to italicize. Guess I have my answer...nothing, ^_^;
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Post by Tdyans on Jan 25, 2006 0:09:10 GMT -5
Well, I think you did accomplish all of those things and I didn't find it pointless info, but it just left me feeling a little unmoored for a while there. It was like parts of a puzzle were there, but other important parts weren't. It's hard to explain, because it's not always bad to leave some puzzle pieces out and let them fall into place as you go, but I guess I just felt like one or two more than were there needed to be there at the beginning just to give me a little grounding. I actually found myself checking to see if there was a story before this and that's why it felt like I was supposed to know the characters and what they were talking about. But no, please don't think it was an entire failure or anything. I think my habit of yammering on about things make them seem like bigger problems than they are. Like I said, after a while I felt more sure about what was going on-- just a little further into the story that I might have liked-- and it did keep me reading and interested. I really enjoyed the characters and the story and look forward to the rest (haven't gotten around to reading part two yet, but that shouldn't be a surprise since I only just now got around to posting these reviews  ). I have problems with being wordy and breaking the "said synonyms" habit myself, so that probably makes me hyper-aware of it.  Anyway, most people nowadays do reviews only of things that get requested. I tend to just ignore that and review the new series section because that's what's easiest for me. And I think reviews can be good not only for the author of the piece, but for other people looking for writing advice and for people looking for what they might enjoy reading. Sorry if you didn't want a review. But anyway, welcome to the forum! I'm looking forward to whatever you come up with next.  |
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Post by senya on Jan 25, 2006 0:23:58 GMT -5
Oh, no! Really, I'm grateful for the review...I just wasn't sure how all that worked here yet, which was why *I* hadn't reviewed yet. And since I hadn't reviewed yet, I didn't feel comfortable asking for a review is all. I was actually worried that some of that stuff was way too much to throw out at the beginning. Please don't think I was discouraged...lol...when I meant "clearly" not well done, I meant since I had been worried about it ahead of time and saw that it had confused someone else as well, it hadn't been done in a way that made total sense outside of my own head. Although, I'll admit...I did intend to do the "puzzle piece" thing you mentioned...dropping hints instead of outright saying things. I think the problem is that the author knows where they're going with it all, so it's hard to know how much info to give the reader so that they'll have an idea of where it's going as well without giving too much info. A balance is needed. Actually...I've already spotted a few of the things you mentioned in my new one, so I'm working on that. It's very helpful...thank you. ^_^ |
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Didn't think that many people would like it so much. *glances at all her fanmail*
).
