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Post by Liou on Jun 13, 2017 6:37:30 GMT -5
Shinko I was going to suggest bigender as well because it can involve any two genders, not necessarily female or male, but it really depends on what your character experiences. On the inside. Like, when he presents online as female and is read as such, does he experience his gender differently than usual? Or does he feel the same as when he presents as male offline? Is writing female characters an experiment for him? Do you know why he started and why he continued? Agender does seem quite fitting, I've seen it described as feeling just like a person, as not aligning with any gender or just not caring. And I think it would be valid even if he only uses she/he pronouns; different words have different associations for everyone. If an agender person uses a "he" pronoun then it is not a masculine pronoun, it is an agender pronoun. Genderfluid implies a kind of sliding between identities as you've mentioned, but I've seen it described as having several different states of gender superimposed, in a way, and jumping between them like a laser. (it was a lovely, detailed post by a genderfluid person, wish I'd saved it) (it was more helpful than the wiki definition >.> wiki tells you what something is, but not really how it feels) NB is a safe umbrella term for those who haven't found anything more specific. (like me =D) And it includes all the terms mentioned. I've heard of NB boys and NB girls, too; not sure exactly how that works, but I think they have a NB identity and feel comfortable presenting as a binary gender.
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Post by Shinko on Jun 13, 2017 9:24:37 GMT -5
Shinko I was going to suggest bigender as well because it can involve any two genders, not necessarily female or male, but it really depends on what your character experiences. On the inside. Like, when he presents online as female and is read as such, does he experience his gender differently than usual? Or does he feel the same as when he presents as male offline? Is writing female characters an experiment for him? Do you know why he started and why he continued? Agender does seem quite fitting, I've seen it described as feeling just like a person, as not aligning with any gender or just not caring. And I think it would be valid even if he only uses she/he pronouns; different words have different associations for everyone. If an agender person uses a "he" pronoun then it is not a masculine pronoun, it is an agender pronoun. Genderfluid implies a kind of sliding between identities as you've mentioned, but I've seen it described as having several different states of gender superimposed, in a way, and jumping between them like a laser. (it was a lovely, detailed post by a genderfluid person, wish I'd saved it) (it was more helpful than the wiki definition >.> wiki tells you what something is, but not really how it feels) NB is a safe umbrella term for those who haven't found anything more specific. (like me =D) And it includes all the terms mentioned. I've heard of NB boys and NB girls, too; not sure exactly how that works, but I think they have a NB identity and feel comfortable presenting as a binary gender. In the story he initially played a female because he liked the character aesthetic better than the male character models in the same game. Most of the male PCs were giant musclebound hulks or covered in ten layers of armor which annoyed him. Others assumed he was female because of the female character, and while he was initially surprised to be addressed as a she off-game in forums or IMs, it didn't bother him so he didn't correct it. I think either presentation feels similar to him- it's not something he consciously registers as "strange" until someone else in-story asks him about it. That said, I could see agender or nonbinary working in his case. That's good to hear about the pronouns not being an issue- I understand pronouns are an intensely personal thing, and I've known an agender person before who used she/he pronouns interchangeably but never "they/them"- it's why I wrote the character that way to start off with and only later did I panic and begin to question if it was "right."
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Post by Ted (the zombie Dalek) on Jun 13, 2017 9:39:57 GMT -5
Shinko This character you're describing sounds a lot like my first experiences of exploring/questioning my gender identity. Non-binary is a good all-round term for when someone isn't sure themselves but knows they're neither exclusively male or female. I identified as genderqueer for the longest time just because I didn't care what people called me. He, she, they - it was all the same to me. ("They" was awkward because of the plural associations so I eventually dropped the "th" but I'm getting way off-topic here.) But then I also have a character myself who is agender and goes by he/him pronouns just because that's what most people call him. I guess the difference between his (my character's) experience and mine is that whereas I had some gender feelings - just they felt confused or pointing in varying or nonsensical directions - he's never really felt specifically gendered feelings at all. He's a person and people are people.
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Post by Lizzie on Feb 21, 2018 21:40:10 GMT -5
Bumping! I love being Pan and nonbinary and I love everyone here <3
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Post by Liou on Feb 22, 2018 8:45:35 GMT -5
Co-bumping with the bae! Yo, I love being NB and I love this group, and I also love chilling on our *Bill Wurtz jingle voice* Dis~cord ser~ver!
( Discord? What is this Discord all the kids keep talking about? Handy forum thread explanation, clickety click) (That's right, there is a Discord place for all things NTWF, and there is also a Discord place for all folks NTWF *and* LGBT~ It's super easy to try it - you don't even need to create a Discord account at first iirc - and poke someone here for a server invite, and you can just pop back out whenever.)
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Post by Coaster on Aug 13, 2018 22:04:47 GMT -5
Reviving to say: - got bottom surgery and have been healing well
- got into my first relationship and it's gay
That is all.
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Post by Gelquie on Oct 11, 2018 21:10:25 GMT -5
Today is National Coming Out Day.
Whether or not to come out is always a personal preference to which I will absolutely not pressure anyone. Whether or not you come out, first time or for a repeated time, <3 to you, because you're valid.
Purely from my end: When it comes to romantic orientations, I don't think I have anything that I haven't already come out to people here about. But I'm still an asexual demi-biromantic.
"But you said you were demi-panromantic." Well, I thought about it more, and I realized the definition of pan meaning "all genders" doesn't quite fit me; some still get excluded. (Just to be clear, though: Non-binary genders are part of the included party.) I'm taking the "bi" definition as "2 or more." (I didn't want to use the poly- prefix because I thought that'd be too close to or confused with polyamorous, which I'm not. And other ones are too obscure.) So bi- it is. Demi- still fits as always, though. In that I have to get emotionally attached to someone first.
Soyeah.
Uh... as for pronouns, they/them or she/her is fine.bye
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Post by Celestial on Oct 12, 2018 3:12:38 GMT -5
I came out to my mum years ago, keep coming out to various people here and there who I trust like friends and such. I keep wanting to come out to people at my work, if just to challenge the hetero normative environment here (not any fault of my job: just it's a very straight environment) but I don't want to meet any negative backlash. It's unlikely, everyone here is nice, but I am afraid.
So, just confirming for myself:
Yep, I am still asexual. Sometimes I wonder if I might be a lesbian but that usually just comes down to "girls are pretty but in the same way a landscape is pretty".
For the moment, I identify as biromantic, using the same definition as GLQ above of "two or more genders". I might honestly be pan, as personality seems to matter to me more than gender, but I just like the term "biro" more than the alternative. So far, however, the only people that I would consider myself romantically attracted to are women. Whether this is because dudes scare me or because I lean more towards women in general is a big question mark.
Gender...I think I have decided I am agender. Sometimes I find myself wishing I was a guy but only because guys have it easier in general. I do feel uncomfortable in my body sometimes but it is less wishing I was male and more wishing I was sexless. I do feel alright identifying as female and do so because I am used to it. It doesn't feel entirely off, but I do enjoy writing and roleplaying male characters too. TL;DR I don't care about gender, don't identify with any gender and am most comfortable thinking of myself as genderless. So whatever pronouns are fine. She/her, they/them, xe/xir, even he/him if you like. xD
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Post by Deleted on Oct 12, 2018 6:46:36 GMT -5
May I join in? I know I'm late to the coming out day party, but anyhoo... Under the cut because long rants and mild tw: So sexuality/romantic wise, I'm p sure by now I'm a demipansexual panromantic, whose attraction leans towards one or another gender depending of where I am because I have very clear types I am attracted to. I do think I'm demisexual, like, growing up in a house where my only (and yet very faulty, but let's not get into that) female role model basically tried to sell the idea that if you're not gawking with the hots for any guy there's something deeply fundamentally wrong with you (my sister who's asexual gets the worse end of that stick though, I just get mocked for being so clueless and childish), and even interacting with female friends and neighbors, I realize that I really am not that physically attracted to people, and much less to strangers. Like, sure, anyone is gonna gaze at someone really beautiful and with a beautiful body, but am I instantly turned on by them? Not really. Also, a common question I am asked, why pan and not bi? Because I have demonstrated interest in different nonbinaries before, so thus I can't really call myself bisexual without feeling wrong.
Now, on the gender spectrum, I am not sure if I am just female, or demigirl, but I guess I identify as cis enough. I guess I'm not 100% feminine, and it's hard to distinguish what part is it just because growing up, my mother was sort of a very strongly-opinionated antifemininity feminist (and an overall jerk tbh) who would have waves of basically hating on anything that is feminine on a traditional way, calling its plain existence sexist and prohibiting me and my sister from playing with it/almost growling at people who suggested or gifted anything traditionally feminine, prohibiting any girl oriented show, regardless of how good their message is, because it's sexist, etc, etc.. When I was on my teens, she'd make me super self-conscious about wearing dresses, telling me everything from "you're gonna show your underwear" to mocking me for showing my legs because I'm "hunting for guys," tell me that I shouldn't wear makeup because only idiot girls with no future wear makeup, mocking me for trying to keep my very problematic hair from being an uncombable mess, refusing to buy bras for me (because they're against feminism?) and yet mocking me that my breasts were apparent... Basically pushing the idea that if you don't want to be an androgynous tomboy you're wrong (ironically it's the inverse of the typical story of the mother who wants to force her nonfeminine daughter to dress feminine, but I guess it just proves the point that regardless of whatever stereotype you're pushing as a parent onto your child, it's wrong to force it). But yeah, like, going back to nowadays, it's sort of difficult for me to, for example, wear a dress or put on makeup or act girly in general without feeling quite self-conscious about it. I also don't mind being confused for a guy (on the rare occurrences that happen), and on occasion I do enjoy crossdressing, although I can't really say that's a gender thing, but it just proves how I don't mind being identified as nonfeminine, I just feel conflicted when trying to look feminine, and yet somehow I don't feel like I am conflicted enough to shy away from being identified as a girl? Does that even make sense?
Now, do I generally tell people those things? Nah. It's complicated already to say "I'm pan" without getting one of three responses: 1 - Pan? Don't you mean bi? 2 - Oh My God you are attracted to everyone right now?? Disguting! Or 3 - Pan? *devil winky face emoji* So would you want to do a threesome or more with me? (Usually from guys) Now imagine trying to explain that technically it's not even fully pan or that I don't fully identify as a girl? But I have told at least my "general" sexuality to close friends and family.... My father doesn't mind, he actually was sort of excited to know he's not the only one who likes women (lol). But my mother is the typical bully who doesn't accept anything that is not exactly like her, so obviously she either mocks me and invalidates me when I bring it up, or she just resorts to saying that she once kissed a girl, and that doesn't mean anything, and eventually I'll marry a guy and shut up about it.... So yeah. Yay *jazz hands*
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Post by Jove on Oct 12, 2018 9:23:02 GMT -5
I was really happy this coming out day since last year I've come out to a ton of people in my life, people I wasn't sure how they'd respond, and have gotten only positive responses for it.
I don't remember how I'd ID'd when I posted here way back when, but I am a nonbinary lesbian! I flip around pronouns a lot and sometimes have dysphoria and question myself, since I previously I ID'd as aroace and bi and other things before. I'm coming to terms with the fact that sometimes things will never be set in stone, but I can be happy the way I am now. I got lucky since so many people on the side of the family where I live close to now are also LGBT, and I live in a rural but relatively open minded sort of place.
My biggest struggle is feeling like I'm somehow faking, that I'm not really a lesbian even though all evidence points to this fact. Also reconciling the disconnect I often feel to being regarded as a woman, and my attraction for only women and women-aligned folks, and feeling more connected to male-aligned characters, and like, well, what if I'm really a guy and just repressing myself, but being uncomfortable with society's idea of masculinity, etc. So it's confusing, but I am coming to accept and love myself the best I can.
Also I think?? I have a crush on a friend of mine and I think maybe she could be interested too and I'm finally at a point where I've built my self esteem up enough that I think I could be ready for a real relationship but I'm scared silly of rejection and messing up our friendship ahhh. Also because of the sorta grey-aro thing I'm in I get confused between strong feelings of friendship and romantic crushes so I don't even know if I'm just. Projecting since I only get brief physical crushes and this is sort of. New to me. It's weird!
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Post by Thorn on Oct 12, 2018 20:46:42 GMT -5
A little late to the party, but....
a) Am asexual! Most of you knew that already. I'm a lot more comfortable with this than I was even a year ago, I've met some awesome people and had some positive coming-out experiences which really helped.
b) Am of some romantic orientation or other! I usually describe myself simply as a 'romantic asexual', but am starting to think maybe 'demiromantic' would better fit since strong romantic attachments are few and hard to come by. Time will tell.
c) This looked better with three points, so this is just a filler.
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Post by Liou on Oct 15, 2018 11:21:15 GMT -5
Why do I always hear of Coming Out day on the day after? :'D I'd already posted in this thread a couple years ago, and since then I think my identity's fairly stable - nonbinary, don't need anything more specific within the NB umbrella, and bisexual using the "two or more" definition of the word, since I can feel attracted to feminine folk and NB folk in general. (And I'm glad I can call myself bi because the word "lesbian" would be all sorts of confusing for me.) Welcome Jove and @guardianeris! Sounds like you've been through some rough and confusing things too. I don't think the list at the start of this thread is quite up-to-date, but if you need to talk about stuff, there's always some active people here at the ready.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2018 17:54:02 GMT -5
So today I learned what a cupiosexual is, and honestly, it describes me better than demisexual, so I'm glad.
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Post by Ginz ❤ on Feb 17, 2019 23:13:16 GMT -5
Coming out like "hey, I need to tell you something... I'm *LABEL*" is TERRIFYING to me, so instead my strategy is to talk about who I've been in love with, like it's no big deal at all, and so far it has worked surprisingly well? I talked about it to a couple of offline friends yesterday and they didn't question me or even seemed surprised. I was so relieved. <3
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Post by Jove on Dec 7, 2019 19:50:44 GMT -5
i have a hard time deacribing what i am, so for a dating app i signed up for recently i put myself as bigender (and mentioned i prefer he/they pronouns in my bio. everyones been lovely so far, but i always worry - theres a ton of push back against he/him lesbians and nonbinary folks that don’t fit the stereotypical image. i struggle with being masc or femme. i want to be seen, if i must be seen, as a feminine boy whos a girl whos a boy. amd i realize that doesnt make sense to a lot of people, and “bigender” doesnt always cover it - “nonbinary” is good but “genderfluid” to me sounds like its always changing, like the seasons - my gender is the same whether im he in a dress or a they im jeans. does any of that make sense? i dont know what i am. im just tired. and i like girls.
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