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Post by June Scarlet on Oct 24, 2019 20:52:22 GMT -5
Issue 880Orlitz knew two things were certain: first, that Erin had vanished. Second, that the welcome center in which she had gone missing was, well, untouched. No sign of a struggle. No hint as to what had crashed. No clue, even, that another neopet had been inside in weeks. The Cybunny hurried through the desolate room. It was unbelievably dusty: evidently, no one had vacuumed in a while. What little light trickled in through the greenery draping over the windows revealed moted dustlight filtering through the air.
-- josephinefarine[ NTWF entries Articles: None Short Stories: None Comics: Sauna Day - Epilogue by Huntress Series: The Book of the Twelve:Part Six by Herdy A Story of the Haunted Woods:Part Six by June Scarlet And of course don't forget the Editorial. If I missed you, let me know.
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Post by Huntress on Oct 25, 2019 2:20:30 GMT -5
Yanno, back when I was airing my woes publishing this comic series, I said, only partway tongue in cheek, that at the rate it was going the last part would be published in October. Well, here we are.
Gonna need to finish my writersblocked written series someday, these seem to be getting published more reliably xP
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Post by June Scarlet on Oct 25, 2019 10:44:09 GMT -5
Huntress Yeah, but the tradeoff is that it usually takes a couple months to hear back about series nowadays. Relatedly, I had someone on the Just a Couple of Writers thread say that they were tmge'd this week for their series. Well, this week, if you look, have no new series at all. Not really sure what that's about.
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Post by Liou on Nov 18, 2019 17:50:36 GMT -5
Here's the rest of my comments on most of this series, lumped into one post as I haven't really sorted them chronologically. I picked it up to refresh my memory from time to time and had fun re-reading passages a few times. ^^ It seems quite convenient that the zombie was present right at the same time Story was telling Saskori the story, but since you've established Story's gift instinctively guides her to the scene of a story, I found it quite believable for coincidences to pop up around her, like the reveal of Saskori's lamp. I do like how the number of Saskori's allies increases little by little. That's a more sensible way for a twelve-year-old to go up against a soul-stealing warlock, and it has that nice message of unity making strength and friendship making magic, without rubbing it in the reader's face or stopping to sing about it. >.> I liked Alvideria as an addition to the team, her dynamism and practical mind gave them more of an impulsion and she was a more fitting match for Saskori to bounce off than Story. After what she'd been through, I was hoping Saskori might offer her something like refreshments or washing up or a rest or pat on the back, but the undead do have different needs and it did make sense she'd want to get back at the soul stealer quickly.
Saskori leaving her Mini-Monster with the tree was a really nice little moment for me, showing Saskori being responsible and caring, and the sense that they were heading into more serious danger.
I was a bit surprised that none of the released souls seemed to suspect Saskori and Story of being the soul-stealers who got them into this mess. I did wonder how the ghosts felt after their imprisonment, if they weren't alarmed before Story filled them in. But if you'd expanded on their shock, the result might have been less light-hearted.
You managed to make a legitimately scary villain while keeping everything Neo-friendly. The concept of soul stealing keeps death and violence off screen while having horrendous implications of "And I Must Scream". I appreciate your using a Yurble as they're quite an underused species imo, and they look both like grumpy old wizards and like unassuming little bears who might invite you for tea. The scary thing about this one is his utter lack of remorse about what he does. We can't even tell if he's aware that what he's doing is bad, because he doesn't seem like he'd care either way. Lack of empathy in a character is always chilling.
While he is scary as a character, I think the scene where they crept up to his house could have had a bit more tension if we'd had an idea of the danger there, of what else he was capable of, in terms of offfensive magic, of any consequences for trespassing on a warlock. Things he might do to the imprisoned souls as hostage, perhaps, or ways he'd make their task even more difficult if he noticed them. I do like that he was defeated by his own hubris. Saskori and friends took ample time to convince Nathan to side with them after keeping Story hostage. I might have liked it more if Annabeth had had a bit more say into it as a victim, and been described more as someone to save and not something for her brother to earn back, just to nitpick at wording a little.
I found it interesting that the first plan was for Story to distract Samuel with a story, but as she was held up by Nathan, it fell to Saskori and Alvideria to come up with a story instead, effectively putting them in Story's shoes. It could have been a nice opportunity for Saskori to understand Story's position, or to apply something she'd learned from Story earlier.
The ending left me curious about Story's background and faerie pets' gifts in general, these things were not brought up again but make for a nice opening, and in case you're considering writing more about that, I say yes please. =D
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