|
|
Post by Spot on Aug 13, 2005 13:14:12 GMT -5
*reviews for Kiir*
It's a good start - it has an interesting plot developing, and discriptive characters. I would suggest you work on fixing some punctuation so it flows a little more smoothly. Also, the first two paragraphs - most of the sentences start with "He ..." or "His ....". It dectracts from the story itself, so if you could rephrase them so that you're not starting off most of the sentences with the same words, I think it would improve.
|
|
|
|
Post by Zylaa on Aug 13, 2005 13:14:23 GMT -5
Yay! Thank you Rider, my trusty captain. [glow=red,2,300]*Gives Zylaa Speck's credit card* Have a blast. ^_^[/glow] EEEEE! *goes on a shopping spree* *buys a ferret* *buys a new computer with internet that actually works consistently* *travels in time and buys the 7th harry potter book* |
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2005 13:14:39 GMT -5
Bye Kiir!
|
|
|
|
Post by Ish on Aug 13, 2005 13:15:09 GMT -5
Ok, I'm leaving. Don't know for how long.
|
|
|
|
Post by Fj0rd on Aug 13, 2005 13:15:24 GMT -5
XD that would be lovely. Good Kiir. *pats Kiir's head* [glow=red,2,300]Changed. ^_^[/glow] Hey, uh, Rider? Could I have the custom title of *chokes on a raspberry*? |
|
|
|
Post by Rider on Aug 13, 2005 13:15:42 GMT -5
Ok, I'm leaving. Don't know for how long. [glow=red,2,300]Buh-bye! *hides the celebratory cake behind her back*[/glow] |
|
|
|
Post by Fj0rd on Aug 13, 2005 13:16:08 GMT -5
Ok, I'm leaving. Don't know for how long. What? *confused* Right... *waves* Uh, bye? XD |
|
|
|
Post by Rider on Aug 13, 2005 13:16:36 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Changed. ^_^[/glow] Hey, uh, Rider? Could I have the custom title of *chokes on a raspberry*? [glow=red,2,300]Soitenly.[/glow] |
|
|
|
Post by Ishy on Aug 13, 2005 13:16:37 GMT -5
Ok, I'm leaving. Don't know for how long. [glow=red,2,300]Buh-bye! *hides the celebratory cake behind her back*[/glow] I mean hiatus-leave. Or maybe not. I might be back tomorrow, for all I know. |
|
|
|
Post by Zylaa on Aug 13, 2005 13:16:45 GMT -5
&l*?thor=ridergirl333 board=tabloids thread=1123778910 post=1123956778] XD that would be lovely. Good Kiir. *pats Kiir's head* [glow=red,2,300]Changed. ^_^[/glow][/quote] Thanks Rider! Bye Kiir! |
|
|
|
Post by Rider on Aug 13, 2005 13:17:11 GMT -5
[glow=red,2,300]Buh-bye! *hides the celebratory cake behind her back*[/glow] I mean hiatus-leave. Or maybe not. I might be back tomorrow, for all I know. [glow=red,2,300]Oooooooooh... ... We'll miss you. T_T The 'bloids won't be the same without you to torture.[/glow] |
|
|
|
Post by Speck on Aug 13, 2005 13:17:28 GMT -5
I wonder what my custum title could be... and I'm afraid to ask for ideas while I'm at the tabloids.
|
|
|
|
Post by Rider on Aug 13, 2005 13:17:37 GMT -5
&l*?thor=ridergirl333 board=tabloids thread=1123778910 post=1123956778] XD that would be lovely. Good Kiir. *pats Kiir's head* [glow=red,2,300]Changed. ^_^[/glow] Thanks Rider! Bye Kiir![/quote] [glow=red,2,300]Nice glitch. XD[/glow] |
|
|
|
Post by Fj0rd on Aug 13, 2005 13:19:33 GMT -5
Hey, uh, Rider? Could I have the custom title of *chokes on a raspberry*? [glow=red,2,300]Soitenly.[/glow] Many thanks. And aww, Ishmale... *hugs* Come back soon, 'kay? ^^ |
|
|
|
Post by Zylaa on Aug 13, 2005 13:20:56 GMT -5
Shoot, I've got to go now. Talk to you all later. Adios!
*dissapears*
|
|
Thanks, Leoness! ^__^
