What does it take/mean to grow up?

[Mostly Harmless (flufflepuff)]

When I was little, I used to squeal whenever I saw something bloody or when a dog came my way. I used to head right for the children's books section of the library. I used to drag my feet in the snowdrifts people shoveled to keep off of their walks and pretended to climb up a mountain. My signature was squiggly but too wide, as it encompassed all of the letters of my name. A fairy-like creature named Renee used to follow me.

As I became aware that my childhood was leaving me, I reasoned that these sorts of behaviors would just diminish with time.

To this day, I am not sure if this was childish reasoning or reasonable reasoning.

For I cringe when I see something extremely bloody and try to contain myself when I pass by a dog. I gaze wistfully at the children's section. I drag my feet in the snow when nobody's looking. My signature is laughable. I've characterized my muse. She is pink.

Obviously, I haven't quite grown up yet. I find that I can fit in reasonably well with people slightly younger than me, and clam up completely when speaking to children. That much I've definitely outgrown. Among my colleagues I am the voice that pleases the professors with A-worthy work (I don't want to say this here, but I've rarely gotten so much as a B+.) But among the adults, I'm "the cute one". The one who makes others laugh and say "you're too much."

I'm 20 and pushing it. But what about when I'm 30? I can't be cute forever!

AND SO I POSE A QUESTION TO YOU A--

Like an adult Cass, like an adult....

And so I pose a question to you all: what does growing up mean to you? Does it mean becoming the voice of reason and hiding your guilty pleasures altogether? Does it mean eradicating them? Does it mean never being able to wander to the children's section for fear of appearing suspicious?

I'm stumped with this one. I want to know what you guys think.

[TJ Wagner]

To me, I knew I had reached that certain level of maturity when I got a paycheck and my first thought wasn't, "What fun thing can I buy with this?" but rather, "Hmm...I believe my milk is spoiled."

Honestly, I think being an adult is when you truly accept yourself and all your quirks. You have that certain level of responsibility, but it doesn't mean you can never act like a kid. In fact the most mature people I know have embraced that child inside them and allow him or her time to play. There are responsibilities which certainly have to be dealt with of course, but that doesn't mean you have to eradicate guilty pleasures. It just means they have to be kept in balance with things that have to be dealt with first.

I hope that answers your question.

[Poldon]

This is going to be long and I'm going to go off-topic, I know, I always do when I get into things like this...

See, I tend to respond to this kind of stuff with a desire to tell people to "screw what society says, be yourself", which I think while that's partly the answer, society isn't simply evil or something, it's got purpose and fills some important roles...

But I feel that too often people do too often look down on things that are good and healthy, and that those desires that you have as a child are pure and healthy, and the cold, immaculate world of "growing up" and "being formal" is rather... Well I feel there's something inherently wrong and stifling there. I do not feel like uniformity, I do not like being judged by things as trivial as appearance or by how I appear to act to someone who doesn't understand me, I do not like being labeled this or that and reducing things to this or that, nor the tendency to categorize and make arbitrary rules and laws and not have personal relationships with people.

For any category there is someone who breaks it, and for every rule there is someone for whom there must be made an exception. I would judge

I tend to refuse to be a part of that, though it be the way the society wants me to work, and if someone calls me immature then perhaps I am in a way. I don't think I know what I'm doing, and I don't think I have all the right answers, but I definitely don't feel that they do either.

That said, I will no encourage you to be like me. I won't encourage you to grow up or be childlike. I say be and do what you feel is right to be and to do. Nobody's got this figured out for sure, and it'll be a struggle, but at the very least maybe you'll learn a lot along the way. Maybe some things people tell you to do are good, and some may be more oppressive, but you're also a unique person and there is no person who will act the same way and have the same needs. Maybe society has good ideas for you, but from the sound of it it's not a perfect fit.

And I definitely went way off topic and probably caused more problems than I solved. *hopes not* XD;

[Ian Wolf-Park]

I'm 24 years old, yet I still play Pokemon (and to a lesser extent, Neopets). I've seen numerous changes over the years, some good, some bad. Despite people saying that the past is better, change is inevitable. Sure, the glory days are in the past, but sometimes, you've got to let the past go. That doesn't mean that you can't visit the past once in a while. I think it's that invisible line that divides people in terms of maturity.

[Breakingchains]

Here's C.S. Lewis: "When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty, I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up."

Basically... are you capable of handling the grown-up stuff? Can you keep your grades up and watch your money? Can you tell when you're doing okay and when you need help? Can you delay gratification? Do you have the skills that you will actually need to have a productive and fulfilled existence?

Then go straight to the kids' books, and never look back. (Assuming you have the confidence. xD)

It really seems to me that a lot of what you're describing is less immaturity and more just part of who you are, or at least who you are right now. Lots of people have dog phobias; lots of people hate the sight of blood; and lots of people are creative enough to personify their muses. As long as none of those things is actually dragging you backwards from where you need to be, I don't see it as being a maturity problem.

Now, immaturity can definitely cause some serious issues in one's life. Being unwilling to manage your money because you want to never stop buying new gadgets, for instance, is immaturity. Being self-centered is immaturity; never pulling away from escapist activities is immaturity. But society also likes to use the label "immature" for various types of nonconformity that it finds uncomfortable, whether accurate or not. So I'd say just consider whether you're personally fine with where you're at right now, and if you need to change then change, and if you don't then don't.

Hope this helps?

[Coaster]

Not going to reiterate everyone else with a textwall, but I have a few points:

I found out after my grandma got Facebook that she's just as "immature" as anyone else (mostly regarding lolcat memes). There really isn't an age at which you can outgrow fun and imagination.

Many people your age go out and get smashed every weekend for fun; personally, I'd say you're already miles ahead in terms of maturity if you can keep away from some of your contemporaries' more destructive tendencies.

Also, keep in mind that you're still a young adult, not 45 with teenage kids. Some things you used to really enjoy (maybe not everything) you have already let go of, and you'll discover new (possibly similar) things along the way. And some things you won't let go of for as long as they're around. *coughneopetscough*

Having a healthy aversion to blood is also not a bad thing. Not everyone is designed to be in medicine or military. >_>

To Flanderize the topic, kids are miniature humans who want to eat candy for every meal and play games all day and wonder why their parents won't let them. Immature adults are people who insist on abandoning candy entirely because they're too self-conscious about their image, and give up on imagination because it doesn't do anything, pragmatically (or else limitlessly gratify all their childlike indulgences). Mature adults can eat candy and have fun and know when to stop and do their responsibilities (or did them before the aforementioned candy and fun).

(besides, keeping up with some "kid stuff" keeps you prepared if/when you become a parent yourself)

[Komori]

Growing up just means being able to handle responsibilities, like paying bills and saving for the future, and thinking of others before yourself. It really shouldn't dictate what you find engaging or entertaining; that's just personal preference. And that's not to say your interests can't change as you get older. Like, I've "grown out" of watching Blue's Clues and wanting to wear gothy spiked collars/wristbands from Hot Topic. But at the same time, I haven't grown out of watching cartoons in general or wearing cartoon-themed t-shirts.

But it helps to have support from the people you surround yourself with. :3 I work in an animation studio, so most people wear geeky t-shirts and have toys on their desks. XD

[Carolyn]

Growing up, you say?

I'm going to have to agree with what has been said in terms of not letting society dictate what a "mature" person should be like. I too have been told that I'm "adorable", but that may be because I look like I'm 16... and I'm 23. It's hard to be taken seriously, unfortunately. I'm guessing you have a similar conundrum and if so, I totally know where you are coming from.

In all honestly, if people can't accept you for you, they aren't worth it. As for your bosses, your colleagues, your friends, be tactful of who you show your real self. The working world is typically more stringent and less accepting of individuality, but that does not mean you should (always) hide who you are to impress people. For that matter, don't try to reinvent yourself to make other people happy. There's no shame in liking Neopets, children's fiction, playing in the snow, and so on. Like you for you, and know when and where to show that. At the work place? I would caution against showing all of your facets (unless you have some seriously awesome co-workers) but with your family and friends? Hey, as long as you are responsible with your money, are a good person, and carry your own weight (to the best of your ability) that's all that really matters. Who are they to judge you for being human?

Some of my Mother's closest friends (in their mid to late 50s, I add) love to play Cards Against Humanity, a few of them squeal over Doctor Who, and one even has mouse stuff in every corner of her house (including clocks, plush, and children's books. Like literally, mice themed items are everywhere-she's awesome). Even some of my older birding friends will squeal over a bald eagle or flail about when they see a rare warbler.

Liking stuff that is generally labeled as "children's fair" is not wrong, and it does not determine how mature you are. My youth pastor loves My Little Pony along with her teenage kids, and I think people respect her all the more for being open about that.


Gosh, I'm rambling. But what I'm trying to say amidst my blather is that it is alright to like whatever makes you happy. So long as you are responsible and dependable, your personal life should not matter to those who truly care about you. And honestly, you're miles ahead of your peers if you are choosing healthy escapes rather than some of the... less savory things I've seen my peers do.

Hope this helps!

[Thorn]

I think the ability to take responsibility for your own actions is a "grown-up" trait.

Also moving out of home, having a job, all the stuff adults say makes you an adult. =P

[Nimras]

Very long post short, being "an adult" or "a grown up" means being responsible and doing the things that you HAVE to do. Pay taxes and bills. Buy groceries. Remembering to put gas in the car before the E gets too low. Doing your own laundry, and dishes. Balancing your checkbook and having a savings account.

What it does NOT mean is being interested in certain things, not interested in other certain things, or having a certain tolerance for certain things.

I'm 31 and have been married for 11 years now -- and I collect Star Was toys, have a Tumblr account, play Neopets, have stuffed animals in my bedroom, and watch cartoons. And I do this all with OTHER ADULTS. Heck, I spend several weekends a year helping my (responsible! adult! professional!) friends dress up as Star Wars characters for troops and conventions.

One of the beauties of being a grown up is that nobody caress if you're into "childish" things as long as you're responsible in your obligations as well.

[The Wanderer]

Well, everyone is different, in that they grow up because they want to, or they grow up, because they have to. On top of that, everyone copes differently. That said, you won't really recognize the day you grew up, until you look back and remember.

Speaking from experience, despite my being 30, I still have people coming up to me, and saying I'm still young. In fact, as long as there are people much older than you, you will always be almost a child in their eyes. So I guess, until you hit like 80, or 90, you won't be considered an "adult," which may explain why the alleged "adults" in this world wind up doing more destruction than any child with a box of crayons, or muddy shoes could ever do.

As others here already said, I don't let my age prevent me from watching Disney or Dreamworks movies, and enjoying them. Childish humor there may be, but there's elements that even adults can appreciate in there too. I still play video games, because there are so many out there that cater more to the older crowds, but I'll play some that are appropriate for children as well.

And when it's time to be an adult, I go to work at my full-time job, I maintain a good attitude, and take it seriously. I pay my debts, maintain my living quarters, pay my rent, and I cook my own food.

Marital status of every kind has its perks and quirks as well. You can be single, and basically be the judge, jury and executioner in every aspect of your life. Or you can be married with children, and start the cycle anew for someone else.

But as a child, treasure the moment you have, because every minute means something.

Actually, I could have just summed this up with this Bible verse:

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
1 Corinthians 13:11

[Shadyy]

Feb 5, 2014 6:34:28 GMT -5 Thorn said:

Also moving out of home, having a job, all the stuff adults say makes you an adult. =P

Or: not finding a job, not being able to move out because of this and have everyone around you whine about those things. That's what I'll be looking forward to next month. Ugh.

[Thorn]

Feb 7, 2014 6:06:43 GMT -5 Shadyy said:

Feb 5, 2014 6:34:28 GMT -5 Thorn said:

Also moving out of home, having a job, all the stuff adults say makes you an adult. =P

Or: not finding a job, not being able to move out because of this and have everyone around you whine about those things. That's what I'll be looking forward to next month. Ugh.

Ooh that's true... I was examining my personal situation, sorry. I want to move out next year, but I need a job first and they are not exactly forthcoming.

It sucks that they whine though. Best of luck in your search!

[Kiddo]

Jan 31, 2014 21:24:27 GMT -5 Mostly Harmless (flufflepuff) said:

And so I pose a question to you all: what does growing up mean to you? Does it mean becoming the voice of reason and hiding your guilty pleasures altogether? Does it mean eradicating them? Does it mean never being able to wander to the children's section for fear of appearing suspicious?

This one caught my eye, so I'm gonna answer it... I'm 29 right now, I have a house, a career, I'm going back to school to get my MBA. I've tried real grown-up relationships and decided they're not for me, most of my friends that are bothering to get married are done with marriage and have moved on to the having babies stage. (seriously, SO MANY BABIES, it's like the babypocalypse)

And really, my short definition of growing up is: it's just like being a kid, except with alcohol.

Okay, and a job, and bills, but those sorts of responsibilities are little different than having responsibilities as a kid. They're just a bit more important and there's more of them, but we've also grown in our capacity to handle that stuff.

I got my taxes done on Thursday and we talked about what our imaginary friends were named while we were growing up.

A Nerf war broke out on Friday at the office and I got pegged in the back of the head while I was debugging my code, so I had to grab my own gun and return fire.

The stuff that used to be fun doesn't magically become unfun once you hit 25. It's always fun and the people that deny it are usually people you don't really want to get to know. We still play the same games we've always played, we just try to hide it under a veneer of adulthood. As a kid, we played make-believe about dragons, as adults we gossip about Game of Thrones.

Basically, maturity is being able to handle your life with grace, whatever form it may take. It means you love what you love and you take what you're given with dignity.

And if you ever get embarrassed about being in the kid's section, pretend you're buying it for a cousin/child/friend's child. That's what I do when I'm getting my My Little Pony merchandise fix.

[Stephanie (swordlilly)]

The way I think about it is, babies are the most selfish creatures of all, because they are also the weakest. They give no thought at all to what their parents or anybody else might need; they are always demanding and taking, demanding and taking. They can't help it. They're needy; they are not developed yet.

I also remember as a child I would sometimes experience these great fits of rage. (From the perspective of an adult, they would be temper tantrums; but I think because I'm rather more introspective than most, I actually still remember what it was like to be that angry.) As I grew older, I gained the ability to imagine what other people might feel, what they might want, and how their wants might be in conflict or in harmony with mine. How I might then be able to adjust my own feelings, wants, and actions. I think that's what maturity means. It's something I'm still working on.

So, as I see it, part of growing up is becoming less needy. Less self-absorbed and demanding, more independent and considerate. (As a side-note, it doesn't mean becoming more and more selfless. Selflessness taken to extremes can veer into dangerous territory. For instance, if a person makes it their entire life's goal to support another person, retaining no hopes or dreams of their own, that can lead to intense conflict when what they want for the supportee and what the supportee wants, no longer match up. It is important to navigate between the two extremes of self-erasure and self-absorption.)