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Post by Nut on Mar 16, 2006 23:01:36 GMT -5
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Post by Tay - Sock Eater on Mar 16, 2006 23:26:34 GMT -5
I'd like reviews on my article, A Clover How-To, and the beginning of my {awful} series, Now You See Me, Now You Don't - Part One. I'm surprised the series got accepted; I don't think it's all that amazing, but I'm happy nonetheless. So, if I could get any reviews for these things, it'd be greatly appreciated! I haven't been on this site for awhile so I haven't gotten any reviews for a few months. <3 I will review some tomorrow, if I get around to it.
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Post by Schefflera on Mar 16, 2006 23:54:44 GMT -5
Drea and I would like reviews on our short story "Evergreen," please! And, er, yes, it was originally written as a Day of Giving story, but we finished it a bit too late for that.
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Post by Tashni on Mar 17, 2006 1:58:29 GMT -5
Deserts and Desserts: A Gargarox Isafuhlarg Story - Part One by darkerstrife
Love the opening paragraph. It sucks me into the story right away.
Because the description "a fuzzy robotic voice" is so late in the sentence, I don't get the full effect of that description.
I didn't see the transportation coming. Now I'm curious, confused, and involved.
This got a good snicker out of me. I don't know why exactly, but it reminded me of the dwarves in "The Hobbit."
Wow. I REALLY didn't see the shrunk thing coming! Well, congrats. You've thrown me two loops in one episode.
I like your combination of humor, oddness, and mystery. Gargarox is written well, like when he retrieves his chef hat after the fall and puts on his head while he's still lying down. Nice job!
---------------------------------------
More reviews tomorrow. I'm going to try to do a little writing tonight. Watch out Neopia, Orbulon is returning . . .
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Post by Huntress on Mar 17, 2006 2:02:49 GMT -5
Out already? o.o Lessee... the pre-last part of "Treasure of the Caves" is out... and I'd love feedback on muh next Shad and Saura comic, this time called "When Life Gives You..."
Original, ne? >__>;
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Post by Kat on Mar 17, 2006 3:52:58 GMT -5
Uh...pardon me for being MIA for the past week. Exams.
But...OMG A HERO'S JOURNEY IS FINISHED. If there's anyone out there who's actually read all ten parts, I'd like a review, please. But don't stress yourself out if you don't have the patience to read all of AHJ. XDDDDD
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Post by fipples~ on Mar 17, 2006 7:51:31 GMT -5
Umm... reviews for DM!: Green Apple (comic) would be nice. But please ignore the quality, though, it got somehow ruined in the... umm... publishing? xD
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Post by Strife on Mar 17, 2006 10:07:39 GMT -5
Awesome! My story has recieved the honour of being mentioned on the front page. ;D I'm loving the custom picture too!  Anyway, thank you Tashni for the review. I'll keep your suggestion about voice effects in mind.  If anyone else would like to review Deserts and Desserts: A Gargarox Isafuhlarg Story, it would be much appreciated. ^_^ |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2006 10:21:37 GMT -5
Strife, your custom pic is awesome!
If anyone has time, reviews for Walk the Plank: Part Two would be greatly appreciated!
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Post by Huntress on Mar 17, 2006 11:42:45 GMT -5
Well, Hunty's spring break has now officially begun, *dances happily around the room* I have more than a week of free time ('cept for all those reports but I'll worry about them later) and I'm planning to be an active reviewer this week *nodnod* About time we resurrected these threads again. And I feel like reading right now. So I'll hereby suck myself into
A Hero's Journey
(starts reading, start time - 17:40 according to my timezone...)
...
(finished at 18:16)
Whoa. That story really captured me... now I'll need some time to get out of that mood... as I have an ultra-powerful imagination and can always see a story in my mind, providing that it's well written. And yours really is *nodnod* It could seriously use a sequel. I'm not much of a series reader but I know I'd love to read a somehow LOTR-ish saga about winning back Meridell and I believe you could write it very well *nodnod again*
What else can I say? I loved the whole siblingrivalry thing. In a way I expected the two brothers to turn against each other and have some bigger final confrontation later on but that would've been a real cliché, ne? But the scene where the two brothers talked everything out was really heartwarming and so nicely optimistic. (I have a younger brother myself. And I've felt brushed aside for oh-so-many times... though it's not really bothering me anymore, guess I've grown out of this now. 'Sides, dad's always on my side :3 though he's a sailor and isn't home that often. Whoa. Deja vu.) The whole AHJ carried a huge emotional luggage, especially the last parts, and though I'm not much of a fan of such stories, I really enjoyed it. Probly because I was so sucked in. I'm a fast reader so it's hard to suck me into a story... congrats on succeeding with this ^^;
Anyway, yus, I'm not much of a reviewer as muh English is bumpy and I can never put my finger on what exactly I'm trying to say x.X; But I s'pose you got my point :3 And I. Want. A sequel.
I think I'll review some comics when more show up in the list... I think I spotted quite a few from the NTWFers in this issue.
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Post by Tashni on Mar 17, 2006 11:54:16 GMT -5
Walk the Plank: Part Two by Puppy
I'm glad you quickly pulled me back into the action, a necessary thing in a series.
The journal will be a nice way to explore who Darkwing is, and I looked forward to reading it from the instant you introduce it.
The scene where Darkwing robs the bank is interesting, but I really would have liked to see more of Diran's thoughts. What's he doing to resist Darkwing? Does he panic at the sight of the guard? Is he relieved when the guard isn't injured? You get the picture. Another thing that is puzzling me is why Diran isn't more concerned with why he's Darkwing or how to get out of him.
I like the idea of the fight scene, but there are a couple places where it is unclear just what is going on.
I had to read this twice, because in the middle of the action they're at one moment on deck and the next in the crow's nest! A little more explanation of how they got up there would be great. A simple, "the swordfighters kept climbing higher and higher up ladders and above the ship that Darkwing soon found himself battling the Pteri in the crow's nest" would have worked. Something like that, anyway.
Who is this refering to? Darkwing or the Pteri? It becomes evident in the next sentence, but nonetheless I should know from this sentence.
Overall, a chapter that certainly advances the plot. I just think you could have done more in the description area both physically and mentally. But you do keep in the setting with descriptions like, "lumpy bead, still-slick deck, grape grog," and others.
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Post by peri on Mar 17, 2006 15:23:02 GMT -5
If people have time to take a look at my comic, "Who Knew?" Not sure why it looks so shrunken though. hehe I always look forward to a new episode of Spooky. I really like this comic! This new installment made me laugh as usual I can't wait to see what rascal things they come up with next  And I must say that the joke for "When Life Gives You..." was pretty funny  At first I thought it was a plushie rock until the bag opened. And even though there were a lot of conversation bubbles, I still found the storyline easy to follow Nice job! |
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Post by Star on Mar 17, 2006 16:24:05 GMT -5
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Post by Kat on Mar 17, 2006 18:47:49 GMT -5
A Hero's Journey(starts reading, start time - 17:40 according to my timezone...) ... (finished at 18:16) Whoa. That story really captured me... now I'll need some time to get out of that mood... as I have an ultra-powerful imagination and can always see a story in my mind, providing that it's well written. And yours really is *nodnod* It could seriously use a sequel. I'm not much of a series reader but I know I'd love to read a somehow LOTR-ish saga about winning back Meridell and I believe you could write it very well *nodnod again* What else can I say? I loved the whole siblingrivalry thing. In a way I expected the two brothers to turn against each other and have some bigger final confrontation later on but that would've been a real cliché, ne? But the scene where the two brothers talked everything out was really heartwarming and so nicely optimistic. (I have a younger brother myself. And I've felt brushed aside for oh-so-many times... though it's not really bothering me anymore, guess I've grown out of this now. 'Sides, dad's always on my side :3 though he's a sailor and isn't home that often. Whoa. Deja vu.) The whole AHJ carried a huge emotional luggage, especially the last parts, and though I'm not much of a fan of such stories, I really enjoyed it. Probly because I was so sucked in. I'm a fast reader so it's hard to suck me into a story... congrats on succeeding with this ^^; Anyway, yus, I'm not much of a reviewer as muh English is bumpy and I can never put my finger on what exactly I'm trying to say x.X; But I s'pose you got my point :3 And I. Want. A sequel. Wow, thanks! j;) *sticks "I AM PATIENT" badge on Huntress' forehead and gives cookies* But well...the whole winning-back-Meridell thing is where the NQII plot-slash-game begins. I only supplied my bits into the prologue. I'm doing a different sequel though, and this time, Reuben is the main character. |
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Post by Scar on Mar 18, 2006 1:20:42 GMT -5
Thanks, To and From Illusenby star_29791Firstly, creative title I must say. This is just me but I feel that a title that properly describes the entire article/story/comic and is yet subtle and evocative makes a good beginning to any entry. And the story comes after a title and I must say it was nicely written and touching, the letters realistically portraying their author's feelings. There were a few awkward sentences such as ... "And I know it is a terrible thing to have favourites, love everyone equally blah blah blah." And a few punctuation mistakes ... "If Greta had said, “Jump in a pit of Slorgs!” then into the pit of Slorgs, Maggie would’ve jumped." (The comma after 'Slorgs' can be removed) Another small thing I wish to point out is that some parts in the letters seemed more like spoken words than written ones but not a big grouse all the same. Nevertheless, I especially liked how Illusen replied to the letters. Formal and to the point but the cheeky little note in the last letter was a gem Overall, a great story. Keep up the good work
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I'll be making the list as people request. Please tell me if I leave anyone out. Mods, feel free to edit this post.
I'll be making the list as people request. Please tell me if I leave anyone out. Mods, feel free to edit this post.
If anyone else would like to review Deserts and Desserts: A Gargarox Isafuhlarg Story, it would be much appreciated. ^_^
At first I thought it was a plushie rock until the bag opened. And even though there were a lot of conversation bubbles, I still found the storyline easy to follow 
