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Post by Kat on Jan 30, 2020 8:10:45 GMT -5
Yesterday, while in court, a man tries to explain to the judge why he wasn't complying with a court order, then raised his hand and asked if he could speak.
The judge said, "You're already speaking."
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Post by Celestial on Feb 8, 2020 7:56:50 GMT -5
Got this story from my mum.
Late last year, she, Dormouse and Dormouse's dad went to Cambridge. While there, they went past Charles Darwin's house.
Mum: [Dormouse], do you know what Charles Darwin was famous for? Dormouse: He discovered dinosaurs!
...an attempt was made.
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Post by Kat on Apr 8, 2020 21:41:30 GMT -5
My dad was cleaning out the freezer because there was so much ice in it. He dumped the lot in the sink but still had a basin full of ice, then he told me, "I'm going to make a snowball and throw it at you."
Not gonna lie, a snowball fight sounds nice in a hot tropical country.
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Post by Thorn on Apr 10, 2020 21:20:31 GMT -5
"Mum, the toaster's flirting with you."
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Post by Celestial on Apr 17, 2020 8:28:22 GMT -5
"You need to put on pants if you want to go for gummy bears."
Life with a four-year old summed up in a nutshell.
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Post by Breakingchains on May 27, 2020 15:10:12 GMT -5
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Post by Lizica on Jun 8, 2020 22:45:12 GMT -5
Mom: Do you think [our mechanic] can blow up the car?
*long pause* *Dad and I stare at her*
Me: ... ... ... ...tires?
Mom: Yes. What did I say?
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Post by Allison on Jun 14, 2020 15:11:38 GMT -5
My brother just showed me the Google Flight Simulator, using his joystick. He helped me take off...
*As I'm in the air* Me: Wait. I'm dying. Or at least I'm in the process of dying. Me: This way! No. Wait. This way!
As I'm landing/dying: Brother: I don't think you're going to be able to land at Lambert... Me: Well, not at 3,000ft. *A bit later, as I've nearly done barrel rolls as I'm rapidly descending* Me: This is not going to end well.
*Your aircraft has crashed*
Brother: Well, at least you're in the general vicinity [of the airport]. The Firemen would be able to come and respond. Me: And the hearse.
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Post by Thorn on Jun 25, 2020 2:26:57 GMT -5
"I spent 1000 dollars on cardboard for a reason!"- my brother, going through his MTG collection.
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Post by Thorn on Jul 9, 2020 22:48:27 GMT -5
"Have fun screaming incoherently at a TV." "ARGGGAAA BARGHHHAAAA!"
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Post by Celestial on Aug 13, 2020 15:58:38 GMT -5
Mum: Wake up, it's time for school. Dormouse: What, again?! Poor baby thought that yesterday was it. Oh, you sweet child. You're stuck for a while. *** This happened when me and my mum were walking through the forest. We were carrying a basket which was covered, but inside, it was full of edible (non-hallucinogenic) mushrooms. We come across an old man out for a walk. Old man: Oh, are you going to have a picnic? It's a lovely day for it! I know a great place for it. =D Me and my mum: Yes, sure...picnic. >_> <_<
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Post by Gelquie on Aug 14, 2020 15:58:30 GMT -5
Had to get some work done.
Dentist: "Is your summer going well?" Me: "... ...Is anyone's?"
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Post by Allison on Aug 16, 2020 18:12:29 GMT -5
Friend: yep, science and WWII have always fascinated me. Me: Clearly we need to hang out together more.
Friend: after Covid... 😉 Me: Well, since we have a fascination of science in common, I kind of figured that was a given.
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Post by Allison on Aug 18, 2020 19:13:13 GMT -5
Okay. So this was technically said during a dream, but it's not long enough for the weird dreams thread, so it's going here. And I was also in that stage where you kind of know you're dreaming.
Background: I have a friend who is trying to get me into the Hogwarts roleplay. And just before be, I had read the first chapter or so of the Hunger Games prequel.
Me/My character at Hogwarts: Yeah, I'm pretty sure my mom would have volunteered as tribute if she could [when they called my name].
Character/me: Wait. That's not right!
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Post by Kat on Sept 5, 2020 21:26:59 GMT -5
So during today's online church service, the background behind the pastor changed into a landscape with a lot of seagulls. Or some kind of seabird. My dad: MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE
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