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Post by Celestial on Oct 2, 2020 11:46:23 GMT -5
I walk into the house at 11 pm last night after being away for the past three days. Did not even get to put my stuff down. The first thing Dormouse said to me is "Can you make me sweet popcorn?"
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Post by Gelquie on Oct 17, 2020 1:32:40 GMT -5
Picked up my car today. Happened to do the payment stuff with one I've met before.
Employee: *After confirming my name.* "Ah yeah, I thought I recognized your face!" Me: *Covered head to toe, wearing a mask that covers most of my face, the only visible parts of me are my eyes, glasses, and maybe some hair strands.* ...?
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Post by Parrot on Oct 21, 2020 21:39:34 GMT -5
At work today they had a flu shot going. Caught wind of this exchange.
Recipient: Well, I work here so I can just head back to my desk right? Someone will be there. Administrator: Are they a nurse? No? Then you can sit back down and wait the ten minutes.
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Post by Kat on Oct 23, 2020 20:37:32 GMT -5
My dad was setting down a mouse trap without any bait. We don't actually have a pest problem but we're setting it next to a hole we covered up just in case.
Me: What is the mouse's incentive to go to the trap? My dad: Stupidity!
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Post by Fraze on Jan 5, 2021 10:34:07 GMT -5
(Baby sitting in my lap, grabs an Important paper and tries to shove it in her mouth) Me: *Carefully taking the paper out of the smol sticky fist* Upupupup, stop that! Huntress (from the other room): Which of the three stooges was that? (Ie, the baby or one of the cats) Me: The one sitting in my lap who likes to chew on things. Hunty: That doesn't narrow it down much. Me: The one whose poop I clean up on a daily basis. Hunty: That still doesn't clear things up. Me: The one who drives us up the wall all day and then is so cute you can't even. Hunty: ... I will throw something at you.
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Post by Allison on Jan 28, 2021 19:18:12 GMT -5
I give this one the title of "When Your Roles Reverse."
So... my mom who, by the way is 78, has been helping to relieve a family in our church who has a severely disabled daughter by taking the rest of the kids outside a couple of times per week. She did that today.... and went sledding.
Things I said to my mom today:
I'm glad I didn't have to tell my client that I needed to take this call to make sure my 78 year old mother didn't fall while sledding.
I'm glad the ambulance district didn't have to call to tell me they had you.
I WOULD put the reason in the church prayer request, just so you know.
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Post by Twillie on Feb 9, 2021 23:54:21 GMT -5
One of my cats is snuffling around at the foot of my bed, seeming to make chewing noises.
Me, before even checking on him: “What are you doing? Whatever it is, I don’t approve.”
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Post by Allison on Feb 14, 2021 15:29:46 GMT -5
Background info: There is this one intersection on my way to church where when you are going straight and have the right-of-way, the angle makes it difficult to see cars that have to stop before turning right. The road also angles that way a bit, so there's a bit of an optical illusion that makes it look like the cars trying to turn are closer than they really are.
Me, to myself: Oh, hi, ambulance! I'm glad I didn't get squashed by that ambulance. That would be an ironic death.
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Post by Kat on Apr 10, 2021 23:26:23 GMT -5
My mom bought some cans of Whiskas for our cat and sent pictures of them to us while at the grocery store. My dad was like, "why is she buying Whiskas, our cat already has whiskas!"
PEAK (CAT) DAD JOKE
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Post by Liou on May 8, 2021 11:06:20 GMT -5
"You remember how to clean that thing, right? "You... clean it, until it's.... clean?" "Yes exactly." "o.O"
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Post by Gelquie on May 22, 2021 2:03:25 GMT -5
For dinner, we ordered a pizza. I went and got it. On my return, as I'm coming through the door:
Mom: "Hey. Did you get the pizza?" Me: *Staring at the pizza box in my hands.* "... ...No."
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Post by Gelquie on Jun 29, 2021 21:04:00 GMT -5
My brother came into the kitchen while I was baking goods. I didn't announce I was doing so, nor did I tell him any of my plans, but a hobby among some of us in this house is to figure out what someone is making based on what's around.
Brother: *Looking around* "Berries... Muffin Tin..." ... Brother: "You know, there are some mysteries in the universe that cannot be determined!"
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Post by Celestial on Jul 16, 2021 6:55:11 GMT -5
Dadmouse: Why must bagels have a hole in them?
...because then it would be a bread roll?
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Post by Liou on Jul 23, 2021 12:44:19 GMT -5
"Your speech is a jungle, every word you say is one vine, and my brain is Tarzan swinging from vine to vine. If the gap between one vine and the next is too long, Tarzan will splat to the ground."
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Post by Celestial on Oct 25, 2021 11:04:22 GMT -5
A neighbour of ours came round with her two young kids. They got upset for some reason and said neighbour was trying to wrangle both children.
Dormouse, turning to my mum: Aren't you glad you only have one child?
...am I a joke to you, Dormouse? Is my brother a joke to you?
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