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Post by Huntress on Dec 30, 2007 14:12:20 GMT -5
Because everyone loves PotC, Jack Sparrow, and undead pirates x3
Quick disclaimer: this here isn't meant to stick to the storylines of any of the movies. Loose out-of-context quotes and the like are encouraged. It's meant to be a lighthearted parody, so let's make it a lighthearted parody. And no point in getting too specific, not everyone's seen the movies though you so should have >> and nobody likes spoilers. Call this the Pirate Guild Tabloid in a sense, if you wish.
The way I see it, it doesn't have to end with the start of a new, serious RP. This guild needs a little goofing off here and there.
So. Light, camera, action, popcorn's $12.55 a bag.
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The White Weewoo was swaying on the waves, all sails full of wind. The sky was cloudy and the sea was restless. Fog was picking up near the horizon. Which wasn't a good thing, as the sun had almost set.
Huntress was standing at the wheel, staring blankly at the ship in front of her. Something was wrong. Well, something felt wrong, in any case.
Shouldn't have, according to all logic. They'd just gotten away with a big bag of loot. Gold. Silver. Jewels, medallions, goblets, and other assorted trinkets. Nobody was chasing them. Well, there was the kraken, but he mainly chased sharks.
And for some reason, she rather craved an apple at that point.
Bloody Mary was sitting on her shoulder, sniffing the wind. He could feel it too.
"Fog's picking up," he said.
"I know." The captain frowned. "But the moon should be up soon. Full moon tonight. That'll light the way."
"Nah, I mean," the meepit spun around on her shoulder, "the fog's picking up all around us."
"...Whut?"
"Did we install fog machines on lower decks and you didn't tell me?"
"You're usually the one who tells me about such things," Hunty grumbled, tightening her grip as the fog rolled up both sides. "All hands! Reef the mainsail. Wouldn't wanna run aground in this fog."
"We're in the middle of the sea," remarked the meepit.
"You know how it goes, ships always run aground in fog, even in the middle of the bloody Pacific. Shouldn't the moon be up by now?"
And then, because some narrative traditions are older than the world, the fog parted. The moon wasn't high yet, but it still hung silently right above the horizon, casting ghastly bluish light on the waves.
Hunty looked at her hand. Then she looked at it again. Then she wiggled her fingers.
"Oh bugger."
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Post by Ikkin on Dec 30, 2007 14:42:31 GMT -5
"Cap'n, is there supposed to be a barnacle man in the -" Ikkin started as she walked up the stairs to the deck, then cut off when she noticed that her cap'n had somehow become zombified. "What the heck happened to you?!"
She then realized that her own hands looked like a skeleton, too. It kind of reminded her of a movie she'd once seen. "That treasure was cursed, wasn't it? This never would have happened if you hadn't led that mutiny against Cap'n Rider!" She paused. "Actually, it probably still would have."
She paced back and forth, skeleton tail swishing back and forth, muttering to herself. "Zombie pirates, just great. And I bet we're weak to fire magic, too. This could be a problem."
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Post by Speck on Dec 30, 2007 15:12:55 GMT -5
"Cap'n! I was just settlin' into my quarters when I found this note in me cabin, along with this," Speck held up a small piece of parchment reading 'Watch yer step', and a rusty kunai, probably left over from some Pirate-Ninja battle from ages ago, "Is this some sort of hazing ritu--- AUGH!"
She fell back, staring at the zombified forms of Ikkin and Hunty. Looking around, she started to laugh, "Oh very funny, guys! Come out and take these accursed mannequins away, please. 'Gives me the willies it does."
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Post by Huntress on Dec 30, 2007 15:59:52 GMT -5
"Strange, I'm not really amused myself," Hunty grunted, then shot a glare at her boatswain. "And I don't remember you complaining much about said mutiny. 'Sides, we got the loot, didn't we?"
Something splatted on her shoulder. She turned to look, then remained staring at the small, kinda pudgy skeletal vision covered in matted fur. Then she scowled.
"What was that?"
"That," Bloody Mary said glumly, "was my dinner." He glared down at his ribcage. "I liked that dinner."
Hunty marched down from the helm, leaving the steering wheel as it was. Fog curled around her boots as she went, trying to get used to this new feeling.
"Well, 'least I lost about twenty pounds," she remarked, and at that point stepped into the shadow of the mainmast. "Aaaand gained it again. That's... interesting."
"Yo-yo effects are terribly unhealthy," said the meepit on her shoulder, trying to edge away from what had been his dinner.
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Post by Speck on Dec 30, 2007 16:07:36 GMT -5
"Wha-- huh?" Speck dared to look down and gasped at the skeletal fingers peeking out of her fingerless gloves, "So... This is real, then? Great Odin's raven."
She reached for the flask of lemonade that was tied to her belt and took a swig, "Now there's an odd sensation."
Lifting up her top, Speck looked down to see the lemonade dripping down her own ribcage, "Gack! No! Not the lemonade!"
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Post by Goosh on Jan 1, 2008 12:53:39 GMT -5
"We may have a wee bit of a problem here, guys," Goosh's voice drifted up from an open hatch on the dck. The skeletal Yurble climbed out shakily andeyed the crew. "Oh, so we're all bonses then? We can start a support group." He walked into the shadw of a crate. "And now I'm better. That was odd." He stepped out into the ghostly moonlight and sighed. "Someone tell me I've had too much rum."
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Post by Ikkin on Jan 1, 2008 16:09:05 GMT -5
Ikkin looked sideways at the Yurble. "I would tell you you've had too much rum... but the rum's gone. The rum's always gone. Besides, I see you as a skeleton, and I don't even drink the stuff."
She paused for a moment, then realized what had just happened when Goosh had gone behind the crate. "Hmm, I wonder..." She jumped up to the crow's nest and summoned her winds, bringing in clouds to cover the moon, stretching her hand out in front of her to do so. As soon as the moon was blocked out, her hand returned to its normal shape.
"Looks like whatever we've been cursed with only shows up when the moon's out. At least we'll look normal now."
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Post by Dragon on Jan 1, 2008 16:41:50 GMT -5
Dragon looked around, fingering the gold nervously. It was Inca gold, the crew already knew that. They had looted the single mountain island pretty well. They also took a pack of llamas with them to sell. But that was besides the point. Dragon didn't look particularly in this moonlit light, thus morphing into a monkey. A monkey wearing pirate clothing, to be exact. Dragon climbed down from the nest with her empty bottle of rum (she had been wishing on a star to make it fill up).
"Cap'n... I have th sudden urge to change my name to Jack."
Silence.
"Uhm, I mean, I think I know which treasure is cursed." Dragon said, as she had been listening in on Cap'n Hunty's and Ikkin's conversation.
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Post by Huntress on Jan 1, 2008 16:49:37 GMT -5
"We might look normal," Hunty said sulkily, ignoring the whole point about tails, ears, fur and other assorted features that formed her crew, "but I sure don't feel normal."
"Do you ever?" Bloody Mary asked, earning a whack that sent him plummeting into an apple barrel. A second later, the captain's hand followed, picking an apple.
"And how are we going to sail with the clouds covering the moon and thusly, our source of light?" she asked, biting into the apple and spitting it out the next moment.
"Rotten?" Bloody Mary asked without much empathy, climbing out.
"Tastes like ash."
"Told you it was a bad deal." The meepit balanced on the side of the crate. "So whadda we do now?"
"Get someone to break the curse." Hunty marched across the deck. "And I think I know just who to turn to. Brace the mainsail, trim all the foresails, tack her on starboard," she pulled out a compass and spent a good two minutes staring at it, "and get me a new bloody compass."
"You sure it's a curse?" the meepit asked.
Hunty stuck her hand into a patch of moonlight and wiggled her fingers. "Does it look like a blessing to you?"
((Anyone got good ideas for who to stick in the clothes of a crazy voodoo woman NPC parody? >>))
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Post by Speck on Jan 1, 2008 18:09:03 GMT -5
Speck mumbled something about the new stores of rum she had brought on board, and preceded to go about her duties.
"'S wounds. If that apple tastes like ash, I wonder--" She grabbed a lemon from the only lemon-barrel on board, and bit into it. Discovering that it, too, tasted of ash, she threw it into the ocean for the Blarf to consume. "Phooey."
((What about Nick as the crazy voodoo woman? XD))
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Post by Kengplant on Jan 1, 2008 18:20:31 GMT -5
Keng wasn't sure how it happened, but she found herself sitting just outside the brig with a ring of keys in her mouth. The keys tasted like chocolate too, so she really didn't want to put them down. Oh wait, now they tasted like seasoned medium rare steak. Yummy. Being below deck though, she was not at all aware of what was going on with the rest of ht crew.
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Post by Dragon on Jan 1, 2008 20:38:44 GMT -5
Since Ikkin had covered the moon, it was useless to looked like a cool undead monkey without her looking undead. So Dragon changed back into her elfy form. She seemed to have lost her boots along the way.
"Oh, piffle." She cursed. "Cap'n! Cap'n! I've got a golden ticket... err... coin. It must be cursed. Right, right?"
However, Dragon was on wobbly legs that night. (Maybe that's why the rum was gone) She stumbled over to the side of the boat, clutching on to the ledge, the coin still in her hand. The ship still rocked and her fingers loosened and there went one coin... into the open mouth of the Blarf.
"Oh, bugger."
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Post by Huntress on Jan 1, 2008 21:03:57 GMT -5
Hunty turned around on her heel, gave Dragon a stern we-won't-talk-about-it-now-but-we-sure-as-heck-will-get-back-to-this-later look, and went over to the railing. A pair of black eyes looked up at her.
"A cursed coin, you say?" said the captain.
"Blaaarf."
"Wouldn't that mean that the kraken is now cursed too?" asked Bloody Mary, hopping on the railing.
The furry kraken drifted away from the ship, thoughtfully gnawing on the coin and wondering to himself why it wasn't edible and how much gnawing it'd take to make it edible, when he reached another patch of moonlight on the water and changed instantly.
Consequently, as he lost all his rubbery skin that kept him afloat, he sunk at once. A pair of very surpised eyes still shone through the water, then he was gone.
"I should think so, yes." Hunty said.
The blarf popped out of the waves again, as he had regained his normal form in the deeper water that moonlight was unable to pierce. Predictably enough, he changed again, and sunk again.
"This is kinda entertaining," admitted the meepit, as the captain turned around to look at Dragon: "Which treasure were you talking about?"
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Post by Dragon on Jan 1, 2008 21:16:51 GMT -5
Dragon shrunk under the gaze of her captain. It wasn't exactly friendly at 2 in the morning.
"Hopefully, he'll just realize to avoid the moon." Dragon turned to the captain. "Well, remember that island that only had one mountain. Y'know, it took up the entire island. Well, I remember hearing something about the Inca that their gold was quite secret. So I was thinking to meself, what if this be their secret gold. Now obviously a giant mountain on an island would be noticeable so someone must've found it. But why would they leave the gold. And well, this whole curse thing happens and I really just put 2 and 2 together."
Dragon edged away from the patch of moon that threatened to come near her.
"What do you suppose we do. We don't even have the gold anymore. Not pleasin' to the eye. I belive it was this gold that we chose to give away as recognition of our wealth."
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Post by Speck on Jan 1, 2008 21:44:19 GMT -5
Grunting as she tied a particularly stubborn rope down, Speck called to the Captain, "I vote we find someone who's versed in the way of lore and myth. They might be able to help us more, being knowledgeable in such matters as curses and the like."
"By the by, who'll be fetching that piece of gold what went over the edge o' the ship? I've got this feelin' that we'll be needin' it later..."
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