The NTWF in: Misplaced

[nope]

I PLUCK BACON. Wow great job Gooshy

[jockylocky]

MORE MORE MORE! ;D

[Goosh]

Dedicated to all who poked me to write it. *coughLeocough*

Sammy's eyes glazed over as she stared at the sausages grizzling over the fire. It was lucky enough that she had some waterproof sausageds and bread, but now she had to share her sammich with Hu and Crystal, who had both washed up on this cove with her. They had built a makeshift shelter and caught a few fish, but the two ninjas kept arguing with each other to no end. She was glad to have a bit of solitude while they went exploring, but then she heard the bushes rustle nearby.

"CRYSTAL! Did you get blood all over my kunai?"

"Well I HAD to, there was a perfectly UNCASTRATED BOAR and mine is rusty!"

"Well did I give you PERMISSION? Seriously, you are so RUDE!"

"And I'VE had ENOUGH of you WHINING!" shrieked Sammy, kicking sand at the two squabbling girls.

The two turned at Sammich's yelling and dived for the food. Fighting over who got the sausage that was one sixth of an inch thicker, the ninjas failed to notice another noise in the jungle. From out of the darkness emerged...

"Hunty?"

The captain smiled jauntily at the three girls. Her appearance could generally be described as 'ragged'. For some reason, she clutched a volleyball, splattered with blue paint, to her chest. She turned to face the sea and gasped.

"Oh my gosh, the White Weewoo!"

The sea was empty.

"Um, Huntress?" Sammy asked. "The White Weewoo isn't there. It's...it's empty ocean."

"Oh, don't be silly, Sammy!" roared Hunty, wading out to meet the nonexistent ship. "It's a bit beat up, sure, be can use it to get off this rock!"

"Riiiight," said Crystal, rising from the ground where Hu, the alpha female of the morning, had managed to win the sausage. "But, uh...later, okay? We need to check...we need to check....if there are other forumers here! Yes! Can't leave without them, can we?"

Huntress nodded solemly, though the volleyball kind of ruined the image. Crystal had to ask. "Huntress, why do you have a volleyball?" She indicated the sphere.

Huntress seemed uncomprehending at Crystal's words, but when the ninja pointed, she gave her a broad grin. "I found another Meepit!" she crowed. "Who would've guessed there'd be one here. 'Cordin to his name tag--" she looked at the label--"'is name's Wilson. He's kinda cute, ain't he?"

"In a recreational equipment kind of way," Sammy muttered.

The four set off because, as promised, they felt they needed to look for NTWFers. Pushing through the jungle, they found themselves on a long white beach in the middle of chaos. People climbed all over strange wooden structures while a man in a hat told them to hurry. It was like some kind of obstacle course.

The man approached them. "You must be the new castaways."

*~*~*

"Stal, you're doing it wrong!" Rider adjusted the planks Stal had laid down for a roof to their shelter. Stal clenched his teeth and counted to ten for the fifteenth time that hour.

"Oh?" he asked. "How often do you have to make a quick shelter because you wake up not knowing where you are?"

Rider chose not to answer, but the bottle in her pocket clinked accusingly.

Stal groaned and turned to face the water. Rider had been grinding his nerves all day, telling him how everything he knew about wilderness survival was wrong. He was a minute away from chucking a coconut at the pirate, at least to knock her out. But he restrained himself, returning his attention to the shelter, which Rider was laying with leaves.

"So..." he said, bored enough to fill the silent void in conversation.

"So?" she asked, stepping back to admire the roof job.

"Looks good," Stal said wearily. He looked at Rider. Their eyes locked. Rider was outlined against a colourful splendor of flowers. Somewhere in the background, a bongo drum solo sped up drastically. They moved closer....

And Ginz emerged from the hut. "Hey guys!"

There was a moan and a thump, and Rider climbed off the roof to where Stal lay in the grass. "Alright there?"

"Fine."

Ginz didn't seem to notice the shared look between the two.

*~*~*

Leo bit her lip nervously. The plant that the...creature...had given her seemed to be working, but Strife was now mumbling in his sleep, tossing and turning. Usually when this happened she could calm him down with a cookie. But where could she find one? Hey...

She stepped out of the hut into the bright afternoon. Squinting her eyes, she scanned the long stalks next to the cave. It wasn't wheat, but it was wirth a shot. She plucked a few stems and ground them into powder with a rock. She opened a coconut and shaved its insides into the ground plant, hoping it would substitue for milk. A bird's nest provided an egg, though she did kind of regret. And the brown crumbly stuff squirting out of the beanstalk tasted enough like chocolate. She mixed them all into water until she had a thick, viscous dough which she laid out in clumps on a hot rock. She dabbed her shirt in the river and went to wipe Strife's face.

Returning an hour later, the dough had baked into something resembling cookies. She gathered them up and held one in front of Strife's nose. He instantly opened his eyes and popped the cookie into his mouth. Leo cheered.

Soon after they had turned the cave into a shelter, with a hanging grass screen to ward off cold. Leo was exploring the immediate area when Strife, who was sitting by the river, saw a little lemur jump out of the trees. It landed on the ground and, reaching for the plants on the bank, handed him a flower.

"Aww..." Strife gushed, tickling the lemur under the chin.

Another popped out from behind the trees and placed a crown of flowers on his head. More lemurs emerged, all carrying flowers or shiny rocks. "Hey, wait," Strife asked. "What do you guys want from me?"

Lemur noises.

"You want me to be your king?"

Lemur noise, and a nod.

"So, then, I'm king of this island." Strife furrowed his brow in contemplation. "MUAHAHAHAHA!"

[Dragon]

*snerkgiggle*

Ahem, Goosh I'm here to offer you Guilty Protection Plan. We can make sure Stal can never find you while you continue to export these articles of fascinations.

>>

<<

LYK SRSLY

[Salah~]

xDDD

This is awesome.

[Dragon]

-prods thread-

PSST! We want more!

[Goosh]

D= *has a currently broken computer with most of Chapter 5 on it*

[Dragon]

goosher said:

D= *has a currently broken computer with most of Chapter 5 on it*

D: Nuuuuu! *flails*

[Goosh]

CHAPTER FIVE OMG =o

“Castaways?” asked Sammy.

“Yep! You’re on The One Who Survives!” replied the Man in the Cowboy Hat, who we’ll call Mitch, ‘cos of the initials and all.

“The One Who Survives?” Crystal asked, confused. “Don’t you mean Survivor?”

“Do you want to get us sued?” Mitch hissed. “This is The One Who Survives, Norway’s hottest unlicensed parody!” he shouted, indicating the frantic people who were scurrying towards a large platform. He led the four NTWFers to the platform, where most of the people lay panting in the sun. “Hey there, castaways!” he yelled with a horrible enthusiasm. “Meet the new Wild Cards!”

“Please!” gasped one sunburned woman. “We’ve already suffered three Wild Cards, four Shocking Twists, nine and a half publicity stunts, and three fatalities. We all quit. LET US GO HOME!”

“Sorry,” Mitch grinned broadly. “You’re under contract.”

“No we’re not!” cried one man, who looked as though he had lost a fight with a bear trap. “You kidnapped me!”

The host scowled. “Well, we can’t afford any means of travel to get off of this rock.”

“YOU HAVE A PRIVATE FREAKIN’ HELICOPTER! LET US GO!”

Mitch sighed and taser’d the crowd of unruly castaways. “The point is,” he finished loudly, over the moans of agony, “is that we’ve got new Wild Cards! They’re new to the game, but I don’t care! Let’s see if they can win themselves some food.”

Hu sat up. “Food? You have food?”

“Yep! A whole sack of rice. If you can manage the obstacle course in fifteen minutes, it’s yours.”

“Fifteen minutes?” Sammy gazed boredly at the humongous wooden monster. “It looks difficult.”

“That’s the idea,” Mitch sighed.

“I’ll make you a counteroffer!” Crystal said brightly. “Give us the rice or I’ll castrate you!”

“What? No! No, you can’t do that. Hey, get away from me. I said back off! No, wait, please. No, no you were under contr—ahhhhhh!”

*~*~*

“Would you like some fish with your rice?” the butler asked. He removed the silver dome from the serving tray with a flourish and began to serve the fillets onto the five plates.

“Wait!” Hunty cried. “Wilson’s allergic to fish.”

The other three girls shared a look. “About that, Hunty…” Sammy reached for her drink. The four girls, and Jeeves the butler, were in a large, two-story hut. It was lavishly furnished and built with loving care thanks to the extortion of Mitch, who really wanted his appendage back. The girls ate fine delicacies and drank coconut cordial. For a game show, the whole thing wasn’t that difficult.

There was a knock on the door. Mitch came in, a large section of bandage wrapped around his waist. “Um, if you want totally up to you here…Council of the Tribe starts in ten minutes. Um, yeah. Just so you know. I’ll be getting out of your hair now.” He backed out.

Sammy got up, stretching. “Might as well. Crystal, Hu, Hunty…Wilson?” the others got up and headed towards the door. Council of the Tribe awaited.

*~*~*

Hu was just beginning to nod off. The stone benches of the council were hard and cold, but it had been an hour since Hunty had gone off to make her vote, and the silence combined with the fire were soothing…

Mitch hurried up the steps to the voting room. What was taking that strange girl so long? He found her sitting on the table, next to a blue-paint-spattered volleyball. Even stranger, the funny-haired girl was talking to it. Mitch stepped inside, and Hunty frowned at him.

“Wilson doesn’t know who to vote for.”

*~*~*

It was getting late. Beyond the stone benches of the Council, nothing remained but an inky darkness. Every castaway struggled to keep their eyes open as Mitch pulled the first vote from the box.

“Hu,” he read, showing everyone the vote.

“OMG CRYSTAL HOW COULD YOU?”

“…it wasn’t me. Seriously,” Crystal assured, pleased with how indistinguishable her handwriting was. The next ballot was read.

“Crystal.”

“HU, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!”

“THEN WHY DID YOU VOTE FOR ME, CRYSTAL? I HATE YOU! WE’RE NO LONGER BFFS!”

“WHAT?! WHAT ABOUT OUR MATCHING SHURIKEN? SHOULD WE JUST THROW THEM AWAY? I HATE YOU TOO!”

While the girls engaged in a deadly slapping fight, Mitch pulled out more ballots. The two ninjas tumbled into a torch, which spread a wave of fire along the growth surrounding the council. Castaways screamed and fled as the fire danced along adjacent leaves. Luckily, the pitch black sky had been concealing rain clouds which then released a timely burst of falling water. Everyone went back to their huts.

*~*~*

Sammy sighed in the night. Hu and Crystal lay on top of each other, their ‘horrible fight’ evidently forgotten. Hunty slept outside because Wilson had, due to the fire, become deathly afraid of anything flammable, and so the pair had to sleep right next to the sea.

There was a sudden movement in the dark. Something stirred near the door. Squinting, Sammy could make out a small shape climb up onto her night table. She turned on the lamp.

There was Wilson.

She pulled the covers over her head with a groan. “Oh no. It’s catching!”

*~*~*

Leo pushed through the growth that separated her from the clearing. She stumbled, but she was too excited too care. She had made a fascinating discovery. A small village was located beyond a really thick swamp. She and Strife could go there and maybe they had contact with the world and…

“What the—lemur?”

The clearing, in the space of a few hours, had been turned into a miniature village. Huts were woven into the jungle trees. A waterwheel stood alongside the river. Somehow the lemurs had rigged up flowing electricity, as bamboo streetlights dotted the clearing. Lemurs milled about the place, going through their daily business.

A shocked Leo made her way to the cave, which had been polished to shine. Inside, Strife was lounging on a throne. Two lemurs fanned him slowly with leaves, and another fed him fresh juicy grapes. Leo grabbed Strife and pulled him quickly from the cave into a small spot of shade behind a tree.

“Stife!” she said. “We have to go!”

Strife was confused. He stepped back and adjusted his crown. “Why?”

“Because we can’t live a life here with a host of lemurs.”

“Why not? They made me their king, y’know.”

“It’s not healthy!”

“Please, Leo, they have their own health care.”

“Yeah, but um…it’s dangerous here!” She defiantly crossed her arms.

“Which is why I’ve appointed security guards. We’re perfectly safe.”

Leo was grasping at straws now. “Uhm…what if we have a baby! This is no place to raise a child, Strife!”

The king rolled his eyes. “That’s what Bethesta’s for.”

“Who’s Bethesta?”

“The lemur midwife!” He pointed to a lemur that was eagerly poking another’s pregnancy.

“Strife…there’s something I need to tell you.”

Strife embraced her. “What is it, hun?”

She tried vainly to wipe her eyes. “When…when I was but a young Danish schoolgirl, my class went to the zoo to celebrate national lemur day. Oh sure, we all had fun…but then came lunch. I volunteered to try the new ice-cream flavour. Why, oh why did it have to be Lemur Pheromone Swirl?” She paused. “The lemurs. They were everywhere. Licking me. Oh, Strife it was awful!” She collapsed into his caress.

Strife closed his eyes, and did his very best not to laugh.

[Amneiger]

UPDATES

Wilson xD And I like how Crystal, um, solves the problem of Mitch. So in character.

[Goosh]

Two updates in a weekend gives me the right to take a mini-break. >>

Hey folks! Considering it’s getting closer and closer to Christmas, I figure another regular update would not be apropos. This is the time of year when people are nice and junk. You people, for all your comments and concrit, deserve something…special. Wonderful. Magical. Musical.

HIT IT, JOHNNY!

Sailing through the sea
On an elegant cruise ship
O’er the waves we go
What an awesome trip! (lol lol lol)

But then our captain man
Got ate by NSQ
We’re headed for the perfect storm
What’s a forum to do?

Oh, we are lost, we’re misplaced
On a sandy isle!
There’s nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep
And no one around for miles!

We’ve landed on this rock
Man, what could be worse?
There’s a chance that one of us
Is leaving in a hearse!

Oh, we are lost, we’re misplaced
On a sandy isle!
There’s nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep
And no one around for miles!

This place is rife with lemurs,
Speedos and awful game shows
There’s one thing that just must be said:
This island really blows!

Oh, we are lost, we’re misplaced
On a sandy isle!
There’s nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep
And no one around for miles!


=D MERRY CHRISTMAS.

[Dragon]

Goosh. You. Are. Awesome. <3

[Amneiger]

Merry Christmas Goosh. xD *sings*

[Goosh NLI]

Rider stared out at the claming grey waves of the sea. Now that the excitement of the crash had worn off, she was worried. What had happened to the other NTWFers? How would they get back home?

When was Stal finally going to make a move?

All day the air between them had been electric. Sure, she had managed to marry every male NTWFer and most of the females, but Stal intrigued her. He was...aloof. Formal. Economic.

She returned to her hut, where Stal sat, boredly drawing in the sand with a stick. She sat next to him, tension building in the air. He lifted his head, looked at her. She smiled nervously.

He opened his mouth to speak. "Rider--"

Ginz popped her head into the hut. "Hey guys, guess what!" She would have elaborated, but her head came into contact with a large stone at high velocity. She fell backwards.

"Rider!" Stal admonished. The pirate ignored him and stepped outside.

Ginz stood, rubbing her head and glaring at Rider. "What was that for?"

"You startled me," Rider replied, deadpan. "You had something to tell us?"

Ginz just pointed. Up the beach a large animal was scurrying back and forth across the sand. Several people were chasing it. Suddenly the animal, a pig, darted towards them. The people followed, and Rider saw that they were NTWFers, bloodlust, hunger and boredom evident in their eyes. Stal emerged from the hut confused.

Without warning, Stal, Ginz, and Rider were swept up in the crowd and pushed into the jungle.

*~*~*

"Sammy, it's us. The Meepits." Sammy tried desperately to ignore the volleyball on her nightstand, but at these words she lowered the covers and eyed it warily.

"Bloody Joe Boom?" she asked, mangling the names of the Meepitses with an odd degree of effectiveness.

"Ehm...mire or less." Without waiting for Sammy to ask the obvious, the Meepits launched into a monologue. Just with more than one person.

"So Hunty was washed away in the storm, right? We were stranded in the middle of the jungle for three days--"

"More like five days!"

"It was awful in there!"

"And Hunty must have gotten hit on the head or something--"

"She went bonkers!"

"Froot Loops!"

"Totally nuts. She was acting crazy, speaking French. She even sang!"

"What? When?"

"You were asleep."

"Thank the heavens for that."

"We hid in the volleyball she was carrying and just kind of went with the flow. But we need to get her cured if we're going to get off this rock."

"Guys, we've gotta go!"

"I'm not done yappin'!"

"She wakes up at 4:23 every day now, remember?"

"How could I forget?" Let's go."

Before Sammy could get a word in edgewise, the volleyball had jumped onto the floor and rolled out into the darkness. The girl sighed and went back to sleep.

*~*~*

She was lookin down on a cold, dark room. A guard stood watch over two figures, a small one on a desk, a humanoid standing before a view that glittered with stars.

With a start, she recognized the place: the command chamber. Strife stared out across space with a dreamy look in his eye.

Suddenly, the shape on the desk behind him moved, letting out a small squeak. Strife turned, blaster in hand.

A lemur, Bethesta, sat on the desk. Her large brown eyes stared into Strife's as he opened his mouth, but no words escaped. He simply gazed at the lemur before him, as if she were gazing into his very soul.

Bethesta started to move. Strife tightened his grip on the blaster but did not, could not fire. Slowly, cautiously, the lemur stepped forward. With a gentle softness, she placed her hand in his.

Strife suddenly dropped the blaster. It fired on the floor, knocking out the guard. But Strife didn't care.

Guards were expendable. His love wasn't.

"NOOOOOO!"

Leoness woke, eyes wide, forehead sweaty, staring at the roof of the cave. It had all just been a nightmare. But so horrible, so vivid. So...lemur.

A sound, coming from the entrance to the cave. Leoness sat up. There, in the moonlight, stood Bethesta. Leo sighed.

"That's it; we're getting out of here."

[Deleted]

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!

I love you, man! xDDDDDDD

This story is beyond hillarious! xDDDD

And poor Strife... xD

And poor Stal <.<
I wonder who will make the first move >.>

xD