Post by Allison on Dec 3, 2017 22:40:37 GMT -5
About a year ago, I mentioned this idea I had for a Christmas NT article. Well, I finally got it written. It's fun, (or at least I think it is) but I need some editing help, and I have a few specific questions.
Questions:
1. Do all Neopets items need to be capitalized?
2. I'm not sure I like "Neopets All Neopian Choir." Any other suggestions?
3. Do the two kings work as judges? Do their lines fit their personalities?
4. Do I need an intro other than what I have? I mean, I don't know that there have been many/any NT articles written in a script format. Do I need stage directions, or does it work as is?
5. Title ideas, other than the obvious, "The Twelve Days of Giving?" And should I have a subtitle about it being a skit? (see number 4 above...)
6. Is "shut up" allowed in NT articles
7. General comments/suggestions/reviews. Be honest!
Announcer: For our next act in the talent show, we have the Neopets All Neopian Choir singing “The Twelve Days of Giving.” Are our judges ready?
Wise Old King: That’s affirmative.
Grumpy Old King: As ready as I’ll ever be.
Announcer: Performers, you may take the stage.
Neopets All Neopian Choir: On the first Day of Giving, my owner gave to me a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Wise Old King: What? How does that even make sense? Why would a weewoo want to live in a dead tree? It’s... dead. That’s just depressing.
Grumpy Old King: That’s right up your/my alley.
Neopets All Neopian Choir: On the second Day of Giving, TNT gave to me two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Wise Old King: Well, zombie slogs should like a dead tree, but why do we need another dead tree?
Grumpy Old King: One for each of the zombie slogs?
Wise Old King: Yeah, that works out fine, until the next verse.
Grumpy Old King: How do you know the next verse already?
Wise Old King: Just wait.
Grumpy Old King: Oh this is impossible.
Choir: On the third Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, three French flies, two zombie slorgs, and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Grumpy Old King: Why would anyone want even ONE French fly, let alone three? And... again with the dead trees. I’m beginning to sense a pattern.
Wise Old King: Gee. You’re quick on the uptake today, aren’t you?
Grumpy Old King: This song makes no sense.
Wise Old King: I don’t think it’s supposed to.
Grumpy Old King: Well, that explains a lot.
Choir: On the fourth Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Wise Old King: Awww. Pubbyblews are so cute! I want one! Or four.
Grumpy Old King: Yeah, they’re cute. Until they eat your asparagus couch and tear up your Origami Couch. Then they stop being so cute, and start to be rather... annoying.
Choir: On the fifth Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Grumpy Old King: Rings! Finally, something useful.
Wise Old King: Yeah, but do you really need five?
Grumpy Old King: I’ll throw them in the magma pool and melt them down.
Wise Old King: Good look getting past the guard.
Grumpy Old King: Fine. I’ll use one ring to bribe him, and throw the rest into the magma pool.
Wise Old King: Pretty sure it’s going to take four to bribe him and you’ll only get to throw one into the magma pool.
Grumpy Old King: Well, you’re no fun. This song is impossible.
Choir: On the sixth Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, six peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Grumpy Old King: Six peas attacking? I thought it was an attack pea.
Wise Old King: Yes, but if they used the proper name, it would have to be “six attack peas attacking,” which is rather redundant.
Grumpy Old King: Isn’t “rather redundant” redundant?
Wise Old King: Touché!
Choir: On the seventh Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, seven AAAs gaming, six peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
AAA: No! There is only one me! I am the only AAA and the only master gamer out there! Muwahaha!
Wise Old King: Wait. Where did HE come from? It’s like he popped in here out of nowhere!
Grumpy Old King: I don’t know. That’s impossible. And rather frightening.
Wise Old King: Whatever dark magic he’s using, I’d suggest staying far, far, away from it.
Grumpy Old King: I agree.... Finally, someone said something that made sense!
Choir: On the eight Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, eight Wraiths destroying, seven AAAs gaming, six Peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Wise Old King: Well, the Wraiths have arrived. It’s all over now.
Grumpy Old King: Might as well call the rest of the festivities off. I mean, they just suck the positive energy right out of the place. No holiday cheer when they’re around.
Wise Old King: You speak like you know of this “positive energy...”
Grumpy Old King: Oh, shut up!
Wise Old King: Pretty sure you just proved my point.
Choir: On the ninth Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, nine copies of “The Night Before the Night Before the Night Before the Day of Giving” gathering dust, eight Wraiths destroying, seven AAAs gaming, six peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Wise Old King: Wait. WHAT? That’s....
Grumpy Old King: Impossible?
Wise Old King: I mean.... it’s like... twenty-four syllables where there should only be four! You can’t just use a toy shrink ray to make the words fit. That’s now how this works. Besides, books should never gather dust. They should spread knowledge. Or make you laugh, or... something.
Grumpy Old King: You seem to be getting a bit agitated. That’s my role. Stop invading my territory.
Choir: On the tenth Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, ten trumpets playing, nine copies of “The Night Before the Night Before the Night Before the Day of Giving” reading, eight Wraiths destroying, seven AAAs gaming, six peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Wise Old King: And yet another line that makes no sense. Who’s playing these trumpets? They can’t play themselves.
Grumpy Old King: And ten trumpets playing at the same time would be quite loud. And rather annoying. This is impossible.
Choir: On the eleventh Day of Giving TNT gave to me, eleven baby Unis crying, ten trumpets playing, nine copies of “The Night Before the Night Before the Night Before the Day of Giving” reading, eight Wraiths destroying, seven AAAs gaming, six peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Grumpy Old King: Wait. Eleven Unis at once? That’s like... octuplets plus twins!
Wise Old King: Actually, it would be octuplets plus triplets. And I believe the word you are looking for is undenuplets. Or henduplets. Take your pick. My sources give multiple options on this word that technically isn’t even a valid word yet.
Grumpy Old King: You’re impossible.
Wise Old King: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Choir Director: Hey, are you two even listening? Don’t make us start over. Besides, this next verse is just for you.
Wise Old King: We’re listening. We’re listening. I promise.
Grumpy Old King: Please don’t start over. Anything but that!
Choir: On the twelfth Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, twelve judges listening, eleven babies crying, ten trumpets playing, nine copies of “The Night Before the Night Before the Night Before the Day of Giving” reading, eight Wraiths destroying, seven AAAs gaming, six peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead ttttttttrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Wise Old King: That... That was a ritardando!
Grumpy Old King: Uh...
Wise Old King: Ritardando. It means they slowed down. It can signify the end of a song.
Grumpy Old King: Does that mean what I think it does? Is it over?
Wise Old King: I sure hope it’s over. I’ll never get those precious minutes of my life back.
Announcer: And now, for our next act, we have the Mystery Island Choir singing, “The Twelve Days of Gadgadsbogen.”
Grumpy Old King and Wise Old King: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!
Wise Old King: Last one out is a rotten negg!
Wise Old King: That’s affirmative.
Grumpy Old King: As ready as I’ll ever be.
Announcer: Performers, you may take the stage.
Neopets All Neopian Choir: On the first Day of Giving, my owner gave to me a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Wise Old King: What? How does that even make sense? Why would a weewoo want to live in a dead tree? It’s... dead. That’s just depressing.
Grumpy Old King: That’s right up your/my alley.
Neopets All Neopian Choir: On the second Day of Giving, TNT gave to me two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Wise Old King: Well, zombie slogs should like a dead tree, but why do we need another dead tree?
Grumpy Old King: One for each of the zombie slogs?
Wise Old King: Yeah, that works out fine, until the next verse.
Grumpy Old King: How do you know the next verse already?
Wise Old King: Just wait.
Grumpy Old King: Oh this is impossible.
Choir: On the third Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, three French flies, two zombie slorgs, and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Grumpy Old King: Why would anyone want even ONE French fly, let alone three? And... again with the dead trees. I’m beginning to sense a pattern.
Wise Old King: Gee. You’re quick on the uptake today, aren’t you?
Grumpy Old King: This song makes no sense.
Wise Old King: I don’t think it’s supposed to.
Grumpy Old King: Well, that explains a lot.
Choir: On the fourth Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Wise Old King: Awww. Pubbyblews are so cute! I want one! Or four.
Grumpy Old King: Yeah, they’re cute. Until they eat your asparagus couch and tear up your Origami Couch. Then they stop being so cute, and start to be rather... annoying.
Choir: On the fifth Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Grumpy Old King: Rings! Finally, something useful.
Wise Old King: Yeah, but do you really need five?
Grumpy Old King: I’ll throw them in the magma pool and melt them down.
Wise Old King: Good look getting past the guard.
Grumpy Old King: Fine. I’ll use one ring to bribe him, and throw the rest into the magma pool.
Wise Old King: Pretty sure it’s going to take four to bribe him and you’ll only get to throw one into the magma pool.
Grumpy Old King: Well, you’re no fun. This song is impossible.
Choir: On the sixth Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, six peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Grumpy Old King: Six peas attacking? I thought it was an attack pea.
Wise Old King: Yes, but if they used the proper name, it would have to be “six attack peas attacking,” which is rather redundant.
Grumpy Old King: Isn’t “rather redundant” redundant?
Wise Old King: Touché!
Choir: On the seventh Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, seven AAAs gaming, six peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
AAA: No! There is only one me! I am the only AAA and the only master gamer out there! Muwahaha!
Wise Old King: Wait. Where did HE come from? It’s like he popped in here out of nowhere!
Grumpy Old King: I don’t know. That’s impossible. And rather frightening.
Wise Old King: Whatever dark magic he’s using, I’d suggest staying far, far, away from it.
Grumpy Old King: I agree.... Finally, someone said something that made sense!
Choir: On the eight Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, eight Wraiths destroying, seven AAAs gaming, six Peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Wise Old King: Well, the Wraiths have arrived. It’s all over now.
Grumpy Old King: Might as well call the rest of the festivities off. I mean, they just suck the positive energy right out of the place. No holiday cheer when they’re around.
Wise Old King: You speak like you know of this “positive energy...”
Grumpy Old King: Oh, shut up!
Wise Old King: Pretty sure you just proved my point.
Choir: On the ninth Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, nine copies of “The Night Before the Night Before the Night Before the Day of Giving” gathering dust, eight Wraiths destroying, seven AAAs gaming, six peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Wise Old King: Wait. WHAT? That’s....
Grumpy Old King: Impossible?
Wise Old King: I mean.... it’s like... twenty-four syllables where there should only be four! You can’t just use a toy shrink ray to make the words fit. That’s now how this works. Besides, books should never gather dust. They should spread knowledge. Or make you laugh, or... something.
Grumpy Old King: You seem to be getting a bit agitated. That’s my role. Stop invading my territory.
Choir: On the tenth Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, ten trumpets playing, nine copies of “The Night Before the Night Before the Night Before the Day of Giving” reading, eight Wraiths destroying, seven AAAs gaming, six peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Wise Old King: And yet another line that makes no sense. Who’s playing these trumpets? They can’t play themselves.
Grumpy Old King: And ten trumpets playing at the same time would be quite loud. And rather annoying. This is impossible.
Choir: On the eleventh Day of Giving TNT gave to me, eleven baby Unis crying, ten trumpets playing, nine copies of “The Night Before the Night Before the Night Before the Day of Giving” reading, eight Wraiths destroying, seven AAAs gaming, six peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead tree!
Grumpy Old King: Wait. Eleven Unis at once? That’s like... octuplets plus twins!
Wise Old King: Actually, it would be octuplets plus triplets. And I believe the word you are looking for is undenuplets. Or henduplets. Take your pick. My sources give multiple options on this word that technically isn’t even a valid word yet.
Grumpy Old King: You’re impossible.
Wise Old King: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Choir Director: Hey, are you two even listening? Don’t make us start over. Besides, this next verse is just for you.
Wise Old King: We’re listening. We’re listening. I promise.
Grumpy Old King: Please don’t start over. Anything but that!
Choir: On the twelfth Day of Giving, TNT gave to me, twelve judges listening, eleven babies crying, ten trumpets playing, nine copies of “The Night Before the Night Before the Night Before the Day of Giving” reading, eight Wraiths destroying, seven AAAs gaming, six peas attacking, five golden rings! Four puppyblews, three French flies, two zombie slorgs and a Weewoo in a dead ttttttttrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Wise Old King: That... That was a ritardando!
Grumpy Old King: Uh...
Wise Old King: Ritardando. It means they slowed down. It can signify the end of a song.
Grumpy Old King: Does that mean what I think it does? Is it over?
Wise Old King: I sure hope it’s over. I’ll never get those precious minutes of my life back.
Announcer: And now, for our next act, we have the Mystery Island Choir singing, “The Twelve Days of Gadgadsbogen.”
Grumpy Old King and Wise Old King: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!
Wise Old King: Last one out is a rotten negg!
Questions:
1. Do all Neopets items need to be capitalized?
2. I'm not sure I like "Neopets All Neopian Choir." Any other suggestions?
3. Do the two kings work as judges? Do their lines fit their personalities?
4. Do I need an intro other than what I have? I mean, I don't know that there have been many/any NT articles written in a script format. Do I need stage directions, or does it work as is?
5. Title ideas, other than the obvious, "The Twelve Days of Giving?" And should I have a subtitle about it being a skit? (see number 4 above...)
6. Is "shut up" allowed in NT articles
7. General comments/suggestions/reviews. Be honest!