anyone like?

[broadwayangel]

Faerie Dreams

The Faeries in Neopia are all fast asleep into their dreams
Sleeping peacefully...sweet dreams by any means

The Earth Faerie dreaming of her lush green earth
She is ruler.........ruler of her turf

The Fire Faerie dreaming of singing bursts of flames
To her they are like sisters....but to others they are the same

The Air Faerie dreams... floating and flying on a serene breeze
Airy wind floating so pure not a one will sneeze

The Water Faerie dozing and rolling on satin waves
She is dreaming the past Marqua has been saved

The Light Faerie dreams of there being no dark
No night, no stars, no moon,.....not even a mark

The Island Faerie dreams of a cookie so soft
Even Mambo Pango, in his delight, will be joyfully aloft

The Space Faerie dreams of her victory against Dr. Sloth
She will rest from rescuing at the moment, under her starry cloth

The Darkness Faerie was dreaming of, well evil, of course!
She pictured all the others faeries cowering to evil, her source

The Battle Faerie was dreaming of opening her own battling schools
She would teach how to use a sword, a wand, a circlet, all the tools

The Negg Faerie was dreaming of moving to a warmer place
To Mystery Island! To Tyrannia! Out of her cold little space!

The Snow Faerie was drifting off and dreaming of the perfect aide
No more begging for ingredients, the aide would get, yes, she would have it made!

The Soup Faerie dreamed of helping and healing the poor and sick
To make the biggest, healing, filling, pot of soup, so every neopet could have a lick

The Faerie Queen was dreaming peacefully of a perfect empire
She would relax, take it easy, and maybe meet a sire!

But there was one faerie who was not in her peace
The Tooth Faerie, getting not even an hour of sleep, at least
But she loved her job making Neopians happy
Even if once in awile she couldnt take a little nappy

So the moral of this story is dreams to not need to be a joy to you
That you can make people happy, putting a smile on their face, down to each little shoyru.


I really wanted to write somethin bout faeries!

[sticky]

Thats a really great poem. Too bad I can't rhyme really well lol. Otherwise I'd write poems too.

[mushroom]

The concept (the Faeries' dreams) is neat, and a lot of the imagery of the dreams is nice, but you consistently sacrifice rhythm and clarity to make rhymes that end up rather awkward in places. I do think that, if the rhythm could be fixed up and you could make the bits clearer, rhyming would really add a lot to this poem, but if it's too hard to make it rhyme and keep the rest of it, the rhyming should be thrown out.

(I'm sorry if I sound like I'm being overly critical; I don't mean to be. I'm not any kind of poetry expert at all. This is only my opinion. I mean this as constructive criticism. A lot of my poetry is complete rubbish; at least yours has potential

Thats a really great poem. Too bad I can't rhyme really well lol. Otherwise I'd write poems too.

*staggers dramatically, pulling an invisible dagger from her chest, and finally collapsing in a heap on the floor*

Believe me, there's a LOT more to poetry than rhyming. Free-verse poetry doesn't have any rhyme scheme. Haikus don't need to rhyme. Pyramid poetry doesn't rhyme. The rhythm and imagery or joke or story of a poem are so much more important than the rhyming. Anyway, how do you expect to get better at something if you won't practice?

[Tdyans]

Also, make sure you stay in the same tense throughout the poem. You went from "dreaming" to "dreams" to "was dreaming" in the course of it.

[lupe]

Coolieo!

[Deleted]

That's really cool, I like the moral, and idea and such.

Although, I agree with Mushroom; the rhythm is the most important part of a poem (besides, of course, the flow of the poem, but hten again, they are very similar, aren't they?) I think that the overall rhythm of the poem is a little awkward, I think you might want to try to make the lines a little shorter, saying that I had trouble finding the downbeat of the words. (Wait, downbeat is in music. Whatever. You get it, right? How at some words you sort of nod your head, because the beat is right?) The rhymes are very good, but is there anything else that rhymes with 'empire'? Sorry, I just thought that one rhyme there was a little weak.

Like Mushroom, I'm very sorry if I sound overly critical. I love poetry, and love writing it. I just have lots to say. Don't get me wrong, you're poem was GREAT!!! ;D

[wingoffire]

That's a cute poem! You guys wanna hear mine? It's about my parents....hehe....I gave it to them on Christmas(should've saved it till Valentine's Day! Doh! ) Anyway, here we go!:

You met on Valentine's Day
Mom could've sat beside a guy named Ray
Dad could've sat with Mickey
But he ended up sitting with you, Mrs. Vicky
You soon had a date
It was your fate
You then got married
And ate some berries
Then you had Cassandra
A few years after Amanda
You lived happily ever after
With lots of laughter.

Everyone like it?