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Post by Carolyn on Mar 27, 2019 9:38:07 GMT -5
Usually held over is for the issue indicated. You should be okay, methinks.
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Post by Liou on Mar 27, 2019 11:44:21 GMT -5
downrightdude aw, guess they couldn't fit it. Will you post your article here anyway? I'm really curious about what the Snaw's reign would be like.
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Post by mollyscribbles on Mar 27, 2019 13:44:53 GMT -5
Ah, that's a relief. Guess I was just feeling paranoid after what happened with my Usukicon article.
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Post by downrightdude on Mar 27, 2019 16:12:17 GMT -5
downrightdude aw, guess they couldn't fit it. Will you post your article here anyway? I'm really curious about what the Snaw's reign would be like. Oh Liou, you're so sweet! I'll post it here later, after I'm done crying lakes.
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Post by mollyscribbles on Mar 27, 2019 19:19:09 GMT -5
Woot, they sent the acceptance neomail!
. . . now I have the odd distinction of having the Neopian Times 3x trophy despite only one article being published.
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Post by Carolyn on Mar 29, 2019 23:03:20 GMT -5
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Post by mollyscribbles on Mar 29, 2019 23:08:22 GMT -5
Is it normal to suddenly get a new idea for what direction you should have gone with an article when it's too late to change anything? Because I wish I'd added a few blurbs to my News in Brief approach that were more 'Local Neopian'-type stories. The ghost Hissi from Deserted Tomb commenting on how hilarious it is to jump out and scare tourists, an upper-class Neopia Central resident commenting on what a crime it is that the Presidential Palace charges so much when they haven't added anything new in nearly 20 years, the lutra pranksters who spend all their time tracking down old boots to slip on the hooks of neopians who give underwater fishing a shot. And I really shoulda done something with Pachi.
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Post by downrightdude on Mar 29, 2019 23:10:10 GMT -5
Since the NT decided to skip the ever so talented Snaw, I've decided to preserve the would-be entry here for all to see and marvel: Greetings, Neopians and has-been wannabes! If you're reading this very sentence right now, then you’ve already agreed to accept me, the Almighty and Beautifully Perfect Snaw, as your new world ruler/queen! That's right: your beloved (though not as beloved as me, of course) TNT has been dethroned, and the Snaw of Eternal Beauty and Wealth is taking over from now on! *laughs maniacally*
YOU HEAR THAT, GREG??? ONCE AGAIN I’VE TRIUMPHED OVER YOU, AND YOU MUST CONTINUE DOING MY BIDDING! NOW GO GET ME A LATTE!!!!
*smoothes hair* Of course, having Yours Truly as dictator won’t be all doom and gloom. Since my beauty surpases the majorty of you lesser-known dweebazoids, I’ve decided to spend a very small fraction of my eternal reign (of possible pain and suffering) to instruct all of the new rules that, starting today and at this exact moment, must be obeyed. If not, then expect imprisonment for many years in a prison I’ll be building with a my newly-formed Kadoatie labour force!
Now then, let’s begin!
You’re all Losers!
Why must my loyal subjects waste their time playing boring games for trophies the Snaw may never own? By eliminating these frivolous activities, the loyal subjects of Snaw shall find other ways to make neopoints for me, like selling expensive items for example.
There are also so many other fun activities to partake in: shopping, dancing, exploring Neopia, paying Snaw taxes, reading everything Snaw has ever written, playing with Usukis, or you can just spend your days complimenting on my eternal beauty and wicked-cool fashion sense! Now don’t these wholesome activities sound more fun than playing stress-increasing games?
The Stock Market is Out of Stock!
Since the Snaw has never bothered to learn how this crooked Stock Market works, it shall be removed and replaced with something beauty-related instead. Stay tuned for more updates!
The Obelisk Battles should just END ALREADY!
Since those idiotic Thieves refuse to win a single Obelisk round for their ever-patient Snaw, I’ll have this event canceled in favour of something fashion-related. But fear not for the poor faction dweebs: they will be placed under MY control, and after burning down the Thieves’ Headquarters and all of their houses, peace shall finally come to these unfashionable weirdos. *grabs torch*
Don’t feed a Kad!
Last time I checked, it’s not the responsibility of the Snaw or anybody else to feed those whiny expensive-food craving Kads at the Kadoatery of Possible Illegal Activity. So to preserve the hard-earned money of my tax-paying followers, those possibly demonic petpets shall stop their mewing and eat whatever gruel the Kadoatery employees shall serve them. Meanwhile, I shall have a private investigation conducted to explore their possibly-seedy business….
Charity Corner is a Scam!
And speaking of criminals roaming around Neopia, I knew that old Granny from the Charity SCAM Corner was up to no good! The fact somebody as rich as her would be asking for donations is fishy enough, but for her to have control over Neopia with her supposed ‘perks’?? It's UNACCEPTABLE!
If there’s one thing I would like to stress to all your impressionable dweebs is that there is only ONE Neopian who has the power to control the magical forces around our beloved Neopia, and that being is Snaw! NO longer shall this suspicious-Granny character be allowed to roam the streets asking ‘supposed donations’. If she can afford to give away items to visitors donating their dusty SDB junk, then surely she must be doing all this for no good reason!
The Neopian Times of Snaw!
Starting next week, the Coconut—previously the ‘Neopian Times’—shall only feature articles and stories featuring everyone’s most beloved dictator: Snaw! There’ll also be comics, series if contributors wanna write them, and a very faboo editorial in which I generously provide guidance to the less-cultured and inferior subjects I declare are below me on every possible level.
Those who refuse to follow this new conduct shall be imprisoned in a dungeon filled with torches! So don’t risk it: flatter the Snaw and, maybe, you’ll be spared from my wrath of evil!
Better Outfits = Better Chances for Survival!
We live in a world where there are so many pretty clothes to create fashionably fabulous outfits, and yet there are Neopians that STILL think wearing blue pants are chic and ‘way cool’?? Since I am obviously the most well-dressed being all you wannabes have ever seen, I'm declaring it illegal and un-boss for any lowlife to get away with breaking any of my cutting-edge fashion laws! Some of these new laws include:
* No Christmas hats after Christmas.
* Blue pants and trouser are out.
* Yellow shirts are in, but only paired with pink pants.
* White and black shoes are only to be worn at night.
* Fur is in, leather anything is out.
Anybody caught breaking these laws shall be pushed into a pool of magma! So keep track of the Coconut every week if you wanna remain safe and stay stylish! *winks*
Everyday is Snaw Appreciation Day!
This isn’t the last rule in the 'Official Rulebook of Snaw’s Way Cool Regime of Beauty and Perfected Fashion', but it’s important nonetheless. Starting today, everyday shall be Snaw Appreciation Day, and it’ll be the responsibility of all my powerless subjects to shower me with praise and presents! Every morning, I expect my mailbox to be flooded with thousands of letters from you losers, each one filled with compliments and sentences formed from every positive word in the dictionary! Every Friday a parade shall be held in Neopia Central, where I, your beloved leader, shall ride atop a fabulous float and wave to all you lowly weirdos on the streets.
And to further show your appreciation to Snaw the Beautiful, there shall be several tax hikes to help fund my lavish lifestyle, one in which I’ll be certain shall not be mimicked by anybody else. Those who refuse to pay up or show Snaw any love shall be sent to a space labour camp for the next five thousand years!
YOU HEAR THAT, GREG? EITHER PAY UP OR BE BLASTED TO OUTER SPACE!
*orders Kads to dance* Of course there are so many other laws I wanna talk about as well—demolishing the Battledome to make way for a new mall, having shopkeepers sell valuable items to me for cheap prices, legal acts of arson because only I can get away with burning public buildings down—but I know how much the public adores reading the Coconut, so I’ll leave you be for now because I’m so compassionate and thoughtful.
Just remember that I, your beloved Snaw, shall remain in power for the next ten trillion years, so prepare yourself for this new era of peace and prosperity. And if you’re not completely satisfied with anything during my reign, prepare to be arrested by the Defenders of Neopia for conspiring against your stupendous and ultra faboo leader/queen/dictator!
Enjoy the rest of this very special issue of the Coconut!! Tune in next week for more Snaw-related articles!
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