Desolation of Meridell (Need C&C for rough draft of chap. 2)

[Deleted]

@moni: I'm still looking for advice on Part I before I post Part II, so thanks =D The first bit you mentioned is why I've decided to put the focus just on Hunter (the hero who's constantly doubting himself), Miraja (the snarky "best friend" in the NT version, since they don't allow her to be his love interest) and Bones (the cool old guy who's the comic relief while still being tough) while Sirocco and Ashlynne are side characters. I just noticed I didn't do a good job of describing the actual settings, thanks for mentioning that. Devoting a paragraph to describe the chaos going on in Meridell Castle Town would be a good idea. I'm imagining lots of fire for some reason. I'm also going to describe Meri Acres before all the bad stuff happens. As for Hunter's house... I don't really have much of an idea what it would be like inside. I've never thought of the internal architecture or structure. Now pacing... I wanted to avoid going too slow because I'm worried it'll come across as empty filler, but I was always worried I was going too fast

I think so far the bits I like the most are anything and everything Bones says. He's really, really, REALLY fun to write. I have personalities in mind for each character, and I've shown them in my slice of life NT stories, but I like your advice. Not everyone's read the stuff I've written in the past, so I have to establish characters. I actually want to go further in-depth on what Claudus was thinking before he busted out, having him monologue in his head and describe all the bad stuff he did, since a lot of newer users probably have no knowledge of the Meridell plots. It doesn't help that the BFM comic is broken.

By the way, you should totally give me a link to your NT stories. Personally I bet I'll probably really like them.

By the way, here's some more fleshed out descriptions of our heroes.

Hunter: A Knight Second Class of Meridell, you'd think Hunter would be a confident hero. However, he's crippled by insecurity. Riddled with guilt over not being able to say goodbye to his father before he died in battle, he also blames himself for not arriving in time to save him. He tries to put on an optimistic attitude, but he's hurting on the inside. That said, he never refuses to help those in need, and is a capable leader in times of crisis. He's a bit shy around women, and is sometimes too honest for his own good. Even though Jeran constantly outshines him, he has no hard feelings towards him and is deeply loyal to him. However, he's deeply loyal to Lord Darigan, who's a secondary father figure and is teaching him how to preserve the balance between Light and Dark.

Miraja: A feisty ninja from Shenkuu, Miraja is a confident young woman. She's savvy and sarcastic, but cares deeply about her friends. She has a bit of a temper, and gets bored easily. She's been in a relationship with Hunter for a few years and always tries to help him out emotionally. They're a good match, since he's able to rein in her temper. She's fearless, but not stupid. She's a quick thinker, and outwits her opponents easily. However, her temper can often get the better of her. She's very defensive of Hunter and stands up for him when people take advantage of his lack of confidence. She never gives up, no matter how hard the situation... Unless it involves deep water. She never learned to swim.

Bones: An irritable old sailor from Krawk Island, Bones boasts of being the strongest man on the five seas. He can back up that claim pretty easily. Even now, in his mid-60's, he's more than capable of taking on larger opponents. Back during his youth, though, he was one of the most fierce warriors in Neopian history. He eventually retired to the life of a captain, and has his own ship. Part of the reason he's so irritable is because his ship has been repeatedly destroyed by pirates. He loathes pirates, and hates being mistaken for one. He does love being in combat, since it gives him a chance to show off his strength. He's a bit out there as well. A combination of too much grog and too much sunlight made him a little off. He thinks Feepits are conspiring to take over Neopia, and claims to have crashed his ship in Jelly World once.

[Deleted]

oh hey, here's a revised version of the first few parts of DoM (minus the dungeon bit, I plan on dealing with Claudus's backstory later). Still working on the rest.

SPOILER: Click to show

It was a beautiful afternoon in Meri Acres. Farmers were tending to their crops, and Hunter was walking around, watching the world around him. "I always loved this place," he mused. He never was too fond of the hectic hustle and bustle in Meridell Castle Town. He decided to sit down under a tree, and just take in the sights and sounds. He saw people heading over to Gilbert's farm to pick some berries, and heard Alton Moughberry loudly arguing with Edgar Percival Clarke, shouting that the Wocky stole some of his potatoes for his "extreme" game. Hunter never understood Edgar's fashion style - nor did anyone else in Meridell, really. "His hair style is so odd," he thought to himself. "And so are his glasses. Still, he is who he is, and there's nothing wrong with that." Aside from the ongoing argument, it was a peaceful day. Hunter smiled and reclined against the tree.

“Hey, Hunter! Heads up!” A young Yellow Lupe threw a small ball towards the older Lupe, hoping to play catch with the older Neopian.

“Wha- Ow!” The ball hit him in the head, disturbing his moment of peace. “Where did that... Oh, now I see where it came from.” Hunter smiled and grabbed the ball. “Why am I not surprised...” He tossed the ball back at her. “Could you give me some warning next time, Lucy?”

Lucy Ellis looked down. “Awww, but Sir Hunter-”

“Please don't call me that. Just call me Hunter, all right? Like when I was training as a knight and worked as a farmhand here.” Hunter smiled. He was a humble young man who enjoyed spending time with the peasants - it's what his father would have done, after all, and Hunter admired him greatly. “Now, you better think fast! Catch!” Hunter threw the ball over to Lucy. Thanks to Hunter's terrible aim, it ended up missing her by about ten feet.

“Hunter, you're just as bad at catch as you were back when you worked for Mom and Dad!” Lucy laughed. “Maybe you should – EEP!” The ball flew right by her head, barely missing her by a few inches.

“Sorry, guess I shoulda warned you!” A Striped Xweetok laughed, dangling upside down from a tree branch. “If you want to play catch, try playing it with someone who's actually good at throwing!” She jumped out of the tree and gave Hunter a mischievous smile.

“Miraja,” Hunter laughed, “how many times do I have to tell you not to surprise people like that?”

Miraja shrugged and nonchalantly caught the ball Lucy threw back to her without even looking. “I'm a ninja. It's what I do, you know?” She turned back to Lucy, and prepared to throw again. "Think fast!" She threw the ball and it soared over the young Lupe. In fact, it flew right into Alton's pile of potatoes, throwing off Alton's own count. Naturally, he thought it was Edgar's fault, and the two started bickering again.

"Awww, you always win!" Lucy crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out at Miraja. Miraja, being Miraja, decided to do the same thing. Even though she was in her twenties, the Xweetok could act surprisingly immature.

"Miraja..." Hunter sighed and clutched his face with his paw. "You're really childish sometimes, you know that?"

Miraja glared at Hunter. "Yeah, so?" She laughed a bit and then leaned against a fencepost. "It's not like you weren't playing."

Hunter shrugged and laughed. "I guess you're right." He then looked up at the sky. The sun was starting to set. The rolling fields looked beautiful at this hour "It's getting late. You should probably get back home, Lucy."

"Awww, but Hunter, I want to play!" Lucy pleaded with Hunter. "Couldn't you and Miraja walk me back home after things get dark?"

Miraja rolled her eyes and walked up to Lucy. "Well, we WOULD, but after dark, all sorts of scary things come out, like... Um... The Monocerous!" She grinned mischievously.

Hunter slapped his hand to his face. "Oh boy, here we go..."

"Monocerous-us...?" Lucy's ears perked up. The young Lupe listened intently to the older Xweetok. "What's a Monocerous-us?"

Miraja crouched down to get to eye level with Lucy. "Well, it's this big monster, and it has big horns and fangs. Its legs are on fire, and it can burn down an entire field if it runs through it. At night, it goes around looking for people to eat..."

"R-really?" Lucy grinned. She was enthralled by Miraja's story.

"Really." Miraja continued. "And its roar is so loud and so scary, you'll freeze on the spot!" Miraja grinned. She knew Lucy loved scary stories - the little Lupe was just as brave as her brother.

"I bet my big brother could beat it up!" Lucy picked up a stick and started swinging it around like a sword. "He'd go like this! HYAH! And this! HIYAH! And this! HYAH! And then he'd make it run away like a scared little Babaa!"

Miraja laughed. "He probably could. I heard he beat up a Juppie monster to save you a few years ago!" She smiled. "Your brother's a hero, just like Jeran and Hunter." She than glanced back at Hunter. "Isn't that right, Hunter?"

Hunter laughed and nodded. "Yes, he certainly is!" He then sighed and looked away. "He certainly did more to stop the Darkest Faerie than I did..."

Miraja frowned and then turned back to Lucy. "But could you beat the Monocerous?"

Lucy laughed. "Of course I could! I'm going to be a knight just like Tor someday! And I bet I could beat Lord Darigan, too!"

Hunter winced when Lucy said that. After the second war, Darigan had become like a second father to him. He couldn't stand the way other Meridellians still hated and feared Darigan and his people. In fact, most of Neopia despised Darigans.

Miraja cringed as well before composing herself. "Well, if you want to be a knight, you should probably go back home and get a good night's rest. You can't get tall and strong if you don't do that!" She stood back up. "I'm sure you'll do just as well as Tor someday!"

Lucy smiled and laughed. "I bet I will! I'll be a hero, just like my big brother!" She then waved at Miraja and Hunter. "Bye!"

Hunter and Miraja both waved goodbye.



As they walked back, Hunter was staring at the ground with a sad look on his face.

"Let me guess," Miraja stated, a look of concern on her face. "You're upset about how she talked about Darigan, aren't you?"

Hunter nodded, not saying a word.

"It's not her fault," Miraja sighed and placed her hand on Hunter's shoulder. " She's just a kid, she doesn't know any better." She forced herself to smile, trying to cheer Hunter up. "A lot of people here still don't know about what happened to Darigan. Don't let it get to you."

"I know," Hunter looked towards Miraja with a sad expression. " But it still hurts to hear people talking about him like that. Not to mention how people treat Ashlynne whenever she's here."

Miraja shook her head. "It's a shame. People judge them based just on the way they look." She frowned. "Not to mention the history books always paint Meridell as being completely innocent. The Gallery of Heroes doesn't even HAVE Darigan in it! He's still in the Gallery of Evil with Kass! The guy who took your father away from you!"

Hunter looked at Miraja with a pained expression on his face. "I wish I could change it, but I'm no writer. I'm just another soldier." He then looked up at the sky. The stars were starting to shine as the sun continued to go down. "Not like my father. He was a hero."

Miraja gave Hunter a warm smile. "So are you. Just because you aren't Jeran or Tor doesn't mean you're 'just another soldier.'" She took his hand. "You may not have been the 'big hero' yet, but you still helped fight Kass, the Darkest Faerie and Xandra. Not to mention fighting the Thieves' Guild, Scarblade's crew, and helping lift the curses on Neovia and Qasala."

Hunter grinned. "I guess. I'm still not up there with people in the Gallery of Heroes like Isca, Hanso or Roberta, though."

"Neither am I, but you're just as good as any of them to me." She smiled. "Well, we're almost home now. You're making dinner tonight, right?"

"Of course I am. Sirocco's not here, so I'm the only one who could pull it off." Hunter laughed as the two walked towards their home.

My favorite little bit I added was Alton and Edgar's rivalry. After all, Alton runs Potato Counter and isn't too fond of Edgar's "EXTREEEEEEEEEME" knock-off =P

Also, Gilbert's the name of the Gelert who runs Pick Your Own. The Book of Ages helps me out a lot =D

[Moni]

@fangofthedead

Sorry for the belated reply, it didn't quite tag me properly. xP

Oh yeah, having only a limited amount of main characters is definitely a good call. When you have a bunch of side characters you definitely want some space between each character to let people process the information. Pacing is just one of those things that's really hard to tell whether or not you're too slow or too fast, and sometimes you need some other pairs of eyes and/or distance from the actual work itself. :-) I understand your fear of fillers, but you don't need to be so afraid here, I think: scenes that build the character and the world are equally as important as very plot-heavy scenes, provided they're not random wth scenes.

Some more description and imagery is definitely something that would improve this series, so I'm super happy you've decided to work on it.

Bones is pretty funny; it's hard not to like strange characters that make you laugh and seem to live in a world all their own, and I think you really succeeded and had fun with portraying that. I'm glad my advice proved to be a little helpful with regards to providing context to the characters and to the plots in general. Thanks for the character list! <3 The refresher was helpful.

As to your edits, they're pretty good, and I again really like your inclusion of miscellaneous site mechanics and details into your story. I think you don't really see that a whole bunch with series that are otherwise sort of serious-ish. The interaction with Alton and Edgar made me smile. And good job adding a little character establishment--that said, don't be too pressured to squeeze every bit of backstory in the first part, you can spread it out a little for the first few parts or so, because that's still in the ballpark of the beginning of any arc you'd want to have.

And awh shucks, I don't really know about linking you to my NT works. There's a Weewoo in my signature that leads to my NT page. The extent to which people have liked my stuff has varied a lot. xP

[Deleted]

Sept 12, 2016 20:46:15 GMT -5 Moni said:

@fangofthedead

Sorry for the belated reply, it didn't quite tag me properly. xP

Oh yeah, having only a limited amount of main characters is definitely a good call. When you have a bunch of side characters you definitely want some space between each character to let people process the information. Pacing is just one of those things that's really hard to tell whether or not you're too slow or too fast, and sometimes you need some other pairs of eyes and/or distance from the actual work itself. :-) I understand your fear of fillers, but you don't need to be so afraid here, I think: scenes that build the character and the world are equally as important as very plot-heavy scenes, provided they're not random wth scenes.

In other words, avoid Big-Lipped Alligator Moments =P

Some more description and imagery is definitely something that would improve this series, so I'm super happy you've decided to work on it.

Thanks. If I put my mind to it, I can describe places a lot better than I thought I ever could XD

Bones is pretty funny; it's hard not to like strange characters that make you laugh and seem to live in a world all their own, and I think you really succeeded and had fun with portraying that. I'm glad my advice proved to be a little helpful with regards to providing context to the characters and to the plots in general. Thanks for the character list! <3 The refresher was helpful.

Heh, thanks. I love all my characters (Hunter and Miraja were the main two characters from the beginning), but the reason Bones was chosen over Ashlynne and Sirocco as the tritagonist is because I felt he'd provide good comic relief.

As to your edits, they're pretty good, and I again really like your inclusion of miscellaneous site mechanics and details into your story. I think you don't really see that a whole bunch with series that are otherwise sort of serious-ish. The interaction with Alton and Edgar made me smile. And good job adding a little character establishment--that said, don't be too pressured to squeeze every bit of backstory in the first part, you can spread it out a little for the first few parts or so, because that's still in the ballpark of the beginning of any arc you'd want to have.

Thanks. I almost want to write down Alton and Edgar's argument, but it'd veer away from the story too much.

And awh shucks, I don't really know about linking you to my NT works. There's a Weewoo in my signature that leads to my NT page. The extent to which people have liked my stuff has varied a lot. xP

Aw, it's okay. I think taking advice from you (and Caylista) is going to improve this story drastically.

[Deleted]

Desolation of Meridell Chapter I, take 2! Aaaaand, SCENE!

SPOILER: Click to show

Deep in the darkest part of Meridell's dungeon, a White Kougra was locked in a reinforced cell, with multiple magical chains holding him down. No matter how hard he pulled on the chains, he couldn't break free... At least, that's what the people of Meridell hoped. His name was Claudus – one of Neopia's most infamous figures, he was the one who stole the Orb from the Darigan Citadel, committing the unforgivable crime of attacking a pacifist nation. After stealing it, he planned on delivering it back to Meridell to end a famine – however, much like what would happen to Darigan years later, his mind was twisted by its power. Although he was already a zealot who was dedicated to doing anything for the “good” of Meridell – even if he had to hurt countless others for it – the Orb drove him even more insane.

He was so insane that he and his band of knights attacked Skarl and the other knights upon their return. In Claudus's mind, Skarl was a pathetic ruler – it was for Meridell's own good that Claudus would be their new king. After being defeated by his former friend Sir Arthur Gallant and the heroic knights he rallied to fight the traitors, Claudus was stripped of his rank – his minions were locked in the dungeon, and he was locked in solitary confinement in the deepest, darkest part of the oubliette. He pulled against his chains again... And this time, he could feel them breaking. "It's time to finish what I started," he thought to himself, and he pulled again, hearing them start to snap. "It's time for Skarl's reign to end... And for mine to begin." With one final pull, the chains broke. The Spyders in the corner of the cell hid themselves as Claudus began to furiously attack the door. When it broke, he scowled. Now all that was left was to free his minions...


It was a beautiful afternoon in Meri Acres. Farmers were tending to their crops, and Hunter was walking around, watching the world around him. "I always loved this place," he mused. He never was too fond of the hectic hustle and bustle in Meridell Castle Town. He decided to sit down under an apple tree, and just take in the sights and sounds. He saw people heading over to Gilbert's farm to pick some berries, and heard Alton Moughberry loudly arguing with Edgar Percival Clarke, shouting that the Wocky stole some of his potatoes for his "extreme" game. Hunter never understood Edgar's fashion style - nor did anyone else in Meridell, really. "His hair style is so odd," he thought to himself. "And so are his glasses. Still, he is who he is, and there's nothing wrong with that." Aside from the ongoing argument, it was a peaceful day. Hunter smiled and reclined against the tree, grabbing an apple and preparing to take a bite.

“Hey, Hunter! Heads up!” A young Yellow Lupe threw a small ball towards the older Lupe, hoping to play catch with the older Neopian.

“Wha- Ow!” The ball hit him in the head, disturbing his moment of peace and knocking the apple out of his hand. “Where did that... Oh, now I see where it came from.” Hunter smiled and grabbed the ball. “Why am I not surprised...” He tossed the ball back at her. “Could you give me some warning next time, Lucy?”

Lucy Ellis looked down. “Awww, but Sir Hunter-”

“Please don't call me that. Just call me Hunter, all right? Like when I worked as a farmhand here during knight training.” Hunter smiled. He was a humble young man who enjoyed spending time with the peasants - it's what his late father would have done, after all, and Hunter admired him greatly. “Now, you better think fast! Catch!” Hunter threw the ball over to Lucy. Thanks to Hunter's terrible aim, it ended up missing her by about ten feet.

“Hunter, you're just as bad at catch as you were back when you worked for Mom and Dad!” Lucy laughed. “Maybe you should – EEP!” The ball flew right by her head, barely missing her by a few inches.

“Sorry, guess I shoulda warned you!” A Striped Xweetok laughed, dangling upside down from a tree branch. “If you want to play catch, try playing it with someone who's actually good at throwing!” She jumped out of the tree and gave Hunter a mischievous smile.

“Miraja,” Hunter laughed, “how many times do I have to tell you not to surprise people like that?”

Miraja shrugged and nonchalantly caught the ball Lucy threw back to her without even looking. “I'm a ninja. It's what I do, you know?” She turned back to Lucy, and prepared to throw again. "Think fast!" She threw the ball and it soared over the young Lupe. In fact, it flew right into Alton's pile of potatoes, throwing off Alton's own count. Naturally, he thought it was Edgar's fault, and the two started bickering again.

"Awww, you always win!" Lucy crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out at Miraja. Miraja, being Miraja, decided to do the same thing. Even though she was in her twenties, the Xweetok could act surprisingly immature.

"Miraja..." Hunter sighed and clutched his face with his paw. "You're really childish sometimes, you know that?"

Miraja glared at Hunter. "Yeah, so?" She laughed a bit and then leaned against a fencepost. "It's not like you weren't playing."

Hunter shrugged and laughed. "I guess you're right." He then looked up at the sky. The sun was starting to set. The rolling fields looked beautiful at this hour, and he saw a flock of Crokabek flying off to their nests for the night. "It's getting late. You should probably get back home, Lucy."

"Awww, but Hunter, I want to play!" Lucy pleaded with Hunter. "Couldn't you and Miraja walk me back home after things get dark?"

Miraja rolled her eyes and walked up to Lucy. "Well, we WOULD, but after dark, all sorts of scary things come out, like... Um... The Monocerous!" She grinned mischievously.

Hunter slapped his hand to his face. "Oh boy, here we go..."

"Monocerous-us...?" Lucy's ears perked up. The young Lupe listened intently to the older Xweetok. "What's a Monocerous-us?"

Miraja crouched down to get to eye level with Lucy. "Well, it's this big monster, and it has big horns and HUGE fangs. Its legs are on fire, and it can burn down an entire field if it runs through it! At night, it goes around looking for people to eat..."

"R-really?" Lucy grinned. She was enthralled by Miraja's story.

"Yes, really!" Miraja continued. "And its roar is so loud and so scary, you'll freeze on the spot!" Miraja grinned. She knew Lucy loved scary stories - the little Lupe was just as brave as her brother.

"I bet my big brother could beat it up!" Lucy picked up a stick and started swinging it around like a sword. "He'd go like this! HYAH! And this! HIYAH! And this! HYAH! And then he'd make it run away like a scared little Babaa!"

Miraja laughed. "He probably could. I heard he beat up a Juppie monster to save you a few years ago!" She smiled. "Your brother's a hero, just like Jeran and Hunter." She than glanced back at Hunter. "Isn't that right, Hunter?"

Hunter laughed and nodded. "Yes, he certainly is!" He then sighed and looked away. "He certainly did more to stop the Darkest Faerie than I did..."

Miraja frowned and then turned back to Lucy. "But could you beat the Monocerous?"

Lucy laughed. "Of course I could! I'm going to be a knight just like Tor someday! And I bet I could beat Lord Darigan, too!"

Hunter winced when Lucy said that. After the second war, Darigan had become like a second father to him. He couldn't stand the way other Meridellians still hated and feared Darigan and his people. In fact, most of Neopia despised Darigans. Still, he couldn't bring himself to get angry at Lucy.

Miraja cringed as well before composing herself. "Well, if you want to be a knight and fight the Monocerous, you should probably go back home and get a good night's rest. You can't get tall and strong if you don't do that!" She stood back up. "I'm sure you'll do just as well as Tor someday!"

Lucy smiled and laughed. "I bet I will! I'll be a hero, just like my big brother!" She then waved at Miraja and Hunter before skipping off towards home. "Bye!"

Hunter and Miraja both waved goodbye. Hunter sighed, and Miraja did the same.



As they walked back, Hunter was staring at the ground with a sad look on his face.

"Let me guess," Miraja stated, a look of concern on her face. "You're upset about how she talked about Darigan, aren't you?"

Hunter nodded, not saying a word.

"It's not her fault," Miraja sighed and placed her hand on Hunter's shoulder. "She's just a kid, she doesn't know any better." She forced herself to smile, trying to cheer Hunter up. "A lot of people here still don't know about what happened to Darigan. Don't let it get to you."

"I know," Hunter looked towards Miraja with a sad expression. "But it still hurts to hear people talking about him like that. Not to mention how people treat Ashlynne whenever she's here."

Miraja shook her head. "It's a shame. People judge them based just on the way they look." She frowned. "Not to mention the history books always paint Meridell as being completely innocent. The Gallery of Heroes doesn't even HAVE Darigan in it! He's still in the Gallery of Evil with Kass! The guy who took your father away from you!"

Hunter looked at Miraja with a pained expression on his face. "I wish I could change it, but I'm no historian. I'm just another soldier." He then looked up at the sky. The stars were starting to shine as the sun continued to go down. "Not like my father. He was a hero."

Miraja gave Hunter a warm smile. "So are you. Just because you aren't Jeran or Tor doesn't mean you're 'just another soldier.'" She took his hand. "You may not have been the 'big hero' yet, but you still helped fight Kass, the Darkest Faerie and Xandra. Not to mention fighting the Thieves' Guild, Scarblade's crew, and helping lift the curses on Neovia and Qasala."

Hunter grinned. "I guess. I'm still not up there with people in the Gallery of Heroes like Isca, Hanso or Roberta, though."

"Neither am I, but you're just as good as any of them to me." She smiled. "Well, we're almost home now. You're making dinner tonight, right?"

"Of course I am. Sirocco's not here, so I'm the only one who could pull it off." Hunter laughed as the two walked towards their home.


The two of them arrived at their home. It was a small cottage, not one that you'd think a knight lived in. Still, it was a nice little home, with a kitchen and five bedrooms, one for Hunter and each of his four friends. It stayed warm enough in winter and cool enough in summer, thanks to some clever engineering courtesy of their friend Bones.

Once inside, Hunter mounted his sword and shield on the wall and placed the cooking pot underneath the chimney. "So, what do you want to eat tonight?"

"I dunno," Miraja said, setting her metal fans on the table beside her as she reclined in her chair. "Potato stew? Since that's all we ever have." She laughed. "At least you're good at cooking them." The Xweetok flicked her tail around idly. "I hope Bones gets here with the firewood soon..."

Hunter laughed and grabbed some potatoes before putting them in the pot. "What vegetables do you want this time?" He went out towards the larder, ready to gather some.

"I dunno. I guess some carro- YIKES!" Miraja jumped out of her seat and grabbed her fans as the front door slammed open, ready to fight any intruders.

"Here's the firewood!" Bones walked in. The old Pirate Krawk dumped the firewood near the chimney. "You won't believe all the troubles I went through to bring these here. I was attacked by a giant Drackonack, mobbed by Crokabeks, all sorts of nasty critters!" Bones grinned and flexed his arm. "Good thing I'm still the strongest man on the Five Seas, eh?" He brandished the anchor he uses as a makeshift hammer before setting it down on the floor and sitting in his rocking chair.

Miraja rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure, whatever." She got back in her seat. "Just... Don't surprise me like that again, okay?"

Bones laughed heartily. The old Krawk rocked back and forth in his chair, taking time to cool down. "Sorry, lass. Hunter, how's the food comin' along?" He grabbed the canteen of grog he always carried and took a swig from it. "Hopefully the potatoes are as good as they were last time!"

"Well..." Hunter shook his head. "I don't think the food's ready, considering you just got here with the firewood." Hunter took his sword off the wall and started hacking away at the firewood - Bones, being Bones, had taken logs that were much too big to fit under the chimney. "You could always have some fungus to tide you over. I put it over there in the larder." Hunter pointed out the window. "Hopefully cutting this doesn't take too lon-" Suddenly, someone started knocking on the door frantically. "What in the world?!" Hunter opened the door, and saw a red Quiggle with a goatee. "Rupert...? What does Skarl want now?"

The Quiggle saluted the knight. "Sir Hunter! Come to the castle, quick! It's under attack!"

Hunter sighed. "I hope it's not some bandits again..."

Rupert shook his head. "No, it's worse! Claudus has escaped!"

Hunter's jaw dropped. "No, that's... That's impossible! He's been locked away in the oubliette for years! There's no way he'd make it out!"

Rupert was shaking, still shocked by what he saw happen back in the castle. "That's what we all thought, Hunter. Hurry! Skarl ordered all of his knights to arms!"

Hunter nodded. "We'll have to eat later." Hunter sheathed his sword and grabbed his shield off the wall. "Bones, Miraja, let's go."

Miraja nodded. "Right!" She grabbed her twin fans and hung them from the sash around her waist. "Bones, are you coming?"

Bones grumbled. "Of course this happens before dinner..." He grabbed his anchor and grasped the weighted chain in his other hand. "You can count on me, lass!" Bones then raised his eyebrow. "Erm... Who's Claudus?"

Hunter sighed. "I don't have time to explain right now. We have to hurry!" Hunter ran out the door, and the other two followed him.



The trio arrived at Meridell Castle Town. It was in a state of utter chaos. Buildings were burning, and knights were clashing swords with other knights. The trio were horrified, seeing fire flare out the windows of Inga's armory. The buildings that weren't burning had their windows boarded up - it was obvious that many of the Meridellian populace had hid away, hoping that Claudus's knights wouldn't break in their homes. Miraja narrowed her eyes, enraged by all the mayhem that had befallen what was once a peaceful city.

"Claudus must have broken his minions out of the dungeon." Hunter looked at Miraja and Bones. "We need to work on a plan to get in. Bones," Hunter said as he pointed to the entrance to the castle. "I need you to do some crowd control so I can get into the castle and help Jeran rally the knights and the royal guard. With that flail at the other end of your anchor's chain, you can clear a pretty wide area."

Bones grinned. "Aye, lad. I've been waitin' for a brawl!" He ran out onto the battle and slammed his anchor into the ground to get the attention of the knights. "OI! YOU LADS BETTER SCATTER!" Skarl's knights got out of the way, knowing that the odds were stacked against the traitors now that Bones joined the battle. Claudus's knights charged at Bones, and the old Krawk laughed. "BRING IT ON, LADS!" He swung his flail around, striking the traitors in wide arcs. When one got close, he slammed his anchor at him, sending him hurtling into a wall. "IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?! IT'LL TAKE A LOT MORE THAN THAT TO BEAT THE STRONGEST MAN ON THE FIVE SEAS!"

Hunter and Miraja watched Bones. Hunter then turned towards Miraja. "Miraja, I need you to sneak in there and cover me in case I get in a fight. I need to meet Jeran as quickly as possible. If we can pull this off, we might manage to defeat Claudus."

Miraja nodded. "Sure thing, Hunter." She unfolded her fans and jumped in the air, using them to propel herself higher. She landed on a rooftop and began hopping from roof to roof, aiming for one of the castle's windows. "Too bad I'm gonna have to wake up Hopkins."

Hunter cautiously looked around. Many of Claudus's minions were futilely trying to attack Bones. Hunter drew Curtana and swiftly made his way towards the castle.



Miraja crashed through the window and landed silently in the bedroom of a Grey Quiggle named Hopkins, who was sound asleep in his bed despite the chaos going on inside and outside of the castle. It was a posh room - his bed had a canopy over it, and there were many paintings of the lovely land of Meridell, as well as some other nations of Neopia. On the table beside his bed, there was a stand with a rather fancy-looking wig. Hopkins woke up groggily and gasped when he noticed Miraja. "An assassin! Don't hurt me, I'm just the majordomo!"

Miraja slapped her hand to her face. "I'm not an assassin, I'm Miraja! You've met me before! The castle's under attack by Claudus-"

"CLAUDUS?!" Hopkins's eyes widened and he started hyperventilating. "We're all doomed! Doomed, I tell you! Doomed!"

Miraja sighed. "Hopkins, get a hold of yourself! I need your help!"

Hopkins began to calm down. "Right. I'll rally the castle staff. We may not look like much, but we're stronger than we look." The Quiggle grabbed his wig off of its stand and donned a determined expression. "I mustn't let his majesty down!"

Miraja grinned. "You do that. I'm gonna sneak around and try and cover Hunter." She quietly opened the door and snuck out, jumping onto the rafters in the ceiling.



Bones laughed and slammed his anchor into another one of Claudus's minions. "THIS IS THE MOST FUN I'VE HAD IN AGES!" He looked behind him and saw Hunter making his way into the castle. He saw one of Claudus's minions start to sneak up behind Hunter with his axe raised. "OH NO, YOU DON'T! GET OVER HERE!" Bones swung the flail attached to his anchor and hurled it at the evil soldier, wrapping it around him and dragging him away from the young Lupe. Bones then used the chain to hurl him into the woods. "AND DON'T COME BACK!" The Krawk then returned to taking on the rest of the soldiers. Some of the other loyal knights were covering the exits of buildings, ushering the civilians to safety.



Miraja was sneaking around in the rafters. She saw a skinny red Eyrie and a brawny yellow Krawk conversing with each other. The Eyrie was holding a sharp lance, and the Krawk had a massive axe on his back. The Eyrie started talking "Argus, do you think Claudus will promote me after he takes over?" He laughed. "I'm sure he will. After all, I'm clearly his smartest soldier."

The Krawk growled. "You wouldn't even be promoted to being a squire, Icaros."

Icaros smirked. "At least I'm not a worthless Slorg herder from Bogshot." He laughed smugly.

Argus narrowed his eyes and cracked his knuckles. "One of these days, Icaros... One of these days."

Miraja smirked before jumping down. "Hey, did you guys just come here from Idiot Town?" She brandished her fans and unfolded them. "Because you two sure don't seem like Claudus's best and brightest!"

Icaros laughed smugly. "Oh, look, it's a Shenkuuvian. What could a weak, scrawny little thing like you do to the smartest knight in Meridellian history?" He pointed his spear at her, and Argus grabbed his axe.

"Oh, I don't know... How about this?" She clapped her fans together, sending a powerful burst of air towards the two knights, knocking them off their feet. "Who's weak now, huh?" She ran off, leaving the two dazed knights behind.

"Ugh..." Icaros picked himself up off the floor, rubbing his head. "The next time I see that brat, I'll give her what for!"

Argus got back up and growled. "She won't survive a minute in this place. Let her run."

Miraja didn't look back. She ran through the castle, taking out Claudus's soldiers one by one with her stealthy moves. "Hopefully this clears the way for Hunter," she thought. "If any one of us goes down, we're all dead meat."



"All right, I'm almost to the knight's quarters. Hopefully Jeran's in there..." Hunter hid behind a pillar as he watched two treacherous soldiers fighting two members of Skarl's royal guard. "If anyone can deal with Claudus, he ca- Urk!" He turned around and saw a sword pointed at him!

Jeran growled at the intruder. "Stop right ther-... Wait, Hunter?" He lowered his sword and sighed. "I'm sorry, I thought you might have been one of Claudus's soldiers."

Hunter laughed nervously. "It doesn't matter now. Have you managed to rally all the knights, sir?"

Jeran shook his head. "No, Claudus managed to get some of the guards on his side. They've got the quarters blocked. Looks like it's you and me, Hunter." Jeran hid behind the pillar with Hunter.

Hunter nodded. "What are your orders, sir?" He glanced around the pillar, and saw two yellow Skeiths in golden armor fending off some of Claudus's goons. The entrance to Skarl's throne room was surprisingly untouched - two golden statues of the king stood on each side of the doors, both raising a large turkey leg in the air. The statues glowed in the light coming through the windows. Normally this would be a beautiful, if rather egotistical sight, but considering the light was coming from a burning town, it gave Hunter a sense of trepidation.

Jeran watched the royal guard. "We let the royal guard cover us while we get into the throne room. Hopefully Claudus isn't already in there. Skarl would probably try to take him on himself, and while he's a decent fighter, he's nowhere NEAR good enough to deal with Claudus." Jeran narrowed his eyes. "Hunter, I'll go ahead. You wait for my signal, alright?"

"Yes, commander." Hunter grinned. "Let's do this."

Jeran smiled back at the other knight before starting off. He made his way in front of the throne room and waved to Hunter. "The path is clear! Follow me!"

Hunter nodded and dashed off to the throne room, entering it with Jeran. It was a spacious room, with a tall ceiling. Two more statues of the king sat by his throne, and tall stained glass windows featuring Skarl's likeness sat behind it. Skarl was sitting in his thronew with an aggravated look on his face. Of course, he almost always had an aggravated look on his face, but tonight he had a feeling something was wrong.

The old Skeith growled. "Could someone tell me WHAT IN THE NAME OF FYORA IS GOING ON OUT THERE?!"

Jeran looked up at the king. "Claudus has escaped. He's broken his soldiers out of the dungeon and managed to convince some of the other soldiers to join him."

Skarl's eye twitched. "You're joking, right? Claudus could NEVER escape! I'm sure that Darigan's finally decided to fight us agai-"

Hunter glared at Skarl. "DARIGAN WOULD NEVER DO THAT!" He noticed Skarl and Jeran staring at him in disbelief, and Hunter scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "I apologize, it's just that I know him too well. He's firmly on our side, sire."

Skarl rolled his eyes. "If it's not him, who is it?! Ixi Raiders aren't organized enough to do this!" Skarl then laughed nervously. "It's clearly just an elaborate joke, right? I give it a B minus, then..." He then saw the two Lupes staring at him, and he gulped nervously. "... It's not a joke, is it?" The Lupes shook their heads. Suddenly, the doors to the throne room slammed open, and Skarl's royal guard careened through them and smashed through the windows behind the king. They were knocked out cold. A tall white Kougra calmly strode into the room. "It's... No! It can't be you!" Skarl growled and got out of his throne, grabbing his sword. "I won't let you take over my kingdom!"

Claudus narrowed his eyes and growled before unsheathing his sword Tyrfing. "You don't stand a chance, you old fool." He then noticed Hunter and Jeran both standing at Skarl's side with their swords drawn. He stared at Hunter with a condescending expression. "Ah, so you must be the new Knight Commander. You look just like your father, boy."

Hunter growled and shook his head. "I'm not the Knight Commander. Jeran is, and I won't let him down."

Jeran nodded. "It's true." He then brandished his sword. "I won't let you harm his majesty!"

Claudus glared at the trio. "So Arthur's son is merely a knight? You're a disgrace to your family's name, boy. You're even more pathetic than your father."

Hunter snarled angrily. "My father was stronger than you EVER were!" He charged at Claudus and swung Curtana at the Kougra. "I won't let you insult him!"

Claudus deflected the blow with Tyrfing, and then lifted Hunter up by grabbing his throat. "Can't you see? You're weak! Your father was a traitor and Skarl doesn't deserve to rule! He's an obstacle in the path of Meridell's road to glory!" He threw Hunter at a wall, knocking the Lupe out. "Now as for the rest of you..." He narrowed his eyes. "Stand down. I'm king now."

Skarl roared at the Kougra. "I'm never taking orders from you! HAVE AT THEE!" Skarl almost charged at Claudus in anger, but Jeran gave him a look and the old Skeith backed down. "... I suppose I'll have to let Jeran take care of you."

Jeran nodded. "As the commander of the Knights of Meridell, my duty is to protect his majesty and the land he rules. En garde!" He charged at Claudus, and the two began to battle. Their swords clashed repeatedly, and neither was willing to give up. "I'll put you and your minions back in the dungeons where you belong!"

Claudus roared at the Lupe. "I WILL RULE THIS KINGDOM!" He swung Tyrfing at Jeran, knocking his sword out of his hand and sending him hurtling towards the wall. "Now, as for you, your majesty... I suggest you surrender."

Skarl glared back with a determined expression. "NEVER!" He charged at Claudus, but Claudus simply swung Tyrfing and broke Skarl's sword. Skarl gulped nervously before tossing the broken hilt of his sword away. "... I really shouldn't have used my ceremonial sword." Skarl shook his fist at Claudus. "I'll get you for this! You'll be locked away even deeper than last time!"

Claudus pointed at Skarl and Jeran as his soldiers entered the room. "Seize them!" He then gestured to Hunter. "Leave the whelp to me. I'll see to it he joins his father soon." The guards saluted before dragging Jeran and Skarl away. Claudus walked towards the door. "It's time for me to inform the people of Meridell of their new king."



Miraja had made her way into the throne room, and gasped when she saw Hunter lying unconscious in the corner. "No!" She leaped down from the rafters and woke him up.

Hunter opened his eyes. "Did they defeat Claudus?" He slowly stood up.

Miraja shook her head. "No. They've locked up Skarl, Jeran, and any knights and guards who remained loyal to them." She walked towards the door. "We can't stay here!"

Hunter got up. "Right. There's no way we would stand a chance against an entire castle full of Claudus's minions." He followed Miraja, and the two snuck out of the castle.



The two of them walked around the streets, hiding from Claudus's guards. The town was in ruins - things must have gotten worse while they were in the castle. "Where's Bones?" Hunter glanced around. "I hope he's alright..." Then he noticed the old Krawk lying down on the street. "BONES!" He and Miraja ran up to Bones. "Wake up, Bones! We have to get out of here!"

Bones grumbled as he began to stir. "Ugh... Too many of them... Had to play dead..." He picked himself up off the ground. "I hate myself right now... I shouldn't have given up."

Miraja shook her head. "Just get up and follow us." She started off towards the woods outside of the town, and Hunter followed her.

Bones growled. "Fine, lass." He hefted his anchor up and followed the two younger Neopians, using his anchor as a cane. When the three of them found a hiding place in the woods, they took a rest. "Where are we going, anyway?"

"Brightvale," Hunter said. "It's the safest place right now."

Miraja and Bones nodded, and the trio began to make their way towards Brightvale. It was going to be a long road ahead...

To be continued...

[Deleted]

Okay, this is a snippet of Chapter II, but I'm worried it gets too dark at the end and I might need to tone it down. Thoughts?

SPOILER: Click to show

The throne room had been mostly restored, as had the rest of the castle. However, flags featuring an image of Claudus's family crest covered where the old stained glass windows were. The statues of Skarl were all gone, all tossed in the sewers underneath the castle with anything else that had Skarl's face on it. Claudus idly tapped his fingers against his the arm of his new throne. "Has there been any progress finding our half of the Orb?"

Icaros shook his head. "I'm afraid not, my lord. We've been trying to find a way into the treasure room, but they're still having trouble dealing with that giant Draik skeleton!" He glared at some of the castle guards, who began to shiver - the Draiks had been loyal to Skarl their entire lives, but were now being forced to serve Claudus. "You! Get down there and fight that thing!"

The guards gulped and saluted. "Yes, Ica-"

The red Eyrie pointed his lance at the guards and scowled. "That's SIR Icaros now!"

"Y-yes, Sir Icaros!" They ran off to the treasure room with fearful expressions on their face.

Claudus rolled his eyes. "Icaros, why did I even trust you with this?" Claudus stared at the Eyrie. "You're obviously too much of a coward to get down there and do it yourself. I should have trusted Sir Argus." He growled, and Icaros began to sweat a bit. "I'll handle that accursed thing myself." He was about to get out of his throne when a guard walked in the room.

"S-sir, there's s-someone here to see you!" A red Draik guard walked in. "S-someone important!"

Claudus sat back down and scowled. "Who is it? I have to go take care of that blasted beast in the treasure room!"

"I-it's the Seer. The one that told you where the Orb was, sir!" The Draik gulped, expected Claudus to bark orders at him.

"The Seer, eh? I haven't seen her in years." Claudus's expression turned stoic. "Let her in. Perhaps she's come to aid us."

The Draik nodded, and he opened the door. An old green Kyrii walked in. "Ah, Claudus. It's good to see you again. Did you save your land?"

"Yes. As a "reward, I was betrayed by my own men and locked away in the dungeon." He growled angrily, before quickly composing himself. "But that's all in the past. Now things are in order."

The Kyrii grinned, baring yellowed teeth. "Yes. It is all as I have foreseen it, my lord." She slowly walked up to the throne and stood in front of the Kougra. "After many years, your destiny is finally within reach, my lord." She waved her scepter in the air, and a vision of the future appeared. It was of Claudus addressing a horde of Neopians from all across the world. "Bring Meridell's glory to the world. They will all be awed by the magnificence of this nation. Even the Faeries will bow to you! Yes, tou will bring this nation - and this entire world - to true greatness..."

"Yes... It is Meridell's manifest destiny, I suppose." Claudus pondered to himself. "I assume you have more to say?"

"Yes, my lord. There is one more thing you must do..." The Kyri waved her scepter again, projecting a horrifying image - it was the Citadel crashing into the sea. "The Citadel and its so-called 'people' will be the greatest obstacle in your path. Their twisted appearance reflects their true nature. They're monsters, with nothing but evil in their cruel hearts." She paused. "For the good of Neopia... They must be destroyed."

"Indeed... After what they have done to Meridell, they don't deserve any mercy." He then gestured to two of his guards. "Guards! Take some of Skarl's knights out of the dungeons and let them take care of the skeleton beast! Their sacrifice will pave the way to a glorious future!" He then stared at Icaros. "You will find Argus and Brutus. Tell them they've all been promoted to the leaders of the Knights-"

Icaros was furious. "THOSE two are the leaders?! They're nothing more than fools, my lord! They'd doom us all!" He then realized he had just had an outburst in front of his master and gulped in fear.

"I wasn't FINISHED!" Claudus bared his fangs, and jolted out of his throne. The Kougra looked as if he was only moments away from striking Icaros down with Tyrfing. Fortunately for the Eyrie, he quickly regained his composure and sat back down. "I was GOING to say that YOU had been promoted, as well. Brutus is an idiot, albeit a loyal one, and Argus is too easily angered to go unsupervised. You're going to supervise them..." He then returned to his usual stoic expression. "And they shall ensure your overinflated ego stays in check. Do I make myself clear?"

Icaros nodded, obviously still nervous. "Y-yes, my lord. I shall inform them immediately!" He then ran out of the room as fast as possible.

"You do that." Claudus narrowed his eyes and turned to some other guards. "And I shall tell the rest of my army... To prepare for war." He left his throneroom.

The old Seer grinned evilly after Claudus was out of sight. Her masters would be most pleased at the chance for revenge against Darigan...

I never really had the chance to show it in the first chapter, but this is also where I wanted to display Claudus's anger management problems. Also, I watched the cutscene from the Champions of Meridell plot where Skarl was explaining the Orb to the heroes, and I noticed a Shadow Skeith in the background. He'll be Sir Brutus. He's the living embodiment of dumb muscle.

It also amuses me that Claudus complains about Argus's (the Krawk) anger management issues when he has SEVERE issues. Claudus is only going to become more and more ax crazy as the Seer eggs him on.

[Moni]

It's not too dark at all. You're fine.

[Deleted]

Phew, I was worried that having a genocidal maniac might be too much for an NT story. Then again, the actual site has Kass and Scarblade...

[Moni]

Sept 15, 2016 17:52:24 GMT -5 @fangofthedead said:

Phew, I was worried that having a genocidal maniac might be too much for an NT story. Then again, the actual site has Kass and Scarblade...

The NT standards are more in specifics and details than the broad sweeping evils themselves.

So like you can have an omnicidal or genocidal maniac, but for example you can't put in blood and gore or go *too* much into personal dark thoughts. *shrug* Then again, I'm not so sure about the extent of detail that can be put in, because I've gotten away with some things that I was sure would get rejected. <.<

[Deleted]

So I decided to change Bones's weapon from an anchor and flail to a chain with a weight at the end. I couldn't think of a practical way he could store the flail on the anchor, so I decided to just give him a chain with a small weight shaped like a small anchor (because I don't want to entirely abandon the anchor bit) on the end. It's attached to a shackle on his right arm. To store it, he just wraps the chain around his forearm. Also, it's electrified, and he can use it to give electric punches while wrapped around his arm, or swing it while electrified.

Zap.

[Deleted]

So, uh, if people are done with chapter I... Here's chapter II.

SPOILER: Click to show

"Ugh, how much longer do we have to walk?" Bones panted while dragging his chain behind him. The sun beat down on the three as they were walking through the fields on the way to Brightvale. The fields were beautiful, with birds singing and all manner of small Petpets running about. However, they knew all sorts of things could be lurking around them in the woods. "I think I might have pulled a muscle or two in that scuffle." He wiped some sweat off of his brow. "Could you two slow up a bit? I'm strong, but I'm still old!"

Miraja sighed. "Sure thing... Besides," she cooled herself with one of her fans. "I'm getting a little hot myself."

Hunter looked at the other two. "We can't stop here, this is bandit country!" He then looked forward with a determined expression on his face. "If we set up camp, we'd be jumped as soon as night falls." As determined as he was to get to Brightvale, he was getting tired as well. "It'd be fantastic if a caravan was coming through he- Whoa!" The trio dodged to the side as a carriage careened towards them, pulled by a pair of panicking Uni! "Wonder what that was about...?"

Miraja got back up and continued to fan herself. "No idea, but-" She winced at the sound of a loud crash. "... I guess they just crashed." She dashed off towards the carriage. "We should help them, maybe they were headed to Brightvale!"

Hunter nodded and ran after Miraja. Bones groaned and started after them. "Could you sprouts slow up for me?!"



A Royal Gelert paced back and forth in front of what used to be a fancy looking carriage that had crashed into a cliffside. Two white Unis were standing nearby, still spooked from whatever startled them, and some Vullards were ominously circling above the scene. The Gelert looked up at the sky nervously. "This is awful. It's just like what happened a few years ago, when all those monsters showed up!" He sat down on a stone and sighed. "I wonder why all the knights turned on us royals... At least I made it out in one piece."

Hunter walked up to the Gelert. "Prince Tourin? What are you doing out here?"

Tourin looked up at the Lupe. "Gah! Another knight!" He covered his face with his hands. "Don't tell me you joined up with Claudus, too?!"

Hunter sighed. "No, Tourin. It's me, Hunter." Bones and Miraja caught up to Hunter and stood beside him.

Tourin peeked out from between his fingers. "Hunter? Who's Hunter?" He got back up off the rock. "I don't think I've ever met you before. There's so many Lupe knights at the castle, you know. Jeran, Tormund, Ebard... Wait, I know you!" Tourin snapped his finger, thinking he'd just figured it out. "You were on clog duty all those years ago!"

Hunter sighed and stared at the ground. "Yes. I was on clog duty." Miraja rolled her eyes and Bones chuckled. "Bones, stop. It all sounds funny until you get Sludgy slime in every nook and cranny of your armor."

Bones shrugged. "Sorry, lad." He leaned on the side of the cliff.

"Anyway," Hunter stated, sitting down in front of Tourin. "You're part of the Brightvale royal family now, right?"

Tourin nodded. "Yes. I was just visiting Meridell when half of the castle guard started to attack everyone! It was chaos! Utter chaos!" He sat back down. "I barely escaped. My servant is currently trying to fix the carriage," he pointed at an orange Scorchio with a wrench and a hammer busily trying to repair the broken carriage. "Hopefully he can fix it before nightfall. I don't want to be robbed! It's just like what happened a few years ago when those bandits stole my certificate of royalty!"

"You need repairs, you say?" Bones grinned. "If you need repairs, Bones is your man!" The old Krawk started off towards the carriage, but then stopped in his tracks and turned around. "You do have some extra tools, right? I left all of mine on my ship over in Meridell Harbor, and it might be a little difficult getting there, what with all of Claudus's goons running the place."

Tourin nodded. "Of course! Now, get to work, peasant!"

"Oi, did you just call me a peasant?!" Bones growled and shook his fist. "I'll show you, you insolent little-!"

Hunter gave Bones a look. "Bones, calm down." He turned back to Tourin. "We'll guard your carriage while Bones helps your repairman fix it up." He then looked around. "Also, could you please give us a ride to Brightvale after the repairs are done?"

Tourin grinned and nodded. "Of course! You were great at clog duty!"

The fur on Miraja's tail bristled up. "He's done stuff that's a lot more important than cleaning sewers, you know!" She glared at Tourin. "He fought in the Meridell Wars and helped to fight The Darkest Faerie! Not to mention a lot of other things!"

Tourin nodded. "Ohhhh, now I remember you!" He smiled again. "You're the one who's keeping tabs on Lord Darigan, right? After all, we have to be sure he's not planning on attacki- Eep!" He winced as Hunter glared at him.

"Darigan's not our enemy." Hunter growled. "He hasn't been for years, and he even sent his soldiers to help defend Meridell from the Wraiths during the Fall of Faerieland." Hunter looked up at the sky and saw the Citadel in the distance. "In fact, he could be Meridell's greatest ally in this fight." He then turned back towards Tourin. "Sorry for giving you that look, but I trust Darigan. He's been like a father to me since the second war ended."

Tourin grinned sheepishly. "Right. Anyway, there's a toolbox near the carriage. I'm sure your friend can put it to good use."

"Bones is my name and fixin's my game, lad!" Bones laughed. "It'll be done before nightfall, I hope!" The old Krawk walked back to the carriage and started helping the Scorchio repair it.

Miraja laughed. "I guess we're gonna have to guard the prince. I'll go find a vantage point."

Hunter nodded. "Right. I'll stay near the prince and guard him and the carriage."



Night fell, and the carriage wasn't repaired yet. The sounds of nocturnal creatures echoed in the distance. They all felt something was gazing at them from the trees, and a Whoot turned its head around and stared at the group. Prince Tourin was shivering in fear. "I'm not going to be eaten by a Monocerous, I'm not going to be eaten by a Monocerous..."

Hunter placed his hand on the Gelert's shoulder. "Don't worry, we won't let you down-" Suddenly, a rustling sound came from the woods. Hunter unsheathed his sword and took a fighting stance. "Stay behind me! This could get ugly."

"Ixi raiders!" Miraja jumped out of the tree and stood next to Hunter, unfolding her fans and readying for combat.

A horde of Ixi raiders stampeded out of the forest. "What do we have here?" Their leader pointed his spear at Hunter and Miraja, while other raiders provided cover with their bows. "Seems like we caught up to our prey, boys!"

Tourin cowered behind the two heroes and pointed at the raiders. "Those are the ones who scared my Unis!" He then shrunk back behind Miraja. "Stay back! These two will keep you at bay!"

"Erm, we're kind of outnumbered here..." Miraja glanced towards Tourin. "The best we can do is hope that Bones hears this racket and ambushes the- what the-?!" Miraja felt something zip right by her head, and watched as an Ixi raider froze in time. It was... A small dust devil? "Oh, great..." Miraja slapped her hand to her face. "It's him..."

A Skunk Zafara stood on top of a branch, leaning against the trunk with a roguish grin on his face. He held a dagger in his right hand. Glowing sand swirled around him for a second, and then vanished. "So, looks like my hunch was right! A bunch of crooks chasing after some royalty!"

Tourin popped his head out from behind Hunter. "H-help us! Please! Whoever you are!"

Hunter raised an eyebrow. "Sirocco? I thought you were out in the Lost Desert!"

"Oh hey, it's Hunter!" He pointed his hand at some of the raiders. He summoned the Sands of Time and sent a dust devil towards the raiders, freezing them. "Nice to see you, man!"

Miraja growled. "Less talking, more fighting!" Now that the raiders with the arrows were mostly frozen, she spun around and sent a whirlwind towards the other raiders with her fans, knocking their spears out of their hands. "Get ready, Hunter!"

Hunter nodded. "En garde!" He charged into the battle, slashing with Curtana. The legendary Sword of Mercy batted the raiders aside, stunning them. He spun around, clearing a wide area. "Take this!"

Sirocco then summoned a dust devil around him and vanished. He teleported behind some of the Ixi Raiders and destroyed their weapons with his dagger. He then froze them with a single blast of sand before vanishing again.

Hunter was busy in direct combat with the chief raider. "Looks like we have them on the ropes!" He deflected a blue from the chief's spear, but then the chief knocked him off of his feet by sweeping the blunt end of his spear at Hunter's legs. "AGH!"

The chief laughed as he raised his spear above Hunter, ready to finish him off. "Any last words, boy?"

Hunter picked himself up, and then looked behind the chief. "Yes. You lose."

"Wha- OOF!" The chief looked behind him and saw Miraja jump down from a branch and knock him out with a kick. "Ugh... Pretty lights..." He fainted, and the raiders who were still conscious picked him and the other time-frozen raiders up and retreated with them back into the woods.



A few minutes later, Bones ran up to the crew, a big grin on his face. "Repairs are done!" He stood there, and noticed that Hunter and Miraja were both exhausted, and saw Prince Tourin covering his face. "... Did I miss something?"

Miraja sighed. "We really could have used your help, Bones..."

The dust devil appeared behind Hunter and turned into Sirocco. "Nah, we did fine. Largely because of yours truly." He took a comb out of his pocket and started fixing his hair. "I was hoping those meatheads were gonna lead me to a bandit cave, but I'm glad I managed to save you guys."

Hunter smiled and walked over to Sirocco. "It's a good thing to have my best friend here."

Sirocco smirked. "Hey, anything for the guy who's kept me out of the dungeons." Sirocco's smirk changed into a frown. "Speaking of dungeons, I heard that someone broke out of 'em. Someone dangerous."

"Yep." Miraja looked away. "Claudus managed to get out, and now he's running Meridell."

Sirocco turned pale with shock. "N-no way... That's not possible, right?"

Hunter shook his head. "That's what we all thought, Sirocco."

Bones tapped his foot impatiently. "So, are we heading out now or wha- Wait, Sirocco?!" Bones stomped towards the Zafara with a scowl on his face.

"Huh?" Sirocco looked up and saw Bones approach him. "... Uh-oh." He grinned awkwardly. "Uh, hey big guy. How's it going?"

"Oh, I don't know, I was doing fine before you STOLE MY FAVORITE SHIP IN A BOTTLE!" Bones roared at the Zafara. Tourin winced, thinking the two of them were going to come to blows. "Give it back, lad!"

Sirocco scratched the back of his head nervously. "I, erm... I don't have it right now."

Bones growled. "Then where IS it?"

"It's, uh, back at the house." Sirocco laughed nervously and forced himself to smile. "We'd, uh, have to go back to Meridell to get it..."

Bones glared at Sirocco and shook his fist at him. "One of these days, lad..." He started muttering all sorts of curses under his breath.

"So, erm, you're all friends?" Tourin looked up at the four heroes. Hunter nodded, Miraja shrugged, and Bones just glared at Sirocco. "I suppose I should help you get to Brightvale. Follow me, heroes!" He walked off towards the repaired carriage, and Hunter and company followed him. They all entered the carriage, and they made their way towards Brightvale.



Meanwhile, it was another dark and cold night on the Darigan Citadel. "Hmm..." Lord Darigan gazed down at Meridell Castle Town from the window in his keep. It was a room with all sorts of spell-books, and a globe sat on a desk near a piece of parchment that he had been writing on. "Something's wrong in Meridell, it seems. I wonder..." The old Korbat stroked his chin. "Perhaps I should send some of my soldiers to investigate," He pondered to himself. "Of course, if nothing's wrong, I could end up accidentally starting a third war, and my army is already spread thin dealing with Kass loyalists..."

"My lord, can I have a few words with you?" A Darigan Aisha walked into Darigan's keep, a Darigan Quetzal sitting on her shoulders.

Darigan turned around. "What is it, Ashlynne? I fear that something dire has happened to our neighbors below."

"I know. I felt a disturbance. It was like the same feeling that I had long ago when Sir Claudus attacked..." She sighed. "That was the day I lost my parents."

Darigan closed his eyes, thinking of what to say. "Indeed... Perhaps we should ask Brightvale if they could ally with us. Hopefully Meridell hasn't been taken over by a tyrant..."

Ashlynne looked away from Darigan with a sad expression. "And I know what it's like to live under a tyrant, my lord." She turned back towards Darigan and smiled a bit. "I'm just thankful you returned." The Quetzal hissed happily and nuzzled her face. Ashlynne laughed. "Salazar, stop it."

Darigan grinned. "Ashlynne, I want you to go to King Hagan. After all, you are the Citadel's ambassador."

"Yes, my lord." Ashlynne bowed to Darigan and walked out the door. Salazar imitated the expression, almost falling off of Ashlynne's shoulders!

"I can only hope that I'm wrong..." Darigan closes his eyes before turning back to his window, staring at Meridell. "If Ashlynne is right, the Citadel could be in for another devastating war, and we're still recovering from the last one."



The throne room had been mostly restored, as had the rest of the castle. However, flags featuring an image of Claudus's family crest covered where the old stained glass windows were. The statues of Skarl were all gone, all tossed in the sewers underneath the castle along with anything else that had Skarl's face on it. Claudus idly tapped his fingers against his the arm of his new throne. "Has there been any progress finding our half of the Orb?"

Icaros shook his head. "I'm afraid not, my lord. We've been trying to find a way into the treasure room, but they're still having trouble dealing with that giant Draik skeleton!" He glared at some of the castle guards, who began to shiver - the Draiks had been loyal to Skarl their entire lives, but were now being forced to serve Claudus. "You! Get down there and fight that thing!"

The guards gulped and saluted. "Yes, Ica-"

The red Eyrie pointed his lance at the guards and scowled. "That's SIR Icaros now!"

"Y-yes, Sir Icaros!" They ran off to the treasure room with fearful expressions on their face.

Claudus rolled his eyes. "Icaros, why did I even trust you with this?" Claudus glared at the Eyrie. "You're obviously too much of a coward to get down there and do it yourself. I should have entrusted this to Sir Brutus. As dense as he is, he's strong and loyal enough to do it." He growled, and Icaros began to sweat a bit. "I'll handle that accursed thing myself." He was about to get out of his throne when a guard walked in the room.

"S-sir, there's s-someone here to see you!" A red Draik guard walked in. "S-someone important!"

Claudus sat back down and scowled. "Who is it? I have to go take care of that blasted beast in the treasure room!"

"I-it's the Seer. The one that told you where the Orb was, sir!" The Draik gulped, expected Claudus to bark orders at him.

"The Seer, eh? I haven't seen her in years." Claudus's expression turned stoic. "Let her in. Perhaps she's come to aid us."

The Draik nodded, and he opened the door. An old green Kyrii walked in. "Ah, Claudus. It's good to see you again. Did you save Meridell?"

"Yes, and as a 'reward,' I was betrayed by my own men and locked away in the dungeon." He growled angrily, before quickly composing himself. "But that's all in the past. Now things are in order."

The Kyrii grinned, baring yellowed teeth. "Yes. It is all as I have foreseen it, sire." She slowly walked up to the throne and stood in front of the Kougra. "After many years, your destiny is finally within reach, my lord." She waved her scepter in the air, and a vision of the future appeared. It was of Claudus addressing a horde of Neopians from all across the world. "Bring Meridell's glory to the world. They will all be awed by the magnificence of this nation. Even the Faeries will bow to you! Yes, you will bring this nation - and this entire world - to true greatness..."

"Yes... It is Meridell's manifest destiny, I suppose." Claudus pondered to himself. "I assume you have more to say?"

"Yes, my lord. There is one more thing you must do..." The Kyrii waved her scepter again, projecting a horrifying image - it was the Citadel crashing into the sea. "The Citadel and its so-called 'people' will be the greatest obstacle in your path. Their twisted appearance reflects their true nature. They're monsters, with nothing but evil in their cruel hearts." She paused. "For the good of Neopia... They must be destroyed."

"Indeed... After what they have done to Meridell, they don't deserve any mercy." He then gestured to two of his guards. "Guards! Take some of Skarl's knights out of the dungeons and let them take care of the skeleton beast! Their sacrifice will pave the way to a glorious future!" He then stared at Icaros. "You will find Argus and Brutus. Tell them they've all been promoted to the leaders of the Knights-"

Icaros was furious. "THOSE two are the leaders?! They're nothing more than fools, my lord! They'd doom us all!" He then realized he had just had an outburst in front of his master and gulped in fear.

"I. Wasn't. FINISHED!" Claudus bared his fangs, and rose out of his throne swiftly. The Kougra reached for the hilt of Tyrfing. It looked as if he was only moments away from striking Icaros down for his insolence! Fortunately for the Eyrie, Claudus quickly regained his composure and sat back down. "I was GOING to say that YOU had been promoted, as well. Brutus is an idiot, albeit a loyal one, and Argus is too easily angered to go unsupervised. You're going to supervise them..." He then returned to his usual stoic expression. "And they shall ensure your overinflated ego stays in check. Do I make myself clear?"

Icaros nodded, obviously still nervous. "Y-yes, my lord. I shall inform them immediately!" He then ran out of the room as fast as possible.

"You do that." Claudus narrowed his eyes and turned to some other guards. "And I shall tell the rest of my army... To prepare for war." He left his throne and slowly walked out of the room. The guards breathed a sigh of relief, feeling safer now that their insane master had left them alone for a bit.

The old Seer grinned evilly after Claudus was out of sight. Her masters would be most pleased at the chance for revenge against Darigan...



The carriage rode up to the gated city of Brightvale. The gates stood tall, with the royal crest of Brightvale embossed in gold and emerald above them. "Halt!" A brown Skeith guard got in the way of the carriage. "Who goes there?"

Tourin leaned out the window. "Prince Tourin of Brightvale! Please open the gate, I have to warn you about something!"

The Skeith nodded. "Yes, m'lord. Open the gates, men!" The gates began to open, and the carriage passed through. It traveled through the busy streets of Brightvale as it made its way towards the castle. The people of Brightvale went about their business, ignoring the carriage. However, many of them were talking.

"I heard rumors that something awful happened in Meridell!" A pink Aisha merchant told one of her customers. "The people of Bogshot and Market Town have been taking in all sorts of people who fled from there!"

The customer, a fire Scorchio, nodded. "I wonder if Darigan had anything to do with this? You can't trust him, or any of his people for that matter."

Hunter looked out the window and silently glared at the Scorchio. "It looks like news has already spread here." Hunter turned back towards his friends. "I wonder if Hagan knows about what happened?"

"Simple." Sirocco leaned back, his arms crossed behind his head. "We tell him. If he doesn't know about it now, he'll know then, and if he DOES know, he'll probably give us a free book or something." He laughed, and looked around the carriage. No one was paying attention to him. "... Well, I thought it was funny..."

"We're here!" Tourin stood up. In front of them stood Brightvale Castle. Its alabaster walls glistened in the sun, the green and white flags on its turrets blowing majestically in the wind. "Could someone open the door for me? I AM royalty, you know!"

Hunter and his friends just sat looking at each other awkwardly before all of them stared awkwardly at Tourin.

Tourin rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll get someone else to do it." He leaned out the window. "Are there any guards to help us out?"

A brown Tonu shook his head. "Yes, Prince Tourin..." He opened the door and let Tourin and Hunter's group out of the carriage before closing it. After Tourin walked away, he sighed and whispered to a glowing Kau guard. "Is it wrong I wish he had never found that certificate?" The Kau shrugged. The two of them then heard a whinnying coming from above. A black carriage carried by four Darigan Uni landed. "D-Darigan's attacking!" He pointed his spear at the carriage. "To arms!"

"Wait!" Ashlynne stepped out of the carriage, surprised by all the guards ready to attack her. "I'm here on Darigan's behalf! Something terrible has happened in Meridell!"

A speckled Zafara guard scoffed. "Of course it has, and it's probably YOUR fault!"

Ashlynne glanced around nervously before raising her right arm. The runes on her arm glowed as a magic circle projected in front of her hand. "Don't make me do this!" Salazar hissed, ready to defend his owner.

Hunter and his friends were walked towards the castle when Hunter heard the commotion and glanced back. "Is that Ashlynne? The guards have her surrounded!" Hunter dashed off towards the guards. "Stop! She's on our side!" The other three followed him.

A purple Chia guard raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? She IS a Darigan. You of all people should know what they're like."

Hunter glared at the guards. The other three also glared at them, with Bones snarling and Miraja crossing her arms.

The Chia gulped. "O-of course, if she's your friend, we'll let her go, good sir!" The guards moved away from the carriage.

Ashlynne sighed in relief. "Glad that's over." She walked up to her friends. "Hunter, Darigan sent me. Something's happened in Meridell."

Hunter nodded. "I know. Miraja, Bones and I were there." Hunter looked away. "He escaped."

Ashlynne tilted her head to the side. Salazar did the same, mimicking his owner. "Who escaped? It can't be... Him, right?"

Hunter nodded. "Yes. Claudus escaped, and he's taken over Meridell." Hunter looked over at the castle. "We have to tell Hagan. Maybe he could help."

Ashlynne's eyes widened in horror. This was something that she had desperately hoped would never happen. After taking a few moments to compose herself, she nodded. "Yes. Let's go, everyone." The other three nodded, and they followed Hunter and Ashlynne into Hagan's castle, but not before Miraja looked back and angrily glared at the guards, giving them an "I'm watching you" gesture.



In his throne room, King Hagan shook his head and sighed. "I'm not dense, youngin'. I already knew that!" The old Skeith then smiled at the young starry Lenny who had attempted to give him advice. "That being said, I'll still give you some Neopoints for your effort. Oh, and have this book." The nobles in his court were all muttering to each other. They had heard rumors of what had happened. Hagan raised his hand, silencing them.

The Lenny smiled and bowed. "Thank you, your majesty! I'll read it right away!" The Lenny walked out with a big grin on his face and passed Hunter and his friends on his way. Upon seeing Ashlynne, he did a double take and cringed, hoping they didn't notice his reaction.

"Excuse me, your majesty?" Ashlynne entered the room in front of the others.

Hagan raised an eyebrow. "A Darigan?" His court immediately gasped in horror, and some glared angrily at the Aisha. Hagan raised his hand and gave them all a stern look, and they tried to pretend they never did anything. Roberta, the court mage, also glared at the court. She was pen pals with Ashlynne - the two mages both shared a love of reading, after all.

Ashlynne looked away with a sad expression. "I know you probably don't trust-"

Hagan chortled heartily. "Nonsense! I have no hard feelings against the Citadel. I'm not an oaf like my brother!" He then smiled. "Now, what kind of advice do you have for me, young lady?"

Ashlynne shook her head. "I don't have advice. I was sent here by Darigan to warn you. Something terrible has happened in Meridell!" Hagan's guards looked at each other. One shrugged, not knowing what to say. The people in Hagan's court all started to speak with each other in hushed tones. Once more, Hagan raised his hand and they all fell silent.

"What happened?" Hagan's smile faded from his face. "Darigan's not the kind of man who'd break the treaty. Is it some foreign force?"

Ashlynne's eyes widened as she looked at Hagan. "It's Claudus! He's escaped from the dungeon!" Everyone in the throne room gasped in horror. "He's overthrown Skarl!"

Hagan's eyes widened - he had even forgotten to calm down his court. The wise old king was dumbstruck. "Impossible! My wizards enchanted his shackles so they'd never break!" He looked at Hunter. "Sir Hunter, is this true? I assume you were there."

Hunter nodded. "Yes, your majesty. Claudus has made himself 'emperor.' I have no idea what he's planning right now, but it can't be good for Brightvale, or for the rest of Neopia."

Hagan sighed. "I have no choice, then. Guards!" He shouted, and his guards snapped to attention. "I need you all to guard this city! And make sure to open the gates to any Meridellians fleeing Claudus's tyranny!" He then turned to Ashlynne. "I'll send some of my soldiers to try and liberate Meridell. I suggest you ask Darigan to do the same, young lady. They're much more trained than mine, after all." He sighed.

Roberta got out of her seat, eager to help her friend. "Don't worry, uncle! I'll gather all of our best sorcerers!"

Hagan looked away, and then nodded reluctantly. "I suppose I should let you. You did defeat the Darkest Faerie, after all." He then gave her a stern look. "Just be careful, all right?"

The Acara nodded. "Don't worry, uncle. I'll be safe. I'm just concerned about Tor..."

Ashlynne coughed, getting Hagan's attention. "If you don't mind, my friends and I will be taking our leave now."

Hagan nodded. "Understood. May Fyora help you on your quest."

Ashlynne curtsied and her friends bowed before leaving the throne room.



"Did you hear that?!" Miraja laughed. "We're going to have an entire army on our side!" She donned a determined expression. "Claudus is going down!"

Hunter placed his hand on her shoulder. "I'm not so sure," he stated. "Brightvale's army is strong and their sorcerers are powerful, but there are few armies as skilled as Meridell's. The Knights of Meridell are Neopia's most well-trained warriors. With Claudus commanding them..." He sighed. "We need more help."

Sirocco nodded. "I can go ask Kanrik and the Thieves' Guild for help." He smirked. "I'm sure that they have a few bones to pick with Claudus and his goons." He then ran off. "I'll see you guys later!" In moments, he'd summoned the Sands of Time, and the legendary Thief of Time vanished in a whirlwand of sand.

Bones shook his fist angrily. "Get back here, lad! You still owe me my ship in a... Bottle..."

Hunter shrugged. "Let him go. We'll see him soon enough." He turned back to Ashlynne. "Ashlynne, we'll accompany you back to the Citadel. I'm not sure the guards here would let you go unless I told them to." He then started walking towards Ashlynne's flying carriage. "Allons-y!" The others nodded and followed him into the carriage.

To be continued...

So yeah, thoughts? I'm concerned that the overt racism directed at Ashlynne for being a Darigan might be too much.

[Deleted]

I've changed Sirocco to using a dagger again, but instead of the dagger giving him time powers (too similar to the Prince of Persia), he was "cursed" when he entered a tomb in the Lost Desert. He broke an hourglass and he got infused with the Sands of Time. He can summon them whenever he wants to use them to freeze opponents and can use them to teleport, but he has an elemental weakness to ice attacks. It wasn't a problem when he lived in the Lost Desert, but when he ended up in Terror Mountain during the HatIC plot...

[Strider]

Okay, now that I've morphed Ashlynne, I can't really use her as Darigan's apprentice/ally. Instead, I think I'll be using the Zafara Double Agent - in this, she's a Darigan Loyalist who was giving information to Meridell in an attempt to take out Kass. She doesn't like Meridell at all, but she hated Kass even more.

Now I just need to give her a name... And maybe write new Ashlynne into the story in some other form. Since I've reimagined her as Sirocco's older half-sister, maybe she could show up at the same time he does?