The Character Development Clinic

[Deleted]

Welcome to the Clinic! =D Here, we bring out our characters and discuss them, usually providing constructive criticism. If you have a character in need of development and would like a critique on them, as opposed to the story as a whole, this is the place to be. Besides these appointments, we can also discuss some of the best strategies for developing characters.

Bear in mind that when people criticize your characters, they are not criticizing you. I don't know why I have to say that, but I've seen some folks on the Internet confuse the two.

Useful Character Form:

fyuvix.deviantart.com/art/Character-Profile-Form-36823983

[Dju]

OMG! You're a genius Nat, this is a great idea! I have my original characters, but I'm not sure if they're...well, ya know, strong! ^_^ So a clinic is just...PERFECT!

[Gelquie]

Good idea.

Hmm, there is one character of mine that I'm planning for an unwritten story that I'm having a little trouble with.

He's one of the three primary characters I've already planned. He's the friend of the main protagonist. We'll call the main protagonist "K" and the friend "D" because I don't actually have their names yet. (I'm open to suggestions for names, though.) They're both male. (I'll also note that in this universe, there's no electricity whatsoever, though there is magic, though not so much in the people.)

I plan for D to be a foil of K. They both live in a village that requires a lot of hard work. K is naive and hopelessly optimistic at the beginning, never seeming to complain about work and able to find joy in it. He sees a positive side to everything. D is a bit more grounded and realistic, sometimes to the point of pessimism. He doesn't complain all that much about work, but he's usually the one pointing things out to K. And when push comes to shove later in the story, D is usually the one who will get K out of trouble when K's naivete prevents him from seeing the danger of something.

For K, I'm having no trouble coming up with a backstory. I do have a backstory for D, but I'm wondering if it makes sense with his character. What I have so far is that he was in a tribe of wanderers who would endure some very hard elements. One day, they would come across the village, stay for winter, and then a few families stayed, including D's family. I'm thinking D was a child or a teen at the time. My feeling is that because of D's exposure to the harsh elements, more experience with the world, and more close calls, it'd make him more grounded and more likely to point out the bad things.

It feels like there's something missing about his characterization/backstory, though, or if I'm doing something wrong. I also have to make it make sense that he'd be friends with K. (I figured he'd be drawn to his optimism, but that wouldn't stop him from pointing out its flaws.) But right now, I want D's personality to make sense and I'm not sure if I've come to that point. Advice? (And since only part of Chapter one of the story is written and I plan to start over anyway, feel free to tear them apart. xD )

[Deleted]

GLQ, you could elaborate upon D's interactions with the other families who stayed behind. His experience of the hardships could have gone a certain way because of those whom he interacted with. Perhaps there was someone he knew who was like K? He could have cared for them or heavily disliked them, depending on how you want the story to go. Say they were friends, initially, because D was alone or something. Alternatively, they became friends because the K-like character latched onto D for whatever reason. The experiences lead to a sorta parasitic relationship, and...I dunno how that ends up. You're the writer, I suppose. X3

Also, I'm picturing K as Lt. Kif Kroker from Futurama. >>

[Gelquie]

Hmm, that might work. I'd have to think on that more. I'd also have the consider the culture of the tribe, though, so it'd probably be less likely to have a person as optimistic as K. Though maybe someone can have a few of the traits.

I do have a situation which will require referring back to a past experience of D's, which I didn't mention because I don't know if it's spoiler or not yet. Or I could put that character in another flashback, or something.

K does? That's not my intention. xDD K isn't supposed to be that much of a softy when doing things (he does work manual labor). On the other hand, I've never planned for a really forceful and shout-y character, but maybe I could at a certain point later in the story, just to see how he handles that.

[Deleted]

I think I'll fill out some of the form for Caylin, since she's apparently too strong of a character (having massive amounts of positive traits and very few negative ones).

SPOILER: Click to show

Basic Statistics

Name: Caylin Forestsong
Nickname: Cay
Meaning of name: None
Origin of name: Myself
Age: 25 (in Faerie years)
Sex: Female
Race: Earth Faerie
Current status: Searching for the lost Queen Miarra
Birth date: Unknown, but born before Katriana and after Miarra
Birth place: Miarra (pre-Altador)
Current residence: Altador
Occupation: Wandering hero, I guess?
Hobbies/Pastimes: Practicing and teaching archery
Talents/Skills/Powers: Good with a bow and arrow, can also manipulate vines and crystals, though she needs significantly more power to manipulate crystals than vines

Past History

Hometown: Miarra
First Memory: Playing in the fields of Miarra with her mother
Most important childhood event that still affects him/her: Meeting her best friend, a Light Faerie named Calphurnia
Why/How?: Caylin and Calphurnia continue to be friends to this day
Other memories/events that still affects him/her and why/how: The day Miarra was liberated, Caylin found Queen Katriana's captive (Xandra) abandoned in a forest. Caylin rescued her and has since thought of her as the daughter she never had.
Past failures s/he would be embarrassed to have people know about and why: When she was tutoring a young Katriana, there was a day that she quit - because the spoiled, evil brat pointed a spell at her. Surprised, Caylin struck back with a minor spell. Still, she felt very ashamed of what she did and resigned - which she also regrets because then Katriana overthrew her mother.
Biggest role model: Queen Miarra
Why?: Miarra was the ruler of the kingdom Caylin resided in. She was a very good queen and Caylin was (and still is) unswervingly loyal to her.
Backstory: Caylin grew up in Miarra, a kingdom ruled by a Fire Faerie named Miarra (it would later become Altador). When she was born, Queen Miarra was a fairly new ruler of a fairly new kingdom. Caylin would pay visits to Faerieland occasionally to see her friend Calphurnia the Light Faerie, who attended a Faerieland school. Caylin made her own way in the Miarran forests, teaching herself archery and magic, until she was 14 in Faerie years at which point she signed in to the school Calphurnia attended. After she graduated, Caylin, along with Calphurnia, went into the service of Queen Miarra, who Caylin had looked up to all her life. She and Calphurnia offered to tutor Miarra's daughter, Katriana. But Katriana did not listen to her two tutors - in fact, she was quite rude to them. Calphurnia quit the job one day when she just couldn't take it anymore. Caylin, however, kept at it, but her fuse broke when Katriana pointed a fire spell at her. Caylin retaliated, binding Katriana's hands with vines. She then left Queen Miarra's service, very ashamed of herself.
Caylin then joined Calphurnia in the service of Evanna the Faerie Queen and tutored her two daughters, Sakura (TDF) and Fyora. They actually listened. Then Katriana overthrew her mother, which made Caylin wish she had never left Miarra's service, as she believed she might have been able to stop Katriana. When a young Lupe known as Sir Altador overthrew Katriana with the help of Sakura, Caylin was sent to aid them. However, she came upon a 17-year-old Xandra in a forest and rescued her.
Caylin cared for Xandra for a few years before Fyora became the next FQ, Sakura having become the Darkest Faerie. She then went off to search for Queen Miarra, leaving Calphurnia to take over Xandra's care.

Physical Characteristics:

Posture: Fairly regal, with head held high
Build: Slim, like many Faeries
Skin: Pale, but less so than most Faeries
Hair: Straight, waist-length light brown hair she wears in a ponytail.
Widow's peak?: Nope
Ears: Pointed Faerie ears
Eyes: Bright green
Nose: Small, curving inward
Mouth: Small
Face shape: Rounded, but gets more pointed toward the chin
Expressions: Most of the time it's a half smile, a contented yet serious look
Describe their smile: Sincere and friendly
Hands: Small and delicate-looking yet clearly strong. Long fingers.
Feet: Medium-sized
Tattoos/Scars?: Nope!
Glasses/Contacts?: Nope!
Left/Right handed?: Right
Distinguishing features: Her Earth Faerie wings. That's about it.
Who does s/he take after; mother or father?: Mother (in my world, Faeries don't have any sort of father - Faerie children are "grown" out of the mother Faerie's element by the mother, though the child does not have to be the same element [if she were, all Faeries would be the same])
Style (Elegant, shabby, etc):
How does s/he dress or what do they typically wear?: A short-sleeved green shirt and a skirt that cuts off just above the knee, either green or brown. She also wears high boots.
Jewelry: Golden earrings. She's not much of a jewelry person.
Other accessories: Her quiver.
Weapons: Her bow and arrows. Also magic.
Health: Good
Hygiene: Pretty good.
Physical Flaws: She gets a lot of calluses from using the bow so much
Physical Qualities: None

Characteristics

Are they generally balanced or clumsy?: Balanced
Mannerisms/Poses/Movement: She flies wherever she goes. And when she's on the ground, she stands up tall like a queen.
Describe their walk: She doesn't walk. She flies - freely.
Habits/OCDs/Obsessions: Unlike Calphurnia, she is not a big myths believer. She won't believe in anything that hasn't been proven.
Speech Patterns: Fluent and firm
Unique phrases/words: None
Do they curse, and if so, to what extent?: No
Write a piece of dialogue that this character might say (can be between someone else): From an RP - "Listen, Princess," Caylin said in a half-whisper. "The visions of Xandra weren't brought about by your own power. It was someone else who put them - "
Voice: Stern but friendly, like Molly Weasley's
Describe their laugh: Sincere, joyful laugh
Describe their sleep patterns (light/heavy sleeper, no sleep, sleeps too often, etc): She doesn't sleep a lot, and when she does she's a moderate sleeper (her dreams are very vivid and she gets immersed, but it's possible to wake her)
Describe their dwelling/house: She lives on her own, in the forests of Altador.
Describe their bedroom: She usually sleeps in a tree
Describe their daily rituals: It depends on where she is. When she was caring for Xandra, Xandra was the first thing she attended to. Now that she's searching for Queen Miarra, the first thing she does is continue to look.

Psychological/Personality Attributes and Attitudes

Intelligence Level: High
Known Languages: Neopian, I guess?
Character's long-term goals/desires in life: Find Queen Miarra
Character's short-term goals/desires in life: Get Calphurnia to overcome her superstitious "delusions"
Secret desires: One day, she wants to raise a daughter of her own
How self-confident is the character?: Very
How do they see him/herself?: A rational, reasonable and good-hearted Faerie
How do they believe s/he is perceived by others?: Same as above
What is the character most proud of?: Her ability to stand on her own
What does the character like least about themselves?: Her temper
How do they express themselves?: She talks. And she is a chatterbox when she's passionate about something.
Is this character generally dominant or submissive?: Nope
Patience level: Medium. Depends on who she has to be patient with
Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof?: Yep. Her life is heavily influenced her disbelief in the supernatural.
Most at ease when: She is with friends or practicing archery
Ill at ease when: Arguing, someone she cares for is in danger
Describe their sense of humor: She likes "old-style" jokes ("what time is it when an elephant sits on a fence" sort of thing)
If granted one wish, what would it be?: For Queen Miarra's return
Why?: She is still loyal to her
Character/Personality/Mental/Social Strengths: Logical, strong physically
Character/Personality/Mental/Social Flaws: Argumentative, overprotective, convinced her way of seeing things is right
If they could be described with one of the seven virtues, which would it be?: Prudence
If they could be described with one of the seven sins, which would it be?: Pride
Biggest Vulnerability (non physical): Her tendency to want to save anyone she cares about, even if it means sacrificing herself
Optimist or Pessimist: Optomist
Introvert or extrovert: Extrovert
Greatest Fear: Her greatest fear would be if something happened to Calphurnia or Xandra
Other Fears/Insecurities/Phobias: She fears the return of Katriana
Emotional/psychological/social peculiarities: She doesn't talk much - unless it's important to her
Biggest regret: Her retaliation against Katriana's strike
Other regrets: Not being there to stop the overthrow of Queen Miarra
Biggest accomplishment: In "Princess of Prophecy II: Kalara's Secret" when she helped defeat Katriana
Minor accomplishments: Rescuing Xandra
Musical talents/instruments: Decent singing voice
Character's darkest/deepest secret: She will be forever haunted by the time she pointed a spell at Katriana back when she was tutoring her

Thoughts?

[Dju]

Hm, I don't know...she feels kind of a weak character...she has a cool backstory but the only bad thing I've read about her so far is that she is ashamed of casting a minor spell towards a pure evil brat-which feels as if you're being too nice with her, you know what I mean? It's like she has never done anything wrong for real.

[Deleted]

Aug 29, 2011 16:30:39 GMT -5 Dju said:

Hm, I don't know...she feels kind of a weak character...she has a cool backstory but the only bad thing I've read about her so far is that she is ashamed of casting a minor spell towards a pure evil brat-which feels as if you're being too nice with her, you know what I mean? It's like she has never done anything wrong for real.

Yeah, exactly why I'm asking for help with her. I like her, so I want to make her better.

About the regret, Katriana was I think 15 in Faerie years when that happened. 15 is still considered a minor by most standards (although she was probably 17-18 when she overthrew her mother, but still)

[Zylaa]

GLQ, the immediate question that sprang to mind about D's families joining the village: How do the old villagers see them? Is this a small, isolated village? Because if so, D is going to be seen as an outsider no matter how long he lives there. Even if the villagers are kind, loving, and accepting, they'll still see him as that foreign boy. That's most likely going to have some impact.

Sae, I'll edit this post with a response to your character when I've got the time, I've got to run to a meeting right now. ^_^

Aaaand edited! Sae, here you go. ^__^

The fact that your character is still haunted by casting one spell against a bratty kid seems entirely out of joint with the traits you listed for her. "Temper" and "Argumentative" can be excellent, defining flaws if you go through with them, but you also list entirely paradoxical characteristics-- she's apparently most ill at ease while arguing, and lasted longer than her best friend at teaching an admittedly bratty child.
What if, (this is only a suggestion, don't feel obliged to use it,) while teaching Katriana, she repeatedly lost her temper? Then Katriana, in a fit of exceptionally brilliant brattiness, pointed out that Caylin was supposed to be a teacher and mentor, and they're supposed to be caring. I feel like that would be both enough incentive for Caylin to quit and enough of a setback for it to haunt Caylin.

Another contradiction I noticed was that you described her hygiene as good, and her personality as extroverted, but she lives by herself in the woodlands, sleeping in trees. I don't think an extrovert would choose such a solitary life.

Also, I don't buy that she raised herself until age 14. She can be an independent child, but there still needs to be some companionship and guidance for her to be able to survive.

I hope this helps!

[Deleted]

What I'd suggest, Sae, is taking some of her qualities and turning them around.

And when she's on the ground, she stands up tall like a queen.

How self-confident is the character?: Very
How do they see him/herself?: A rational, reasonable and good-hearted Faerie

Character/Personality/Mental/Social Flaws: Argumentative, overprotective, convinced her way of seeing things is right

This needs elaboration. She could have a holier-than-thou attitude, she could have difficulty taking criticism, and she could be at times condescending. Maybe have her be easily triggered into argument over innocuous comments, too? These flaws hint at an excess of pride--take this flaw and run with it. Also, one thing I'd suggest adding: how do the other characters see her? What do other characters dislike in her?

[Dju]

Hey guys, can you help me out with my OC villain? I'm having some problems with her personality, I'm not sure if she's evil enough... XD

SPOILER: Click to show

Name: Ember
Sex; Female
Race: Siberian Tiger
Story and personality: Ember was accidentally shipped from China to South Africa shen she was just some months old, along with another white tiger, Snowball. When they arrived, lost and hungry, Snow said to Ember to hide and wait for him to come back. But he didn't came back, he got distracted and forgot about her! Forced to survive on her own, she became a tough fighter and decided that being feared was better than loved, which explains her wide territory and amount of monkey followers.

She is cold, yet a talented tactician. Ember plans to take all the power of the natural reserve to herself, and even though it's mainly for the water and food, she will have a lot of personal satisfaction to get revenge for being rejected.

And here's a picture I finished just now! :3

I like her, BUT a traumatized, cold hearted villain is superficial and unoriginal. >.<; Halp?

[Deleted]

Aug 29, 2011 19:53:06 GMT -5 Dju said:

Hey guys, can you help me out with my OC villain? I'm having some problems with her personality, I'm not sure if she's evil enough... XD

SPOILER: Click to show

Name: Ember
Sex; Female
Race: Siberian Tiger
Story and personality: Ember was accidentally shipped from China to South Africa shen she was just some months old, along with another white tiger, Snowball. When they arrived, lost and hungry, Snow said to Ember to hide and wait for him to come back. But he didn't came back, he got distracted and forgot about her! Forced to survive on her own, she became a tough fighter and decided that being feared was better than loved, which explains her wide territory and amount of monkey followers.

She is cold, yet a talented tactician. Ember plans to take all the power of the natural reserve to herself, and even though it's mainly for the water and food, she will have a lot of personal satisfaction to get revenge for being rejected.

And here's a picture I finished just now! :3

I like her, BUT a traumatized, cold hearted villain is superficial and unoriginal. >.<; Halp?

She seems to me as kind of an anti-hero. I suppose that's not what you're going for. Maybe there could be some sort of monarchy among the wildlife and that's what she's after? Or, maybe some good character's parent was partly responsible for her tragic backstory. Maybe Snow's son/daughter is "ruling" this place or otherwise, and she could be after them! That would make her a perfectly evil character in my book.

---

Nat, I like that idea. She really could get into trouble because of that. It's a good weakness to have.

SPOILER: Click to show

Calphurnia, Caylin's friend, is the person she argues with the most since Calphurnia is superstitious and Caylin isn't. Calphurnia cares deeply about Caylin, but thinks she's too serious and is also worried about her since she believes in these bad luck theories and doesn't want Caylin to get caught in one.

Xandra looks up to Caylin as a second mother and role model. She loves Caylin quite a bit. (When Katriana was bringing Xandra to her breaking point she pretty much forgot about everything, including Caylin, except for Katriana and how horrible she was. It's because of Caylin that Xandra feels especially guilty about the whole thing - which is why she's been dismissing it as Katriana's fault.)

Queen Miarra saw Caylin as kind of a younger sister. Like Calphurnia, she thought she was a bit too serious.

Katriana thinks Caylin was hired to squelch her rightful ascent to the throne. (But then Katriana doesn't like anybody, really XD)

[Deleted]

Aug 29, 2011 19:53:06 GMT -5 Dju said:

Hey guys, can you help me out with my OC villain? I'm having some problems with her personality, I'm not sure if she's evil enough... XD

SPOILER: Click to show

Name: Ember
Sex; Female
Race: Siberian Tiger
Story and personality: Ember was accidentally shipped from China to South Africa shen she was just some months old, along with another white tiger, Snowball. When they arrived, lost and hungry, Snow said to Ember to hide and wait for him to come back. But he didn't came back, he got distracted and forgot about her! Forced to survive on her own, she became a tough fighter and decided that being feared was better than loved, which explains her wide territory and amount of monkey followers.

She is cold, yet a talented tactician. Ember plans to take all the power of the natural reserve to herself, and even though it's mainly for the water and food, she will have a lot of personal satisfaction to get revenge for being rejected.

And here's a picture I finished just now! :3

I like her, BUT a traumatized, cold hearted villain is superficial and unoriginal. >.<; Halp?

She could hold an iron grip on the colony, punishing anyone who spoke badly of her. ;D And she could have difficulty taking others' advice, having become self-reliant after surviving alone for so long. That shall be her downfall!

[Dju]

Aug 29, 2011 20:06:55 GMT -5 @saeryena said:

Aug 29, 2011 19:53:06 GMT -5 Dju said:

Hey guys, can you help me out with my OC villain? I'm having some problems with her personality, I'm not sure if she's evil enough... XD

SPOILER: Click to show

Name: Ember
Sex; Female
Race: Siberian Tiger
Story and personality: Ember was accidentally shipped from China to South Africa when she was just some months old, along with another white tiger, Snowball. When they arrived, lost and hungry, Snow said to Ember to hide and wait for him to come back. But he didn't came back, he got distracted and forgot about her! Forced to survive on her own, she became a tough fighter and decided that being feared was better than loved, which explains her wide territory and amount of monkey followers.

She is cold, yet a talented tactician. Ember plans to take all the power of the natural reserve to herself, and even though it's mainly for the water and food, she will have a lot of personal satisfaction to get revenge for being rejected.

And here's a picture I finished just now! :3

I like her, BUT a traumatized, cold hearted villain is superficial and unoriginal. >.<; Halp?

She seems to me as kind of an anti-hero. I suppose that's not what you're going for. Maybe there could be some sort of monarchy among the wildlife and that's what she's after? Or, maybe some good character's parent was partly responsible for her tragic backstory. Maybe Snow's son/daughter is "ruling" this place or otherwise, and she could be after them! That would make her a perfectly evil character in my book.

Wow, that kinda sounds like an idea that I was considering, thanks Sae! Snow is about the same age as her, only some months older, but when they were cubs that made a huge difference in size.
I was considering dividing the Savannah territories into south, north, west and east. South is dominated by a kind of mixture of groups that live in peace (meerkats, cheetahs, zebras, following the normal cycle of life), east is dominated by meerkat families in constant conflict, North used to be ruled by monkeys but was taken over by Ember, who recently invaded west, Elephant Area. Actually it wasn't exactly an invasion, more of an alliance, because elephants could benefit her territorial invasion project.

AND Snowball, since he's a tiger, shares the south territory with a lion! ^-^ And Snow recently remembers he forgot about poor baby Ember, feeling guilty for being so careless, and he can't deny that it was indeed his fault! >.<

This suddenly feels like a wild Game of Thrones.

EDIT: OMG! Great suggestion Nat! TYRANNY MAKES EVIL LEADERZ YEAAH!

[Deleted]

Aug 29, 2011 17:57:30 GMT -5 Zylaa said:

GLQ, the immediate question that sprang to mind about D's families joining the village: How do the old villagers see them? Is this a small, isolated village? Because if so, D is going to be seen as an outsider no matter how long he lives there. Even if the villagers are kind, loving, and accepting, they'll still see him as that foreign boy. That's most likely going to have some impact.

Sae, I'll edit this post with a response to your character when I've got the time, I've got to run to a meeting right now. ^_^

Aaaand edited! Sae, here you go. ^__^

The fact that your character is still haunted by casting one spell against a bratty kid seems entirely out of joint with the traits you listed for her. "Temper" and "Argumentative" can be excellent, defining flaws if you go through with them, but you also list entirely paradoxical characteristics-- she's apparently most ill at ease while arguing, and lasted longer than her best friend at teaching an admittedly bratty child.
What if, (this is only a suggestion, don't feel obliged to use it,) while teaching Katriana, she repeatedly lost her temper? Then Katriana, in a fit of exceptionally brilliant brattiness, pointed out that Caylin was supposed to be a teacher and mentor, and they're supposed to be caring. I feel like that would be both enough incentive for Caylin to quit and enough of a setback for it to haunt Caylin.

Another contradiction I noticed was that you described her hygiene as good, and her personality as extroverted, but she lives by herself in the woodlands, sleeping in trees. I don't think an extrovert would choose such a solitary life.

Also, I don't buy that she raised herself until age 14. She can be an independent child, but there still needs to be some companionship and guidance for her to be able to survive.

I hope this helps!

That's a great idea, Zylaa! I think I will change that. (And it makes KAtriana all the more evil... > )