(UPDATE: currently no longer) In Search of Artist(s)

[Stephanie (swordlilly)]

I've dabbled in art in the past, but I'm really not that good of an artist especially when it comes to coloring. So, I've decided to try to find a collab partner for my scripts! If you like a script, simply post to let me know that you want to take it, and then let me take a look at the comic when you've drawn it. Then either you or I can submit it (with the other person's username in the comments box), and if it is accepted we will both get a Neopian Times trophy.


Characters and Setting

The overall idea I have is influenced by Ghostkomorichu's comics, which are about her four pets (and sometimes their petpets), and set in the Haunted Woods. Here are some examples:
www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=472823&week=413
www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=454238&week=391
www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=428107&week=364
www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=390445&week=333

I want to do a similar "glimpses of life" kind of thing. So there isn't an overarching plot, but there are characters and a setting. These are the characters I have in mind:



Aurigin (Gina) is affectionate and laughs easily. She got her petpet, a mutant Bearog, by rescuing him from the torments of a bunch of normal Bearogs. The mutant Bearog was so grateful that he has followed her around ever since.

Eggered (Egg) is one of those intellectual pessimists who are ironically just really fun to be around because they're so sarcastic and funny all the time. His parents messed up on naming him and called him Eggered instead of Edgar. He named his petpet Edgar.

Terrorless (Terry) is ambitious and intellectually curious. He wants more than anything else to be admired and respected.

All three pets are students at the Mystery Island Training School, which I imagine as a boarding school that has holiday breaks in between terms (like Hogwarts). The theme of the school is martial arts, but it is not a military academy. All the students take part in martial arts training for physical fitness, hand-eye coordination, and mental discipline, but they are not training necessarily to become warriors. Martial arts is just something that unites the students as they gradually grow and develop interests in different fields.


The Scripts

These scripts may look like they have a lot of frames, but often the frames denote only slight shifts in time. (I put numbers for the frames that need to be drawn completely separately, and alphabets for the frames that only require a slight modification of the previous frame, such as a change in a character's expression.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's She Doing? --- three basic frames total

1a. Gina is standing on one leg in the middle of a tatami-floored fitness room, eyes squeezed shut in an expression of concentration. It looks like she's practicing a pose.

1b. This frame looks exactly the same as the previous frame, but with one addition: Gina's petpet, Biscuit the mutant Bearog, approaches from the side, gazing up at Gina. He has a ? above his head.

1c. Gina is still frowning in concentration. Biscuit has moved closer, raising a paw to tentatively poke Gina.

2. Biscuit pokes Gina's leg and she loses her balance and topples over.

3. Gina notices Biscuit then; scooping him up in her arms, she laughs.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why Can't Flouds Eat Carrots? --- three basic frames total

1. Gina and Egg are in the petpet room (think of the Owl place at Hogwarts). Gina is brushing her mutant Bearog's fur, and Egg is feeding his spotted Barbat. Terry enters the room holding a yellow Floud.
Terry: "Hey guys, I'm back! And look-- I got a new Petpet!"

2a. Gina, Egg, and their respective petpets crowd around.
Gina (bright-eyed): "Ooh can I pet your Petpet?"
Egg (bored expression, like the ones in the Doonesbury comics): "Looks like an oblate spheroid."
Terry (pleased with the attention): "She's a Floud!"

2b. Gina: "I heard that Flouds can't eat carrots."
Egg: "Really?"
Terry (thoughtful and ebil-looking): "I guess there's only one way to find out..."

3a. Scene of Terry in the foreground offering his Floud a carrot. Gina and Egg are in the background.
Gina looks terrified; she has her hands over her eyes.
Egg is watching with a "huh this is interesting" expression.

3b. Same scene as above, except the Floud opens her mouth to eat the carrot.
Gina peeks through her fingers.
Egg's eyes are a little wider.

3c. The Floud takes a bite of the carrot and everyone is watching with bated breath.

3d. The Floud spits the carrot out.
Terry: "Guess she didn't like it."
Gina is laughing in relief, and Egg looks mildly amused.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So Behind --- two basic frames total

1a. Study lounge of the training school. Gina and Egg are sitting in the foreground at a table, reading. (Gina on the left, Egg on the right.) Gina has an expression of frowning concentration on her face; Egg looks calm.
In the background, Terry can be seen practicing with a bow and arrow.

Reference images if you need/want them:

SPOILER: Click to show

Gina's facial expression:


Gina's posture:


Terry's bow-and-arrow pose:

Remember that Terry is a Baby Eyrie though and doesn't wear clothes.

1b. Same scene as above, except Gina crashes forward headfirst into her pile of books.
Gina: "Waughhh I am so behind on all these lessons."
Egg (without looking up): "Don't worry, you'll catch up soon enough..."

2. (looks up with raised eyebrows) "...to be behind on something else!"
Gina laughs.
(This frame may require a change of angle so that we notice Egg first.)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Those Beans --- two basic frames total

1a. Dining hall. (Looks like a regular school cafeteria, but do add little details to remind readers of the Mystery Island Training School.) Gina and Egg are sitting at one of the long tables. (Gina on the left, Egg on the right.) Gina is eating with a satisfied expression. Egg is poking at the beans on his plate, not eating.

1b. Same scene except Gina looks at Egg.
Gina (concerned expression): "You don't like those beans?"
Egg (same posture and expression as in the previous frame): "I'm in a staring contest with my beans."

2. Zoom-in on Egg's plate. Make the beans look menacing-- this is the part of the comic that is really funny!

1c. Egg: "So far the beans are winning."
Gina laughs.



Will update with more scripts if you guys like them ^-^ Feedback, comments etc. always appreciated~

[M is for Morphine]

I would like to make a few general observations, if you don't mind. Now please keep in mind that humor is way, way not my area. Like, I don't have much of a sense of humor. So I don't really get the jokes in these comics. Good example: everyone seems to find The Hangover hilarious, and I do not get it. At all. So don't take this as a problem with your comic as much as a problem with my brain, maybe.

In the first one, Gina is in a precarious position where she could fall down. And then she falls down. Nothing really happens to surprise me or make me laugh. And the second one, is the joke that she didn't kill her petpet? I'm really not trying to be harsh, I would just like to understand where you are coming from.

I understand that half the fun of doing a Neopets comic is talking about your own pets. There might be a problem with that though, from a visual standpoint. They are all very... yellow. And their petpets are, too. And a tatami mat is kind of yellow, too.

I also find it a little strange how all of the comics end with everyone laughing. It's like they take place in a sitcom with a laugh track. It makes it feel sort of fake and TV-ish instead of sweet.

I'm sorry if I'm coming down too hard. Good luck finding an artist! I hope you have a very nice time collaborating.

[Stephanie (swordlilly)]

I really appreciate your comments, M is for Morphine! I was beginning to feel discouraged that this thread had gotten so many views but not a single response.

Maybe I'm just having a hard time communicating the ideas in words. I'll make some sketches and see if that helps, since coloring is my main weakness.

The joke really is in the visuals, I think. It's not supposed to be pee-your-pants funny, but just kind of "glimpses of life." Also, I didn't think of Gina's laughing as cueing the readers to laugh; it's just her personality. I'll see if I can make that a little more clear.

Re: the general yellowness, it's probably just the white background of the screenie that makes them appear that way. I think of the pets' base colors more as a neutral, pale cream, one that would easily work with any background. (A blue, green or red pet wouldn't work so well with some backgrounds for instance.) Gina's distinctive colors are her pink ears and neck-fur, Egg's are his emerald eyes and spots, and Terry's are his brown eyes and orange beak. So they do in fact look quite different (at least in my mind ;c ).

My mental image of the tatami floor was green:

SPOILER: Click to show

But I went and looked up "tatami" on Google images, and you're right; I guess it can be yellow, too.

Anyway, so. Sketches coming! o;

[Stephanie (swordlilly)]

OK I made a rough sketch of the first comic idea. Does it make more sense now? (Press Ctrl-minus a couple of times to zoom out before viewing, I forgot to scale down the images before uploading. >.< Sorry about that. You can press Ctrl-plus to zoom back in.)

People please feel free to comment, even if it's negative critiques. o: I'd prefer negative critiques to silence. ;c

SPOILER: Click to show

[M is for Morphine]

I'm sorry, I got what is going on apparently but I'm not sure what the joke is in these comics. If I saw this in the Times I think I would just be confused, wondering what I was supposed to get out of it. Like

"Don't worry, you'll catch up soon enough..."
(looks up with raised eyebrows) "...to be behind on something else!"

I can recognize that as a joke, because they're getting what looks like comforting advice at first but at the end it turns around and becomes something else. I don't understand why staring at beans is funny (Unless they are black eyed peas?) or a refreshing slice of life. I'm really not trying to be mean. I do feel like a jerk. I just don't get most of the jokes or gags here.

[Coaster]

Judging by the sketch given, I could see it being marketed as more of a cutesy-type comic (many of which do exist and are effective for d'aww value) rather than a comedic comic.

But I'm also with Teow in that the premise is very simplistic--take two extremely overused staples that are in the NT week after week:

"Water Faerie gives you a snowball when you need healing!" end of comic
"Space Faerie drops a rock cake slice school desk on your lap and apparently she's in a good mood!" end of comic

I imagine the only reasons we see so many of them in the NT are that 1. so many are submitted and 2. enough of them have great visuals to bypass the tedium of the old joke that we already get enough of.

What I'd personally like to see more of in the NT is stuff that sets up for a bland and overused premise and then subverts it (or double-subverts it) when it's most expected, for a little more interest on the reader's part.

"Water Faerie gives you a snowball when your pet is sick... then promptly gets smacked in the face by a snowball, and it's revealed that you're actually playing Snowball Fight. Next thing she says is there's no healing in a battle."

For the the example you gave, it could serve as a cutesy comic in the sense that the Petpet just wanted attention, unknowingly knocked her over, and then started cuddling/tickling/what have you in a really endearing moment of "d'aww", especially if an explanatory line or tidbit or something was given (like a thought bubble in the first pose that she must keep out all wordly distractions in order to master the art of ninja, and then realizing quickly enough that family matters too--keeping in mind that it'd be easy to drop the anvil a little too hard). It could stand alone well enough as such if the intent isn't to be funny.

The other ideas seem a little incomplete to me, though. For example, the staring contest with the beans isn't very interesting by itself, even with the quip at the end, but it sounds like it could be the setup to something; I could imagine that while the pets were turned away and discussing the staring contest, the beans may start to writhe into a monstrous form (suggesting that it's actually Spooky Food or a Sludgy or something) which would probably be the bare minimum example of an interesting joke.

To make it better, the lights could go off followed by a beat panel, or the fire alarm could go off with everyone running around like crazy and leaving and leaving the beans alone on the table, when all of a sudden Egg (from off-camera) (or even the beans, especially if there's no prior indication that they're sentient) suddenly shouts "Dangflabbit, I blinked!" or something along those lines.

Again, I'm sure several could get in as cutesy slice-of-life-type comics, but I'd also like to caution that if it's a collab, there's sure to be more expected of both the artist and scriptwriter (or line artist and colorist, or whatever combination there may be) than if the same was done by just one person. The fact that you've indicated "the joke is mainly in the visuals" on a collab, to me, implies that there's an uneven distribution of work.



...I'd also like to link an appropriate TV Tropes page that explains a lot of things that can be done with tropes (I'm not sure how familiar you are with that website or its terminology, but tropes basically are mini-ideas present in a work ranging from simply having a villain to using squiggly lines to indicate unsteadiness).

Putting it in their terms, most examples of NT comics tend to play their premise extremely straight, eliciting a yawn from some readers who could see exactly where it was going from the first panel--or worse, the title--and were left wanting for something new. For example, a comic titled "Healing Springs Fiasco" features someone getting a snowball at the Healing Springs. And maybe tossing it out or throwing it back at the Faerie, if the comic writer/artist was feeling generous. Not really interesting for anyone, but it did get in the NT.

Sometimes the plot can be subverted in common or predictable ways which basically eliminate the point of subverting it to begin with. For example, "Sloth takes over the world... but he makes it frilly and happy!" makes for a more satisfying comic than "Sloth takes over the world and makes it miserable!", but it's still a commonly used idea (re: Happiness Faerie) and still not terribly interesting. A more egegrious example is "Healing Springs Faerie gives you a snowball!" and you throw it back at her, implying that she then needs healing herself.

From there things diverge a bit; a lot of lampshading instances tend to be mild cases of genre savvy or fourth-wall breaking and sometimes improve the comic's comedic value on top of playing it straight or using a common subversion. For example, we could have Sloth take over the world and make it frilly and happy, and one of the Grundos initially happy, but then fearfully remark that this was more evil than the alternative. Now we're starting to get a little more response from the readers.

Going with the Sloth example, we could have Sloth take over the world... and makes it a really evil place. He receives a complaint from his Grundo workers, and in a fit of rage, he makes everything sunny and happy. The Grundos plead for the old system back. For extra comedic value, a continous flip-flop could be implied until Sloth steps down, breaks down, or gets blasted into oblivion by the Space Faerie (or visited overly cheerfully by the Space Faerie and a mug of hot coffee plopped poured into his lap, which could equally likely cause breakdown). Of course, that's just one convoluted example of a cliché idea that's been played with to the point of being fairly new... at least until dozens of other people copy the idea and it becomes a dead horse or dead unicorn, but we won't go into that.

Justifying, deconstructing, and averting tend to work better in longer works.

Basically, if you are in fact going for comedy, try adding a twist (an unexpected one), or setting up for the expected twist and adding another layer on top of it, in order to reinforce the joke.

[Deleted]

Hey Stephanie! I have to admit, I saw this thread but was hesitant to comment, but since you said you wanted feedback of any variety, I thought I should throw my two Neopoints in. I apologize in advance if I sound harsh, but know that I'm doing it because I want to give you a serious critique on why these scripts aren't working and offer suggestions on how you could give them more punch.

I'm having a difficult time finding the appeal in these scripts. I understand that you're trying to generate visual humor with your scripts. Visual humor most often derives from the unexpected, the outrageous, and/or the embarrassing. It's not usually a good fit with the slice-of-life theme unless you have really exaggerated characters and situations--which is what sitcoms are made of. To me, it feels like you're trying to combine understated visual humor with a relatively mundane cast and situation, and the result is lukewarm. "Glimpses of life" might be fine for a photo album or a Facebook feed, but they're very rarely entertaining in their own right. The fact that you're expecting the art to carry the humor is already a bit of a warning light in my book, suggesting that the scripts themselves aren't funny enough to still be funny if you drew them with stick figures. That puts a large amount of pressure on potential artists to take a mediocre script and use their skills to make it the most hilarious thing anyone's ever seen.

I have a few suggestions for you that might help. First of all, establish your characters' quirks. Gina is affectionate and laughs easily. That's pretty normal and expected for a young girl. Could there be anything about her that isn't normal or expected? Does anything trigger her to turn into a rabid maniac? Is she pen pals with Dr. Sloth?  You could also expand their personalities to show downfalls or shortcomings. Gina may laugh easily, but what if she has a really annoying laugh that nobody else can stand? How does Egg respond to the fact that people think his pessimism is amusing? Does Terry's curiosity or hunger for respect ever get him in trouble?

And make sure to really bring out those personalities in the writing. Intellectual pessimists are a fun archetype to write for, but in these scripts that doesn't show through enough. For example, in the Floud comic, you could have him quip something like "Yep, we're all gonna die", and him having a staring contest with his beans doesn't strike me as a particularly cynical thing to do (it sounds more like a Terry thing, actually). If you're going to do a comic about recurring characters with established personalities in an established setting, you have to make sure to really let those personalities and that setting show through. As it is, all of these scripts could take place anywhere, with anyone. I'd love to see how these characters interact with their teachers, classmates, setting, and each other. They all have the potential for humor.

Secondly, try to make your storylines more... well, for lack of a better word of it, interesting. There's not enough buildup and not enough payoff. Either something happens that we expected to happen (Biscuit interrupts Gina's concentration, Egg says something snarky) or not enough happens before the punchline to make us invested in what's going to happen (we learn Flouds can't eat carrots and just get a few shots of Gina and Egg looking respectively worried and interested, Egg is not eating his lunch and calmly says he's having a staring contest with sentient beans). Again, this where exaggeration comes in. Take the situations and ramp them up to the extreme. Get us emotionally invested in what's happening--even if that emotion is simply that of being entertained.

Here's what I would do to fix the scripts without changing the core ideas:

1. Have Biscuit sneak in really unexpected ways. Dress him in ninja clothes, have him somehow poke his head in upside-down from the top of the frame, or watch some YouTube videos of people's (real-life) pets doing zany things for inspiration. When Gina loses her balance, make her get startled, let out a humongous scream, and flail wildly, perhaps startling other meditating pets. Then in the last panel, she can look sheepish and embarrassed at having interrupted the meditation session.

2. Have Egg spout a bunch of worrying facts or rumors about Flouds and carrots--things like "I hear So-and-So tried to feed their Floud a carrot once. They were in the hospital for a month" or "Studies show that 65% of horrific accidents involve improper Petpet treatment" while Gina looks more and more nervous and horrified, absolutely certain that they're all about to die painfully. In the last panel, Egg would look disappointed while Gina would pass out from relief.

3. In the last panel, Gina throws a book at Egg, or at least gives him a dirty look. Terry could also have something funny happening as a silent side-joke throughout all of the panels--like he fumbles with his bow and gets tangled in the string, or accidentally shoots someone and they come in chasing him angrily in the last panel.

4. Exchange Egg for Terry. Have Terry staring at his beans in intense concentration--bugged-out eyes, bulging veins, gripping his seat. Have him shift around to stare at the beans from several angles with variations of his original expression (gritted teeth, twitching eye, etc.). In the last panel, the beans suddenly jump him, covering his face and making him lose his balance backwards while he yells something like "Not the face!" Gina looks shocked.

I hope all of that helped! Just remember, if you're going for a more humorous bent, exaggeration is your friend, while if you want to skew it more toward slice-of-life, I suggest fleshing out the characters and their setting and placing focus on how they interact in unique ways.

[Stephanie (swordlilly)]

O: Thanks you guys!!! That was super helpful. It seems I have much to learn in the way of comics~

Okay I am officially no longer looking for a collab partner at this time. XD; I'll work on improving the scripts and sketches, and maybe re-open later to look for a colorist.

Or maybe I'll figure out how to color, myself.


My past attempts have not been satisfactory:

www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=420154&week=358 (This one sorta failed because I couldn't decide whether to stick to traditional media or digital media, so the end-result is meh.)

www.neopets.com/art/picview.phtml?req=2008-09-09_301_0100748001221020757.jpg (traditional media, it turned out OK I guess, but I don't like how washed-out it looks compared to digital media)

www.neopets.com/ntimes/index.phtml?section=398920&week=339 (Scan + paint-bucket and paintbrush on the computer. :/ )

Yeah. :c Could anyone give me tips on how to color properly?

[Deleted]

No problem, happy to help! ^^ I wish you the best of luck in your humor-writing!

For traditional media, markers are the medium I recommend. They're vivid so they scan/photograph well, and they have a flat texture so they don't busy up your comic (where readability is vital) as much as colored pencils.

For digital media, you definitely want to use a separate layer for your line art and your coloring. In that third comic, the lines are really overwhelmed by the color fills. I like the last panel in that first comic the best: it's bold, it's clean, it does its job.

What software do you have? If you don't have anything besides Paint, I would stick to traditional media. There are a few good freeware programs out there, though, if you want to go the digital route.

If you want artistic coloring tips, I highly suggest going to your local library or bookstore and looking at books on painting. They should cover rendering color and lighting really well.

[Stephanie (swordlilly)]

I have Paint. XD;

I used to have access to Photoshop, but not anymore.

Guess I'll stick to traditional media for now~

[M is for Morphine]

A lot of people swear by the GNU Imaging program. It's free and surprisingly powerful. Here is a tutorial for isolating the line layer so you can color under it, which as squid pointed out is incredibly important.

Once you've got clean lines, I'd say just experiment a lot until you like what you see! Avoid using so many really intense (high chroma) colors like in your previous digital comic, that's the wickedness of MS Paint's default pallet.

A really good book is Color and Light by James Gurney. (You might know him as the painter of Dinotopia).

[Ajax]

I think you can get Adobe Photoshop CS2 for free from the adobe website (not sure if this is still true!)